Read It Later Reviews #2 - Her Blood Ran in Hollows of the Floor, Cards Against Equiniti, Bitter Harvest, Words Failed Her, Little Apple · 5:40pm Nov 29th, 2014
Well, hopefully you all enjoyed these, because you’re going to see more.
The five stories I read today:
Her Blood Ran in Hollows of the Floor by HoofBitingActionOverload
Cards Against Equiniti by Door Matt
Bitter Harvest by Else Ynopemos
Words Failed Her by Nonsanity
Little Apple by Oroboro
Her Blood Ran in Hollows of the Floor
DarkNo pony can hold onto their magic forever. Inevitably, a pony's body will be broken, and their magic will return to the air and soil. Celestia has held onto her magic for a very long time.
After many long years of preparation, the time for Twilight to succeed Celestia as Bearer of the Sun has come. But as the abdication ceremony in which Celestia will relinquish her power approaches, Twilight begins to desperately search for a way to stop the dread ritual of the ceremony and save her friend.
Why I added it: Normally, I read HoofBitingActionOverload’s stories as they come out because they are quite good; I put this one on my read later list because I knew it was going to be dark and I didn’t feel like reading it at the time. Every time I’ve seen it, reading the description made me a little bit sad, but I knew I would have to face the music eventually.
Review
This was exactly what I was expecting it to be a – a story about a terrible sacrificial ritual, and Twilight’s feelings about it. It is a very evocative piece, with the writing and the structure strongly supporting the tone of the piece. I felt Twilight’s reluctance in proceeding to the ritual, a kind of gradually rising sickness as the ritual inexorably approaches. The rule of three is in full effect, as Twilight seeks a way out, first through herself, then Luna, then finally Celestia, but the price, it seems, must be paid.
Or must it? The whole tragedy was ultimately unnecessary. The ritual didn’t have to be renewed in this manner, Celestia could have kept on going… ultimately, it was a “I’m tired of living” story about immortality, though there were some implications that perhaps it was not quite so. She was beaten down by over a thousand years of life, of doing the right thing, and apparently couldn’t take it anymore… but I’ve never particularly cared for such things, or really bought that argument, to be honest. Still, it worked well in the context of the story, and it hung with the general flow of the piece, and it meant that there was still a meaningful choice to be made, which meant that the characters, despite the darkness, still had agency.
I think by having the characters actually make a choice it made the piece a lot stronger. A lot of pieces like this just arbitrarily decide that something bad has to happen, and that it isn’t really a choice – which, in the end, really means that the author just decided to try and make people sad. Here, by giving the characters a choice, and making them consciously make the decision, it lends more weight to things, because it wasn’t a diabolus ex machina – the ritual didn’t have to take place, but the characters felt that it should, and not for arbitrary reasons.
Recommendation: Highly recommended. This is a story worth reading if you want to read an evocative piece about a magical ritual sacrifice. If the premise of the story doesn’t turn you off, you’ll enjoy this.
Cards Against Equiniti
Comedy, RandomWhen Maud Pie officially endorses the latest party game to hit Equestria, Pinkie can't wait to share it with her friends.
For all the wrong reasons, it's a game they won't soon forget.
Why I added it: This got 1,800 upvotes in less than a month and inspired several imitators.
Review
This is a story about the mane six playing a (real life) card game called Cards Against Humanity, with the cards changed into ponified versions of them – and indeed, into cards about the Mane Six and those whom they know, specifically. Fluttershy is embarrassed, Twilight is amused and mortified by turns, and, as seems to be typical for Cards Against Humanity games, the cards keep getting worse and worse as the game goes on.
The story’s greatest attraction is also its greatest flaw: the story is fundamentally about watching other people sit around and play (and laugh about) Cards Against Humanity. Some people really enjoy this sort of thing, but many folks find it frustrating, finding it far more interesting to play the game themselves than to watch someone else do so.
