Oneshotober Reviews, Part 3 · 2:55pm Nov 12th, 2014
This is the witty introductory section.
I don’t have much to say this time, so just imagine I had some sort of funny commentary, or else that I posted irrelevant and inappropriate images of ponies in suggestive poses.
I’d probably be doing Maud this time.
In fact, why not.
Eh, close enough.
Anyway, reviews have been slow between life and NaNoWriMo, but since I’ve made zero progress on the latter, why not read pony instead?
51. Dr. Horse
by Admiral Biscuit
So, apparently Biscuit wrote himself a Your Human And You story. I’m not terribly fond of this particular subgenre, but I’ll try and take this story on its own merits.
…And while the story is well-done, I can’t get over some of the basic premises of the YHAH concept. Just how sapient are humans? Ponies recognize the sounds he makes as language, but don’t see that as representative of higher thinking. The human seems self-aware, but incapable of higher thought. I just never get these stories.
Anyway, beyond my reaction to the story concept, this is a sadfic that isn’t terribly sad.Maybe if we got into Silver Spoon’s head it would carry more emotional weight. Maybe if we focused on Buddy more, we could get Dark with the fridge horror of the human really being sapient. As it stands, all we really have is a sad-ish Slice of Life.
And why the hay is the story named after the veterinarian?
Recommended if: You liked Your Human And You.
Avoid it if: You’re looking for a real tear-jerker.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
52. Eyup or nope? That is the question
by The red knight
So, we have a Slice of Life that actually has a nice little concept behind it. A simple day in Big Macintosh’s life, written in third-person omniscient with a strong and very cheeky narrator. The way Macintosh responds to everything with “Eeyup” or “Nope”, never speaks a word aside from those, and even responds to the narrator’s quips the same way, could have made for a cute and possibly rather comedic little story. Unfortunately, the strong narration doesn’t really come into play until the final scene, with the rest of the story instead consisting mostly of dialogue between various other characters which Mac only observes, and just enough narration to move the story from one snippet of conversation to the next. On top of that, none of the background gags are really all that funny, and the story is buried under TRK’s usual mess of poor spelling, poor grammar, and a very choppy writing style.
Recommended if: You want to see what happens when a relatively good idea is posted totally unpolished.
Avoid it if: You know why by now.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
53. I'd Do Anything
by 2006midnight
A grown Spike confesses his love for Rarity via a letter. I can’t say this ever really sounded like Spike, but the Spike from the show really wouldn’t work well in a serious romance story. He’s too childish. Despite that, the letter does come off as fairly juvenile itself. Spike is melodramatic, depressed, and self-centered throughout. So, it this is meant to be Spike as a teen, good job. It captures the mentality well. Unfortunately, I suspect this tone is unintentional. If the story were more self-aware of just how ridiculous its main character was being, it could actually be a pretty effective mockery of the failings of young love, rather like Romeo and Juliet. However, it plays it too straight, and just sounds juvenile and melodramatic itself.
Recommended if: You’re at the right age to think Romeo and Juliet is a straightforward and heartfelt romance.
Avoid it if: You want Sparity that shows actual maturity in the writing and characters.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
54. A Lesson in Morality
by Ianpiersonjdavis
Is this going to be one of those fics that bashes on Cheerilee for allowing Diamond Tiara to get away with being a little bitch?
Can you really be angry at her? Really?
Okay, it actually gives her a fair treatment, so you’re off the hook for that one—this time.
As for the actual story, we’re showing /everything/ that happens, and basically having Cheerilee give a brief intro/recap for every known foal character. It really makes the story drag, and at first I thought it was just being done to stretch for the 1000-word minimum, but then I realized the story is at nearly 3k. Pretty much the whole story so far is just Cheerilee giving a lesson. It’s honestly pretty tedious, and I’ve seen it done better before. And that she dismisses them after such a brief lesson makes it seem like their entire school day is only about 30 minutes long. And then the actual conversations Cheerilee has with Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo are pretty hamfisted, and the whole thing feels like very little actually happened.
Also, I think writing out Twist’s lisp might actually be more awful than using the Apple Accent.
