• Member Since 27th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen 22 hours ago

Prak


Writer. Editor. Reader. Reviewer. Gamer. Armchair mafia kingpin. Trans-dimensional yodeler. Cthulhu's unplanned 667th son. Grand High Muckymuck of the Mystic Order of the Defanged Gerbil.

More Blog Posts95

  • 253 weeks
    5th Annual PC Gaming Giveaway

    He’s making a list and checking it twice, but he doesn’t care whether you’re naughty or nice. When Santa Prak comes to town on his birthday, all he wants to see is a PC in your house. And what’s he going to stuff your stocking with?

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    81 comments · 1,053 views
  • 305 weeks
    The Fourth Annual PC Gaming Giveaway! (CLOSED)

    Remember that time, back in 2015, when I decided to give other people gifts on my birthday? Good times, right? Right. Many games were given away, and I’m sure many hours of enjoyment were had by all who received them. If I’m wrong, don’t spoil my delusion. Just nod dumbly and keep reading.

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    89 comments · 1,230 views
  • 328 weeks
    A Completely Humorless Rant (with a bit of profanity) About Something I Hate

    Donald Trump arrived in my area a couple hours ago. People have gathered to listen to him speak. Other people have gathered to protest.

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    12 comments · 959 views
  • 357 weeks
    The Third Annual PC Gaming Giveaway

    Hello, you fine folks. I've come out of hiding to let you know the most magical day of the year has arrived once again. On this date, twenty-five years and a few dozen months ago, I first graced the world with my presence. Now, we all know most people are selfish bastards who only think about themselves on such occasions—and who can honestly blame them for being excited about a day when people

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    66 comments · 1,245 views
  • 407 weeks
    Badfic Slaughterhouse #27

    To the surprise of all, the doors of the Badfic Slaughterhouse have opened once again. Five stories await judgment. Which ones are worth reading, and which ones will be thrown into a grinder for your twisted amusement? Click the button below to find out.

    In this edition:
    —Rarity subverts expectations by not subverting expectations.
    —Twilight adopts Sweetie Belle.

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    11 comments · 1,188 views
Jan
1st
2015

Badfic Slaughterhouse #18: Last Year's Model · 8:53pm Jan 1st, 2015

Welcome to the Badfic Slaughterhouse. Good stories, please proceed to the lounge on your right, where you may be enjoyed in the manner you deserve. Bad stories, you will be “escorted” down the Walk of Shame to your left, where you will be beaten, humiliated, and thrown into a grinder as the audience cheers your demise. Have a nice day!

Honestly, this post should have been made yesterday. I wanted to start 2015 with stories I actually read this year. Oh well. At least I closed out 2014 with a batch of stories that were mostly worthwhile.

Details after the break!




Cold, by 314

Tags: Romance, Slice of Life

Rating: Everyone

Length: 4,300 words (Status: Complete – 1/1 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: When Fluttershy nearly freezes to death in a blizzard, Applejack saves her, and then shipping happens.

Review: Well, to say “shipping happens” may be a slight exaggeration. There are shippy overtones, but it doesn’t go beyond that. After thinking about it a little, I realized that the shipping is not the primary focus of the story at all. No, the real purpose of this fic is to systematically push push all the buttons that will result in me being annoyed while keeping me from becoming engaged enough to be really angry at it.

Remember back in the Five Score blog when I mentioned how annoying it is when the POV changes without warning in a first-person story? It’s just as annoying here. A short distance into the story, the POV switches abruptly from Fluttershy to Applejack without giving any clear, immediate indication of the change.

On the other hand, at least the Applejack bit provides a bit of welcome relief from the overwhelming purpleness of Fluttershy’s POV. For God’s sake, there’s a seven sentence paragraph about drinking a cup of hot chocolate!

The problems with the story’s logic are severe enough to make Spock’s head implode. Why was Fluttershy dumb enough to venture out into a blizzard just to deliver some gifts when she was seeing everyone else the next day at a gift exchange? Why did the last friend she visited, and possibly all the others before, allow her to do it? Why was there a blizzard in the first place; wasn’t the weather team keeping things in check?

