Story Reviews » Reviews! Round 60 · 1:23am Jan 12th, 2015
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
For what it was worth, the pizza guy had an excellent sense of humor.
“I’m serious,” the pizza guy said. “The order came from this house.”
“Tree fort,” Corejo corrected, “and we didn’t order any pizzas—much less forty of them.”
The pizza guy frowned, saying, “That’s not what it says on the delivery slip.” He pulled out a notepad—Pizza Pizzaz! it read across the top—and there below it: one-three-three-seven Seattle’s Angels Secret Underground Fortress and Tree Fort Drive.
“Pav, did you give out the location of our secret underground base and tree house to the pizza guy?”
Pav Feira, who had been busy admiring himself in the mirror, turned in curiosity at the mention of pizza. “Did someone say something beautiful?”
“Pizza isn’t beautiful.”
“I know.”
Corejo shook his head. “Look, did you buy this pizza or not?”
“I didn’t buy any pizza. I only buy beautiful things.” He flipped his hair out of his eyes.
“See? No one bought any pizza.” He pushed the pizza guy’s notepad back at him.
“But—”
“No buts. We didn’t order them. We don’t want them.”
Pav snickered.
alexmagnet walked by, eyeing the commotion. “Is that pizza? We ordered pizza?”
Corejo glared at him. “No, we di—”
“Someone ordered forty pizzas,” the pizza guy said.
”No,”—back at the pizza guy—“we didn’t.”
“What’s all this fuss about?” Professor Plum rolled in from the kitchen, juice box in stem. “I smell pizza.”
“Yeah, someone ordered pizza,” Pav said, filing his nails.
Corejo massaged the bridge of his nose, letting out a long sigh. “Nobody ordered any pizza…”
“I like pizza,” C2 said from her spot on the couch, stretching away the last bits of her nap. “I was actually just dreaming about pizza.”
“You always dream about pizza.” Sock flopped in from the bedroom hallway, apparently done sorting the laundry.
“Sweet Celestia!” Corejo threw his hands in the air. “Can you all just stop saying ‘pizza?’”
“But somebody here ordered forty boxes of pizza.”
Corejo rounded on the pizza guy. “Nobody ordered any pizza!”
RedSquirrel bounced into the room. “Oh hey, my pizzas are here.” Everyone stared at him.
“Th-that’s a squirrel,” the pizza guy said.
“Yes, I am,” Squirrel said. He pulled out his acorn, unscrewing the cap to draw from its hollow interior two hundreds. “There.” He handed them to the pizza guy. “That should be enough, right?”
“That squirrel is talking.” The pizza guy hadn’t blinked since spotting him, his jaw slowly falling loose. “And he’s wearing an ushanka.”
“Staring is rude, you know.” He took the pizzas from the still stunned pizza guy and slammed the door in his face.
Still, everyone else stared at the seemingly floating boxes of pizzas.
“Red…” Corejo shook his head, shoulders slouched. “Just, why?”
RedSquirrel headed for the stairs. “Four are for Ferret, because she hasn’t come out of her room in a week, and the rest I’m taking with me.”
“To where?”
Squirrel stopped at the bottom of the stairs. His little gleaming eyes poked out from beneath the boxes, the fire of pride burning within. “Scotland. My people need me!”
ROUND 60
STORY 1
Excessive Worry, by Piquo Pie
It can takes the average newborn foal a day to walk. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes something is wrong. Sometimes a foal bounces back.
More Pinkie Pie? I’m okay with that.
Excessive Worry is another interesting little gem to cross the Seattle’s Angels desk. At first it appears to be just another one of those read it and toss it fics, nothing special, nothing worth remembering. You wouldn’t think it from the first few paragraphs, but as is the norm with this round, originality is in no short supply.
The story is told from the perspective of a doctor who is seeing filly Pinkie Pie for a very serious condition: she can’t walk. The poor little filly falls and stumbles every time she tries, and it’s brought the Pie Parents to wit’s end. Doctor Foalsgood doesn’t disappoint, and he gets to work on a diagnosis.
As a disclaimer, the prose gets a little cluttered toward the middle of the story, when he’s working on his diagnosis. All it takes is a little care in parsing the information, and you’re rewarded with a brilliant origin story that will leaving you smiling and saying, “why didn’t I think of something like that?”