Recommended if: You want a story where Cheerilee isn’t depicted as an incompetent teacher just because of Diamond Tiara’s antics.
Avoid it if: You want the above done in an actually interesting way.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
55. Just Drifting Around
by Admiral Biscuit
This sounds like it might be a nice Slice of Life, possibly with some world-building, but isn't Tiger Lily the indian princess girl from Peter Pan?
Anyway, there were no mistakes that really caught my eye, and this was a cute Slice of Life with some hints of light romance. The world-building wasn't as strong as I expected, but it's fine without it. The only thing I can really say against it is that the language was a bit repetitive in places.
Recommended if: You want some Slice of Life with light romance and no appearances by major characters.
Avoid it if: Only if the genre isn't to your liking.
Final verdict: (4/5) For.
Before I get started, I need to get something out of the way. This is literally the only thing I could think of when I saw the title.
For some reason, I was sure this was a Nicolas Cage movie.
So, Regidar didn’t actually add this to the 2014 group, so it wasn’t initially on my to-do list. But he kept referring to it as one of his Oneshotober fics, and it was released inside that timeframe, so let’s see what we have here.
…Welp, it’s a trollfic. Everypony is deliberately out of character, it’s random, it’s crude, it’s pointless, and it goes out of its way to be offensive. It’s not even really that great as trollfic, to be honest. It just kind of throws offensive characterizations at the wall to see what sticks. Even for trollfic, Regidar has done better.
Recommended if: You always like trollfics, or are a fan of the Mentally Advanced Series.
Avoid it if: Neither of the above appeal to you.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
57. The Mares of Diomedes
by Admiral Biscuit
This one's reputation precedes it. Between what I'd heard of this, my knowledge of the myth that inspired it, and that impressive up/down ratio, I'd been looking forward to this one. Though seeing that 37/36 vote ratio made me want to find an excuse to downvote it, just to satisfy my OCD. Unfortunately, it was good, so it got an upvote and a favorite.
The whole story does a great job of setting up a fakeout for those who don't know where it's headed. For those that do, the same things that set up the fakeout can also serve as an example to others when it comes to building tension. The story keeps the ruse going right up until the very last minute, and is honestly quite impressive in how well it makes one thing sound like another. And then in the end, the well-deserved Gore tag comes into play, hitting just the right level of being enjoyably disturbing without totally putting the reader off.
Recommended if: You like fakeouts, darkfic, gore, or the more brutal aspects of Greek mythology.
Avoid it if: You're looking for clop, or have a weak stomach.
Final verdict: (5/5) Strongly For.
58. Three
by Black Jesuz
While not “officially” a participant in Oneshotober 2014 (insofar as any aspect on Oneshotober 2014 was “official”), Black Jesuz did submit a couple stories in the non-participants folder.
Unfortunately, this one comes off as generic teen angst at first. I understand it was written in honor of someone who went through similar problems to the protagonist, but I try to judge fics on their own merits. While it does turn things around a bit and prove itself capable of delivering some decent emotions towards the end, it’s also barely pony-related. If you went through and changed “pony” to “person” and “hand” to “hoof”, nothing would be lost. That it randomly shifts between first and third person helps nothing (that, or the narrative was referencing an unintroduced second character).
Recommended if: You want the musings of a troubled teen.
Avoid it if: You want actual pony content.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
59. Energized
by TheExhaustedBrony
This looked like the setup for a decent random comedy, but it never really did much with the premise. Really, it’s a straightforward Slice Of Life that depicts exactly what one might expect to happen were one to do the same thing Octavia did in real life. On top of that, it’s very telly, saidisms abound, bad attributions make the dialogue hard to follow (and it’s almost entirely dialogue), and despite there being only two characters, it managed to mix them up at one point so that Octavia addresses herself rather than Vinyl. And at one point, it seriously just copies the ingredients label of an energy drink into dialogue.
Also, it’s an EQG fic, so there’s that.
Recommended if: You want a non-shipping ScratchTavia fic and don’t mind the flaws.
