On Trial: The Mailmare · 4:25pm Mar 9th, 2015
Soge put his review of the even-numbered finalists over the weekend, so mosey on over there for his thoughts on Life in the Wasteland, The Cup-Cake Killer, Second Singularity, Happy Birthday, Dear Twilight, and A Diamond and a Tether. Second, fourth, sixth look pretty good, so let's hope seventh can keep holding the torch, written by the infamous Bad Horse, the thoroughbred of sin.
Let the inquisition commence!
Fanfiction On Trial:
Derpy just wants to bring ponies their mail. She's not trying to save the world.
But she just might anyway.
If there is one thing I've always admired about Bad Horse, it's that he always treats writing as a craft and gives it the deference owed to that perspective without losing sight of it being a hobby. I like to think that it's how I look at it, even though I suspect I fall short of an appropriate light-heartedness from time to time. It's not like I don't have my reasons.
The thing is, though, when I first did a 'Fanfiction On Trial', it was about poking holes where I thought the big stories in the fandom hadn't really earned the accolades they were showed with; aside from a few comments I sent him privately about dialogue tagging – and only then because a conversation was already happening – I really can't find anything to pull down here. I guess in some ways, that almost the bar I set for people to strive for: produce a work that I can't find significant fault with and you're at least 80% of the way towards being a good writer – and I mean in general, not just the fandom.
If I absolutely had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for something to say about The Mailmare, it would be that the NPC's voices aren't terribly distinct, and while that's true, it's both relatively minor and to have missed the larger point of the story: the world is what you make of it. You could just as easily make a case that the character's voices being decidedly mundane in places is a small part of a larger whole.
But the good points? Let me count the ways!
The whole piece is tight, getting to a very distinct and meaningful end in a few thousand less words than it's rivals. To me, that counts for something. While the prose isn't beyond being polished a little more, the actual construction of the conflicts is extremely precise, and very few details go wasted, even when they're padding to facilitate pacing – and what pacing it has.
The opening scene, the only one not from Derpy's PoV, is appropriately brief yet adequately scene-setting. It is followed by a much slower pair of chapters that do a fine job or raising the stakes and giving the story the dark edge that it needs, and from there, a thoroughly unexpected twist opens up the story to a narrative that becomes ever more brief as time wears on, matching the misadventure of the main character perfectly. When act III kicks off, it delivers what I thought was the perfect nod to both the prompt and the world that is MLP. Whole swathes of story are cut away with quick chapter changes that actually keep things brisk rather than make the story feel bitty.
Rather than a single message, I feel Bad Horse lays out several pony-relevant messages that result in a vibe – something altogether more profound than compelling. It is not a story that reaches out and grabs you, which is probably why it didn't place higher; instead, it leaves you with something to think long and hard about. It is the kind of thing that makes you think, I haven't written to my mother/brother/cousin/etc in ages; I should do that now. The characters aren't all that distinct. They're just ponies; that's all they're meant to be. I could even say that are caricatures based on the small slice of their lives that Derpy gets to see, and that fits perfectly.
It's strength, I think, lies with the fact that it is not a McGuffin that saves the world, not a spell, not a single, wall-eyed mare. No, the world is what the ponies make of it, and that makes it most pony story I have read in a good while. It is also the most clinically competent I have read so far in the competetion.
VERDICT: The very definition of worthy.
Consider this my proposal for it to be considered for the Royal Canterlot Library.
And there we have it. In other news, I am maybe kinda almost writing something. It's a big task to shake off the effects of half a year's depression, but I'll keep you all posted.
-Scott
Glad to hear it held up. I should get around to reading it shouldn't i?
2862597 Yes. Given what little I already know of your work, you might want to wear something that goes with green when you do.
Wow. I'm relieved. This story is different from what I usually write, and I haven't felt confident about it. I wonder whether it's too concise, mixes in humor in the wrong places, gives Derpy too large a vocabulary...
Probably thanks to my experience with R34s.
2862756 I have to admit that when I read your author's notes, I did wonder how much of that was going to go over a lot of reader's heads. But that's probably why it appealed more to me, and why I recommended it for the RCL (not that I imagine they'll be back to do 2nd stories from authors for a while). That it's so different from your average story is both a blessing and a curse.
In short, don't be too surprised if it doesn't rack up the hits you might be used to.
2862859
You're aware they've an actual place for that, aye?
2863155 Yeah, but there's more than enough chance they'll pass by here. Don't worry, they'll see it, but thanks for checking!
I was already going to read this one, but I will make it a priority after this review. Sounds right up my alley.
You're correct twice over: we'll see it here, but since he's already been featured, the odds of a second spotlight are pretty low while we still have so many other fandom authors waiting for a first shot. I personally agree, though, The Mailmare is an excellent story (though The Magician And The Detective stands up just as well).