Badfic Slaughterhouse #9 · 6:28pm Aug 28th, 2014
To review or not to review, that is the question: whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the existence of wretched badfics, or to take quill in hand against the army of alicorn OCs and write about how much they suck.
Not much of a question, really.
It’s been a little while since I’ve done one of these. In truth, I haven’t been reading much at all. Stupid real life. Stop getting in my way.
I caught up on most of the requests, but there’s one I have yet to get around to. Sorry, Georg.
Today’s batch of stories is unusually good; in fact, most of them aren’t a total waste of time.
Adventures in Currency Exchange: the REAL Conversion Bureau, by Elric of Melnipony
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Human
Rating: Teen
Length: 4,920 words
Synopsis: The main six work in a currency exchange office, trading bits for human money.
Review: Being a random comedy, I suppose the obvious plot hole about the value of paper money from Earth in Equestria can be forgiven. Besides, it doesn’t stick with that idea for the whole length anyway. There are a lot of other fanfiction tropes that can be lampooned, after all.
The story made a bad first impression by using LUS to describe all the characters in the opening scene and forcing the reader to decode their identities, but upon reflection, considering that it doesn’t happen again in the entire story, maybe that was a meta joke. The same idea could apply to a later scene with just dialogue and no narration at all. Even discounting that, however, the dearth of dialogue tags throughout the story sometimes makes it unnecessarily difficult to keep track of who’s saying what. It also infodumps quite a bit near the beginning, which is boring.
On the positive side, there are enough different types of jokes that something is bound to make you laugh, although there will inevitably be some that leave you cold also. The mechanics are virtually spotless.
Verdict: I enjoyed this. It’s not for everyone, especially those that have a low tolerance for randomness and crass humor, but if those things are up your alley, have a look.
If you have sex with a changeling that looks like your beloved and you didn’t know and you end up having a child together, does it count as cheating?, by TheWraithWriter
Tags: Comedy, Random
Rating: Teen
Length: 17,620 words
Synopsis: After Shining Armor boned Chrysalis while she was pretending to be Cadance, Chrysalis drops off their foal on his doorstep.
Review: This is one of the stranger stories I’ve read recently. In what I read, the humor mostly comes from references and quirky prose. I found that some of it works, but some of it falls really flat. For example, every time a new character appears, a couple lines are devoted to introducing them Borderlands style—and yes, I know other things have used the same technique, but I think of Borderlands—where their name is inserted in big, bold letters, followed by a quick phrase saying something about them. I found those to be obtrusive and annoying.
The story moves at a quick pace, and the big jokes all get a suitable payoff, but I prefer more subtle, nuanced humor, and this has as much subtlety as Godzilla in a clown costume.
On the mechanics front, this story is readable, although it does have minor punctuation errors.
Verdict: I didn’t enjoy this story enough to finish it, but that comes down to my stylistic preferences. It is what it is, and it makes no apologies for that. If you like over-the-top meta humor, crazy references, and silly narration, this is right up your alley.
Tags: Comedy
Rating: Everyone
Length: 1,455 words
Synopsis: Applejack teaches Apple Bloom how to knock a sleeping pegasus out of a tree.
Review: Well, this was a thing. Not much of a thing, but a thing, nonetheless.
First, there’s not really a conflict here. Rainbow Dash goes to sleep somewhere she shouldn’t, so Applejack puts one over on her. There’s no challenge to be faced, no character growth, and no surprises in the outcome. Most of the story can be gleaned from the description and the chapter title. Besides that, the story could be rewritten without Apple Bloom, and only minimal adjustments would be needed.
It’s written reasonably well, and there are no significant grammatical errors. However, the narration is written with an attempt to sound “country,” which the author doesn’t appear to understand particularly well. For example: “smack dab right just under her ear.” If someone here in the south said that, even the rednecks would give them funny looks for saying something so awkward.
All that aside, however, it commits the cardinal sin for a comedy; it just isn’t funny. A slice of life tag would suit it better.
Verdict: Competently written, but awkward, unfunny, and pointless. No satisfying payoff. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Some people in the comments claim to have found it hilarious, but I felt like my time was wasted.
Tags: Slice of Life, Human
Rating: Teen, Sex
Length: 1,010 words
Synopsis: EqG Rarity is hypnotized by the swaying hips of Adagio Dazzle.