Avoid it if: You’re expecting actual comedy.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
60. The Most Painful Holiday
by Black Jesuz
This one is a prequel to Black Jesuz’s other fic, Three, and a lot of the same things can be said about it. Really, the only differences outside of the specific subject matter are that the main character is somewhat younger, and the ending is a bit happier.
Recommended if: If you liked Three, you’ll like this.
Avoid it if: The reverse is equally true.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
61. The battle of the white and black plains
by The red knight
Okay, first things first, there’s something I need to address in the comments.
Though, there were never any archers in chess....
Yes there were. Why did you think “bishops” were shaped so funny? Or why they moved across ranks the way they do? That strange diagonal bit they have is meant to be a bow, and they move that way to represent firing arrows across the lines of battle. But somewhere during the middle ages, the Church went “So, guys. This game you like. Doesn’t look too Christian to me, you know?” So the nobles who played it went “No, no! It totally is! Look, there’s a clergyman right uh… this one! Right here. A bishop, even. Very religious, this game.” And so gaming history was made.
Personally, I’d have pony chess use earth pony “chargers” in place of rooks, pegasi in place of bishops, and unicorns in place of knights (they teleport into flanking positions).
Sorry, on to the actual story.
…And what can I say that I don’t always say about Red Knight stories? Poorly-paced, choppy, spelling and grammar errors all over the place… I suppose you could chalk up some of the pacing and such to this being Pinkie making up a story, but the show tends to depict her as actually being a fairly good storyteller. Really, taken from that perspective there’s the additional problem of this never sounding like a Pinkie story. It’s too straightforward. Everything she does has at least some element of the surreal to it, and this totally lacked that.
Recommended if: Sorry, got nothing.
Avoid it if: All the usual reasons.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
62. Highway 502
by Admiral Biscuit
Another long, multi-chapter fic? Damn it, Takarashi, I keep telling you…
Wait.
Biscuit? What are you doing?
Biscuit stahp.
Okay, that’s enough old memes for now.
Actually, this one isn’t really all that long, but it’s the first multi-chapter Admiral Biscuit has done for the month, so I had to comment.
Well, this is a pretty solid intro to a HiE story. It claims “to be continued” at the end, and I actually hope Biscuit does add more to it—this is the third entry in Oneshotober to get a Favorite from me, and all of them have gone to his stories. Anyway, review. We all know HiE is done to death. It’s every brony’s cheap wish fulfillment, and there are something like 8,000 stories in the official group alone. However, that doesn’t mean HiE stories can’t be good anymore. Strong characters and good writing can always carry a story, no matter how stale the core concept is, and those are definitely present here. It’s short and simple, but the ponies’ blasé attitude towards the human is interesting, and Biscuit makes a good argument for it in the comments.
I’m only holding off from marking this one a Five because it hasn’t really done anything yet. I think it needs the promised future chapters to really stand out.
Recommended if: You aren’t repulsed by the concept of HiE.
Avoid it if: You need a story to be solidly on-track before you start reading it.
Final verdict: (4/5) For.
Something about that title being paired with the Romance tag makes me wary.
I still don’t know why it has that title, but the story is just a nice Slice-of-Life, only going beyond show-appropriate topics in references to wars, some shipping, and an implied makeout session. The romance, while the center of the story, is actually not much of a spotlight topic. This is primarily because the story is told through Cheerilee’s observations, which are about children in general more than this particular pairing. My only real objection (aside from being a SweetieBloom shipper myself, though AppleSnips has been referenced as a thing that happened in one of my fics) are that words are noticeably missing in a few places.
Recommended if: You want something that slightly pushes the envelope of what’s show-appropriate.
Avoid it if: You want something with a bit more scope.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
64. Twirek
by Admiral Biscuit
Welp, it's a crack fic.
Biscuit apparently wrote this one on a dare, a situation I’m definitely familiar with (I’d link the results, but they tend to be Mature). It’s definitely in the Random Comedy realm of crack shipping, and interestingly, most of the story is focused not on the ship itself, but instead on outside observation of it. Specifically, the story is basically Spike coping with Twilight’s relationships, and it’s a snarky Spike at his best. The story does drift further afield, reaching into meta-humor and fourth wall gags towards the end, but none of them were forced, and they worked in the story’s favor.