It’s short. It’s sweet. It’s worth your time. And who doesn’t love little snippets of why something is the way it is in the show? I definitely do. Go check it out.
Ever looked at Pinkie Pie and thought: “That pony hops around way too much”? Ever wonder why hopping is her primary means of locomotion? Ever think about the evolutionary pressures that led to a society where everypony is a different color no matter who or what their parents were, and how this created an all-pink pony?
Well you’re in luck, because here’s a story that answers at least one of the above questions whether you asked them or not. The gist of it is that Pinkie Pie actually had a really good reason to start hopping around so much as an adult, and it started way back when she was just a little filly.
The story is up-front and almost bare-bones: Pinkie in this story is too young to do anything but babble and flop around, so we get a lot of exposition and explanation from the family physician, unfortunately named Doctor Foalsgood. He diagnoses Pinkie with a rare disease and advises her parents on how to deal with it. The draw for this story is more the concept than the execution—trying to get a good reason behind a strange behavior, and attempting to make it more MLP-friendly by giving some kind of lesson in it. The story doesn’t deliver very strongly on the latter part, as the solution involves much less agency on Pinkie’s part and more thought on the Doctor’s, but the idea behind it is solid and I had to admit I was warmed to the story by a general adorableness that pervaded Pinkie’s baby antics. Perhaps if it was Pinkie consciously attempting to overcome disability and being happy with her own strangeness it would hit home a little harder, but I recommend this as inspiration for those who ever wanted to delve too greedily and too deep into a character’s background.
It is a story that deserves kudos for trying something new, which is still something that is sorely lacking in most forms of media, let alone fanfiction. Come for the idea, stay for baby Pinkie Pie.
Stay with her foreveeeer...
Aliens have crossed the border and are threatening the survival of native creatures. Can Fluttershy save Southern Scotland from such an invasion?
Speaking of fresh air, ever been to Scotland? Good, ‘cause I haven’t. Below, some thoughts on Scotland, through the lens of our favorite flutter pony.
If the title didn’t tip you off, here’s another little hint: this is a crackfic. Well, sort of. Not entirely. It comes across as more of a PSA in crackfic’s clothing. Even if that PSA is hilariously dark. That said, there’s enough here to enjoy—not just the fact it’s about red squirrels and being reviewed by one.
First, the story proper. Since we’re already well into crackfic country, the how and why have plenty of leeway to be what they are. That said, the why isn’t that far of a stretch. But you’re not here for the how’s and why’s; you want zany! You want ridiculous! Well, this is plenty ridiculous, and Fluttershy takes the cake on that regard (sorry, Celestia).
Beyond the actual story lies the fun little PSA, which I found interesting. It’s not often someone comes up with an original story. This might be one of the most original I’ve read. Where else have you heard of invasive species as a story concept? There were a few here I hadn’t heard of before. A greater awareness of goings-on the real world is always a pleasant surprise, even if it draws away from the story itself (hey, I said this was a crack fic, didn’t I?).
Standard crackfic disclaimer: some OOC and forced setting for the sake of getting to the punchline.
Disclaimer to the disclaimer: it’s well worth it.
(To those interested, reading this story caused me to do a little digging into invasive species, and I found the supplementary reading very enjoyable. If you want to learn more, here and here are good places to start.)
Let’s get this out of the way: I’m not biased in any way whatsoever. I like all kinds of people. I get along with most anyone who tries to get along with me. As far as squirrels go, I am a laid back, completely and totally pacifistic individual. So while I am not in any way bigoted...
...You should all hate grey squirrels because they’re evil and need to die. And fortunately, Fluttershy is here to help us fulfill all our genocidal needs. This story is as close to a crackfic as you can get without being a crackfic without really feeling like one, as it attempts to give you a few honest facts while also being completely absurd. Fluttershy is with Rainbow Dash in southern Scotland on a sacred mission to save the venerable red squirrel population from an invasion of greys by whatever means necessary. And really, that’s all you need to know.
The premise of this fic was beyond silly, but it actually makes itself even funnier by being semi-serious about it: Fluttershy is actually doing something that a responsible naturalist would do, and poor Rainbow Dash is mostly just along for the ride. There are no moments of ‘lol u gaiz’ humor to be found here, only a funny story that doesn’t stay too long nor try too hard, which are both things that are absolutely required when you are writing humor. And while it does take place in actual human Scotland, there are no human characters to be found, which is a plus in my book.
