Review: Alarm Clock, by: Meta Four · 3:05pm Apr 18th, 2015
Ditzy Doo, also know as Derpy to most ponies, is just an ordinary mare, living out her ordinary life, and just trying to have an average day. That her ‘average’ day includes interacting with creatures most ponies don’t even realize exist, and casually traipsing through multidimensional space, all while trying to keep that pesky spatial rift that keeps forming in Carrot Top’s fridge from blowing up her house is besides the point.
Story: If there is one phrase that best sums up this story’s writing, it is “it gets better.” The story starts off rather on the low end average. Well at least writing quality wise. What it’s about is interesting from the start. Derpy going about her day, all while dealing with creatures and events that no other pony can see. Casually preventing Fae from killing ponies for perceived insults, Checking on Fae pathways to make sure they aren’t showing up in spots that could cause problems. Emptying Carrot Tops fridge to keep a recurring spatial distortion from getting out of control. Bringing ponies to the right spots to have physic parasites removed from their brains without them noticing. All while treating it as nothing strange. As if it was just as normal as her job on the weather patrol. That part is great from the start. The issue is the writing itself tends to be rather.... basic. Direct, to the point. Pared down. Too quickly paced, to bare bones. It gives us the situations, but not a lot around it. Not a lot of build up to things. A lot of stuff coming off as a bit to convenient, as just happening for the sake of this or that bit of exposition being given. (And yes, ultimately, “because that’s what the story needs” is the rote cause of everything in the story. But stories are supposed to do a good job of not making that point feel so blatant.)
That said, it’s never really ‘bad’ about it. Just, rather meh. Noticeable flaws, and a lot that could be done better. But at the same time with plenty to like. The situation and worldbuilding are great from the start, as are the characters and their interactions. There is more then enough to love about the early story. Just the writing quality itself isn’t one of them. Everything else does do a good job making up for it and making the story rather good overall even then. But as I said “It gets better”. About half way (By chapter count at least. Given it also ended up with a large increase in chapter size too, far far less then that for the overall story.) through the story really picks up. things slow down, the pacing evens out. Events start to flow well from one to the other rather then feeling slightly disjointed. Feeling like one large story rather then a random collection of events. Nearly everything picks up in quality. And the bits that were good from the start either stay just as great, or get even better.
Once more, I do love the idea for the story and what it’s about. How well it presents this whole other world ponies are completely oblivious to. While at the same time treating it as a rather mundane thing, at least to Derpy. As well as the eventual reveal that there is more going on then even Derpy knows about. That she is far from alone in dealing with these things. But more on the higher points later. Story wise. What it’s about is a great idea that is interesting from the start and just gets more so. While the writing quality starts off decent but with some flaws and overall ‘meh’ for me, it quickly gets better and takes off into something really great.
Oh and one point I do have to give massive praise for with the writing and I simply loved. How well it handled the Chekhov’s Guns. Introducing things in ways that made them seem like jokes, or just little gags. Or bringing them up later on just minorly. Setting things up in ways that you think the payoff for them already came. Just to bring them back in an even bigger way that fits so well. It did an amazing job and handling these, and introducing things almost perfectly to have them, but leave you actually surprised when they come back around and are important later.
Characters: Even while the base writing itself might have started out average, before getting pretty damn good the characters were something that was great from the start. All of them lively, entertaining, and just so much fun to see what they were doing. Especially Derpy. I really like this take on her. She’s somewhat unique, is definitely her own character, not just a carbon copy of the basic fanon persona of her. Yet similar enough that it does fit with the overall fanon feel of how she is. Happy, a bit scatterbrained at times, easily excitable. But also level headed overall. Her seeming clumsiness either being ponies not realizing the higher level beings she was reacting to, or simply a front she puts up to keep ponies from getting too suspicious as she deals with threats they don’t even know were there. But at the same time, still having a rather unique world view and seeing things differently then other ponies. Having her own sense of logic that makes sense to her, if not to others. And even while the initial story’s writing could have been better executed, it was still all around enjoyable simply for how much fun this Derpy was to see simply go about her daily routine.
The other major point for characters is Time Turner/Doctor Whooves. Again, as with Derpy this version is a rather interesting take. His own unique character, while at the same time still being similar enough to other portrayals of him to still fit the overall feel. Not simply “The Doctor” in pony form, but still acting much like The Doctor. I did enjoy the idea of him overall, but not so much actually seeing him in action in the story. At least till the end. For most of the story he’s simply a roadblock, some obstacle for Derpy to try and get around, and one of the most annoying types of them. One that was only an obstacle due to poor communication and jumping to conclusions without all the facts. Pretty much all on his part. Yeah Derpy could have explained things to him, or tried to a bit better, but the way he was acting was so bizarre I can’t blame her for not having any clue what he was talking about or how to respond. Once the whole misunderstanding thing was taken care of, I did enjoy him interacting with Derpy, and overall do really like the idea of this take on the character.