Recommended if: You like crackships or a bitter, grumbling Spike.
Avoid it if: You dislike random humor, meta-jokes, or breaking the fourth wall.
Final verdict: (4/5) For.
65. Rated M for Mash
by The red knight
You know, I was actually going to rate this higher… up until that last scene. And since this is probably the best thing The Red Knight has done for this entire challenge, as well as coming very close to being a solid story, I think I'm going to give this a longer review, more like I would for PCaRG, and explore just where this goes wrong. I think it will go a long way towards identifying the more consistent issues that The Red Knight's stories have.
You were asking us for a review, after all, so here you go.
First, let’s focus on what this does right. Number one, and what had me wanting to give it a higher score: it’s actually pretty funny. There are a lot of character-driven gags that proceed naturally from events in the story. The jokes are pretty typical stuff for a family comedy: Mom talking about the beauty and magic of her child’s birth, only to cut away to her screaming obscenities and trying to murder the father in a flashback. Friends and parents embarrassing the kids. Dad being a hapless man-child. The jokes are, for the most part, pulled off well, and this sort of rapid-fire sitcom-style humor is one place where The Red Knight’s typical rushed pacing actually works in his favor, keeping them coming before the last one has been forgotten.
However, there are still plenty of reasons I’m not rating it higher. The biggest one is simply the fact that it’s in dire need of some basic editing and proofreading. Let’s get a rundown of some of the issues we have here:
Love Tap was sleeping in her bed with her husband Cinnamon Swirl while dreaming of a huge brown monster with a blade revolving around it’s head while screeching a horrible sound...then she met him in pony.
This sentence is in dire need of some punctuation. The first “while” could be replaced with a comma, and “while screeching” would probably parse better as “, which screeched”. Opening a story with such a bad sentence is not going to endear your audience to you.
Also, while I’m usually in favor of ponified words, “in pony” reads very awkwardly, and really doesn’t work at all.
“What?” said Button at the hoof of the bed.
“Nothing sweetie,” said Love looking at her son. “Do you need something?”
“Eeyup remember what today is?” said Button with a smile.
Going thru her mind Love Tap’s eyes widened. “It’s your eighth birthday!”
“Eeyu-ahh!” said Button being tackled by his hugging smoth-mother.
“I remember the day you were born,” said Love with a joyful tear. “It was one of the best days of my life.”
This isn’t a grammar issue, but a stylistic one. The structure is extremely repetitive, with the construction ”Dialogue,” said Pony, briefly actioning. appearing in five of the six sentences. As well, three of those five follow it up with another line of dialogue.
And here I like the ponification. “Hoof of the bed” is subtle and rather clever.
“Buck you and your memories you baka!” she said in japonese. “I hope you endure a tarutres worst then the bucking pain I feel now!”
Sorry, but teenage anime fans have forever ruined calling anything “baka”. In general, a character shouldn’t be slipping into another language unless the inserted language is their native one and they’re faced with an unfamiliar word (I’ve had Japanese friends who would slip back into their own language when faced with NSFW discussions—it’s not the sort of topic to come up in language classes often. To quote Yo Sato from high school: “Oh, we call it, ah, ちんこ.”). There are other cases, of course. Reacting to shock, cursing, using French to sound romantic, or using Latin to sound educated. But generally, make sure you have a good reason before tossing in another language.
And I can’t even begin to work that one word out. Tartarus? Torture?
Personal note, I prefer “Neighpon”, but that’s totally author’s choice.
After a few hours the guest to Buttons birthday started showing up.
Just some notable spelling and grammar issues: “hours” should have a comma after it, “guests” should be plural, and “Button’s” needs an apostrophe.
Next up, the flashback from Thunderlane. I’m not quoting it because it’s easy to reference, and this is long enough already. But the whole flashback is pretty dull, and adds nothing to the story. I suspect it’s just padding. Also, sometimes his name is spelled “Thunderland”.
