'The Dresden Fillies' are dead. Long live my new story: 'Gregor McAwesome' · 7:42pm Apr 1st, 2015
So as my long hiatus might have lead you to guess I am quitting work on The Dresden Fillies entirely. Stephanie Meyer has graciously agreed to rework/finish them for me. You can expect her version of 'Strange Friends' now called 'Forgotten Minotaur Lovers' to debut in bookstores on this date next year. It will be a sweeping re-imagining of my original story with Harry Dresden (replaced by Iron Will), Twilight (replaced by one of Rarity's mannequins), and Trixie (replaced by Danny DeVito) caught in a vicious love triangle that is sure to sell a hundred million copies.
In the meantime, I have decided to turn my literary talents towards another pursuit. Specifically a semi-autobiographic story simply titled, 'Gregor McAwesome'. I'll give you all a preview of the first chapter below.
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville, which doesn’t really matter since our hero, Gregor McAwesome, was on Earth.
For now.
Across a perfect green field on a large estate in Vermont a teenager dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a t-shirt walked manfully. Most people would have been cold, it was only forty degrees outside, but he felt fine. Gregor was six foot four, covered in athletic muscle, had bright blue eyes and golden blond hair which he kept cut short, but not too short. All in all he was so good looking that Adonis, that Greek guy who stared at himself in the pond, would have been jealous.
“Man, it sure is great to be home after three consecutive tours of duty with the Navy Seals,” Gregor said to nobody as he strode manfully through the woods behind his family’s five-story, twenty-bedroom mansion. He stopped suddenly, brooding. “I sure hope the rest of the team is all right without me, but since I’m just sixteen I really wanted to come home for a while.”
He shrugged manfully, dismissing the worry and started walking once more. He’d be starting school again in a few weeks. He was sure the basketball team would try recruiting him, after all he’d scored the winning basket that earned the USA gold in the last Olympics, but he just wanted to relax this year at school.
The expectations he had to live up to were hard, especially after he got perfect scores on both the SAT and ACT. He sighed manfully. Still, for today he could just enjoy his walk in the woods. Sometime around lunchtime Gregor stopped, stunned by the sight before his eyes. It was a giant Mayan temple stretching above the treetops, lined with age and covered in bits of moss.
“Huh,” Gregor stated manfully, “I’ve walked down this path literally hundreds of times. I wonder why I never noticed this place before.” He thought for a second. “Or why nobody has ever noticed this from the house, I mean it’s taller than all the trees, you’d think it would stick out.” So intent was his mighty mind on this quandary that he never even asked why there was a Mayan temple in New England.
“I might as well explore it,” Gregor thought aloud. “I’ll just have to do it quickly so I can get back in time for tea with the President.” Moving like the ninjas he had studied with for several years, Gregor snuck into the temple. Traps that should have rotted or rusted away hundreds of years ago somehow still activated as our hero journeyed through the temple’s mysterious corridors. Dodging manfully, Gregor passed all the traps with ease and soon stood at the exact center of the pyramid. Temple. Whatever.
There stood an altar surrounded by intricate carvings. Huh, Gregor thought manfully, those carvings remind me of my favorite television show: My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic. On the altar rested a glowing azure orb, levitating several inches above the stone platform. Next to it was a carved inscription which was conveniently in English.
Beware! Beware!
Take heed and care!
For those who touch this blue stone,
Can never more return home.
Changed will be your flesh and bone,
And a strange new world you must roam.
“What superstitious nonsense,” Gregor declared, trying to deduce the scientific principle that allowed the stone to float and glow without an apparent power source. His Rolex beeped, reminding him of his impending teatime, and he came to a manful decision very quickly.
“I’ll just take it with me and donate it to a museum or something to study,” he said, momentarily forgetting the rules of aracheology he had learned during the semester he had spent at Harvard. The first rule being this: if at any point during a dig, an object glows, speaks or moves under its own power, run. Just run and never look back.
The moment his hand manfully touched the stone it flashed with intense bright light, blinding him. Suddenly, he had the sensation of falling, as though the floor had suddenly disappeared. His head hit something, during the fall and everything faded to black.
………
Six hours later, Gregor awoke with a headache, and perfect recall of what had just happened to him.
“I appear to have been manfully teleported to another world,” he said, instantly recognizing a hundred subtle differences between the forest around him and those of any biome on Earth. Only after he had ascertained his new location did he notice that he himself had changed. He was now a black-coated alicorn with crimson fetlocks and a pure white mane. A quick glance in a nearby pool revealed that he had golden eyes with dragon slit pupils. He also had three horns, a pair of curving demonic ones similar to Tirek's in his final form in addition to a needle sharp unicorn horn. His wings were vast bat wings and with them he gained the instinctive knowledge of flight. His cutie mark was an infinity symbol made of tiny silver stars, indicating his special talent of unlimited magical power. He sat and pondered his new form for a while. He specifically considered what the consequences could be of introducing another alicorn, one more powerful than all the previous four combined, into Equestria's geopolitical climate. Not to mention how it might alter foreign affairs.
Nah, he thought, shrugging manfully. Then with a single spell returned himself irrevocably to his normal human form. Now that that's done, I wonder which of the Mane Six I should instantly befriend first?
That's all I have thus far, but I am looking forward to expanding this story and exploring this deep and intellectual topic largely untouched by this fandom. What do you guys think?
Five stars, only a matter of time before it enters the western canon of literature, I ship every character and object in this with every other character and object in a spider web of furious love.
Truly a masterwork of modern fiction.
OK, this is probably the best I've seen so far.
/5 mustaches.
So in April Fools continuity, would this mean that you're still Jim Butcher in disguise? ^_^
I call shenanigans.
Nice try, but I know what today's date is. You're going to have to do better than that.
Isn't Narcissus the Greek guy who stated at himself? Otherwise, I see no issue with this story.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A HUGE EXPLOSION!
Of upvotes!
Man, this will fill the void left by those jerk-cosplayer-goes-to-Equestria-for-wish-fulfillment fics perfectly!
Nice reference to "The metamorphosis" man
There was so much manliness in this post that my voice dropped three octaves and I grew a beard.
LET THE MANLY SHIPING OF THE MANE6XGARRY STU COMMENCE. (this should be a real story, but alas it is only April fools)
I wish I'd known this three and a half centuries ago. *sigh*
Sweet, that gives you plenty of time to bang out Peace Talks before the end of the year.
....I actually want this story for real.
I thought April Fool's pranks were supposed to be unbelievable.
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President X Glowing Orb OTP
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*Gasp* Ya got me!
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*Ring, Ring*
"This is Shenanigans, your one stop shop for the unbelievable. Abraham Lincoln speaking, how can I help you?"
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. A mistake in my perfectly researched, meticulously written, glorious masterpiece of fiction? No, obviously it's Adonis.
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Ouch! It's funny because it's true. Speaking seriously for once I will put up a blog post tomorrow about my actual plans and progress.
Every time something was done manfully, I can only see Gregor with his fists on his waist and chest thrust out. Like... like Arms Akimbo from Freakazoid.
So we can expect an update soon, right?
2933594 Friendly reminder that you don't owe us anything.
What are we going to do if you abandon this project, demand a refund?
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Badassfully: Damn it... Blasto...
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My voice dropped four octaves and my beard grew a beard.
And then my beard's beard grew a Chuck Norris.
*throws a book against the wall*
I LOVE IT.