The second issue lies in what might be called the “laugh track” issue; laughter is a social activity, and laugh tracks exist to try and “seed” laughter in the audience after funny lines. However, characters laughing in a story or in a show generally create a different audience response than laughter outside of the context of the show show; we tend to laugh along with people, but laughing along with people in a show or in a story doesn’t seem to work quite as well for some reason. I am unsure as to why laugh tracks work (to some extent) but actual in-character laughter is less effective, but I suspect it is because the laugh track represents a fellow audience member laughing while in-character laughter is something which we ourselves observe in a more disconnected state. Additionally, it gives something of a feeling like the writer of a TV show or the writer of a story is telling the audience to laugh by pointing out how funny something was, which kind of ruins the joke. This doesn’t bother everyone, but it does bother many people.
That aside, the story also includes a few lines which felt a bit out of place – characters saying things that they wouldn’t say, or the use of internet memes, which always feels a bit awkward and forced.
Some other issues:
Recommendation: I didn’t like this story very much, but I don’t really like laugh tracks or standing around watching people play games. If neither of those things bother you, and you really want to read a story about the mane six playing Cards Against Humanity, you might enjoy this. For the rest of you, you’ll likely have more fun playing Cards Against Humanity with your friends.
Bitter Harvest
Romance, Comedy, Slice of LifeGolden Harvest is not jealous. Sure, her neighbor Applejack has a life of adventure and glamor, friends who are national heroes and princesses, an appallingly lucrative share in the local fruit market, and firm, toned flanks. And sure, by contrast, Golden Harvest has been stuck with her snout in the same old muddy patch of carrots pretty much every day since she earned her cutie mark, her best friend is a dentist, and her idea for a 'Carrot Juice Season' never really gained much ground for some reason. But Golden Harvest is not jealous.
Not jealous at all.
She just wishes Applejack would stop being so distracting.
Why I added it: This was recommended by the Royal Canterlot Library.
Review
This story reminds me of Spring Is Dumb in many ways, and that is a good thing. Else’s Golden Harvest and HoofBiting’s Rainbow Dash in Spring Is Dumb are similar in many ways. They contradict themselves constantly, blatantly lie to themselves, dwell so deeply in denial that you’re afraid they’re going to get eaten by crocodiles, and the brazenly self-justifying thought processes that they follow are a laugh a minute. And of course, both are pretty great stories.
The plot of Bitter Harvest is fairly simple: Golden Harvest doesn’t have a crush on Applejack at all. Not even a little. Nope. And definitely isn’t a lesbian, either. So watching Applejack work, or going to the theater with her… no, clearly not a sign of a crush. No, clearly it is all about being neighborly with her utterly annoying, distracting neighbor.
Over the course of the story, Golden Harvest’s denials become ever more vehement and ever less realistic, until by the end she has to admit to herself that she does, in fact, like kissing mares.
The story is a comedy story through and through, and it is the convoluted, self-justifying thought process of Golden Harvest which makes this story what it is. Seeing how she justifies – or just blatantly ignores – everything she doesn’t want to be true is what makes the story such a wonderful piece of writing, and her lies are obvious even to herself. Golden Harvest is constantly tying things back to her carrots, and justifying her actions via their supposed impact on her crop, which, all other things being equal, most likely are not, in fact, judging her. Probably.
That being said, the story isn’t perfect. The story has a few moments which do feel a bit contrived. And these moments pull us out of the story a bit.
The first such defect is Pinkie Pie. Her Pinkie Sense of gaydar (and then complaining about Applejack giving away spoilers), her eating dates so she could exclaim that it was the “best date ever” at a suspiciously appropriate moment… these things pulled me out of the story because they felt like out of place contrivances, and broke my suspension of disbelief. The story was more than funny enough on its own; the 4th wall jokes actually were less funny than the standard internal narration of Golden Harvest.
The second defect is the fourth chapter, Stupid Coltfriend. While it does a fine job of wrapping things up with Written Script, the bit with Golden Harvest’s mom felt a little bit out of place to me. Not because Golden Harvest’s mom couldn’t be a lesbian, but the way that whole scene unfolded ended up feeling a bit contrived for some reason. It just seemed like too perfect a coincidence and came off as if it was trying too hard.
The third defect is that the conclusion of the story is a bit too serious. The final conversation with Applejack is pretty much entirely lacking in her signature narration style, or really much comedy at all, and thus it feels kind of strange as the conclusion to the piece – ending a comedy on a bittersweet note is always a bit risky, and here, I think, it didn’t quite pay off.
