Friendship is Card Games: The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 · 4:44pm Feb 8th, 2015
This week, I put on my amateur economist hat and look at an episode where common sense is in high demand and short supply.
I continue to be impressed by Fluttershy’s velocity when she isn’t thinking about it. That, or Dash is keeping pace with her during the cider season rush. Truly, there is no greater display of loyalty. (Certainly makes up for her mercenary nature later. Of course, Rainbow Dash x Cider is the show’s real OTP.)
I also continue to wonder about how mineralovory works. There are seasons for different jewels?
I don’t think I need to explain Ditzy’s presence. She likes cider. I will note that I considered a story where she confronts the Flimflams about their machine, working title Morals and Ethanol. Midway through, I switched the protagonist to Berry Punch. This was actually the story where I created my headcanon about her fermenting touch. Sadly, it fell through on the simple principle that I don’t drink, and thus couldn’t really write Berry beyond a theoretical level.
(And that cider is totally alcoholic. Between the reactions to drinking it, the thick head, and the notable absence of foals in the line, you can’t tell me otherwise.)
I like how the Apples don’t even react to the Flimflam brothers sneaking into their huddle.
I really have to question Applejack’s economic acumen (among other things, but I’ll get to those shortly.) Sweet Apple Acres has a monopoly on Malus domestica in Ponyville. The idea that they’re constantly hanging on by the skin of their teeth is frankly kind of absurd. This is why Big Mac handles the books in my headcanon; AJ just doesn’t seem to have much of a head for numbers.
Also, who would the Apples lose the farm to? The place is generations old and built on a royal grant. You’d think the mortgage would be paid off by now.
Flam’s phrasing is interesting. “We’ll provide the magic to power the machine.” Not the spell, the magic. Now, that could just be a matter of semantics, but it’s also possible that the Squeezy just needs magical input, not a specific animating spell, in which case, any unicorn would be able to power it. And even if there’s a specific spell, Twilight has repeatedly demonstrated the ability to duplicate them in a short timeframe just through observation. At that point, it becomes a question of whether you can patent magic.
And after Flim’s threat, I can talk about the next bit! Ahem: The Flimflams couldn’t make money if you gave them a mint. (Also, I'm assuming their last name is Flimflam. Same logic as Mario and Luigi Mario.)
Seriously, those two have any number of marketable inventions in the Squeezy: an automated apple-picker, an artificial intelligence capable of discerning apple quality, a high-speed fermentation spell, a ballistic barrel launching system capable of perfect aim, and most especially, a self-propelled means of transport not reliant on rails. They have invented the automobile. They have the genius to be the Teslas of their generation (or, if they stole all of that, the charisma and lack of scruples to be the Edisons.) Even if they stuck to their current model, they could just adjust the profit split, move across the demand curve, and get more participants, and thus more revenue. Instead, they’re trying to gain control of apple farms. 
Mind you, that’s why I made their card green-blue. Tunnel vision is the biggest failing of that color pair; getting so focused on one vision of perfection—in this case, the perfect scam—that you fail to see any alternatives.
Of course, the Apples aren’t blameless either. If they had stuck with Applejack’s method and pressed their monopoly along with their apples, the Flimflams wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. Indeed, even the Flimflams did find an amenable supplier, the resulting need to move between the source of raw materials and the point of sale might keep them from being able to match the Apples’ price. Still, at least the Apples can lay some of the blame at the hooves of Apple Bloom’s big mouth, Granny Smith’s pride, and the Flimflams’ manipulation.
I’m surprised Dash didn’t just stay at the Acres all day to preserve her place in line. After all, she was next.
Granny Smith is apparently Marty McFly. Who else wants to see her try to get her parents together?
I’ll admit, seeing the Doctor with a wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey device is pretty funny.
While I’m pretty sure Canterlot isn’t a kingdom—for one, there’s no king—it would’ve been fantastic if Twilight took up the Flimflams on that offer.
Applejack readily accepting help. Character growth!
Aaaand the haunting musical sting from “Return of Harmony.” That’s not at all creepy.
I would’ve disqualified the Flimflams the moment they sucked up their first tree. This competition is about making cider, not wood alcohol. Really, I’m amazed that the Squeezy never jammed or clogged while it was processing all that foreign material. Makes you wonder what they put in that stuff… 
And really, “there’s no point in winning if we cheat”? How about applying that philosophy to the competition?
I know, I know, I’m definitely overanalyzing this. And I’m probably stepping on LittleshyFiM’s toes. It’s just frustrating, is all.
