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Kritten


Real life is for the stories you just can't make up.

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Oct
10th
2014

First Impressions Critique: Luna's First Winter Back Home - by Morning Mist · 1:17am Oct 10th, 2014

First Impressions Critique: Luna's First Winter Back Home - by Morning Mist
Link to Story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/220786/lunas-first-winter-back-home
Link to FIC - Lost in the Stars:
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/360156/first-impressions-critique-lost-in-the-stars-by-wackiestrolly
Link to Fimfiction's Guide to Writing: http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide

Date Created: October 9, 2014

Not sure whether or not to change these critiques into first-person biased, or keep them majority third-person unbiased. I'll just keep them as what I've been trying to pull off as majority third-person unbiased for now.

* * * * * * * *

- First Impression -

Making their second appearance on the First Impressions series, Luna's First Winter Back Home by MorningMist is the second attempt (that's been noted) of MorningMist having a story critically reviewed here. The story itself is tagged as a Slice of Life story with the main character as -- you guessed it -- Luna.

Going back to the past of these critiques, it has been said that "asking questions in general is not a sufficient way to building suspense, and it's not recommended to be done by anyone; as it is as cheap of a way to build suspense as ellipses do." The same thing could be said with this story, as it is still generally a cheap way in building suspense, being left for the author to think about what may happen in the story before they read it.

- Grammar, Punctuation, and Style -

The only thing that was caught was of when Luna said "Off course, I had never really done it in the past." "Off course" would need to be changed to "Of course", but that's generally it. There were no other problems with grammar, and punctuation was fine. The overall style of the story was also fine, as it mixed well with the story and it's settings.

- Story -

The story follows Luna as she home during her first winter -- I mean, what must of given that away? Anyways, throughout the story, Luna is having troubles with managing her feelings, and as she faces conflict, she is required to sort out her feelings in order to win the conflict. She does this, and lives off a better life. The story, for what it gives, is extremely simple and straightforward. As the story is only two thousand words long, it's quite expected to be. Not saying there's anything wrong with being simple and straightforward, as with the style used during the story, it did what it did, giving the readers a quick and clean read. No problems were detected with it, and it was fine as it was.

- Conclusion -

Breaking the third-person, this is the shortest review that I've done, huh? As stated before, this was a quick and clean read, and I really liked it. It uses the basic functions of character development in order to give a sense of change for Luna, and it being a Slice of Life story, it fits perfectly with the theme that it was aimed for. Although there wasn't much to say about the story, that does not mean that the story was bad in any form.

As a quick read as that was, I would personally recommend this story as it's a pretty good example of a place to start when it comes to basic character development in a story. Great job on improving your stories from before, MorningMist, and thanks for being the first author that I've critiqued and came back from it -- majorly. From what I've noticed, that is. Seriously, I don't even think this story requires a First Impressions Critique.

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Comments ( 1 )

Thanks a bunch for reviewing this. I love the feedback you give and your just so awsome:pinkiehappy:

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