• Member Since 14th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 7th, 2023

Written Sound


Can't believe I'm 25... So much has changed and almost nothing has stayed the same, I miss the old days... 10 years on this site... hot da#%

More Blog Posts151

  • 265 weeks
    Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Still Alive !!

    Just wanted to list the recent changes in my not so interesting life

    ~Started working as a bowling alley mechanic early last month
    ~Finally cleaned out my old room and began moving into it
    ~Having a nice relationship since December
    ~Gf's mom let me house sit for an entire weekend :pinkiegasp:
    ~Attempting to pick up streaming again, though my work schedule will conflict with that

    Read More

    0 comments · 250 views
  • 376 weeks
    Just what's happened since 5/10/16

    Recent events:
    -Finally got a job
    -Single again
    -went to ichiboncon
    -didn't have Christmas again
    -Got roasted by a standup comedian bout being a boy Irvin by "choice"
    -met a guy whom I'm clicking with pretty well, and his name is Casper.
    -Coincidentally it snowed on my birthday (1/7/98) for the first time in awhile

    2 comments · 434 views
  • 410 weeks
    So, why me ?

    What was the reason for following me ?

    I just think about how I've done little to nothing to really contribute to this fandom and website.

    So again, why me ?

    3 comments · 581 views
  • 412 weeks
    Fallout Equestria Hype train has just been derailed !!

    Sweet celestial gumdrops, Somber just updated Project Horizons with 10 all new chapters !!! And each chapter is over 20K words !!!!

    Bookworm Mode Initiated

    3 comments · 755 views
  • 414 weeks
    Another Advertisement for our live stream

    Hey guys, if you want to come over and watch, or play with us, come join at This Link Thing. Right here. Ya this. just one click away from being there.

    Again my username is ButtonnMASH, in the stream.
    If you want to come join us in one of the games we will be playing, just say so in the chat, and we'll see what games we have incommon.

    Read More

    1 comments · 358 views
Jan
19th
2015

Rough patches. Pain. · 4:00pm Jan 19th, 2015

Recently in my not so fun existence, I have tried to do so many things. I have tried to write stories. I have tried to find love. I have tried to make peoples daily life shine just a little bit more. And all for naught. It seems that everything I do ends up falling in the dirty laundry. My mother has been hospitalized for the past three weeks do to a heart attack and now an open heart operation. My dog died do to crystals forming in his bladder and I have had recent visits to the hospital and the psychiatrists do to attempts at suicide. I'm typing this out now so I can try and organize my thoughts and so I can reflect. I honestly don't know were this is coming from. I'm just sitting at my desk at home, petting my "new" dog, and I was hit with a sudden flood of emotions, that I just needed to write down. Mabye it's the music. The RHYME by shadyvox. For a while know I just can't stop thinking about the way my life is turning out. I'm failing my junior year of high school, and I'm only halfway through it. I have more lines on my arms than bullets in an armory. I've pushed away everyone that cares about me at one point in life. Any chance at romance is extinguished once I role my sleaves up. I'm not loved, I'm pitied. Mabye it's the end for me. Maybe I should just role over and die ? It seems the only thing I have to look foreword to is the pain of living through it every day. Maybe. Just mabye. I'm done ?

Report Written Sound · 535 views ·
Comments ( 34 )

Mang, I feel like this every day. I know exactly where you are coming from. There are moments when it just feels like life is over and there is no point in going on. I really don't know what to tell you other that I go through the same thing daily and I just sort of keep muddling through somehow.

Do things get better? I don't know. I wish I could tell you that they will. People keep telling me that things will get better and I want to believe them, but sometimes I hate them for saying it, because of all of the shit that's in my head that I know isn't going to get better.

One thing I do know... it helps to talk about it.

I will not share my unwanted depressing stories with you, so I will cut it short and say;
Life sucks, then you die.
It's what you do in-between that counts.

Life indeed sucks. Life is a sliding scale. Things change. Situations are fleeting. The only thing we have control over is ourselves and what we do with what life has handed us. I choose to use my life to help others. It is the only thing I have found that makes my life worth living otherwise I wouldn't be here right now.