Other characters were also fun. I loved the dynamic between Derpy and Carrot Top, as well as Carrot Top’s family. When any canon characters showed up, they were well handled. (Mostly) Feeling like themselves, but nothing exceptional just short decent takes on them that fit, but weren’t more then average. The one exception being Twi, who the first few times she showed up felt a little off. Not OOC, but not quite like herself either. Though this two improved quickly till she felt well done and like herself again soon enough.
Engagement: While the initial few chapters weren’t the greatest, they were still interesting and enjoyable to read. Simply for how much fun it was to watch Derpy doing her thing, and for how it built up this entire other world that only she was aware of. They were simple, quick little things that were easy to get through, and still had tons of fun and some great humor to make them worth it. Then once the story picked up, it got even better. The same sense of fun, the same great characters, but also far more to sink your teeth into, more plot to hook you in with. The mystery of what was going on, how could she stop what was coming? It went from a fun, enjoyable little read, to something you don’t want to stop reading. By the end, even with the immediate threat dealt with, there was so much created, such a well done story and such a great world built up, it leaves you wanting far far more. In the best possible way.
Ponyness: As above, all the characters felt like themselves.. bar a few not so good spots earlier on that quickly got ironed out. The background characters felt like their overall fanon selves while still being unique. So good job on those fronts.
Where this gets really good in this respect is the worldbuilding. I love this story’s world. The way it so believably shows that, even for a world filled with magic, dragons, so much that we would consider wonderful and fantastic, there are still things that to ponies, seem just as unbelievable. To hem, that magic, those amazing creatures, being able to control the weather, the very movement of the heavens... it’s mundane. It’s ordinary, it’s just how things are. It leaves room for there to still be whole aspects to the world they simply never imagined, and many simply can’t comprehend. So beyond what they know, they can’t even begin to understand them. Even for a setting as wonderful as Equestria, there are still wonders out there to be discovered. It fits so well with the setting and adds so much. Best of all, it reminds me of a line from Firefly which is always a great show to remind anyone of.
Wash: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
Zoe: We live in a spaceship, dear.
Wash: So?
So all around a really well done and amazing bit of worldbuilding that makes Equestria, all the much more fantastic and enjoyable. Adding whole new layers to the setting that work so well with what we know and really fit.
Not just the worldbuilding was well done, but also the story itself. An amazing example of what is known as Lovecraft Lite. Having the same reality crushing, overwhelming creatures that mortals can barely comprehend and would drive many mad just to know off them. Beings that would rend the world asunder if they ever set foot, claw, tentacle, or other appendage on it. Yet without the sense of hopelessness. Of how inevitable this is, how useless it is to fight because compared to them we are nothing. Keeping the same overall sense of hope and fun from the show the entire time. And Equestria is a setting that is almsot perfect for that type of story, and this one uses that exceptionally well.
Even further tying into the setting and show is the lesson Derpy learns in the end. As well as how well it was foreshadowed throughout. So yes, this is truly a very very ‘pony’ story, that makes full use of what the setting provides and adds so so much to it to make it even grander then before.
Overall: Great. While the initial few chapters weren’t more then average, the humor and the fun characters make them well worth the read and they are short enough, it’s hardly something you won’t enjoy reading before the story kicks into high gear and becomes so much better. Once it does pick up, it takes the already great characters, fun, and all around amazing sense of humor and adds even more to the mix. becomes much more engaging, much more cohesive, and watching Derpy try to deal with this massive threat, without ever losing her happy, almost carefree ‘this is just another day’ outlook was great. It meshes so well with the world of the show while adding so much. And above all that, by the end, all you want is more. To see more of this world, to see more of Derpy dealing with these events, just more of this world. Not because there are things left unanswered, plot threads left unfulfilled, things the story failed to give closure to. But simply because the story and the characters in it are so fun to watch, so vibrant, and the world so amazing, you simply want more.
So if you want a fun, relatively short tale that is full of great humor, some rather touching scenes, and just all around enjoyable. Give it a try.
How to end this... well given this is a story about Derpy epically fighting forces beyond mortal comprehension, all while having fun with it, there is no other video to end this with but one that is so epic, so mind-blowing I don’t think I can even embedded it safely here.