Well, the last one is answered, but the answer sucks. Basically, a blizzard blew in from the Everfree. Simple, basic, and functional, except for the small fact that in this story, Rainbow Dash and the other pegasi are apparently curled up at home instead of trying to deal with the problem.

Of course, despite all that, I still haven’t gotten to the most unforgivable flaw in the story: lack of conflict.

Okay, I guess there’s technically a bit of conflict in Fluttershy nearly freezing, but that’s just the setup for the story the author really wanted to tell, which is about Applejack and Fluttershy snuggling.

At least it’s pretty solid on a technical level, but that’s a small comfort.

Verdict: They say a picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, though, a single picture of these characters cuddling by a fire would be worth all 4,300 words of this story. I guess you might get something out of this if you’re really into Appleshy. Otherwise, it isn’t worth your time.



Drawn With the Night, by Dan_s Comments

Tags: Dark, Slice of Life, Human

Rating: Teen

Length: 10,132 words (Status: Complete – 1/1 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: Some human guy is in Equestria for some reason. The ponies are dicks to him, and he holds a grudge.

Review: I don’t even know where to start with this one.

So we have a human. He’s in Equestria, the reason for which is never disclosed. He’s being interrogated by hostile ponies for reasons unknown. More random things happen: Celestia goes and hangs out in his jail cell, which is also never explained. He nearly dies, so they decide to stop interrogating him and be friends or something, and then he runs away and makes a fortune selling human toys like Slinkies to ponies while staying out of the reach of the princesses, and what the hell is this?

How does something like this even happen? It’s like someone threw concentrated ADHD, schizophrenia, and Alex Jones into a narrative blender and kept the thing running until the motor exploded.

BEYOND THIS POINT, SPOILERS ARE NOT TAGGED. IF YOU WANT TO AVOID THEM, SKIP TO THE VERDICT.

The pacing is insane. I’ll let the story speak for itself here:

To say the escape plan is cliched would be to strain the word to it's breaking point. Slipping out pushing a laundry hamper I'm hunched over, disguising my legs with slacks dyed with some tea would have given any force on Earth the giggles. The local guards, the Equestrian Royal Guard, however have never seen it. So it works well enough for me to slip out of the castle, onto an airship on its way to the minotaur territories, and on discovery convert the threat of being thrown overboard to a working passage.

After over two thousand words of being imprisoned by ponies, during which the pacing drags through repetitive events, the escape is made in a single paragraph. A couple hundred words later, he’s hired an assistant and started making Slinkies.

Time starts jumping forward by months at a time, and it rushes along until the unnamed human protagonist gets invited to a social function where he’ll have to face the princesses, in which he makes them look like fools.

Then, the story ends.

There’s no resolutions to anything. There are no answers. There is just a random dude outsmarting a couple of pony princesses.

Mechanically, it’s at the upper end of average. While it improves later, the early parts are littered with minor punctuation errors.

Verdict: This story is a disjointed, nonsensical mess, and I absolutely hated it until I figured out that I needed to read it in the same way I would watch a train crash. This story is a spectacle. It’s an absolute marvel of idiocy and insanity, and I would heartily recommend it to anyone who can laugh at such things.



Prince Eclipse, by SeanofTheDead

Tags: Sex, Gore, Romance, Sad, Dark, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Anthro (I’m guessing the author would have used all of them if there was no limit.)

Rating: Teen

Length: 9,417 words (Status: Incomplete – 3/5 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis:

Review: I confess that I only read this because someone said this was the worst thing they’ve read in months, and I was curious to see whether it could really be that awful.

Why do I even bother wondering? Of course it was that bad.

Before even getting to the titular character’s proper introduction, we’re introduced to a “mysterious pegasus” who’s apparently older than the princesses and, in the span of five days, read “two thousand years worth of reading material,” mastered “every nuance of modern Equestrian culture,” and maintained “an extremely demanding physical and mental training program.”

