How to become an Alpaca · 8:41pm Oct 10th, 2014
Many people want to know how to become an Alpaca. Well there are a few ways.
1) Sex with a Sentient Alpaca. If you find a talking Alpaca and it has sex with you you will also become a talking Alpaca capable of transforming back into a human. If a Talking Alpaca rapes you, you will become a talking Alpaca that flies. Like myself. If you have sex with a normal Alpaca you will permanantly become a normal, speech-less alpaca until mate with a Talking Alpaca. If you are female and have sex with a talking alpaca if you get pregnant the Child will be a Werepaca who's human form is that of Charlie Sheen.
2) Getting bit by a talking Alpaca during a full moon. You will become a Werepaca. During nights when the moon is visible you will be able to transform into a Werepaca and shall be able to sing and dance in the meadow with your fellow talking Alpacas. Again, if you are bit by a normal Alpaca under the full moon you will not be able to control the transformations and will turn into a normal, boring Alpaca each full moon.
3) Drink a shit ton of NyQuil. Eventually you will think you are a talking Alpaca.
4) Share needles with an Alpaca. If you share needles with an Alpaca or Werepaca you will become an Alpaca only you will be addicted to heroin. Which is a bitch because Alpacas are not allowed in Rehab.
5) If one of your biological parents are a Werepaca. But if you do not know about this you will lose all memories of your Werepaca adventures and only transform at night as you sleep. If you experience strange Alpaca related dreams or have an abnormal obsession with Alpacas then you may be a Werepaca and not know it. You should ask your biological parents if they are Werepacas. This trait is shared with people who have had sex with Werepacas and not know their true identity, if you have had sexual relations with someone and believe them to be Werepacas you should ask them. Signs that they are Werepacas include having a strong libido, fetish for body hair, stay up late, have an abnormal obsession with Alpacas, rampant drug use, and Satanic bodily markings or worship Satan, the creator of Alpacas.
6) Be born a Werepaca.
7) Be born a normal Alpaca but have sex with a talking Alpaca or a Werepaca.
8) An Alpaca visits you while you sleep and licks your face. This only works if it is a Werepaca and you were in REM sleep. If a normal Alpaca visits you in your sleep you should call animal control because a fucking Alpaca is in your house.
9) If you have severe depression and a Werepaca prescribes you Prozac or Similar SSRI based anti-depressint. Ask your Doctor if they are a Werepaca. If they recommend a therapist just leave. You aren't crazy for knowing the truth about Werepacas.
10) If you are MLG enough and get a 100 killstreak in Halo or Call of Duty an Alpaca donned in a black robe will visit you as you sleep and ask you if you wish to join the Ranks of the Werepacas. If you deny this request they will leave a single Jelly Donut on your doorstep for either 3 months or until you move. If you eat the donut you will become a Werepaca. If someone else eats it they will not become a Werepaca. If you feed it to your dog the dog will gain Alpaca related abilities but not turn into an Alpaca.
These are just a few ways to become a Werepaca. If you wish to know the other more complicated methods please inquire below.