You should read this story, if only to increase your awareness of real, actual environmental issues in the world… also your awareness of how terrible grey squirrels are.
Does this look like the face of mercy?
Twilight and Fluttershy think Pinkie is taking a failed prank too seriously and decide to speak with her.
A Pinkie Pie story, you say? I’m game for that. You can never have too much Pinkie Pie.
A Simple Prank follows the story of Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, through the eyes of Twilight, in what is one of the best uses of off-screen action I’ve seen yet. Do you like time travel? What about when Pinkie Pie does it?
What makes this story so effective is how it goes about the off-screen actions. There’s no delay between on-screen actions and what’s implied outside of that, and Bob from Bottles keeps the pacing straight and quick through the little snippets of action we do get to see, leaving the larger forces to be enjoyed through inference.
This story idea would not have worked in a longer piece. At least, I couldn’t see it doing so, as it would require repetition and/or longer lulls between said repetition. Its shortness (though assumably due to its origins as a minific for a write-off) is what gives it its punch.
And to be honest, who doesn’t love a well-portrayed Pinkie Pie? She is the hardest of the six to write well, and Bob nails it here. If that’s your thing (and I certainly hope it is), you’ll enjoy this story.
Pink! This round is pink! I was wrong! I never needed to be a red squirrel. I should have been pink! It’s a good time when you can just revel in the silliness that is Pinkie Pie, and I appreciate this fic for giving us that opportunity.
When it comes to Pinkie there is actually a method to her madness. That method is a subject of fierce debate among some circles somewhere, I’m sure, or would like to think so at least. When Pinkie thinks she went a wee bit too far by accidentally pranking Fluttershy, she goes way too far in her attempt to fix it. The result is a short and charmingly Pinkie Pie-ish story that gives us a lesson worthy of any MLP vignette.
Suffice to say, since it’s Pinkie Pie it involves time travel, crazy and utterly random references to things that nopony except Pinkie is sure happened, and the chance to show that while Pinkie does sometimes go overboard, she’ll claw her way back into the graces of her friends and let nothing stand in her way. This is Pinkie at her best, including the equally annoying and endearing traits that make her a standout.
On her way to Canterlot to retrieve the Alicorn Amulet, Trixie is stranded by the side of the road. Thankfully, a fellow traveler comes to her aid.
A Trixie story? Why did I sign up for this crap? I’m not alex. Okay, fine. Here goes nothing.
But what a lot of nothing this story wasn’t. It’s not every day I see a Trixie fic and read it. And it’s once in a blue Luna butt that I enjoy it. I just don’t really like Trixie outside of her comical nature in the show. I’m not one for sappy redemption stories. But even that doesn’t entirely encapsulate what this story is or what sets it apart.
It’s refreshing to see A Man Called Horse change up the trope. This story takes place between Trixie episodes. What’s so great about it is rather than being a substantiation of why she’s been a bad pony, it’s one of why she’s going to be.
Do I have your attention now?
I like this idea. It brings out a different side of not just a character, but of what can be done with an idea, which is what brings us to what I love most about this story: execution.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t find the writing itself compellingly strong, and there are more references to Magic Duel than I felt were necessary, but that’s not what matters here. It’s how Horse uses the story, his characters—heck, even the narrative itself—to beautiful effect. You really don’t see that every day.
Come get a breath of fresh air. This is one of the freshest you’ll find.
Yes! Yes, you have seen our true plan now! This was all a convoluted plan to make Alexmagnet miss out on reviewing a Trixie fic! He always says Trixie is best, ignoring the true beauty of the show, but who’s laughing now?
Rarity. Rarity is laughing because she is best pony.
In any case, Trixie isn’t laughing at all in this story. This is a tale that is in-between others, laden with heavy doses of foreshadowing and dramatic irony. It is Trixie after she was chased out of Ponyville the first time, but before she puts on the dreaded Alicorn Amulet and comes back for her revenge. In essence, it’s a Trixie fic that is, for once, not all about how Trixie is a wubbly cuddly damsel in need of love to swoop in to rescue her. It’s a fic about how Trixie is hurt, vulnerable creature who finds it just as hard to let go of her anger and her pride as anyone else.
