but I'm still gonna put down.
A Review of a Cupcakes Review · 2:27pm Apr 11th, 2015
Before I begin, I thought I would say something important. Everything needs an introduction after all.
I have been a fan of this show for 4 years. I hold some bragging rights in that regard ha ha. But due to university and various self confidence issues as well as my distinct feeling of isolation to the community, I did not start a channel sooner. Therefore I am unknown as a content creator.
Imagine my surprise when I start chatting to The Cynical Brony and discover his reviews! A random thought occurred in my mind. Review his review. Cupcakes. Yay. Not only that, he liked my story!
Now, I can hear none of you saying: "Choly you magnificent and majestic stallion of a stallion, surely you can't review a review! The chaos that will ensue would make skies fall, lands shiver and trousers brown in cities worldwide!"
To which I say
The most important thing I should note is that, before reading this review, I had not experienced the 'pleasant, happy, fluffy, moist and squishy (I'm getting off topic) story that cupcakes is, so I aptly dove onto my computer, breaking it due to its inability to take the weight of my rippling muscles, before turning to my iPod and searching for the story on it instead.
After a long while, somewhere between 3 and 4 minutes, I gave up on that and quickly turned to YouTube. Once it had loaded my search request, my eyes fell on one channel I knew quite well for its quality.
The Lost Narrator. Mistake number 1.
"But Choly you callipygous work of art, why is that a mistake?"
Well, after reaching the end of the fan reading of the ever-child-friendly and delightfully smooth and sticky (I'm getting off topic again) story that is Cupcakes, I wrote this...
Review of cupcakes: FUCKIN HELL!
I feel sick. And due to my vivid imagination and expert levels of reading in this video, I felt almost everything just as vividly. Tingles in my thigh at the start, across my back, stomach and Christ I couldn't sit still! I was in a state of discomfort from the very beginning!
Initially I thought "hey, it can't be that bad. People laugh at this story like its nothing and I'm never fazed by anything. Ever. That that isn't an understatement!"
Ten minutes later
I was ready to throw my iPod out the window and curl up into a ball.
I'm not gonna lie. It was a little too much for me due to the relationship I have with these characters.
I listened to The Lost Narrators version and it seemed a little too real. At one point I actually felt faint and grew regretful of my listening to it. I checked the timer on the video. 8 minutes to go. Oh for fuck sake.
I am not one to be fazed. I've seen copious amounts of gore in films, TV, games, drawings and music. However, this was the worse one by far. Reason being is because I seriously care about the inhabitants of this show. If anything, I think that this story hit me so hard because it presented the actual characters like this. As in Pinkie really did cause these gruesome murders. That is something I don't want to think about. Most other stories have 'wrong versions' where it is quite clear that the characters are not directly related to those in the show.
However, the amazing voice acting and expert blending of noises such as slicing, hacking, sobbing, pleading and general oozings in The Lost Narrators version made it all the worse. Let's just say I don't think I'm gonna be sleeping very well tonight and I most certainly will not be revisiting this story again unless I wanna make a sacrifice at the temple of foods long gone. As in I'm gonna go throw up now.
I do realise that it is just a story and I'm not mad at anyone for it. It certain got the rise out of me that the writer wanted. The rise being bile, I'm guessing.
You wanna know something. I didn't sleep well that night either, mainly due to a cold-turned-black-plague that woke me up but BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT!
Once I turned to read The Cynical Brony's review, I thought I would give him my two cents. Realising that is legal tender here, and probably not worth the price in postage, I thought it better to give him my opinion instead.
Review of cynical cupcakes review
Repetition of particular words in quick succession breaks the flow of any piece of writing except on a couple of occasions.
Ocalhoun and I discussed this (after I stopped squeee-ing over the fact I was talking to someone who was known within the community). We basically agreed that repetition is best used when under 'poetic' circumstances. Unfortunately, The Cynical Brony did fall into this trap a couple of times at the beginning, however I didnt notice this problem later on.
The style in which The Cynical Brony reviews stories is based around that of The Nostalgia Critic and, for the most part, does a very decent job of parodying the character. Nearly every episode that The Nostalgia Critic brings out seems to have a side character in it, therefore a 'guest would be needed on The Cynical Brony's review. I'd imagine the process went something like this:
The Cynical Brony: So what should be used as a side character?
Ideas Man locked up in basement, purely for script writing and nothing else: The community!
TCB: That's perfect! But how are we gonna present them?
Ideas Man: Everyone loves Derpy. Have her as a mascot for the likely comments you will get.
TCB: Brilliant work Ideas Man. You've really outdone yourself this time.
Ideas Man: Could I have some food?
TCB: No. First you must dance for my amusement.
I may be wrong however. One part that I liked particularly was how Derpy's voice was always in capitals. It made me think she was screaming constantly for no reason. This was even commented within the review.
One or two points did kinda fall short on me.