Having said that, a deal’s a deal, but nothing was ever said about ownership of the farm, just cider sales. Flim and Flam are changing the deal as they speak. (And once again, apple monopoly. The Apples can name their price, or the Flimflams will still have to find another supplier.)
Bits are subdivided into cents. Presumably one hundred of them. Good to know.
Given Apple Bloom’s likely talent in engineering, whether mechanical or chemical, I rather wish the Flimflams had stuck around long enough to teach her. (Presumably while they worked off the debt for destroying those apple trees and damaging that unfortunate fence post.)
I suppose by now you’re wondering about the “Card Games” portion of this blog. Well, step right up, friend, because have I got a deal for you:
Lesson Unlearned 2W
Instant
Each player can't draw more than one card this turn.
When you know you’re right, what else is there to know?
Gale-Force Slipstream 3W
Sorcery
Whenever a Pegasus attacks this turn, tap target creature defending player controls.
Past a certain speed, flapping becomes less important than magic and momentum.
Quality Control 2U
Enchantment
1U: Return target spell you control to its owner’s hand.
”Getting it done quick ain’t as important as getting it done right.”
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
Sheer Quantity 3U
Enchantment
Whenever you cast your second spell each turn, draw a card.
Numbers may not always be the most important consideration, but they always matter.
Sales Pitch 2B
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on Sales Pitch
1B, Sacrifice Sales Pitch: Target player draws X cards and loses X life, where X is the number of verse counters on Sales Pitch.
Musical numbers don’t come with fine print.
Short Supply 2B
Enchantment
Each player’s maximum hand size is reduced by three.
Scarcity and value are intrinsically linked. The less there is of something, the more precious it becomes.
Noxious Swill 2BB
Enchantment
Whenever a player gains life, that player gets a poison counter.
If yours only has rocks in it, count yourself lucky.
Beat the Crowd 1R
Enchantment
If Beat the Crowd is in your opening hand, you may begin the game with it on the battlefield.
As long as there is exactly one creature on the battlefield, that creature gets +2/+0 and has haste.
”First!”
Bambohoozle 1RR
Instant
Cast Bambohoozle only during another player’s turn, before attackers are declared.
You choose which creatures attack this turn.
When you can talk circles around a pony, it’s a short step to talking them in a given direction.
Thirsty Crowd 2RR
Creature — Pony Mercenary
Trample, haste
At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, that player may pay X, where X is the number of cider counters on Thirsty Crowd. If that player does, he or she untaps Thirsty Crowd, gains control of it, and puts a cider counter on it.
3/3
Desperate Reprocessing 3R
Sorcery
Sacrifice any number of lands. For each land sacrificed this way, add two mana of any one color that land could produce to your mana pool.
Eating your seed corn is never a good idea, but sometimes it’s the only way you’ll live to see tomorrow.
Overdrive 3RRR
Sorcery
Until end of turn, each artifact creature you control gains trample and gets +X/+0, where X is that creature’s power. Whenever you activate an activated ability of an artifact this turn, copy that ability. You may choose new targets for the copy. Sacrifice all artifacts you control at the beginning of the next end step.
Cider Season 1G
Sorcery
Join forces — Starting with you, each player may pay any amount of mana. Each player gains two times X life, where X is the total amount of mana paid this way.
”’Limit one per customer’? Now why’d anypony want to do that?”
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
Family Support 3GG
Sorcery
If target opponent controls more nonland permanents than you, put a number of 2/2 green Pony creature tokens equal to the difference onto the battlefield.
"Family ain't a question of blood. It's who's willing to help when the chips are down."
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
Flimflam Appleratus 4
Artifact — Contraption
T: Add 2 to your mana pool.
Tap an untapped Rigger you control: Flimflam Appleratus becomes a 3/3 Construct artifact creature with trample until end of turn. (It's still a Contraption.)
A work of misapplied genius, much like its creators.
Huddle Up 1(gu)(gu)
Sorcery
As an additional cost to cast Huddle Up, tap X untapped creatures you control.
Draw X cards.
Some meetings of the minds are more literal than others.
Stylish Backflip 3RG
Instant
Untap target creature. If you control that creature, it gets +3/+3 and gains reach and trample until end of turn. Otherwise, gain control of that creature until end of turn and it gains haste until end of turn.
”There’s never a bad time for a little panache.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Flimflam Contraptioneers 3GU
Creature — Unicorn Rigger
Assemble 2GU (2GU: Put a colorless Contraption artifact token onto the battlefield. Assemble only any time you could cast a sorcery.)
