• Member Since 20th Apr, 2012
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Loganberry


Hold your ground but do not be unkind. (Ponyphonic, "Shy Heart") He/him. Ponyfic Roundup reviews every Wednesday.

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  • 9 weeks
    State of the Unicorn: Poor

    That's poor in both senses, I'm afraid! Though before I say any more, I need to stress that I have a warm, safe home, enough to eat, internet access... the essentials, really. I am not in danger of losing those. However, I won't be doing much beyond those essentials for a while. Without going into boring details, I will very shortly be going in for dental work to be done. Which, as

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  • 13 weeks
    Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!

    I keep my online activity to an absolute minimum on Christmas Day, so I'll take this opportunity to wish all of you reading this a Merry Christmas!¹ However life has treated you over the past year, I hope it treats you better over the next. I shall be back to reading Fimfiction on Boxing Day!

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  • 17 weeks
    So then, Doctor Who

    Loved it! A few little quibbles, not all the acting from the newcomers was stellar and sadly parts of the gender-related stuff felt awkward and forced, eg "something a male-presenting Time Lord wouldn't understand", but I liked much more than I didn't. Plus one of my worries about the new Disney-cash-infused Who has been dispelled: this definitely did

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  • 23 weeks
    Bloody Covid

    Fortunately not in the literal sense! But yeah, I'm currently stuck at home, yet not feeling well enough to concentrate on ponyfic. It's a seriously annoying combination. :pinkiesick:

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  • 25 weeks
    UK PonyCon report

    This is inelegantly copy/pasted over from the (slightly) nicer looking report over on Louder Yay. Of course, I'm sure you all read Louder Yay anyway because you're such great people, but just in case here's the report here as well...

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    3 comments · 110 views
Feb
5th
2015

Ponyfic Roundup 43: #FebFIMFanFicLove edition · 7:44pm Feb 5th, 2015

Yes, this is no. 43. It's been brought forward from its usual slot as I wanted to give it extra exposure. Ponyfic Roundup 42 will appear at the weekend, after which the normal order of things will return!

Something a little different today! Thanks to the estimable hawthornbunny, who came up with the idea of the Fic Exchange for Tag-a-long's Book Club, I'm posting a rather more in-depth review than I generally do. If you're used to Ponyfic Roundup, you'll see the similarities and my usual rambly style; it'll just be a bit longer than the waffle I usually inflict on you lot. The star rating comes after the first paragraph, as usual for my long reviews, but read on for some more in-depth thoughts.

Sun, Moon, and Stars by FifthAlicorn
Celestia, Luna and Nightmare Moon
[no genre tags given]; 22K words; Feb 2012; Everyone
In a nutshell, this is the story of Luna's banishment and exile, Nightmare Moon's return and the final triumph of the Elements of Harmony. A familiar story to all of us, I'm sure – but with the twist that this fic looks at it from the dark side, as it were. I'll admit that I was a little underwhelmed when I read the synopsis, as rather too many of these older fics turn into "New Lunar Republic" propaganda, and quite frankly that concept doesn't do a thing for me. Still, this story was selected for the Fic Exchange by Foals Errand, whose opinions I respect – and, indeed, it turned out to be a cut above many of the run-of-the-mill Royal Sisters fics I've read. ★★★

Something I found very interesting was the deep exploration of the relationship between Luna and Nightmare Moon. The only other place I've seen something like this done to such an extent was in the "Nightmare Rarity" arc of the IDW comics, which this fic pre-dates by a full year. FifthAlicorn does a very decent job of giving the two beings distinct personalities, something important to the outcome of the story. Celestia is mostly fine, too, if just a little too apologetic for my liking at times. What's even more intriguing is the way in which the Elements of Harmony themselves are characterised. If you've read Eakin's Hard Reset trilogy, as I have, you may well notice some parallels. No time loops here, though!

Despite its relatively short length, Sun, Moon, and Stars spans a thousand years of Equestrian history. The starting and ending points are relatively familiar, and indeed substantial chunks of show dialogue were used verbatim. (Probably slightly too much of it, actually.) What I found considerably more intriguing were the glimpses of what was going on between those two chronological extremes. For example, we discover the provenance of the book of prophecies that Twilight was reading in S1E01, while the origins of the Summer Sun Celebration are also briefly explained. Some of these scenes work better than others, but they're generally satisfying.

There are several points at which FifthAlicorn diverts just a little from the central narrative to fill in some little point or other. I was pleased to see the author acknowledge the rarity of teleportation, something surprisingly few writers do. There's no getting away from the fact that this story is on the tell-y side, with considerable amounts of exposition. I don't mind that, but those who prefer faster, tighter stories may find it just a tad frustrating at times. On a technical level, there are a few errors ("it's" for "its" being a recurring one) and the story does suffer a bit from what can only be called Alabaster Alicorn Syndrome. The first allusion to Pinkie is clunky, too.

Inevitably, a story this old is going to suffer a little from being overtaken by canon: it was written before Season 2 of the show had ended. To give an example that doesn't materially affect the story, Twilight is written as an only child; Shining Armor's debut was still in the future. More seriously, the Season 4 premiere makes certain of the events surrounding Luna's banishment impossible, so you do now have to read this as either a period piece or an [Alternate Universe] fic. Your mileage may vary, but this didn't particularly affect my enjoyment of the story, as the internal narrative remained consistent.

Sun, Moon, and Stars was better story than I had expected. It contains both an interesting alternative look at the crucial events of the last millennium and (just occasionally) little hints of a far wider conflict before Luna's banishment. I would have been interested to have read (in another fic) about the War itself, but sadly FifthAlicorn did not publish another story... until this week, when Since I Was Small, also dealing with the past, was begun. As for this fic, despite its age and the generally minor problems I've discussed above, I enjoyed this and those who like the concept should certainly read it. For the rest of us, although not a must-see, it's an interesting, worthwhile twist on a very familiar tale.

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Comments ( 4 )

If you've read Eakin's Hard Reset trilogy, as I have, you may well notice some parallels.

Foals told me I had to read this fic even if I didn't get it assigned, so that's good to know. ^^ I do love fics that take place over epic timescales (Asimov's Foundation being one of my favorite serieses for that reason) so I'll look forward to this one!

I think I've read this review four or five times now. And to begin it all, thank you. I enjoyed writing a lot of this story, and it always pleases me when someone so much as comments on my story after two years of publishing, much less writing a review of it. Thank you to both yourself and Foals Errand.

And you're very much right about a lot of things wrong with it, especially how tell-y it was. Halfway through the second chapter I began hating myself for writing so much of MLP:FiM verbatim, but at that point it was too far to go back. I think I even apologized for that in one of my comments. And yeah, I never got around to curating this story much but I'm glad you enjoyed it just as much.

But again, thanks again for the attention. It meant a lot. I think I'm going to read my story again and then start working on Since I Was Small...

EDIT: Read the first chapter again. Apparently a lot of my formatting committed suicide. I'm terribly sorry you had to deal with that.

2773949 You're welcome, and don't worry too much about the formatting. It wasn't a big problem; maybe the conversion to my e-reader sorted things out a little.

Also, no fic could ever be worthless that included the line

“Gag me with a toaster, Twilight,” Nightmare Moon thought sardonically.

That is one of the finest ponyfic sentences I have ever read. :twilightsheepish:

I'm glad you enjoyed the story I recommended so much^^ It's one of my favorites and it gets so little attention. A pity.

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