This fic exemplifies the traits of Trixie that we don’t see enough of on our site: her need to be in the spotlight, her need for validation, and in a surprising twist, it actually uses the point-of-view pronouns to pull a fast one on us and tell us a little more about how Trixie sees herself. You’ll see what I mean when you read it, and you should.
Trixie’s conversation with the stranger on the side of the road is more interesting because of how Trixie responds rather than the enigmatic nature of the stranger, who really could be anypony; he’s just there to ask the questions and get Trixie to open up. Regardless, the mere fact that this story was brave enough to explore a dark time in a character’s life and then not give us the catharsis of an uplifting ending (which would have been insulting since we know what comes next anyway) is something that should perk your ears.
It was getting late, judging by the clock. Corejo had just finished reading the top internet news article of the day—Scotland Rains Pizza; Thousands Die—and stood, shaking his head. What was this world coming to?
He gave an over-dramatic stretch and headed for the stairs. At the top, he noticed four pizzas sitting beside Ferret’s door, a faded blue glow crawling out from beneath it. Squirrel was right; he hadn’t seen her leave her room since she joined the Angels nearly a week ago. She had to be hungry by now. Could have been dead for all he knew. Curious, he tried the handle, finding it unlocked.
She was certainly not dead. Her computer screen lit the room an eerie, flickering blue, her face bright as it leaned forward into the glare—wide-eyed, chin raised in captivation, tongue sticking out, cheeks curled up in glee on her cute little face. From his sideways view, Corejo saw words scroll upward on the screen, neverending.
“Hey, Ferret,” he said, hefting the boxes. “We brought you some pizza.”
She kept scrolling.
“Ferret?”
Her head snapped at him, face like a demon, teeth bared and hissing death on the one who dared interrupt her pone reading. Her eyes whipped back to the screen, and she smiled her giddy little smile like nothing had happened.
Corejo blinked. He slowly set the boxes down inside the room, shutting the door without a sound, and he made sure to turn the lock until it clicked.
Carefully, he crept to his room and crawled into bed, wondering just what on earth they were thinking letting a ferret join their ranks.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
No one disturbs Ferret.
Not even pizza.
Please tell me I'm NOT crazy, and that this is a Code Geass reference. (Because if this isn't, it's a pretty big coincidence.)
That aside, I liked these reviews, as I always do!
2716696
Rude.
Site post controls are in your feed options.
i.gyazo.com/4070fd6225e6e723b279570baeb3b983.png
2716750
Thank you,
2716589 pone is super serious business. *nods authoritatively*
Huh, so maskedferret is an Angel now. And Excessive Worry got featured...
*checks rec thread*
... sixteen months after she recommended it. Cool.
A Man Called Horse, still the most underrated writer on the site :<
2716739 You're not crazy.
2717067
Huzzah!
Now please excuse me whilst I think about the ending.
Swarm of the Century?
Hm, that's curious--the above doesn't describe "A Simple Prank" at all! Then again, this is a time travel fic, so maybe at one point it did describe the plot, but then Pinkie had to fix it to save the universe.
Hmm. Has the ferret received it's own robotic duplicate yet?
Oh wow, this made my day. Thanks for looking over it and recommending it.
2716924 Thank you for this post. It reminded me I could find the person who recommended Excessive Worry. I was able to thank them because of your post and it felt right to thank you too.
So thank you.
2717167
No, but it does describe how sometimes we're goobers and I owe you an apology for the mix-up. I'm sorry.
2717234 Nah, next plan is to help Burraku Pansa become more interesting.
Thankfully Sock is letting me borrow his lab so we can fix that.
An illustration of Ferret's mindset...
...I suppose that the last scene can be dedicated to RedSquirrel and his brethren. (I wonder, do Scottish squirrels wear kilts? Hmm...)
Thanks for a nice review of my story. And thanks to whoever had the nerve to nominate it
Enjoy the pizza
2718012
True, I am letting my lab be borrowed. I dunno how effective he'll be, though.
i.imgur.com/UWbjJvP.jpg
2719039 Just because *you* don't know what you're doing, doesn't mean nobody does.
2719978
Did anyone else at first read this as "Just because *you* don't know what you're doing, doesn't mean nobody dies."
2720842
I think it was just you, Phazon.
2720842 I Read it like that as well.
How odd...