The editing process · 3:23am Mar 30th, 2015
So I mentioned a long time ago that a long time ago someone wanted to know 'how I edit.' Now that I'm back into editing again for someone who writes pony, and I do bats' non-pony stuff I actually remember how I edit shit and turn it into gold.
(A/N: I've been drinking and writing this from a fucking Nook. Expect errorz, high amounts of sarcasm, kink shaming, low blows, and probably some form of discrimination,and I talk with an air of superiority that would put Samuel Jackson to shame.)
So you wanted to edit. Woah there friend you might need to slow down. First you need to ask yourself "Is the story I'm editing in my native tongue?" If not well then you're going to be no better than spellcheck. But let's be honest that's pretty much all the half -baked editors on here do anyway, amirite? So let's just ignore this rule because, fuck it
"But Ech FC, I'm pretty good with duh grammers. I can edit my own stories." Sssshh child, just lay back and let it happen. But seriously not to repeat myself...but I am. While you can probably catch most grammatical errors, you can't do what I believe is the most important part of being an editor. You can't slap yourself when you think of shitty ideas. And trust me, you think of shitty ideas. Who's gonna stop you from forcing Dash to kiss Spitfire, or stop you from shipping Pinkie with Gilda, or stop you from shitting all over the blinds, or stop you from writing a sequel based on some alcoholic cardboard cutout demonized parents getting revenge that everyone didn't give a shit about in the first place, or stop you from writing an adventure fic based on a dead adventure fic?
So you aren't editing your own story and you can kinda sorta speak English. Now you just need an author to edit for. Well you can do what I did before I became super famous and now people literally blow me just for me to glance in their stories direction, and PM any crap-tastic authors who obviously can't even spell Twilight right and then mold them into an author with so much Super Sayian Swagger they nut destructo disks. Or use the Looking for Editors group....whatever.
Ok so you've got some words in front of you and you're ready to. Oh and this is not saying this is the best way to edit, it's just a better way than how you do it.
Step 1: Read the story. No shit right? But that's it , Just read the story. No changes, Nothing. If your editor is "finishing" in 1-2 hours, regardless of length, then you don't have an editor.
Step 2: Do nothing. Much like the point of this blog. Let those words simmer around in your brain. Take a shower, go to class for once, masturbate, whatever. Just let your brain process the crap you just read.
Step 3: Reread that shit. Because we're masochists.
Step 4: Hurt your author's feelings. This is my favorite part. Poke any and every plot hole your tiny brain can conceive. Question every action a character does. Come up with the most vague and arbitrary shit as to why something won't work. Because obviously you know better than your author.
Step 5: Drink those author tears as they rewrite that shit.
Step 6: Repeat steps 3-5 until their word vomit is coherent.
Step 7: Help your author. Make suggestions to make a scene better. Maybe some sloppy lesbian horse kisses would make that fic actually readable. Your author will probably tell you to go fuck yourself, unless you're me and you're awesome.
Step 8: Grammar shit. I usually read every sentence at least 3 times before moving to the next. If I have to tell you what grammar checking consists of, then you probably are an author.
Step 9: Read that no-longer-shit-shit one more time.
Step 10: Belittle your author that they would be nothing without you and ride those coat tails to awesomeness.
Tl;dr: NOTICE ME.
So, what I'm gathering here, is that you love to cause misery. Seems legit.
...
Call me Senpai.
Cutting through the sarcasm and all the veiled, emasculating jokes at my expense (by the way, bitch, you just jealous of my Super Saiyan Swagger), this is all good advice. I don't understand editors who start editing before they've finished reading something (I mean, other than pointing out simple mechanical mistakes they stumble across), and some stories need a good smacking to make sense and be good.
Except my stories, because they're all perfect, from the dawning of the idea, to the twighlight of their execution.
2923321 Such perfection. TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!!!!
What do author tears taste like anyways?
You're never going to let this go, are you?
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Like the soul of a child.
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One day...but it is not this day.
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What if I said, thanks to your slapping of ideas, it's not likely to be happening anymore?
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That kinda makes me feel bad
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Nah, I'll still go about writing the thing eventually, just without shipping Gilda and Pinkie at the end. That whole tunnel thing is being changed/thrown out.