The stupidity is only ratcheted up when Twilight commands all her friends (and their families) to attend a get-together to see how that pegasus will handle interacting in modern society. Character names are wrong almost as often as they’re right, and Sweetie Belle in particular suffers from her name being delivered as one word half the time. From there, it continues to go downhill as the author starts breaking the fourth wall.

I suppose I could say what’s wrong with the story’s mechanics, but I’ll just let it speak for itself:

"Thanks." The filly spoke her gratitude towards her sister easily apparent in her voice and eyes. The admiration there burning bright for all to see.

For several minutes, I couldn’t stop reading that one paragraph, trying to identify everything wrong in it. It was like watching a carousel of ineptitude.

Verdict: I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of badfics. They make me laugh, even when no one else gets so much as a chuckle from them. This one, however, is different. The mere prospect of clicking the link to proceed to that fourth chapter made me feel ill. If you find sheer incompetence funny and have a stronger tolerance than even I do, you’ll find a lot of hilarity here. If not, stay far away. And you should probably carry a flamethrower for good measure.

No, it has nothing to do with keeping the story away… although it might help. I just think they’re awesome, and any excuse to carry one is an event to be celebrated.



Gravity, by Avox

Tags: Slice of Life

Rating: Everyone

Length: 3,153 words (Status: Complete – 1/1 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: While binge reading in the Royal Canterlot Library, Twilight has an encounter with an old friend.

Review: This story opens with an unusual conflict: Twilight’s having trouble forcing herself to read. It seems like an odd thing for the character, but with enough attention, I suppose it’s possible to do something decent with it. Unfortunately, that conflict is quickly neglected and nearly forgotten as Twilight has an encounter with a friend from her school days.

Putting aside the obvious flaw in presenting Twilight as having had a circle of friends when she was in school—you know, the thing about the TV series directly stating otherwise—there just isn’t any meat to that scenario. We learn about the character’s life and her canon-defying history with Twilight, and there’s some bonding, but the initial conflict is left completely unresolved. Heck, it doesn’t even advance. When it eventually gets mentioned again, it even undermines Twilight’s development from the show by downplaying the significance of her Ponyville friends in her life.

Honestly, it just felt like Twilight was in Canterlot for purposes of justifying a headcanon dump, delivered by an OC in semi-canon—she appeared in the comics—wrapping.

Mechanically, it’s impeccable. However, I think it over-describes body language at a few points, and the language has a tendency to get a bit repetitive at times. For example, the phrase “let out a sigh/laugh/whatever” appears four times in a span of six paragraphs. Other than that, the prose is solid, and Twilight’s dialogue doesn’t feel out of character.

Verdict: Although the story is written well, it doesn’t amount to much. I know people have liked it, judging by its high rating, but I can’t think of any reasons to recommend it.



Disparity, by BlazzingInferno

Tags: Romance, Slice of Life

Rating: Everyone

Length: 4,534 words (Status: Complete – 3/3 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: Twilight botches a spell that shuffles the emotional states of herself, Spike, and Rarity.

Review: There aren’t many stories that reverse the dynamic and have Spike acting aloof while Rarity chases after him, and most of those are trash, so this was a pleasant surprise. It also has a pretty excellent pun in its title, which I only noticed as I was typing this review.

Disparity is short and focused, so it doesn’t outstay its welcome. The characters are represented well, and the plot is clever. The romance tag might misrepresent the story slightly, though, because the focus is on all the chaos caused by Twilight’s failed spell, not specifically centered on Rarity’s pursuit of Spike’s affections.

The prose is generally tight and effective. Unfortunately, it’s also a bit sparse. The story is lacking quite a bit in the way of detail, and it’s often difficult to tell who’s speaking because of a lack of dialogue/action tags. There are large swaths of text with little more than dialogue, so the characters might as well be disembodied voices in a vacuum (Talking Heads) during those parts.

On the mechanical front, it has a few small comma issues and a handful of obvious misspellings/typos, but it’s solid enough to be perfectly readable.

Verdict: For fans of magical mishaps and/or Sparity, this is an easy recommendation. However, if you’re less invested in the concept, it might not hold up as well.