Giving up is never an option, and one should never have to go through life alone. Things will get better, in time. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, and you have to take the bad with the good. The best thing to do after getting bucked out of the saddle is climb back on, and pick up where you left off. Sure, there may be a bump and a bruise, and a wounded pride to deal with, but as long as you make a constant and heartfelt effort, there can be no fault on yourself. I understand the pain of being alone, and of disappointing yourself, and those around you. I've lived that for almost a decade, and it does get easier as time passes. All you have to do is take the reins and hang on, because life will take you for a ride. It's impossible to please everyone, so the best thing to do is just make yourself happy. You are worth it. Don't you ever forget that.

If you need someone to talk to, shoot me a message.

The one thing you can do is live out your life to the best of your ability. I can feel you on one of the subjects, that matter being: My step dad has been waiting for a heart transplant for the past two and a half years and he's been in and out of the hospital a few times during these last few months and it's been rough dealing with it. I'm an 18 year old with a high functioning form of autism, know as Asperger's Syndrome, who's lost a father and a friend to suicide, and just because life gives us obstacles time and time again; we try to find a way to look past it and to live out our lives.

2733219 2733257 2733277 i understand that the choices I make are the only thing that I can control and that life is a bad hand of poker, you just hope your hand is better than the next guys. But what I don't understand is why. Why do I like playing the bad guy. And I still hate the pain I feel after. I never wanted to be someone to be pitied. Or someone that gets noticed. The unwanted attention is unbearable, but needed. Talking about it really does help. I need to start to open up more to family, friends, and even the people who really want to help on this amazing fan base. I'm grateful I have the help of friends when I need it. Thank you all for helping me realize it with common sense. I think I just lost it through the pain and tears I've shed. As the tears still fall maybe a new spirit will rise. Again thank you all for the compassion and friendship that you have given. It's more than I could ever really ask for.

Listen I have not been through half of the stuff you've been through so I have no idea what to say, but if you need someone to talk too i'm almost always here and I would very much hate too lose a friend like you (I know we just met but still) You do have people that love and care about you.

I don't know what it is that you're going trough, I'll be honest, I never passed trough any of that, but giving up is not right! You're alive! Make the most out of it! Even if your life is horrible then keep trying to make it good again, life is just like that, life wants to screw you up, well, LAUGH AT HER FACE AND KEEP TRYING! DON'T GIVE UP! SHOW LIFE YOU'RE STRONGER THAN SHE THINKS YOU ARE!
*hugs you*
Never give up brah, have hope dude, after all, like they say, April showers bring May flowers and every cloud has a silver lining. difficult times ALWAYS lead to better days. :twilightsmile:

"Push through and learn to cope." Words that sound hard and uncaring until you have been through to the other side of things, or can at least see the other side. Day to day, that's all it takes and it's also one of the hardest things you may ever have to learn. Push through one day and smile that you made it no matter how hard it seems to do so. Wake up and do it again. Deal with what you have on your plate either by completing a task or talking to someone while the problem is there in front of you and you'll learn to manage, everything else can wait at least a little while. :trixieshiftleft:

A laundry list of conditions tied to PTSD and the 'causes' (Yes, plural) behind it plague me. I could say any number of flowery things about how it'll get better, but ultimately it's up to you to push until it does. I recently had a moment like this where I shared a large part of my problems with another community, and after asking for no platitudes was thankful to get none even though it meant no responses at all other than one friend asking if I needed a visit in a private chat. I'm known as a constantly smiling jokester with an inappropriate sense of humor, but am always willing to talk seriously about things like this and give advice. Been doing so for around a decade now. Drop a line if you ever feel cut off. If nothing else, I'm willing to listen/read.

As harsh as this may come out, stop living for others, live for yourself. Life may seem bleak, and it is. I won't sugar coat it and say it gets better, because I would be lying. Life sucks, then you die. Don't stop caring about people, but don't live for them. You have goals in life? Pursue them to the ends of the earth. Ignore the naysayers, the downtrodders, the opposition. Learn from your pain, and grow from it. If you think you aren't loved, look at the community you've become a part of; whether we know you, or not, we care about all each and every person we interact with here. If something tragic happens to someone close to you, pets included, don't mourn their passing; look fondly back on their life, and smile, because you gave them joy. I'm sorry for the loss of your dog, but I'm positive he wouldn't want you to remain upset about him. We are all here for you, even if you don't want us to be, because that's true friendship: even when you're pushed away, keep on pushing back. I'm sure if any of us on here had the means, we would be at your house, taking you out somewhere to just have fun, to enjoy life, to escape the darkness, even if only for a moment. We would all come together to give a massive hug of friendship, and tell you "we're here for you". If you accept the darkness too soon, you may miss out on the light to come. That's the only reason I still breathe, is I don't want to miss what life has in store for me, good or bad. If you need, I can give you my number so you have an actual person to talk to. I may not be the most vocal person in actual conversation, but I make a great ear to vent your frustrations on, your anger, your sadness. If you just need someone to listen, I'm always available.

