Fucking WORDS n' shit

Let's get something out of the way, first.
I pride myself on being able to do the simplest shit on a computer. It's practically the only skill I have besides smashing my head on the keyboard and somehow forming coherent sentences that come together to make a plot line that some people enjoy for one reason or another.
So, when I came on this site today, I had this urge. It was this urge in the pit of my nutsack that told me "HEY! SHITWAD! YOU SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE A BLOG POST ON HERE, BITCH!"
Now, I've learned to trust the advice from within my scrotum (which may or may not have been the result of many long nights binging on hard drugs), so I decided to undergo this endeavor. So, with all due haste, I gathered up the few remaining brain cells I have left, and went to my profile in search of the magical button that would allow me to type these words.

And about twenty minutes later I finally found the damn thing.

Twenty minutes just to find out that the button was NOT on my profile page, but on the tab of the site that said "Blog". Normally, I'd blame this on terrible website design (I mean, putting the blog button on the page titled "Blog", seriously? Who would actually expect to find that there?), but I feel like I'm better than that. I'm a website designer myself, so I know how it is. I've got plenty of pages filled with the best shit you'll ever find on the internet. And the colors? So black, and so red that you're gonna have to use all of your willpower to keep that knife away from your wrists. Anyway, it's not the site's fault that I couldn't find that button, or my fault for ruining my body with shit that shouldn't even be used to clean off the toughest metal stains, but that of the government of Uruguay.

Wait, I'm pretty sure I was supposed to say something else.

Oh, right.

So, as mentioned earlier, I write shit occasionally. No, really. I write shit. Not scat, but stuff so horrible that you'd want to warn your neighbors before opening it up on your PC (or Mac if you're one of THOSE "people"). Most of the shit I've written for this odd little community has been in the form of greentext on 4chan. If you don't know what that is, well... It's text, and it's green. It also as a greater-than symbol in front of each line. However, I'm thinking of writing something after about a month of inactivity. The thing is, I'm feeling the need to get some practice in with standard writing, so, why not do it here? Not sure what it is yet, but I'm sure that with enough alcohol, drugs, and masturbation, I'll think of something.

Oh, and you can find my shit here http://pastebin.com/u/Nehem

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get a plane ticket, a bulletproof vest, a few assault rifles, and some explosives.