Anyway, I’m getting tired of the inline quotes deal, so let’s just summarize the rest. The scene with Derpy and Doctor Hooves didn’t do anything but force a fandom reference into the story. Button and Sweetie’s meeting feels more like “first date” than “couple seeing each other again”, and age really isn’t going to impact that. For the age they’re at, you’re better off depicting them as best friends who happen to be very comfortable making physical contact with one another. Further, that scene is pretty blunt, particularly with the blushing back and forth part.
The quick summaries of what’s going on at the party do nothing but weaken the story. The story is already suffering from a dearth of narrative. A couple paragraphs of descriptions would have helped break up the constant dialogue. You’re consistently leaving commas out of sentences. Every time you have “said” followed by an action verb, you need a comma after “said”.
I have no idea what the crow thing was about. It’s just distracting me from the actual narrative.
Lastly, the final scenes are very rushed, and the spelling and grammar are noticeably worse. I imagine you were hurrying because you were nearly done, and didn’t go back to proofread those parts. Also, the repetition of the “hoof stuck in a jar” joke with Button’s dad doesn’t really work. The joke was really a one-off, and falls flat the second time.
So, what could be done to improve this?
First, something I didn’t point out, but a pretty big help for readability: when writing something for the computer screen, rather than print, go with double-spaced paragraphs (like how these are done) rather than indents. It’s much easier on the eyes, and breaks up the long blocks of text you get otherwise.
Second, this needs a pretty basic, but thorough, proofreading. There are a lot of errors here that automated spellcheckers generally won’t catch. On the other hand, there are a number that they would have caught, so I suspect you either neglected to use one, or else ignored its recommendations.
Third, the story seems to be aiming for a third-person objective point of view. This is basically what you’d get from a camera following the characters—no internal thoughts, just the actions and dialogue. It can be a difficult style to write in, as you have to totally eschew any emotional descriptors or inner thoughts, and the narration never offers judgments or opinions on the action. In including some of those things, you’re jumping between this POV and Omniscient, or just head-hopping. There are three options here: either put the focus on one character (probably Button) and keep it to third-person limited, expand the narrative and give the narrator a stronger voice, or go through and remove those subjective details.
Fourth, expand your descriptions and actions. This is almost all dialogue, and is really wanting for some more action between the chatter. It would also allow you to cut the “filler” bits you’re using to help pad the story out to over 1,000 words.
Fifth, mix up your dialogue a bit. Include more action between lines. Leave some out sometimes. Put the action and dialogue in different patterns. Indulge in talking heads every so often. Whatever it takes to keep it from being too repetitive.
Finally, consider condensing things a little bit. You introduce a lot of characters, and the story might be stronger with more focus on just Button and his family.
Recommended if: You want a fairly funny slice of life SweetieMash fic and are forgiving of grammar and style problems.
Avoid it if: Those quoted sections gave you a twitch.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against—but only just.
66. Powcon (Power Pony convention)
by The red knight
The OCs are back. I have this awful feeling that this is going to be a tremendous disappointment after his last effort went so relatively well.
So… you’re writing a fanfic in which your OC is writing a fanfic about his OC?
That sort of recursion can only end in brilliant satire or really dumb crapfic.
...and it was the latter.
In addition to the usual spelling/grammar/style/pacing issues, the whole thing seems to be a buildup to a mockery of fanfic snobs which, seeing as how you’re on a fanfic site, felt kind of needlessly harsh and more than a little bitter. It makes it seem like you wrote this just to project frustrations onto a strawman imitation of your critics. Which includes me now, I guess.
Also, I kept thinking this should just be a Spike fic, and then there he was! Unfortunately, so were Coilguy and WhatsHisFace.
Recommended if: You hate popular fanfiction authors.
Avoid it if: You think unsubtle bashing of other authors for their perceived popularity is juvenile and pointless.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
67. Chalkpocalypse
by Regidar
Regidar, what are you making me read this time?
...for some reason, it was hilarious that Applejack’s name wasn’t changed. I can’t understand why.
Anyway, the chalk stuff was funny throughout that whole section. It was the ending that brought it down a bit for me. I know turning Equestria into an awful, dysfunctional crapsaccharine world is kind of Regidar’s thing, but it happens in basically every “Random” fic he writes, and that gets a little repetitive. The revelation that this was just some foal’s story wasn’t that great, either. It’s basically the standard cop-out conclusion to any Random fic.