(this is going to be long, bare with me)
I know it looks like it's dark right now and things won't be better, trust we, they will life works that way... sometimes you need to feel pain and sorrow, not every day is perfect, that doesn't mean the whole life it bad.

try to see the good side of things, while i send me best regards to your mother and hope she will get better soon. you need to see the cup half full and not empty. she had a heart attack but she is still with you, while it's doesn't make the whole experience better it's still not the worst possible option.

as for your tires in finding love and writing, don't rush this things... let it flow naturally, as a single man myself i can tell you that i don't seek and search for love, i trust it will find me when and if. for story writing... well, the best i can do is edit this days... from time to time i have inspiration and get hit by an idea and i might write something small and then trash it, idea can hit you... just wait for it.

i am sorry for your dog, my only hope is that he didn't suffer too much. now you have a new dog and i do hope he makes you feel better.

psychiatrists and doctors are the right way to deal with the things that are happening right now but you also have us... we... the people you will never meet but are still with you online regardless to where we live in real life... friends online are good friends to have, you can talk, we can listen and we don't judge you for who you are, just how you show yourself online.

Don't ever think things are over... you are young and while now it seems like it's bad and things can't get any better you won't know what the future holds for you unless you wait and see... stuff happen, not only to you but also others.

i trust in you that you will find a better way out of your current situation then ending your life, that is not the answer and i can tell it from my own life experience, been at that place and pulled thru it... it's not easy but it can be done. killing yourself is the easy way, not the best or good way out of your current life... things can change things will change

seeking love is always a good things but never easy, i myself am alone, but i don't see it as the end of it all, just means i need to try harder and wait for the right match...

and remember, even if you think you are, you are never truly alone

No. No I do not think you are done. You have more in you, I believe it. You just need to try to break the routine you are stuck in now. Try to do something else then you feel down or want to hurt yourself. It might make you feel better right then but it is like drugs, it will drag you down.
Try running, or working out or learning a new skill or reading your text books. Everything depends on your ability to break this bad spiral and I KNOW that you can do it. Keep talking to us when you feel down and just hold on.
I can't pretend to know how it feels, I won't insult you by thinking I could do that but I can imagine that you don't like the scars you have. Don't. Shame, guilt, whatever, you can and must let go of these thoughts. Do whatever you can to try to not let them act as shackles.

I am pretty shit at this, I don't know what to do in this kind of situation, when I contemplated throwing myself in front of a train I just thought of how shit my parents and little brother would feel and I just didn't. I never cut myself so I can't know how they feel. Whe only thing I can say it, try to make it man. I believe, we all believe that you can make it through this.

I can't promise life will get better. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just go POOF! Everything's better! But, I can promise you this... Life can get better. It requires a lot of hard work and dedication. It isn't easy. Nothing is. You have to rise up and push through. There's no other way. Nothing but your success is an option. When you stumble, or outright fall, you have to grit your teeth and push back up onto your feet. You then need to sprint! Dig deep! I'm sorry that life isn't going well for you. I know my sympathies can't change anything however. I can't help in any other way. I'm not going to use my own examples to either show you that I too understand nor garner sympathy from you. What I can provide is support and the push to get you back up. I care for your well being. We all do. Some are better at supporting than others. I can promise that if you don't give up and if you push all the crap people give you aside and push for your success, you will reach it. I don't know how bad school is for you and I don't know if it's easy to ignore as we are two different people, but what I do know is that if reaching out to others isn't working, we are here for you. We care. We know you're hurting. I know that we are just words on a screen, but we can make a difference. Listen to what those who care for you have to say. Heed our advice. Talk with us. You're safe here with those that care. We all have different experiences and different outlooks, meaning that with our combined support and wisdom we can do anything. You can't give up. No matter what. Don't ever give up. There is something out in this world waiting for you to reach out and reach your full potential. You just have to work hard to reach it. I'm not very good at talking like this, but I know that I have to say something. I can't just ignore a fellow being suffer in pain. I'm reaching out, wanting to pull you back up onto your feet. Others surround us doing just the same. Mistakes will be made, but we can recover from mistakes and come out stronger, wiser, and more capable of taking on the world. We got this. You got this. Push hard, and if you ever slow down, come tell us. We got you.

