Goofy Stuff, have a laugh · 9:13pm Jan 28th, 2015
To celebrate over a 100k words, thought you folks might like to take a look at some of the things I did not put into the story, and some stuff I just plain made up, enjoy!! Poor Crusader....
Pinkie smiled.
In the history of smiles, there were very few of major note. This was one of them. Bright, cheerful, teeth gleaming pretty, that pinned you to the floor. This was a smile that turned your guts to jelly, it made that niggling little idea about going to the outhouse coming screaming into your forebrain.
There was something about this smile that made you realize a fact deep in that part of your brain that was right now cringing in fear. If you did anything other than listen, and do what that smiling pony said; you were going to suffer in a way that made hardened torturers turn green with envy.
Pinkie just smiled.
“I want you all to go outside right now and look for my very very special friend. Please.”
The place emptied like it was on fire.
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There were looks of disgust, and looks that weren’t. This was one of those that made you realize you had just stepped in something really smelly, and tracked it all over the kitchen without a care. One of those looks and results of which, mothers would be arrested for if they caught you tracking said smelly stuff across their brand new shiny floor they just spent your college fund on.
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When it came right down to it, Crusader was pretty honest about things. Walking into the club, his ears were assaulted by a noise that made a cat beaten with bagpipes sound good.
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Sometimes you just have to go with the flow of things Crusader thought; and sometimes, you fired all four Hellbores at it and hoped it died quickly and without fuss.
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Crusader had to wonder, though he was pretty tipsy at the time, if Applejack did have flanks of steel like those ponies had mentioned. He also wondered if they could actually bend an iron bar like the two stallions had said. Even a bit drunk, he figured that might not actually be a good thing to ask, he remembered getting clobbered by Bon Bon and really did not want a repeat. He really ought not to have started drinking.
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Crusader looked at Rainbow Dash blearily across the table, “I think you might have a serious case of Cranial-Rectal Insertion..”
“The hay is that?”
“You’ve got your head up your ass.”
------------- My Little Bolo : A Hellbore is Magic ----Things Crusader Can’t Do Anymore---
Calculating all angles of deflection and ballistic probabilities. I figure I could easily launch a 40cm mortar at Diamond Tiara’s house and the surrounding houses would suffer little to no damage. I was quite proud of that thought until I realized it might not be the best thing to start a friendship off with my commander. Although she would be quite stress free knowing she could drop a high explosive on anyone that annoyed her, it would not be in the best interests of anypony. I had broached the subject with Twilight Sparkle, assuring her collateral damage would be low, she seemed to develop a strange twitch in one eye, odd that..
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Being new in my avatar, even with these strange glitches, I have found out that actually inquiring as to whether you can feel somepony’s cutie mark, is seriously frowned upon. I admit, curiosity did get the better of me; but the damage I am now repairing to the outer covering has made me realize mares hit a lot harder than I had figured. Of course asking while in a crowd of them absolutely was not the best of ideas.
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As I see Rainbow Dash flash past my column, I open fire with the non-lethal weapons, painting an extremely bright, glowing pink smiley face on her butt. I am not allowed to call her ‘Smiley’ anymore.
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I was told in no uncertain terms, that making and projecting holograms of said smiley face on Rainbow Dash’s butt, was extremely rude, and that I should charge for it. Of course I think Rarity was just joking, but I am not quite sure about which part.
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I believe I have made a serious error in judgment, allowing the Cutie Mark Crusaders to learn how to drive a Dragon Tank. I am assured that nopony was injured, but I will be charged for repairing the Town Hall, Hospital, and the re-planting of four acres of Apple trees. Although nopony really missed the pear trees, I was still charged. Also we are still trying to find Rarity’s cat Opalescence.
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I have been informed, again in no uncertain terms, that I am not to manufacture anything else for Pinkie unless it is approved by Twilight Sparkle. Apparently fireworks are made quite differently here. I do wonder why Pinkie needed the four hundred cans with the spring loaded snakes in them, odder still I had that design in my database.
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I make a note in my databases and permanent cores. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are not to have ANY access to Power Rifles, Norge Stunners and most definitely any type of explosive. Applejack has informed me that the spa can be rebuilt, though burn marks from the Stunners are going to take a while to wear off the flanks of so many ponies.
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I am not to refer to, as requested by Princess Celestia, any Anti-Air Assets as Anti-Pegasus Butt Markers. I think this is fair.