Three Nights, by Bradel

Tags: Slice of Life

Rating: Everyone

Length: 18,539 words (Status: Complete – 3/3 chapter(s) + 2/2 appendices read)

Synopsis: Three important Hearth’s Warming Eves in the life of Princess Cadance.

Review: This story’s three chapters (minus the two appendices) tell three different stories about key moments in Cadance’s life, all falling on the same date. The third one is the real meat of the story; it’s twice as long as the other two combined, has the most going on, and completes the theme that begins with the other two. In a sense, the first two stories are much like prologues to the real story.

The story takes the time to give exploration to each of its significant characters, and it manages to sneak in a bit of world building about the post-slavery culture of the Crystal Empire. All of its subplots are fleshed out with satisfying resolutions (although the explanation for the train at the end is a really big stretch) and despite having next to no canonical personality, Cadance shines through as a sympathetic character without feeling like she’s been reinvented.

I suppose, if I were desperate to find some sort of fault, I could nitpick it… so I will. One thing in this story that makes me grind my teeth in frustration is the redundant saidisms. There is no point at all, for example, in using “agreed” as a dialogue verb when the dialogue makes it clear that the character is agreeing with something. It may seem petty to you guys, but it’s my pet peeve, and I’m damn well gonna indulge in it!

I’m also not a fan of “[character] blinked” sentences. Every time I see one, I want to club a baby seal with another baby seal.

And why does the third chapter start with “Hearthwarming Eve” when the other two properly say “Hearth’s Warming Eve”?

On a more relevant note, I question the usefulness of the first two chapters. The writing is fine, but I don’t feel like the indirect inner monologue in Chapter 1 properly reflects the way a very young child sees the world, and the chapter doesn’t impact the larger narrative in any significant way since it gets recounted later. As for Chapter 2, it’s cute, but since there’s already one flashback to that time period in Chapter 3, why not do more of them and just make the story a single chapter?

Still, it isn’t a big concern. The first two chapters are short, so even if they’re not necessary, they don’t cause any real problems. The same applies to Chapter 3, which meanders a bit at times; the diversions don’t harm the narrative, even if they don’t help it either.

In technical terms, the story is above average. There are a few misspellings/typos scattered throughout and a bunch of missing or superfluous commas, but none of it is particularly obtrusive.

Verdict: This is a really nice piece. It has a few minor pacing issues, but overall, it’s well worth taking the time to read.



The World Famous Flim Flam Brothers’ Spectacular Travelling Menagerie, by Sage Runner

Tags: Comedy, Adventure

Rating: Everyone

Length: 11,897 words (Status: Complete – 5/5 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: Spike is kidnapped by Flim and Flam and forced to perform, along with several other familiar faces, in a travelling circus.

Review: What a strange concept. Downright bizarre, even. It sounds like it could be disturbing, maybe even offensive. And as it turns out, my fears were completely… unfounded. For once.

The story gets off to a quick start, and all seven of its major characters are introduced effectively in a short span, mostly through their interplay. I was especially entertained by an argument between two unlikely (yet strangely logical) foils: Iron Will and Trixie.

There was one character whose presentation was lacking, though: Zecora. While her dialogue starts off fine, the rhymes soon become awkward. Their inconsistency was jarring to me because it feels like they were just meant to be seen on the page, not sounded out. Plus, there were quite a few instances where she didn’t rhyme at all.

The narrative is tightly woven with almost no wasted space. Practically everything is relevant in some way, and anything that isn’t important to the plot or characterization at least gets a laugh. Every character gets a chance to shine, and they all get to use their unique skills and talents in an appropriate way.

All but one, that is. Once again, Zecora is the problem. Her talents are never utilized, so her presence amounts to nothing more than moral support for the others.

The presentation falters in a few regards, I’m afraid. Scenes aren’t set particularly well, so it’s difficult to picture environments properly. Dialogue tagging for Flim and Flam is often done at the end of long statements, so it’s impossible to tell whose voice to picture until after you’ve finished certain lines. There are also some little nitpicks I could call out, which closely mirror the first two I mentioned in the previous story.