I was really hoping we’d eventually discover that Chalklandia existed within Cheerilee’s chalkboard, and the apocalypse came when she got around to washing it or something, unaware of the world she was inadvertently destroying in the process. You know, contrast the random awfulness of that world with the cheerful one we know so well, and show us that the latter is accidentally responsible for the former.
Recommended if: You like trollfic.
Avoid it if: You’re hoping for something with a little more thought behind it.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
68. Rainbow Dash's House Gets Sold
by Takarashi282
Typos in the short description: always a bad sign.
And… all in all, not bad for random oneshot comedy. The wording was a little awkward in places, but there weren’t any glaring errors. My real issue with it is that the ending is pretty predictable. I was already guessing where it was headed as soon as she decked the guy the first time. But then again, I’ve never really been a fan of the quick-and-dirty “comedic mix-up” plots.
Now, if this were a longer story, where Dash’s house had actually been declared abandoned and sold without her knowledge, and we got to see her fighting bureaucracy in an attempt to get it put back in her name? That sounds like a funny story, especially if it was bought (totally legally) by somepony who just wanted to spite her, like Lightning Dust or something.
Recommended if: You like mix-up plots.
Avoid it if: You don’t like predictable conclusions.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
69. Braiding
by Admiral Biscuit
A sequel? This story is long enough by itself. I better not have to do my homework first.
...says the guy who reviewed a 680,000-word clopfic for PCaRG.
So, this was a really good Slice of Life FiE, and Biscuit got his fourth gold star out of me for it. It’s basically about the differences between human and pony cultures, particularly when it comes to things like nudity, intimacy, and boundaries. There are other topics that serve as background material, mostly technological differences, but those are the key points. I’m honestly surprised that neither Rose nor Sam ever raised the obvious comparison between tail-braiding for ponies and public exposure for humans.
And it looks like I will be reading the previous entry, but out of interest rather than necessity. While prior events were referenced in this without explanation, none of them were needed to understand the plot—a vital point for anyone writing a sequel.
Recommended if: You like HiE, and FiE in particular, and want one that isn’t just clop.
Avoid it if: The genre is the only reason you might not pick it up.
Final verdict: (5/5) Strongly For.
70. Putting Flash Sentry into a Woodchipper
by Admiral Biscuit
Hey, another one of these I read before I started the blogs. I keep running into that.
Well, this is a great mockery of the dark end of the fandom (or fandoms in general, if we’re being honest here). Our protagonist is our pale-skilled, basement-dwelling, unbathing clopper everyman (for certain values of everyman). We mock writing for attention. We mock antisocial tendencies. We mock lusting after ponies (after all, he chose poorly—you can keep Twilight, and I’ll take Applejack, Pinkie, or Roseluck). The whole unwashed nerd thing in it’s entirety, honestly. Anyway, all told it’s a funny and somewhat self-deprecating jab at our own fandom.
Recommended if: You like dark comedy.
Avoid it if: You’re sick of the “Brad” and/or “Waifu Stealer” memes.
Final verdict: (4/5) For.
71. Interview with a Cab Driver
by Admiral Biscuit
A journalist finds himself interviewing an average Joe crystal pony. According to the author’s comment, this is based on a real-life journalist and an interview he gave to a female cabbie. I’m not familiar with that source, but I can say this is a good bit of world-building here. With how easily the show had the Crystal Empire integrate with the rest of Equestria, it’s easy to forget that the Crystal Empire has missed out on a thousand years of peace and harmony. They may indeed be afraid that the outside world will greet them with hate and persecution. After all, their last major involvement with non-crystal ponies was the tyranny of Sombra. However, though there are a number of interesting elements here, there’s very little beyond them. It’s just a brief vignette about a random pony’s life.
I saw only one notable typo: “was this was” was used instead of “was this what”.
Recommended if: You like history fics, headcanon, or worldbuilding.