Fortunately, this wasn’t the real ending of the story after all, and we have a perspective swap for one final chapter to leave us with a smile.
Recommendation: Strongly recommended; this story made me chuckle out loud more than once and is well worth your time. If you enjoyed Spring Is Dumb, then you definitely want to read this as well, and while Spring Is Dumb is the better executed of the two, this is still a very fun read.
Words Failed Her
Adventure, Slice of LifeIn a world full of magic, mere words can pose a deadly threat. When simply reading a sign can instantly infect the unwary, and cases start to turn up all around Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle casts the only spell she can find that can give her the time she needs to find the cause of the plague. But then she has to figure out how to stop the epidemic... without being able to read.
Reading available on YouTube and SoundCloud
Why I added it: This is one of the highest rated stories on the site, and the premise sounded interesting.
Review
I liked the idea behind this story a great deal, but I didn’t end up caring very much for the story itself. It felt far too straightforward; ponies are cursed, Twilight makes herself illiterate with a spell, she fixes the problem in a couple more scenes, and then at the end she has to teach herself how to read again.
The story didn’t impact me because its events seemed to only barely touch the characters. Twilight didn’t react very strongly to not being able to read, something which should have been very upsetting to her, especially given that the spell wasn’t temporary but rather permanent. No one else ever really got the opportunity to react to her sacrifice on-screen either, and thus we’re left with the central, major plot point of the story – Twilight Sparkle rendering herself incapable of reading – sort of being just something that happens. The story ended up lacking punch, and the central point of the story felt like a letdown.
There was also a joke about plums in the story which, while theoretically funny, felt rather discordant with the rest of the piece.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
Little Apple
Slice of LifeApple is a funny word, one that Winona doesn't quite understand.
Her family uses it to refer to food, to trees, to themselves and to each other. It's all very inconsistent.
But whether she understands it or not, she'll always be there for the pony she knows as Little Apple.
Why I added it: This is a very highly-rated story which a lot of people have recommended that I read.
Review
A story written for the Outside Insight contest, this story is written from the point of view of Winona. We see the world through Winona’s eyes, but we still get some understanding of what is going on from the dialogue which Winona can’t understand, but which we, the audience, can.
Part of the fun of this story is trying to understand what exactly is going on before the story fully gives things away, with an ever-increasing number of hints before we get to the reveal at the climax. Winona’s confusion mirrors our own, as we gradually come to understand what exactly is going on.
As a piece, it works pretty well, and does a very reasonable job of depicting Winona’s point of view. There isn’t much more to it than Winona’s perspective, but it is worth a read.
Recommendation: Worth reading for the premise.
Summary
Her Blood Ran in Hollows of the Floor by HoofBitingActionOverload
Strongly recommended. It is a dark story about a blood sacrifice; if the premise doesn’t put you off, you’ll enjoy it.
Cards Against Equiniti by Door Matt
Not recommended. If you like watching other people play games and don’t mind laugh tracks, you might enjoy it, but you aren't missing anything earth-shattering.
Bitter Harvest by Else Ynopemos
Strongly recommended, especially if you liked Spring Is Dumb.
Words Failed Her by Nonsanity
Not recommended. The failure to deliver on the impact of the premise hurts it too much.
Little Apple by Oroboro
Worth reading for the premise.
Two very good stories in that batch makes me think that my “read it later – recommended” list really does have some good stuff lurking inside. Unfortunately, the list isn’t really getting any shorter; I blame Bad Horse. Clearly the plot in the comments last time is already taking shape.
Number of stories still listed as "Read It Later - Recommended": 128
Number of stories listed as “Read It Later”: 1514
I feel very much the same about Words Failed Her, the ending just didn't pan out for me well enough for me to care about it in the long run.
The first one looks great though.
I found Cards Against Equestria Girls to be the best of the bunch. It lets the characters react to the transgressive nature of CAH much more naturally. Also, it has the nice conceit that the author was actually playing a game of CAH and just having the characters react to it.
Words Failed Her is one of those stories that show their age.