Verdict: This is a short, fun little adventure with an interesting blend of characters and some great moments. If that’s your idea of a good time, have a look. If you’re a big Zecora fan, though, you’ll probably be disappointed with her role.



War Games Ponies Play, by Minds Eye

Tags: Comedy

Rating: Teen

Length: 12,875 words (Status: Complete – 6/6 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: Twilight stages a war game for the Royal Guard, in which they have to locate and rescue the kidnapped Princesses Cadance and Luna, who are being held by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Review: Of course, the scenario is that description goes wrong the moment the game starts, and the game spirals out of control. As the story progresses, it delivers a lot of good laughs, but it isn’t without problems.

On the plus side, the characters are delivered well. The CMC feel true to their television counterparts, Luna and Cadance are hilarious despite being gagged the whole time and never speaking, and Pinkie’s role in the story cracked me up.

Unfortunately, there’s one character who doesn’t come out of it well, and that’s the one who put the whole thing in motion. The idea that Twilight Sparkle wouldn’t know the rules of war games inside out before starting one is pretty dumb, so the plot is kicked off by an Idiot Ball.

One thing the story does particularly well is slipping in references to other stories without being too overt. I noticed a few of them, and while I spotted a few other places that were likely homages to other fics, I can fully appreciate the content without knowing the story behind it.

While the story is nearly flawless from a mechanical standpoint (no one but a pedantic grammar Nazi, such as myself, would spot them) and the prose is effective, it has a few issues. For example, like the previous story, this one also has problems with dialogue tagging, making it difficult to tell who’s supposed to be speaking. The sudden introduction of a character (Rumble) just for the sake of advancing the plot felt cheap. Paragraph indentations aren’t uniform, and that’s eye-catching to me. It also has several instances of the “[character] blinked” cancer that makes me tug fistfuls of hair from my magnificent beard.

Perhaps the biggest failing of this story is that it doesn’t end at the right place. With nearly 3000 words of epilogue, time is spent tying up ends that weren’t loose in the first place. Undue attention is given to minor subplots that don’t generate much humor. Instead of ending on a bang, it takes so long to wrap up that it just sputters out. Pretty much the entire final chapter was a waste of space, which the story would be better without.

Verdict: The logic doesn’t always add up, and the ending drags, but most of the story is a great goofy comedy, and you could do a lot worse if you’re looking for a few laughs.


Want me to take a shot at a particular story? Make a request in the comments.

Rules:
—It can be yours or someone else’s, and I don’t care whether it’s good or a train wreck.
—You can request a story of any length, but I make no guarantees that I’ll read anything. These are requests, not orders.
—One request per person per review post, and only on the most recent one.
—If I don’t like your story, don’t be butthurt over it. It's just one (really picky) guy's opinion, and I'll probably recommend it for someone, even if I hate it.


And with that, 2014’s last dying gasp has faded, and a new year of carnage misery mean-spiritedness super awesome happy friendshippy funtime begins!

Next time on Badfic Slaughterhouse: They’ve been called the best of the best. Universally acclaimed, they stand as titans, eclipsing all others. Now, they will face their greatest challenge. Join us next time as Fimfiction’s top ten (minus any that have already been reviewed or were written by me) step into the Slaughterhouse.

‘Til next time, folks!

Comments ( 19 )

This is gunna be good!

Thanks for the review! I didn't even keep track of how many time I had a character blink. Something to look out for in the future. I'll take a second look at the paragraph indentation as well.

I appreciate the feedback on the ending. It changed a few times before it was posted. Bad call on my end.

I will contest your point about Twilight and the Idiot Ball, though. Making oversights—failing to look for "Elements" under "E," discounting the "Supernaturals" book of remedies, not noticing the Alicorn Amulet when she knew what is was, even ignoring the rules of trading by dumping all her books for a broken pen—has been a fairly consistent trait of her character. And all those examples came when she had some other goal pressing her mind, like setting up a war game.

2694248
I'm not a fan of the blinking action in any situation because it adds nothing to the narrative. If it's meant to imply a character being gobsmacked by something, that can be communicated more effectively. If it's supposed to fill a void in a moment of silence, there are better ways to do that, as well. Perhaps I'm too hard on it, but that's a major pet peeve of mine because it's so common in ponyfics.

