Z Reviews: Final Stand · 10:05am Jan 20th, 2015
This time's review will be of Final Stand, authored by Duelist96, reviewed by me, TheifofZ. If you like this review, check my blog for other reviews, or follow this link to go to the post containing the mission statement and a list of all the stories I've reviewed so far.
As always, here's how I'll be doing this; First I'll cover the story idea, and writing style and quality of the story. Next, I'll look at the actual story itself, including character motivation, action (if the story has any), and the general plot. Finally, I'll throw down my egotistical and opinionated rating, declaring exactly how good, or bad, I thought this was. And yes, I will do my best to avoid spoilers for the plot IF POSSIBLE. If the spoiled events are integral to the story, I'll throw down spoiler warnings instead, and ask that you proceed with caution. Always remember, folks. This is all opinion. Disagree with me? Think I'm dead wrong, or spot on? Argue about it in the comments if you want. It's cool. Noone has a truly humble opinion, after all, but make sure you read the review first. With that out of the way, here we go!
So I'm going to stick with my guns and say that, generally, I'm not a huge fan of Human in Equestria stories; It's a mix of personal preference and a staggering amount of poorly written fics, but I said what I meant, and I meant what I said. Any story, 100%. That said, this is another one of those Human in Equestria stories, and it's... well. It's a mixed bag, is what I'm going to say here. And it is. A bunch of humans fleeing from the zombie apocalypse end up in Equestria after jumping through a strange portal, bringing with them strange powers and insane problems. And it's a good idea; executed well, the basic story could be awesome. But the writing, oh man. The understanding of grammar, syntax... it's good. The execution is systematically excellent, even. But just because it's written well doesn't mean that it's well written, and the writer has a very large problem most visible in the Prologue; Listing. Going into detail to describe, step by step, the actions a specific character is taken when it's a minor action that can be safely glossed over, or condensed into a general idea. While this does engage the audience with more of the world than just talking heads, it drags everything down to the point where I found it difficult to power through a large amount of the story. In general, more focus could have been spent on more important ideas, and it would have dragged less.
The general plot is a hodgepodge mix of teens with monstrous powers and their angst and the baseline verse of MLP: FiM, and many of the ideas used are actually fairly interesting, but plot holes and a lack of proper development on specific ideas dragged it down for me. None of the developments were extremely original, but it didn't hurt the story too much compared to all the plot holes. Which are a thing. Often, there's no consideration for the how or the why, just the idea that something needs to be a specific way for the plot; the cell phones working in a society that doesn't have satellites being a prime example. There are more, but I'm not going to cover each one.
Paying attention to the characters, they feel like Mary Sues about a quarter of the time, getting away with doing things that shouldn't or couldn't normally be done, magically having the answer to problems and so on. ... but there are times when they're clearly flawed, weak, and have their own problems. Make of that what you will.
The action is... well, it's much like the story, written with interesting ideas behind it, and often times it's fast paced and interesting, but the rest of the time it's clunky, awkward, and written like a step by step instruction.
Overall... I give this story 4 out of 10 moustaches, and 2 out of 5 dismayed ponies.
Any opinions or major points you'd like to make go in the comments below. Advice, Major Corrections, story suggestions, and fan mail can be PM'd to me. ... if I ever get fans. HAH!
Final Note: ... Gah. I wanted to like it, guys. I really did. I don't require the stories I read to be works of stunning art, but... learning how to make a story come alive means that we don't always need to see all the guts and squishy bits that go sproing into the corner of the room if you aren't looking. The driving force of a reader's interest isn't the most interesting characters or the best plot, (those help though), but is, instead, having a dynamic and living story. Not... lists. If it's hard to read out loud with plenty of emotion, then it's probably just as hard for the audience to read, period. I'm very sad that this story went that path, but I really look forward to seeing how good the author can become. Improvement is, after all, a mixture of practice and hard work, and repeated failure, and the later chapters were definitely much better than the early ones... which is part of my regret, really. If it hadn't improved, I could have been generally sour and not cared, but now I feel kind of mean.
Don't feel mean about what you have said. I'm not against what you said because it is mostly true. The beginning is fairly bad and I've been learning how to avoid certain situations. Some times I can't avoid it, but I like to have it pointed out so I can learn from it. A few people have been very courteous about my problems and have been working with me to help me understand my problem. All you said was also opinionated and you have every right to say it. There are those that enjoy and those that don't and I respect everyone's opinion as long as it makes sense. Thanks for at least taking the time to review it and giving it your honest opinion.
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And this is half the reason I do this; Authors that are genuinely grateful for the review.
So I, in turn, am genuinely grateful for the comment. I still will always feel bad if I have to say bad things, though. I'm dumb like that.
But hey, if you keep improving and fixing your problems, I'll be more than happy to review another one of your stories later, and give a much higher rating.
If you earn it, I will heap praise upon thee. Or something.
2735824 Probably never be as great as most authors here who actually have more of a passion for it since they want to be writers while I just have it as a hobby. Either way, I take in everything I learned to make things better in my future stories.
2735831 Even if it's just a hobby, doesn't mean you can't be a great writer. It just means that you'll likely never be paid for it.
Don't think you can't be as good as everyone else; instead strive to be better. That way, you can be really proud to say that you did all you could for your own sake, even if you never intend to make a career of it.
I think your ideas are really interesting, and I did say it before; quality story is, to me, preferred over quality writing.
Up to a point, at least. The two are not perfectly inversely proportional.
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I agree with what Z said here Duelist: getting good at the things that you love takes time, patience, and a lot of dedication. Just take me for example; my first draft was basicly...well, you read it, so you should know my flaws. Thankfully, it seems that I did a much better job with the rewrite, so there is that. I did get a review written out for my story when it was still in progress, but if it's ok with you Z, I would like you to review my story as well; either the first draft or the part one, or even both if you are up to it
Ok, with that shameless asking out of the way, just keep doing what you are doing Duelist, cause this story will grow along with you.
PS: typed all of this on my phone, and if I want to keep writing, I'm going to have to get used to doing so...oh boy.
2739333 I think I'll just do the Part One for now, as a review of a First Draft would only color your story with any flaws from the rough, so to speak. But I was looking for something to review, so that works.
... I'm so happy to actually be gaining some form of recognition around here, though.
I'm making progress!
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Well, glad to hear, though anothe way to see it would be noticing the improvements in the story. Also, I do have quite a few good moments that I did write in there, and if you want I can just tell you the chapters of a couple of the good ones?
2739388 If you want a private review for that, I'd be more than willing to go over it briefly with you. But it's kind of a lumped total in the open reviews. I'll point out what was, generally, done well, or not. Not specific moments.
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Fair enough. I don't want to take up much of your time, so if you are willing to do a private review for at least three of the scenes that I wrote in there, then that would be great. If not, then you can just do part one and I'll be fine with that too. So, with that said, the choice is up to you.