Review: First of all, if you haven’t seen the clip from Rainbow Rocks this is based on, you will be completely lost. I hadn’t seen it, and it took me several paragraphs to realize that it was based on something else. No indication of that fact is given in the description or anywhere in the story, even an author’s note.
As a story, this falls rather flat because it doesn’t go anywhere. It’s basically the author saying, “Did you see the hips swaying in that video?” The completely unrelated bit at the end—with the girls talking about how weird it is that Sunset Shimmer likes eating meat—is far more interesting than the rest of the story. Write a story about that, please.
Aside from some minor comma errors, it’s fine in terms of mechanics.
Verdict: Harmless and inoffensive, but no substance. Not recommended unless you really want more Equestria Girls material.
Tags: Dark, Adventure
Rating: Mature, Gore
Length: 14,929 words (incomplete)
Synopsis: After the mysterious disappearance of Celestia, Luna, and the Elements of Harmony, Equestria fell into ruin. Many years later, a young mare from a small town of survivors leaves her home and sets out into the world.
Review: At this point, the story is barely out of its setup phase, so I can’t really say how it’s shaping up. It could easily implode. However, the world it presents is intriguing—similar to the one in Antipodes in many respects—and the characters are being developed nicely.
Where this story particularly shines is in its pacing. It moves quickly and keeps its wording economical. The action scenes themselves may be a little lacking, but the buildup establishes some nice tension before each one, and the consequences of the violence are described in vivid detail.
Aside from some swearing, which seems senseless to me, there isn’t much to justify that Mature rating. There’s no sex tag, and while the damage characters sustain is described, it isn’t very gory.
It desperately needs an editor. There are a bevy of comma errors, most of which aren’t glaring, and a few typos and grammatical errors. Paragraph formatting is sometimes inconsistent, but it isn’t severe. The worst problem is a nasty case of saidism abuse, which is bad enough that non-speaking verbs like “grinned” and “beamed” appear as dialogue tags. It improves slightly in the later chapters, but it’s still an issue.
Verdict: This is a promising adventure tale that, if treated with the proper care, may one day stand among the best the fandom has produced. Or it might not. Either way, if you like adventure stories, the aforementioned Antipodes in particular, give this one a chance.
Tags: Dark, Adventure
Rating: Teen
Length: 8,326 words
Synopsis: Twilight uses her time travel spell to relive Equestria’s final minutes over and over.
Review: The Dark tag isn’t appropriate for this story—Sad is more fitting—but that takes nothing away from this well-crafted tale.
The first chapter was written as a stand-alone piece, and taken as such, it’s a powerful and moving piece of fiction, but it consists of presenting a scenario and slowly peeling back the layers to reveal the meaning behind it, rather than telling a story. It has no resolution, and the scenario doesn’t advance beyond its starting point.
The subsequent chapters introduce an arc and progress the narrative toward a conclusion. While still fitting the tone of the original, they radically alter the nature of the story, and I don’t think it does any harm. The afterword brings a nice sense of closure, despite not having a single word in it, and turns a common idea in the fandom on its head.
Mechanically, it’s just about spotless. I have no complaints.
Verdict: This is an excellent piece of work, and I highly recommend it.
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human
Rating: Teen
Length: 17,735 words (incomplete)
Synopsis: After an accident, Lyra finds herself in a new body, a human version of herself in an alternate universe. Meanwhile, a human named Lauren finds herself in a world of ponies.
Review: While this story covers a lot of familiar ground from other HiE and PoE stories, it distinguishes itself somewhat by having both scenarios running at the same time with the same character. The plot is reasonably interesting, and it takes a couple of turns in its short (to date) length. The pacing is solid, although there are some really questionable flashback scenes that aren’t integrated well.
The mechanics are the biggest failing here. A plethora of comma errors, including frequent comma splices, in the early chapters get it off to a rough start. Also, dialogue can be stilted at times.
It’s also worth noting that the tagging is almost completely wrong. This is not a comedy, although it has some funny moments, and it’s more adventure than Slice of Life. The AU tag is misused, and it isn’t Random at all.
Verdict: If you can get past the weak mechanics, there’s a decent story being told. Tentatively recommended for HiE and PoE fans, as well as fans of Lyra stories involving humans.
