• Member Since 16th Jun, 2014
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billymorph


Hey all, I'm billymorph, a semi-professional writer, self-published author and full-time pony fan. If you enjoy my work, please support me on Patreon!

More Blog Posts29

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Sep
21st
2014

One Hundred and One Things Not to Say to Rainbow Dash · 4:00pm Sep 21st, 2014

This blog is in reference to Tornado Season of The Humans in Equestria Club.

So, that’s the introduction and first chapter done and dusted and we see the start of what I’d tentatively call the plot. It’s always difficult to write something in such a trope filled genre as Humans in Equestria; so few ideas are really new or unique it makes the actual hook of the story is the events and characters, not the setting in general. It requires quite a shift in tone and structure to make it work as anything but a one shot, which is why HiEC is no longer a comedy.

Yeah, no longer being the key point there.

The key inspiration for the backdrop for this story was to make things absurd through quantity. One brony in Equestria has been done to death, but what if there were a hundred? What mischief do they get up to? What tropes to they try and act out? Which character breaks first and throws them out of town? And, how many months will it be before Fluttershy leaves her cottage again?

This absurdism is still in the setting, but because the characters treat things as deadly serious it gets masked somewhat and in a few cases cut entirely so as not to switch tone halfway through the scene. Hence, I lost some of my favorite jokes from this chapter, all of them contained in ‘One Hundred and One Things Not to Say to Rainbow Dash’.

This document was canonically produced by Alex and Co. after Rainbow almost kicked somepony’s head in and contains a long list of things everyone wants new members not to do. Like:

“Do not make references to ‘tasting the Rainbow’”
“Do not attempt to take Applejack’s hat”
“Do not, under any circumstances, provide the CMC access to power tools” (in bold and underlined)
“Do not, though it may technically be true, refer to Princess Celestia as a tyrant”
“Do not hug Fluttershy without her express permission”
“Do not try and talk to Lyra about hands”
“Do not say no to Cloudkicker” (Lyra may have slipped this one in)
“Do not attempt to find Time Turner’s watch”
“Do not call Ms Doo Derpy without her consent, she carries both mail and grudges”

I’m sure there are many more. In fact, if you’d like to add to the list then feel free to comment. I may still find a chance to slip one or two in.

Report billymorph · 1,475 views · Story: The Humans in Equestria Club ·
Comments ( 14 )

2472375

How about "Do not attempt to out-rhyme Zecora." It sounds plausible many tried this already.

"For anybody would-be linguistics with a mean streak, we would like to remind that Zecora is the closest thing we have here in Ponyville to a healer. (IE, of the heath-potion that actually works variety.) Anybody trying to trick her into saying 'silver´ or 'orange' are less likely to receive proper bedside manners and/or the optional ingredients that means the received cure doesn't turn you orange for a month, the next time they are ill."

Probably needs work, but I'd add something like that.

2472454 That would be in the companion manual 'A Comprehensive Guide on Social Interactions In Equestria (Volume I)' containing all the details and rational for those that need it. Of course, it's still in the development phase.

Things Not to Say to Rainbow Dash
by Rainbow Mirriam Dash

Wanna race?
Wanna go pranking?
It needs to be about 20% cooler.
Rainbow Dash always dresses in style.
Rainbow Dash is worst pony.
How's Gilda been lately?
I want to come inside Rainbow Dash.
The word "Dashie"
Are you some kind of lesbian?
Daring Do is an Indiana Jones ripoff.
The word "egghead"
I bet you can't clear those clouds in ten seconds flat.
Speed demon, or super softie?
Danger is my middle name!
I thought you'd be taller.
Is that a wing boner?
Rainbow Crash
Rainbow Smash
Painbow Dash
Any pun with my name in it.
Mirriam.
Whip it. Whip it good.
Calling Rainbow Dash the element of Honesty
Where's your father?
Who's your mother?
Are you part rainbow?
Do you want to be a gryphon?
I need a favor Rainbow Dash.
...

Things Not To Say To Pinkie Pie

Ponka
Ponka Poo
Ponkie Po
Pink Pony
Ponkie Pee
Panko
Pankie Pay
Punk Poo
Penka Pon
Ponk
...

mlpchan.net/anon/src/1411280133537.png

2472375

We may yet have that moment with Cloudkicker... it may break tone, we'll see. Also I think Zecora's would be "Do not get into a rap battle with Zecora" or possibly "Do not attempt to buy organges from Zecora".

2474254
In the story canon Dash pretty much wrote this :rainbowlaugh:. It being thrown at Alex was how the list got it's name.

2474891

Wait, just to be clear, she almost kicked someone's head in with the initial draft of ‘One Hundred and One Things Not to Say to Rainbow Dash’?

2476342

She almost kicked a Club members head in, then wrote the list of things which she never wanted to hear again, which she then threw at Alex. Needless to say she was less than popular around the Club for the next few weeks.

2474254
Do not call Rainbow "Miriam"

2485806 ...I don't get it, unless it's an Ed, Edd n Eddy reference.

2696816
There are a few fics here and there where RD's full name is "Rainbow Miriam Dash", and she hates it.

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