Spoiler Alert: Solarman, Part 1

: ....I still don't understand the appeal. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but....
: My friend Tony introduced me to it. It's a bit of an acquired taste, and yet....
: Girls! Review now, shawarma later!
: A new review? Already? Isn't this a bit rushed?
: If we don't get them done soon after we watch the film, they'll never get done! Come on, please?
: Oh, all right. But I want to do something different soon. Maybe shopping, or a fashion show! Ooh, or we could review fashion instead of movies for once! That would be fun!
: I'll think about it. But for now, let's get to work!
Back in 1989, Marvel Comics released a title called Solarman. The company had high hopes for it and began making an animated pilot episode for the character. And even though the magazine only lasted two issues, when they finished the pilot in 1992, Marvel decided to try the pilot on the Fox Network. How was it? Well, let's take a look.
: Saw the Solarman pilot yesterday.

: The film starts with Commander Gormagga Kraal, a blue-skinned alien military leader, testing a device that can absorb the energy of an entire sun. A for impressive technology, D for generic, unmemorable villain. The device, called the Energizer, was created by a scientist named Sha-han to fulfill his planet's energy crisis. Sha-han is your average old wise man who lacks common sense. Case in point, as he only seems to now realize that he's working with a destructive egomaniac.
: Kraal plans ta use the device ta power his army an' take o'er the universe.

: Ya have ta wonder why he'd need ta power his other weapons when he could just scare other planets inta submission wit' his sun-destroyin' weapon. He then sets his ship ta go ta the Solar System, 'Cause, yup, e'en non-Earthlings call the Sun Sol.
: Sha-han decides to steal the Circlet of Power, a bracelet-shaped device that powers the Energizer, before it can be used to destroy the Solar System. Why do alien races in the Marvel Universe keep using jewelry to power their spaceships and giant weapons? And why are these weapons so easy for humans to wield?

: Maybe, but not as mad as we were after Iron Man 3. Just before he steals it, an Action Chick named Altarra tells him she'll stay behind, even though she "knows what that means." You'd think that that'd mean she'd die covering his escape, but, no, she basically just hangs out at the ship and does nothing. Lazy bum.
: So Sha-han puts a fish bowl o'er his head, jumps inta a spaceship, an' flies away with the Circlet. And Kraal's rather surprised that anyone would try ta stop him from killin' entire species an' conquerin' the universe fer no good reason. Kraal's so angry 'bout this that he destroys the robot that told him Sha-han escaped. Why? It's not like a robot's capable 'a bein' scared or in pain anyway. Also, what kind'a chain 'a command's on this ship? When was the last time a single military commander could just steal a weapon an' start usin' it fer his own personal gain like this?
: We then meet Benjamin Tucker, a boy whose widower father wants him to be an athlete. Ben, however, secretly works on making comic books because he "doesn't want to be Mr. Macho Man." While I hate to attack the only original idea in this mess, if you didn't want to be strong and tough, you wouldn't read so many comic books, kid.

Comments

[Avenging-Hobbits]

This sounds like a Green Lantern ripoff/expy

[nightcrawlerfan]

2434162 Well, technically, it's ripping off Shazam's idea of a kid turning into an adult superhero, it's ripping off Green Lantern's origin story, it's an uninteresting follow up to the long line of fire-based superheroes, and it was its period's latest attempt to recreate Spider-Man's success as a solo teen superhero. It's also like Ben 10, except 16 years older and not nearly as interesting.