Contraptions you control untap during each other player's untap step and have "T: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool."
2/3
Bought XUU//Sold R
Sorcery//Sorcery
Bought: Gain control of target creature with converted mana cost X or less.
Sold: Sacrifice a creature. Add to your mana pool an amount of R equal to that creature’s converted mana cost.
Fuse (You may cast one or both halves of this card from your hand.)
You make so many interesting cards that I want to use! Like, not even competitively, just in gimmick decks!
Word of God, Shigeru Miyamoto, said that Mario and Luigi don't have last names.
2779199 Word of God's not worth shit. However, if you can provide any information from the games to support or discount them having last names, go ahead. As far as I would know, Mario is still Mario, and Luigi is still Luigi.
2779199
This is known to us. But it begs the question: why are they called the Mario Brothers if they are not both of the Mario family? I mean, I wouldn't call my cousin's sons the "Jacob Brothers" just because the eldest is named Jacob. I'd call them the Rozewski Brothers (actually, I usually call them younglings or my cousin's kids, but that's semantics).
In other news, I had an amusing thought about two of these cards:
1. An opponent casts Prosperity, putting all his mana into it. I cast Lesson Unlearned. He just wasted all that mana and hates my face. Glorious.
2. I have eleven Mountains. I cast Desperate Reprocessing to turn them all into twenty-two red mana and channel that into a Fireball to your face.
There was a Fic somewhere where Applejack meet up with Flim and Flam at some sort of convention or something and they had a treadmill attachment for the Squeezy to power it.
AJ had Pinkie with her and the four of them (two brothers) each made four ciders each (with Pinkie skipping along the treadmill and it working (f-ing Party Pony magic man)) and each one wound up with differing tastes because of the innate magic used. The brothers (begrudgingly) agreed that AJs wound up being "the best" while Pinkies was almost like drinking candy (she begged to be able to make some more and they all agreed).
AJ them gave the brothers a fair deal on leasing the machine for use. I can't remember which fic it was though.
She had to get out of line to help her friend make more cider so she wouldn't lose the bet.
Element of Loyalty and all. (I still think AJ and Dash should swap Elements.)
I give you all of my yes for Noxious Swill. Makes me want to make a white/black deck with "target player gains Y life" cards (I use 'Y' because 'X' is actual game mechanics, where here 'Y' is any variable from 1 up to an arbitrarily large number, with X included (maybe as the arbitrarily large number, but you really want many instances of small amounts).
Oo! Oo! Better yet Poisonous Phelddagrifs!
Ten white mana for game? *giggles like a deranged Plainswalker. So, you know, any Plainswalker.*
I am disjointed in you FoM, Bambohoozle should clearly read "You choose who and which creatures attack this turn." Though It might be "You choose which creatures attack this turn and the targets they attack.", not really sure of just how it should be worded but there needs to be some kind of target control here.
Won't really do much for you in a one on one match other than "No one attacks anyone" which is kinda odd for Red to have a Fog effects so maybe it also needs a "At least one creature must attack this turn." clause in it. Color pie man, color pie! Don't make Mister Rosewater cry!
Speaking of the color pie Desperate Reprocessing is something I can see Red actually doing. They are the color that does "Rituals" (used to be Black, but got moved into Red). And I can see Red throwing away its lands for "need it now mana". Though I think it'd be fairly costed at 2R.
Huddle Up flavor text is awkward. I think that "needs" should be removed.
Bought XUU // Sold IT's a Red manna filter! And creature removal.
Berry Punch is best Phage the Untouchable :B
I am kinda surprised. Then again, maybe I should've expected this?
Take it from me. Drinking makes you do stupid, stupid things, and say stupid, stupid things. Last time I drank was Horizon and Bradel's Experiments in Poor Judgement, where I was drinking along side those two. Yeah, the googledoc is a complete and utter mess. I like to think I contributed my part to it, but not really? I say some really stupid crap in there and I guess it's funny.
Umm... don't drink if you don't want to look foolish? Getting lost while trying to PM Super Trampoline is not a good place to be.
That being said... watch drunk people from the safety of youtube videos and bam! There's your drunk Berry Punch. Ok, it's really, really awkward.
0_0 I am kinda creeped out. Not gonna lie.
I've been under the impression that nopony, audience or otherwise, was paying attention to them by that point. Unless I'm not remembering it correctly. Last time I saw the episode had to be two years ago.
Toes, eh? Anyways, they'd prolly appreciate that you pointed out more things that they didn't see to up the sin count.