I'm afraid I don't agree with you about Twilight. None of the examples you gave (except the one from Trade Ya, which I consider to be an exercise in character assassination) are comparable. Oversights are one thing, but the idea of Twilight not fully reading the rulebook or not comprehending what she read doesn't sit right with me. Still, it's just the setup for something that becomes much more entertaining, so I was able to get past it easily enough and enjoy the rest of the story.

Top ten in rating, or top ten in views? Because there is little to no overlap in those two. At least last I checked.

2694302
Rating.

Thank you for the review! I'll be sure to watch out for the body movement repetition/over-description, and to make an effort to reign in my headcanon. No promises, though. :rainbowwild:

But in all seriousness, your feedback is greatly appreciated. It's not every day you come home to an insightful, thoughtful critique of your story. I'll be sure to heed your advice for future works!

2694388
You're quite welcome. I'm always happy to hear that my feedback is helpful.

Hey, Prak. Would you mind giving my story Felled a look sometime? It seems to be doing well, but something about it doesn't sit right with me and I haven't heard much about it in terms of feedback.

2694420
Sure. I've added it to my list.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I kinda want to make you read that story I just read and hated, because of that "worst thing I'd read in months" comment. Then again, it wasn't as bad as that one (and I'm too lazy to go figure out wtf story it was).

2694511
Now you've got me curious. I'd rather like to see this thing that got your knickers twisted.

Of course, no reading for me today, and probably none tomorrow. I'm making a big push to finally get this update to There Goes the Neighborhood out the door. So close to having it done, and it's been so damn long between updates.

Checks most recent fic, which is about 40% done.
19 Blinks.
Oops.

You know, I don't think you've ever taken a bludgeon to The Night Guard - Night Mares. I've attracted a bit of criticism for it from some of the more well-known voices, to the point I'm writing a 'Behind The Scenes Of Creation' blog post for it which isn't going to be a whinefest, honest. It's fairly short and complete, and has one of the cutest little colts.

2694746
Well, I can't speak for that one, but assuming nothing changes, its prequel is in the line of fire for the next blog. Perhaps it'll get me interested in taking on the next one.

Okay, let me get this out of the way: I'm here because I saw you add Queen of Queens to your favourites.

Want me to take a shot at a particular story? Make a request in the comments.
Rules:
—It can be yours or someone else’s, and I don’t care whether it’s good or a train wreck.
—You can request a story of any length, but I make no guarantees that I’ll read anything. These are requests, not orders.
—One request per person per review post, and only on the most recent one.
—If I don’t like your story, don’t be butthurt over it. It's just one (really picky) guy's opinion, and I'll probably recommend it for someone, even if I hate it.

...so hey, I'd like it if you reviewed it, considering you've already read it (and liked it, I assume). Surely it wasn't perfect.

2709322
Most of what I read goes into one of these posts, so it's already on the list for an upcoming blog. I haven't written the review yet, though, so if you want me to nitpick it extra hard, that's easy enough.

2709392

Most of what I read goes into one of these posts, so it's already on the list for an upcoming blog.

Oh, that's nice to hear. Hit me up when you get to it, would you please? Thank you. And if nitpicking is your thing, you have my permission to go wild.

...hmm. I might request another review.

—One request per person per review post, and only on the most recent one.

In your next blog post, I suppose.

2709413
When I post the review, I'll add it to my "Reviewed" bookshelf. You'll get a notification about it.

And that request doesn't count since I read it without a request to do so. If you want to make another, go ahead.

2709438
Well, I'm the proud papa of this here fic, and all these meanies keep saying bad things about my kid. It evoked strong reactions from both sides, I mean. Notice the downvote-bombing on my comments (careful, though, lots of spoiler in there). And although this probably makes me sound like the worst kind of pretentious artf:yay:ggot, it seems a lot of people just don't "get" it. Long story short, I'd like to see a review from someone who takes the time to read it (and not just skim it as some people have admitted) and "digest" it, as it were.

So, if you would, I'd be grateful.

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