Avoid it if: You’re looking for action or an involved plot.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
72. This Night Aria
by Ianpiersonjdavis
Huh. This one’s marked “Incomplete” and seems to no longer be in the Oneshotober 2014 group.
Oh well, don’t feel like changing my list.
Cliffhanger ending for Oneshotober becomes introductory chapter of a new fic. Honestly, this is probably a good thing. The story idea left hanging here is really too good to leave it like this. Basically, the Dazzlings, powerless and bitter, and scheming a way to get back to Equestria—and how to survive until they can. Having not seen Rainbow Rocks due to being poor as fuck (bank account at negative $112, so yeah), there’s not too much I can say about the characters beyond that I enjoyed their interactions. Either way, it’s a good start to a story with a lot of potential, but isn’t anything amazing yet.
Recommended if: You want more of the Dazzlings.
Avoid it if: You didn’t care about the EQG films, or you don’t want something ending on a cliffhanger.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
73. "Do You Want to Go Skateboards?"
by Takarashi282
…obviously based on TomSka’s “asdfmovie8”? The “obvious” implies I’ve ever heard of it.
It’s this thing, by the way.
Also, wat.
wat.
This one is bizarre. As befits the video, I suppose. It’s mostly just Dash getting creeped out by the weird cow. And trying to avoid him. And briefly pondering his fertility and seriously why did the story go there?
Anyway, there are a few places where really awkward language makes things difficult to follow and distracts from the story, but the writing is otherwise not a major issue. The total randomness is the bigger issue to determine whether or not this is for you.
Recommended if: You want something short and very odd.
Avoid it if: Randomness just isn’t your thing.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
74. Everypony is Drunk and Speaking Russian For Some Reason
by Admiral Biscuit
Wait a second—this isn’t one 1300-word story, it’s just four flash fictions!
I see your deceptions, Biscuit.
Oh well. Still counts I guess.
This is another fic that’s just total randomness. It’s not just nonsensical things happening constantly entirely because the author is straining to produce absurdity, like many Random fics are, and each individual entry does tell a more or less coherent narrative. But, well… Hit that “asdfmovie” Youtube video I embedded in the last entry. See how it’s just a barrage of short skits that give a setup, deliver a punchline, and cut away? This is like that, in text form.
Recommended if: You want something very silly but still good quality.
Avoid it if: You would rather not go there, for it is a silly place.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
75. Pinkie Pie's Last Nightmare Night
by Admiral Biscuit
You’ve read this one. It was in the Feature Box for like a week, spent a couple days at the top, and got 1,000 upvotes and more views than anything I’ve ever written.
Also you suck, Biscuit.
Anyway, I really liked the setup, and this is a great funny-without-being-obnoxious Pinkie Pie. But it’s one of those stories that feels like it would have been better if it were longer and aimed for a more episode-like plot. I mean, the punchline wasn’t bad at all, but this was a great setup for a very show-toned story, and it just feels like the shorter “prank” punchline was the weaker choice.
Recommended if: You want a short, show-toned comedy with a well-written Pinkie Pie.
Avoid it if: You’d rather see it carry that show-like opening out to a full episode plot.
Final verdict: (4/5) For.
Okay, that wound up being really long, mostly thanks to that TRK story I did a full review on.
One more to go—28 stories in the last set, and the last one is an anthology. However, I think I’m going to try and get some of my own writing up before I get into that.
After that, there’s going to be a wrap-up post, and I’ll only have another 40-some reviews to do for another project, my normal review blogs, and reviews for the group.
Hell I'm fine with a 2 but next time ill definitely get a 5!
Dang, Biscuit seems to have cleaned up! :O
I was as surprised as everyone else at the story's meteoric rise to fame.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate the reviews. It's nice to get an unbiased opinion about where I'm awesome and where I suck, when it comes to writing. I decided that I'd try and move myself out of my normal comfort zone for October, and try new things. Some of them worked; some of them fell flat on their faces, and of course many of the stories are what I think I do well (HiE, SoL).
I also have to give you props for reviewing tRK's stories. I read one, and wanted to gouge out my eyeballs afterward.
if there is any quote from me to be remembered in the anneals of history
I would like it to be "Fuck Britain."