Recap of Castle Sweet Castle [SPOILERS]

Fuck, I'm already out of witty things to say…

I guess we’ll move on with the episode then.

Castle Sweet Castle
We start off with Twilight getting dirty with Fluttershy and her animals. Unfortunately, it is most certainly not in the way we perverted neckbeards would prefer. It's probably another thing they left for the fandom to sort out. (That means creating clop, so get started already you lazy bums) Something seems off with Twilight though. Why Fluttershy reacts as if she's concerned remains a mystery though, shouldn’t they be used to Twilight being a weirdo by now? It’s been like, five seasons by now, how obtuse are these cartoon horses? We also get to see Angel use his Guard Point to shield himself from Twilight’s shoddy attempt to get a date with Fluttershy. Sorry Twilight, I think Fluttershy is after more than a girl who knows how to tidy up and overstay their welcome.

The next day, our heroines are having a pancake brunch in Twilight's Castle of Crystalline C10H15N. SHUT UP THAT JOKE TOTALLY ISN'T OVERUSED OR STUPID! We learn that Twilight hasn't used her creepy "overstaying her welcome" method in an attempt to seduce Fluttershy only. She's tested it on every member of the mane six! They point out that Twilight’s been even more of a friendship whore than usual, something she responds to by revealing her secret identity as Pancake, Caker of Pans. SUCK IT SYEEKOH THE SHOW WRITERS MANAGED TO OUTSTUPID YOU!

Turns out Twilight is homesick. As in, SHE’S FUCKING SICK OF HER HOME! Apparently a castle isn’t good enough for Twilight, something her friends are happy to help her with. They sell her castle on Craigslist in exchange for twenty pounds of marijuana and oral sex. They decide to personalise the castle by using it to dump random crap they don’t want at home anymore while Twilight goes to relax with Spike at the local brothel, I mean spa. Fluttershy also takes the opportunity to say Twilight looks like a hobo, once again proving how worthy she is of her Element.

The mane four (Twilight’s at the spa and Applejack can fuck right off) five sing a song while dumping the stuff they couldn’t sell on Ebay in Twilight’s castle. It goes something like this:

In this video we see Rarity act as an average fanfiction author, complete with all the forced depression.

Once they’re done however, they realise Twilight may actually see they just used her castle as a dumping ground. In order to avoid evoking the wrath of Princess Sparkle Sue, they decide to actually pimp it out a bit. But first Rarity has to employ her eyelash-batting magic to make Spike stall Twilight. Wow, she’s really abusing the fact that Spike is desperate for some of that marshmallow ass, isn’t she?

While the mane four and Rarity do their best to get as much of their shit out on Ebay as fast as possible, Spike heads back to the spa only to find Twilight trapped with her head in a sinister machine! The machine opens and reveals the spa’s true intentions: TO INJECT PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE WITH A LETHAL DOSE OF THE EIGHTIES! This is however revealed to be an improvement since a lot of good music was released during the eighties.

In a desperate attempt to stall Twilight, Spike convinces her that they should both have a massage. Spike is a man and decides to have a homoerotic exercise in pain tolerance with the door-ignoring Bulk Biceps. Twilight on the other hand, er, hoof, settles for a homoerotic vanilla massage with the Bulk Biceps-hating prostitute, I mean beautician (I nicked that word from the MLP wiki so it MUST be correct) Aloe. ALSO HOLY SHIT ALOE TALKED NEW WAIFU CONFIRMED STEP THE FUCK DOWN UNNAMED GREEN-VIOLET CRYSTAL PONY FROM “THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE - PART 2”!

Meanwhile back at the castle, Rarity misunderstood everything completely and took things she actually liked to the castle. Then everypony starts fighting and the castle ends up being completely emptied of crap. I didn’t know fights over trivial things was this castle’s reset button, but okay…

While the mane four and Pinkie Pie are busy getting their nipples in a twist over nothing, Twilight and Spike are making their way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and they’re homebound, er, making their way back to the castle. Twilight’s feeling totally relaxed, they even managed to purge her mane of the eighties. Spike on the other hand, hoof, whatever, is having troubles standing straight after Bulk Biceps’ rough treatment. (FYI this implies gay sex) However, it isn’t sunset yet and Spike can’t let Twilight come home earlier than planned. She might see that her friends are lazy twats who fight over bagatelles, the horror!

Thus, a master plan is hatched by Spike! He lures Twilight to the ruins of the Golden Oak Library (THIS NAME IS OFFICIALLY CANON, YOUR BRONY TEARS ARE DELICIOUS!) where she is forced to admit that it was Spike’s home as well, this triggers Twilight to attempt a flyover to the castle. Luckily, Spike fondles her wings so sensually she can’t take off, something she only finds mildly amusing. He then tricks her into a furniture store and tests every single bed available just to stall even further. Let’s be real, he wants to find a bed that doesn’t squeak next time he brings Sweetie Belle over for a “sleepover”.

Thanks to Spike’s amazing stalling powers, the mane four and Rainbow Dash managed to somehow dig up the remains of the Golden Oak Library using only a pair of shovels. They also succeeded in transporting the thing to the castle, even though it’s literally the size of a house. Rarity seizes her opportunity to not help and go shopping instead, she even manages to make Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie her personal bag carriers. Wow, you’re so generous, you let them carry the stuff you bought! That’s almost like actually owning it real!

When Twilight finally does come home, she finally gets to see what they did to decorate it. They did absolutely nothing! YAY! They hung the Golden Stump Library as a chandelier in the throne room and stuck a bunch of strings with gems attached to them on the roots. This probably classifies as a workplace hazard, just imagine if that stump were to fall down. Nope, it’ll be gone after the next inspection by the Work Environment Authority.

What makes the gems special is that Fluttershy had pirated every episode of the show, which they used to make every gem show a screenshot from a random episode. Twilight loves the idea of being able to watch screenshots from the episodes, despite how ridiculous of a concept it is. They celebrate and it’s revealed that each member of the mane four and Fluttershy had decided to dump all their shit into one room each, something they whitewash as “personalisation”. Since Twilight’s the most oblivious and gullible character in all of Equestria, she totally buys their excuse and says it looks great. To top it all off Pinkamena Bin Ladin hid Demo Traps all over the castle, disguising them as confetti cannons. That’s another thing that’ll go the next time Twilight’s visited by the WEA.

And that’s the episode!

I loved it, and so should you. This is the internet and thusly your opinions may not differ from mine in the slightest.