Comments on the 'alllll' and 'soooo' being grammatical errors were a little bit harsh. They were used to help the reader picture how the character emphasises particular parts of words. A little pedantic shall we say. The use of 'ok' instead of 'Okay' however is inexcusable and I think Sergeant Sprinkles got off lightly on that one. PEOPLE HAVE DIED FOR LESS! >=[
There is no drug on Earth or Equestria that can knock someone out in a single bite within 30 seconds. The only way that could happen would be if Pinkie combined a bunch of drugs together, but there's two ways it wouldn't work. 1. If she had that many drugs in her at once, Dash would have died. 2. Even if it didn't kill her, it would look less like a cupcake and more like a pile of pills, syringes, and chloroform filled rags, and Rainbow would immediately be suspicious!
Surely it would be funnier if it was like a normal cupcake, but it had the pills and syringes poking out of it.
You seem to breeze over some of the assumptions a story like this requires the reader to accept. A lot of the comments made seem rather petty in a way...
Because of course basic leather straps can hold down a world renown athlete who we've seen in the show break through solid wood and rock.
There should be a could between word... show... and... break. =|
Huh.
Moving on
I guess Pinkie took a few pages from Charles Manson's book on how to kill people and then decorate using their remains.
Maybe there isn't an IKEA near her. Either way, it is definitely a comment on the pricing and rarity of party equipment these days. It took me weeks to find party poppers!
“I know I can be a real painaceas, but you know I’m just kidney with you. You really got to learn to liver it up. Boy, these jokes are getting bladder. Guess ya gotta develop a stomach for them.”
God damn it, the puns are worse than mine.
I know mine certainly are, but I just don't have the heart to tell them.
Whilst most of the bad points did spoil the review a little, overall the script was interesting. The Cynical Brony was trying to portray a character, and whilst that character was mimicked as a little more knit-picky than usual, the humour that most fans of the Critic know can still be seen. There was clever use of videos and some points were rather well explained and/or countered.
Basically, it does drop into the Nostalgia Critic style with ease although a lot of comments at the beginning revolve purely around ,grammar:,' and spellng. This worried me a litte.
If you had done this right you would have looked at The Cynical Brony's review first. Surprise, surprise, he reacted differently to me. Now that wouldn't be an issue if we had both seen the same piece of work but, unfortunately, we didn't. I didn't comment on grammar or spelling at all, which if you think about is understandable. I watched a fan reading and unless these mistakes are made very clear in the readers voice, you wouldn't be able to pick up on them.
Shooting straight to the point I'm trying to make here, there is no reasonable/justifiable way in which I could comment negatively on The Cynical Brony's work. He strived to mimic someone else and, in all fairness, played it off quite well. The use of references to other material was funny and not overdone, points that needed to be ripped apart were unravelled faster than a tapestry in a room of angry kittens and although he did knit pick, it didn't detract at all, it merely showed how badly the story was written.
I however, experienced cupcakes through a completely different medium and as a result was sucked into the story like a black hole. Without any physical pages in front of me, I had no schoolboy errors shoved in my face. Instead it was just me and the story, and that is what I like. I always consider the potential that a story has before the potential that the writer has, if that makes sense.
So here is my final thought. The medium to which you experience a piece of work is vital. If you want a gritty, well voice acted reading, go to The Lost Narrator. If you want to laugh at it instead, go read the story then see what you make of it.
ENDING SONG!!!!!
Well, thank you for your new view point!
I originally learned of the story thanks to Mr. Creepypasta, so I know what you mean about not picking up on the things that were misspelled in the original version.
I critiqued it in Cupcakes because while such wording can work in other stories, it needs to feel natural. In this story, it felt very forced and artificial.
This bit was hilarious!
In reality however, I decided that I needed someone to play the straight-man to the over-the-top personality of Cynical, and felt that if I went with a canon character, the readers would feel more of a connection as opposed to a completely original character.
Was this intentional?
Well said. Thanks again, and have a great day!
Also, seeing as how a reviewer is reviewing another reviewer's review:
Help... Me... Please! Before he comes back!
2971911 as a review of your review of my review of your review, I appreciate the points you made as counter arguments to what I said. Yes the allll and soooo may be forced in which case that is fine. However it did come across at the time as pedantisism (I made that up) but thank you for clearing that up.
Yes and no. I once spent two weeks trying to find party blower things (whatever they are called). It was totally worth it though. The word seemed to fit and made me laugh so 'boom' in it went.
I loved that you put the last bit in spoilers as if that was people assumed prior to this review.
Thanks for checking this out Sir Cynical. It was fun to do but also felt like it had a point behind it. Hope to see more of your reviews in future.
Stay shiny
Also
2972004 Quiet, slave.
2972459
2972595 Oh no! He's returned!
2972825 Dance! Dance for our amusement
2973269 No! I will not be your slave.
2974727 Aw please
2975708 No.
2975757
2972603 damn it. Looks like we need to find a new ideas man
2975758 Why don't you get Cynical? He'd make a great Ideas Man!
2975791 but its his basement. I wonder if I could capture Daemon of Decay? That would be impressive
2975863 Get him!
2975863 Yeah, got get whoever they are.
2976281 OK, if you don't know who Daemon of Decay is then go and read The Asylum. I did readings for them and have the first dozen chapters on YouTube if you would rather listen to them. They were starting out videos to begin with so the first three aren't that good but the ones after really improve.
2976188 I GOT HIS LEGS