2733314 You should try out writing poetry, for that my friend? Was poetic.

Don't give up. I swear, from every time I've been there and pushed forward and pushed forward and pushed forward a little longer, things have always started to get better, enough to make me think it was worth it to keep going. Every time. There are good things out there too. You'll find them. Don't give up.

I sent you a massive message, I hope it makes you feel better.

I can at least help you on the school thing, Written Sound. I love being a tutor, and I can almost guarantee that I'll be able to improve your grades. All you need do is ask. The thing is, though...we all go through tough times, but what is important, is to use ur emotions to ur advantage. We've all known tormentors, but why not get angry instead of hurt?? If you can do that, then use those emotions as fuel and prove the world wrong...show them all that you're not going to be a sitting duck for their sadistic efforts. That you are not dead yet!!!:flutterrage:

You're the third person I've seen in the past three months who thinks that it's over. They feel can't take anymore, and there's nothing left to do but roll over and die. I'll say some of the same things I said to them to you. If you really, truly believed that there was nothing left than you would have already done it. Just the simple fact that you wrote this stuff down and put it in a public viewing shows that you haven't given up completely, because you're reaching your hand out to others, hoping that someone will grab you and help you back on your feet. Take comfort in that.

When someone feels they've reached the end and you let people know they will gather around you to hold your hand until you can walk on your own again. That first girl who tried to kill herself felt she couldn't take the abusive attitude of her stepmother anymore. She put out a blog saying she was going to off herself, and we all threw our support asking her not to do it. In the end she didn't do it. Recently she posted a blog saying that her stepmother was moving out. So it took a little while, a month or two, but now life is starting to pick up for her. Of course life is never perfect, but if you hold on long enough, taking things one day at a time, than there will be a ray of sunshine that breaks through the clouds and gives you a reason to continue on.

Feeling sorry for someone doesn't always have to mean they pity you or want to give you "oh, you poor baby" routine. Sometimes it just means that others sympathize with your plight, because they've been in that same place themselves and understand what it's like. While I personally have never engaged in cutting I had a sister who did it. She was committed to a mental health facility for a short time, and though she's still struggling in life she gave up the cutting habit and now has two children.

As for me I'm largely a Fluttershy type personality. I always feel like the invisible one, not speaking up unless spoken to, avoiding confrontation. So on the large I'm a very lonely person, who doesn't know how to identify with others beyond a very basic level of connection. As time passed since I graduated those connections have thinned further as life moved on, we got jobs, and started off on our own life journeys. Bronydom is one the few places I feel I belong. My fanfics are popular, I've found some really cool people, and a lovely community of artists.

My door is always open if you need to talk, buddy.

If you'd like than please follow me. I do blog posts several times a day with all the cute or funny pictures I find browsing Deviant Art and Derpibooru. I had another user thank me for doing those because they said they also suffer from depression, and it usually puts a smile on their face, so maybe I can do the same for you. :twilightsmile:

HUG! Hang in there.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/089/7/8/pinkieshy_hug_by_flitterluky-d7c96z4.jpg

I can't think of anything supportive. So instead, I'll try to make you smile.

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Thank you all. Over the past day reading all of your responses and PM's I have both laughed and cried, from what i have read and saw, shout out to you all /fonypan/tartarius/jazzie366/the shade/requiem17/the_sane_maniac/iakovl/PizzaBoi/Talbotlynx. And anyone i might have missed.
Now this has made me think about a lot of things, along with what was already weighing down on me. And i kinda realised that this community, this FANBASE, is a better group of friends than I could ever ask for. Everything on this site/fanbase has made me think, made me appreciate what i didn't know i had. I have the backing so many great people. Thank you.

Here is a poem I wrote several years ago.

When life gave me lemons.
I made friends.
When life asked why i made lemons, friends. I said
"I made the lemons my friends, because i needed someone to talk too."
Life thought about this for several long minutes. And finally said.
"But am I not your friend ?"
I think about this for what felt like hours, but finally said,
"All i ever wanted in MY life, was someone to talk to."
Life smiled and said
"hello Austin, can i be your friend ?"