Other than that, this is a nice little selection of fics - and a timely reminder that I still haven't read the Her Blood Ran In Hollows Of The Floor. Time to fix that.
2623028
Yeah; the story had a great concept, but it didn't follow through on the execution.
And yes, Her Blood Ran in Hollows of the Floor is an excellent story.
2623031
Interesting. I doubt I'll ever read it, though; I'm the sort of guy who gets antsy for the controller.
2623102
Fixed, and I'm glad it served as a reminder. Her Blood Ran in Hollows of the Floor is well worth your time.
I helped edit "Her Blood Ran In Hollows" (although I didn't actually have much comment), so I'm always chuffed to see it enjoyed. HoofBiting's got some serious range as an author -- maybe all his clop is really terrible by clop standards or something, but I know him for romantic comedies and darkfics, and they're equally solid.
Oh, I've also read "Words Failed Her". I enjoyed it, but I agree with a lot of your criticism too. A lot of the problem there is that the awesome premise outpaces the execution. A nifty premise is an obvious way for a story to get attention, but even though there are popular stories that follow through ("Hard Reset" is an obvious example), there's a lot in the feature box that seems to have been upvoted based only on an intriguing description but that actually sucks.
I've got these hypotheses that any fic with a non-eye-catching premise that gets popular must therefore have excellent writing to draw people in, and that a fic that lingers around the "Popular Stories" column for a long time is less likely to be an expectation-dasher because the only people still upvoting it have definitely taken time to read it. My pilot study was "Just an Assistant", so it's a promising line of inquiry.
2623418
Nah, he's pretty consistently awesome. One of the most consistently good writers on the site, I'd say.
2623439
This is totally true. Really, concept is how you get eyes on your story. Or rather, one of the big ways.
Eh, a lot of those are very heavily concept-based as well (and Just An Assistant was in the featured story box for a while), they just don't ever rise to the point of getting featured. Really, how good the writing of a story is has only a fairly limited impact on its popularity in the near-term; it is primarily in long-term popularity that it is important, and even there, My Little Dashie has the most views of any story on the site, but is most certainly not the most well-written.
2623133
Well, I went and read it - and I agree with pretty much everything you said about it. But bloody hell it was harrowing to read.
2623481
That's why I put off reading it for so long - I knew that it would be harrowing, and it was.
I'm not sure if "enjoy" is the proper term for stories like that; perhaps "appreciate" is more the correct term. But it was quite good.
Cheers for reviewing! I think your thoughts are shared by almost all of the mods too!
2623635
Yeah, all the monocle wearing folks fight over the controller.
But you know, in a dignified manner.
It's very much worth noting that I read Bitter Harvest just before writing Spring is Dumb, and absolutely loved every part of it, and that I tried very hard to write a fic like Bitter Harvest, because it's a phenomenal fic, one of the best rom coms on this site, maybe the best. I do agree that some the Pinkie Pie stuff was pretty meh, but I thought the ending was perfect. It was the only time Golden Harvest was being honest with herself, and that's why all the contradicting narration went away. It would have felt awfully contrived if she and AJ actually got together at the end, and the story had already touched on some more serious topics here and there, so it didn't feel out of place to me at all. I don't think any other ending could have been as satisfying. And, seriously, Bitter Harvest is way better than Spring is Dumb.
I'm really glad you enjoyed/appreciated/whatevered Her Blood! I tried a lot of new things with that one that I was worried wouldn't work, and it's really cool knowing someone thinks I was able to successfully write something that wasn't cheesy romance or stupid sex.
Also probably worth noting, I wrote Her Blood just after reading Blessing by Estee, which is a fantastic fic that you should check out, because it's way better than mine. I think it's very similar to Her Blood conceptually/stylistically, too. I probably do that with all of my fics. I'm basically a stylistic plagiarist piggybacking on the enormous quality of all of my favorite stories. But whatever you have to do to get ahead, right?
Anyway, thanks for the kind words!
I didn't understand the appeal of Cards Against Equinity. The game is decently fun to play, but a story about it becomes nothing but 'Whoah jeeze! these cards sure are funny and raunchy! Har har har!' I just... don't get it. It's like hearing someone else talk about a particular time they've played the game, dull as hell. It's not fun to listen to because the game isn't any fun if you aren't participating in it. It would make for a very dull spectator sport.