You realize the tech level in Equestria would jump exponentially? There'd be Battlebots and Appleloader suits and IPhones (skipping flip phones and sliders) in short order.
If Lesson Unlearned were a permanent, that'd be so wrong. It's a good thing it costs 3 or Isochron would have a field day, gimping a draw-happy opponent every time. It completely wastes Trade Secrets.
Quality Control... it effectively causes your own spell's effects to not happen. I wonder if you can use it to up the Storm count, though, by replaying Ornithopters constantly... dunno the ruling.
Short Supply is actually very crippling. I wonder if it's good sideboard against control decks.
Noxious Swill and Grove of the Burnwillows lol.
Desperate Reprocessing...
What was once black is now red.
Fickle colour pie
I wonder when we'll get black mana abilities again. Even one like on Witch Engine would be nice.
Flimflam Appleratus
A work of misapplied genius, much like its creators.
I actually misread the "misapplied" as "misappled". Then again, it seems like this whole card is meant to confuse. I nearly missed the part where it could create 2 colourless.
This is probably the update that had me chuckling (or at least smiling) at the most cards. A lot of these are creative and amusing this time around.
Lesson Unlearned is pretty funny, and probably fun to play too when it works.
Gale-Force Slipstream looks pretty useful, though pegasi are already evasive. I guess now they're even more evasive for a turn?
Quality Control is another hilarious spell, and actually pretty oddball at that; it's protection from any form of spell-countering, including the indirect ones. I wonder how it would react to special abilties like Emrakul's "When you cast Emrakul"? For that matter, do you still count as having "cast a spell" for purposes of triggered abilities? (Thus letting you, say, pump Wee Dragonauts repeatedly with one copy of shock).
Sheer Quantity *looks* scary, but is actually pretty balanced. I'm pretty sure most players are going to scramble all over themselves nuking it ASAP.
Sales Pitch is classic black, though maybe a bit expensive compared to non-delayed alternatives. But maybe not; card draw is one thing you can afford to invest in early and reap later, and it can double as a finisher clock in close games. It would definitely be stronger if the costs for casting and activating switched, but probably doesn't need the boost. Side note, I do kind of worry that having to pay to sacrifice it makes all these songs too fragile, when the delay could be enough of a drawback (that's not just about this spell but the whole bunch of them).
Short Supply strikes me as kinda useless, unless you combine it with something oddball like Wheel of Fate or Font of Mythos. Then again, I may be wrong.
Noxious Swill looks nasty. Aside from destroying lifegain decks, there's not much they can do if you're comboing this with something that can give out lots of little 1 point heals. Except removal of course. Removal cures all ills.
Beat the Crowd is another one of those spells that is both hilarious and potentially lethal. Though it might backfire if you don't play first!
Thirsy Crowd looks pretty fun, but a little weak. (Compared to a couple minotaur creatures, you're paying the same cost to add trample but let your opponent take several swings at you and effectively have to pay echo). I first misread it as +1/+1 counters, which would be a lot more entertaining. Anyways it's also odd that the opponent can steal it for free the first turn.
Desperate Reprocessing looks like a good "last turn of the game" spell. So does Overdrive, though in a different deck.
Cider Season--Wow, that's a weird mechanic. They really printed that? Sounds fun.
Family Support: I smell a hilarious combo with Desperate Reprocessing! Or anything that lets you sacrifice your lands. You'd better have some good enchantments or lords out though, since you're certainly not playing Overrun next turn.
Flimflam Appleratus is actually a decent card without its second ability, and hilarious with it.
I'm not sure I understand the flavor of Sytlish Backflip letting you steal a creature, though it's probably just referring to a scene I've forgotten about.
Flimflam Contraptioneers looks interesting. Extremely slow but unbounded mana ramp, plus it works double duty if you have a lot of instants.
Bought/Sold... well flavor wise that whole card reeks of evil, but it's pretty middle-of-the-road in actual gampelay. Definitely well balanced.
2780220
I will bring your attention to this card which I found while making sure the wording of Lesson Unlearned was proper as it felt a little off to me at first,
As 2780545 pointed out it's a counter spell stopper. "Oh, what's that? You try to counter it? I return it to my hand and cast it again as a new spell."
And it does up Storm count.
As for Brickman's question any "When you cast <this spell>" or any "When you cast <type of spell>" abilities will still be on the stack when you target it with the bounce from Quality Control and will still resolve, unless countered them self, as normal.
I totally forgot about Grove of the Burnwillows. The play set, with some land untapping... .