I made this 7 years ago i was 10 at the time. it was originally for homework.
The teacher was moved by it, so she framed it.
I can Proudly say this was one of my most cherished memories.

2734665 I took a picture from google and ran it through MS Paint :P

2735360 That, was a very good poem. You sir, have a talent. And I mean it when I say you can swing by my mailbox anytime. Stay strong, and more importantly, stay safe.

2735375 4EverfreeBrony makes good music.

I'm a big fan of Jason Mraz.

I don't have any fancy words that will make everything better, I'm not that smart or passionate. One thing that I can say for certain thought is that as long as you are willing to look up and about a way will present it's self, maybe ask someone on the site when you get stuck on homework or don't understand something. There are a good many college students here who could probably use a refresher themselves.

2735360 you wrote that when you where ten!?

damn, you were a deep kid. i really liked it and im happy you feel better bro.

2735360 All it takes is a good friend. /):twilightsmile:

2735360 That poem was moving and beautiful, I am glad to call you a friend.

2735360
Why are you writing fanfiction instead of poetry?!? That poem was really really good. I'm super relieved to hear you're feeling a little better :pinkiehappy: YAYYYYY!:yay:

I suck with words, so you get hugs instead ::hugs::

As someone who has fallen into this mindset before(several times), I feel I would be remiss in not putting in my two bits. I feel it would go against my own code, and the teachings of the show we all came here because of. So, let me try and help how I can.

First off, you should know that you are not alone in feeling this way. At your age, your body is seriously working against you. Almost everyone at your age feels like the pressures of the world are too much, and they can't handle it.

Obviously.

It is literally THE WORLD. We are talking about thousands of years of practice, failure, and persistence, worked through by an uncountable number of people. We're still doing it. There are SEVEN BILLION of us on the planet. Of course you can't handle it all on your own. You're not supposed to. That's why so many people spend so much time trying to make friends, and build connections, and get married, and all of that. Don't try to take it all on yourself. Take what you can, and do what you're able.

Your mom is in the hospital. Can you do anything about that? No, you're a high schooler, you've never been to medical school. But those doctors in there have, and I'll bet most of them have quite a bit of experience. What you can do is trust them to get the job done, and deliver her back to you, safe and sound.

Your dog died. Can you do anything about that? No, this isn't D&D, you're not a wizard, Harry, and despite many people's best efforts, magic does not actually exist. What you can do is live on for him, and be happy. Think about how happy your dog always was to see you. If he could think like us, would he want you to be miserable because his life span is shorter? No, he'd want you to remember how happy he made you, and then keep being happy, so he knows he was a good dog.

Is life worth living? Is happiness worth fighting for? Abso-fucking-lutely. I know, because I've spent so much time alone, on the outside looking in at everyone else, that I've discovered something. Many wise people over the millennia have said that humans are too diverse to be described with one word. I found the word.

Defiant.

We are defiant. We defy Order. We defy Chaos. We defy Light. We defy Dark. We defy each other and ourselves, we defy probabilities and statistics. We defy EVERYTHING. The simple act of living is one of defiance. Think about how utterly impossible it is, on the cosmic scale, for you to be sitting at your computer, reading this comment. Out of seven billion people, right now, as you read this, it's just you and me. Actually, even that sentence defies time itself. I'm writing this in your past, and you're reading it in my future. So what does 'right now' even mean in this context? Other people will probably read this, too, and they won't do it at the same time as you.

We defy the fundamental laws of the universe just by writing comments.

We are powerful.

We are indomitable.

We are human, and we defy.

We defy even the things that have plagued us since the dark ages. We defy gravity itself, flying in metal tubes with wings and sending things to other planets.

We are defiant.

So defy some more! Defy death, and depression, and sadness and misery and pain, and tell them all "NOT TODAY! TODAY I LIVE!"

If you're failing, defy the hardship! Defy the distractions! Look at your homework and your tests and let them know: YOU ARE THEIR KING!

Over the last decade, we have entered a new era without most people even realizing it. Technology has advanced in ways that those who lived even twenty years ago would have thought impossible. We have mapped the human genome, we have sent rovers to Mars, we have found life miles beneath the surface of the Antarctic ice cap, and there's even more on the way. Live to see the future! Be happy, so that those who are gone know their efforts were worthwhile! The day is coming, and coming soon, where humanity will enact its ultimate display of defiance. We will soon look Death in the eyes, and we will shout as one:

NEVER!

2735360 This poem... is beautiful!

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