2623800
Regarding Bitter Harvest's ending: while I got exactly why Bitter Harvest ended the way it did, and the seriousness and lack of contradiction made sense in the context of the story, Spring Is Dumb remained funny (though in a different way) during its conclusion while Bitter Harvest's more serious conclusion didn't feel quite as awesome to me. That's really why I think Spring Is Dumb is the better story of the two; it is consistently awesome, whereas Bitter Harvest dropped the ball in a few places. Though the ending of Bitter Harvest is more of a quibble than anything; the Pinkie Pie stuff (and the stuff with her mom) were what felt most out of place to me.
I will note that one good thing about the ending of Bitter Harvest is that it made the ending with Colgate work, as it set up for the reversal of circumstances necessary for that conclusion.
Something I didn't mention in my review: Bitter Harvest's ever-changing rationalizations about her carrots compelling her to do things for the good of their growth was probably my favorite thing in the story. The bit about carrots being the most judgemental vegetables made me laugh out loud.
Hey, trying out new things is how we grow as writers, and you're a really good one. It was a worthy experiment. I'm sorry I didn't read it right when it came out, but I knew it was going to punch me right in the stomach and was being a wuss. That's why I didn't volunteer to edit it as well.
Though that's probably for the best, given how useless I was on that front for ages. Sorry about that. I've been trying to get back in the saddle as far as such things go.
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right? Besides, as long as it ends up being awesome on its own terms, who cares? While Spring Is Dumb and Bitter Harvest may be very similar stylistically, they do tell very different stories.
And if I ever get Mistitled done, I'll have no leg to stand on about people doing stylistic imitations of others' writing. Heck, I think stylistic imitation is cool; it helps you learn how to write in a different way. That's part of why I wrote Falling Rocks, and why I wrote The Collected Poems of Maud Pie while imagining every poem in the voice of Maud Pie.
Totally random side note, speaking of voices: I always mentally read everything you ever write as a comment in Rainbow Dash's voice. I don't know why, I just do.
Yeah, I don't enjoy that stuff either. But I don't really like watching sports, or watching people play video games, or any of that stuff really, so the fact that I don't get stories like that either doesn't really surprise me. Some folks obviously do enjoy that sort of thing.
I have a theory about that (and about a lot of things, really) but it is one of those theories which is kind of pretentious and self-serving, and therefore automatically suspect.
2623800
And thank you for the recommendation. I've actually been planning on doing one of these which is entirely composed of stories by Estee I've marked as "Read It Later". Admittedly Estee's stories have been pretty hit and miss for me on the whole; I loved Five Hundred Little Murders and liked The Hypocrisy of Tolerance, but some of his other stories have not gone over nearly as well for me.
2623857
By far my favorite part of the story. Totally brilliant and hilarious, while also individualizing and fleshing out Golden Harvest as a character a lot. Damn, I think I'm gonna go read it again...
You're just terrible for my ego, do you know that? But I appreciate the compliment. I've also enjoyed these reviews. Keep em' up!
And, yeah, try new things, expand your horizons, blah blah, grow as a writer, blah blah, etc. I'm pretty skeptical of the whole deal. I just write.
Eh, don't worry about it. When people offer me help, it should be on their terms, not mine. I wouldn't tell people 'take as long as you want' if I didn't mean it.
I've gotten that before. Probably has something to do with with my habit of using words like 'totally' and 'awesome.' Or maybe it's my flippant, cocky, can-do, she's-sexy-and-she-knows-it attitude. Or maybe it's just the avatar. The mystery may never be solved.
I like watching sports (sometimes) and watching (some) people play video games, so I don't think that's it. I'd say it's more about not enjoying watching other people have fun that I'm not a part of. I'd rather go have my own fun.
2623871
Five Hundred Little Murders is one of the best stories on this site. Almost certainly in the top ten. But, sure, you're never going to always love everything an author writes, especially one as prolific and varied as Estee. But I'd expect Blessing to be a hit. It's very good.