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Rainbow Dash had assured me everyone called Princess Celestia Sun-Butt. Applejack has informed me, quite loudly, this is not the case.
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Rainbow Dash is no longer allowed to ask me to use my hologram projecting capability to paint signs on the clouds saying how awesome she is.
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Taking the Cutie Mark Crusaders to school in a Dragon Tank is not allowed anymore, I am scaring the children.
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After explaining nuclear weapons to the Princesses and my six friends, I was told by all of them, never to discuss any such things around the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
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I have promised not to use my drones for following Twilight Sparkle while she is still learning to fly, also I am not allowed to record, nor show said movies again.
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Salted popcorn is not a treat, it is a drug. So noted.
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Applejack has informed me that I am not to make any more candy on request for the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I had thought 400lbs a bit excessive but was too polite to ask.
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I am not to use combat drones to harass, annoy, or even get near the Wonderbolts while broadcasting “Rainbow Dash is Awesome” through the speaker systems. Rainbow had assured me though....
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Using grenade launchers on my sensor posts to try and paint a house in Ponyville is frowned upon. Pinkie said I was on target. It was quite a nice color I thought.
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I am not allowed to make any more life size stuffed animal likenesses of the Wonderbolts for Rainbow Dash. Apparently it is a copyright violation, and from what Spitfire said, “A bit creepy.” They were selling quite well though.
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Rarity is not allowed to use my combat drones for listening to gossip.
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Derpy is not allowed to ride the Hammerhead Drones anymore.
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I have been informed that my drones are not to be used to help Derpy deliver the mail, even though she asked nicely.
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I have been warned, taking pictures of Princess Luna in the shower singing off key, or recording it, or even showing it more than I had, would get me in severe trouble. My drone was on patrol, nothing more.
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I have asked Derpy multiple times to stop dropping the mail in my drone launch tubes, I have a mail box now.
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Giving the Cutie Mark Crusaders any more Night Vision is not allowed.
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Welding Angel Bunny in a durasteel box with my tech spiders does not make Fluttershy happy.
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Automated Sentry Snowball Launchers are not to be made anymore, period.
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I have found that ponies know about subliminal messaging, especially over the combat link. Though Rainbow Dash and I found the broccoli in Twilight’s nose very funny.
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I am not allowed to make anymore edible substances that turn ponies urine different colors, the hospital was overwhelmed.
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I am not allowed to help Pinkie plan parties anymore. Free gifts of shampoo that turned everyone’s mane and tail the same color as Pinkie was frowned upon. Though Pinkie was gleeful for weeks.
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Applejack has informed me Apple Bloom wishes to be a Sith Lord and I am to stop showing Star Wars.
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My drones are not a personal muffin delivery service, even though Derpy is very nice.
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I am never, under ANY circumstances to manufacture Chameleon Cloaks for anypony anymore.
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Rarity is not allowed to use my drones to deliver her designs to Canterlot anymore. She must go herself.
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My drones are not allowed to compete with the Royal Mail Service even though my prices were lower.
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Ponies do not appreciate bagpipe music...snobs...
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I am forbidden to help Vinyl Scratch with her concerts anymore, ponies have seizures from the laser targeting devices.
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“I would like to flip that like a pancake” is not appropriate to say to a mare, even though I heard a stallion say that.
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I am not allowed to have any fun, manufacture anything, nor shall I repeat what I overhear without prior approval. Celestia threatened a royal decree.
These were delightful! Thanks for sharing.
2754112 You are very welcome!
agreed, those ponies are snobs.
2754135 Well, not all of em now
Also we are still trying to find Rarity’s cat Opalescence. This accounts for the U. F. O. [ Unidentified Furry Object ] seen crossing into the Gryphon Kingdom at Rainboom speeds
Welding Angel Bunny in a durasteel box with my tech spiders does not make Fluttershy happy
there were however a large number of other beings that were ecstatic
2754587 Is it bad to say I'm snickering?
Crusader doesnt realise he just asked why the herring commited suicide.
Rainbow Dash is Awsome,
Rainbow Dash and the Wonderbolts team,
Rainbow Dash is Awsome,
Everypones living her dream.
I would like to see a little side chapter concerning these, preferably one for each.
This would be a funny addition to the main story
But make it Athena that shows the movies instead of Crusader, that way there's less of a chance that he gets in trouble
2857763 Those, are great ideas! Thanks!
2858371 let me guess, Athena will say that it was Crusader's idea anyways?
2859430 Aw now that wouldn't be fair