As for Brickman's other stuff.
I think you mean burn. Burns cures all your problems because if the other person is dead you've got no more problems.
Enchantment removal is not really used all that often, unless you've got an enchantment heavy block like Theros was.
Yes, they really printed Join forces, but it was in a multiplayer slash casual set only and is not on any cards they were used in "Standard" play.
Still fun though.
2779199 I believe FoME is referencing the Super Mario Bros. movie, which, in one scene, has them give their names as Mario Mario and Luigi Mario
2781272 Alright then! Quality Control plus hard-casted Emrakul, for the most expensive infinite-turns combo in the history of magic. Now I just need to come up with 17 lands.
When I said removal, I was more thinking removal against whatever creatures they have that are powering the combo. Since most of the examples I was able to think of are creatures, unlike certain people who immediately thought of a land. But if you DO have any enchantment removal (or generalized permanent removal, like Oblivion Ring), tossing it down when the opponent's already healed you four or five times would be pretty satisfying. Assuming they didn't have another copy or some infect creatures.
And yeah, as soon as I read that card I immediately went on gatherer and looked up all the cards with Join Forces. Again that looks like an awesome mechanic.
2781283
Believe me, I am well aware of that movie. I saw it several times when I was younger.
I know that many people associate the issue to that movie, but did you know the last name logic actually appeared before then in "The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!" (Neither of those are considered as canon to the Mario games universe, however, which is why people still debate about it.)
2779199
I only said it was the same logic. I never said anything about that logic's canonicity.
2779809
Don't forget to tap the other Mountains first! If you do that, then you only need nine lands for lethal.
2780039
Ah yes, I remember that story. Can't seem to find it, though.
For Bambohoozle, I was working off of the wording for Master Warcraft. Granted, that was printed before planeswalkers, so I may need to modify it. That said, I like the idea of red manipulating the rage levels, but the attacking player still being able to direct it.
I would hope you could see red doing Desperate Reprocessing, because it's based on Mana Seism. I figured that both doubling and colorizing the mana would be worth a two-mana increase.
And Huddle Up's flavor text has been fixed. Thanks.
2780220
Well, Berry doesn't need an apparatus out of A Clockwork Orange to eat, so yes, I'd say she has it better.
I've just never been able to get accustomed to the taste of alcohol, and frankly, I have no intention of doing so. My body keeps telling me, "This is poison. Why are we drinking it?"
I suppose no one paying any mind to the Squeezy is the only way to make sense of that scene. Especially given ponies' willingness to at least try the *cough* "cider." Still, it was a spectator event. What were they watching?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/4/29/311050__safe_rainbow+dash_animated_big+macintosh_the+super+speedy+cider+squeezy+6000_treadmill.gif
Oh. I suppose with eye candy for all orientations on display, the tree-sucking automaton just couldn't compare.
You say that like it would be a bad thing.
2780545
Remember that Short Supply isn't legendary. Two of them mean that everyone's maximum hand size is one. Three of them? Negative two. Of course, Reliquary Tower laughs at it, but if you don't have one...
Sadly, Desperate Reprocessing and Family Support don't work together. Support only looks at nonland permanents. Your cousins aren't going to come make you feel better just because someone has a bigger plot of land, but they will if the other guy has more workers, equipment, or fancy magic.
And removal does cure all ills.
2782386 I totally know what you mean about alcohol. On my (actually fairly recent) 21st birthday, I resolved to order something at the celebratory dinner with my family (a grasshopper, on my mother's recommendation), but it tasted too weird for me to drink more than a quarter of it, if even that much
2782386 I didn't even think of multiple Short Supplys. That's a bit harder to do, but pretty mean to any non-aggro deck that wasn't designed to topdeck everything. Probably not two midgame cards worth of mean unless you can get it out really fast (ie turn 4 or 5, for a card that you can't play before turn 3).
And I did misread Family Support to say "lands" instead of "nonland permanents". Counting nonland permanents to get you creature tokens makes it pretty similar to a few cards that are already out there, not that I could name them.
The p8renthetical on Flimflam Appleratus shouldn't 8e a p8renthetical, since it changes what happens on the a8ility's resolution.
~Vriska Serket
On Cider Season, how about “Starting with you, each player may pay any amount of mana. Each player gains X life, where X is twice the total amount of mana paid this way.”
In other words, double before setting X. Easier to understand.
2806417 "Contraption" is an artifact type, while "Construct" is a creature type. It's a corner case, but I believe (since the Appleratus remains an artifact) subtypes don't need to be explicitly repeated.