Guiding Him Down a New Path, by Sai-guy
Tags: Slice of Life
Rating: Everyone
Length: 21,961 words
Synopsis: Two parents watch as their colt finds his place in the world.
Review: First of all, this story can be taken on its own, but it’s clearly part of a larger narrative. There’s a lot of backstory, and a lot of work goes into setting up events for future stories. Taken purely on its own, there’s really no reason for the entire griffon subplot to exist, and the family history subplot wouldn’t have any purpose, either. Be aware going in that if you get invested in this OC cast, you need to be in it for the long haul.
This is an OC cast, so I need to single them out. The husband, Guiding Star, and his wife, Squall Line, are both well-characterized. They have clearly defined strengths, and their flaws tend to involve the application of those strengths, so their personalities are well-balanced and relatable without feeling forced or contrived. The colt, Rising Star, is also written well, showing the unrestrained enthusiasm and innocence of youth. His growth over the course of the story feels organic, although the reactions to that growth (particularly a string of visitors who come to see the family, showing a little self-indulgence on the author’s part) get a bit silly near the end. The griffon characters, by comparison, are all flat and one-dimensional.
On the mechanical front, it’s almost spotless. There are, however, some glaring typos and extra words in it, but they only appear once every few thousand words, so that shouldn’t turn you off. Sai-guy’s style is direct and easy to read, and the pacing is good.
Verdict: As OC fiction goes, this is at the upper end. With a good cast of characters and an engaging story of self-discovery shown from the POV of the parents instead of the child, this is an easy recommendation for anyone who likes OC, slice of life, and coming of age stories.
Want me to take a shot at a particular story? Make a request in the comments.
Rules:
—It can be yours or someone else’s, and I don’t care whether it’s good or a train wreck.
—You can request a story of any length, but I won’t guarantee that I’ll read anything over 10k words, and if I do, I might not read all of it.
—One request per person per review post, and only on the most recent one. No retroactive requests.
—If I don’t like your story, don’t be butthurt over it. It's just one guy's opinion, and I'll probably recommend it for someone, even if I hate it.
... I kind of like the name I put on this one. Maybe I'll keep it.
Mayor Mare has a Problem
I've wanted to suggest this one for a while... but hadn't had a chance to go through and fix some of the mechanical issues with it. Done. Lambast away, as you please. Thank you.
Ahhhhhh I can't decide! ;-;
Yeah, Hips Don't Lie was really a vanity project about DEM HIPS. But I have another one for you.
The Great Equestrian Novel, please.
The Tutelage of Star Swirl
by Moose Mage has an absolutely criminally low amount of views/likes for its superb quality. I recommend it highly, just for it to get more exposure!
Aw, but the best pay off is the ending. Or so they keep telling me.
Anyway, thanks for taking a look.
Well, after nearly a year of writing sad/disturbing/disgusting stuff, I finally wrote a comedy...
about the Mane Six getting killed in silly ways. Sometimes They Come Back To Annoy You. Hopefully you'll get a larf or two.
So wait, you just choose what to review based entirely off suggestions? And you accept self-promotion?
Clearly, you need to read The JaAm Cycles.
I wasn't thrown in a tree shredder!
2410562
Pfffft
I accept requests, but I don't guarantee that I'll read most of them. The majority of what I read is stuff I find on my own or through TRG's queue.
2410866
Well, mine's broken, and I can't afford to rent one right now, so you get off easy this time.
2409813 This, a thousand times this.
2409362
I read that one a few months ago, actually. Should be easy enough to put together some thoughts on it.
2409813
Hurray! Someone recommended something written by someone else! And a promising one, at that.
I just found this review of "Moments" today! Thanks much. I might not admit to being an attention horse, but a review is like an unexpected Christmas present--even the bad ones are a kind of validation.
And thanks for still being on fimfiction! I haven't seen a comment from you in a long time, but I see you were here today.
5762768
It's been a while since I was particularly active on the site, but I never stopped visiting, reading blogs, and maybe opening a story that catches my eye. I also make a point of responding to messages whenever I get them.
Good to see you found your way to this one, even if it did take nearly a decade! I probably should have taken a page from PaulAsaran's book and posted in the comments of stories I reviewed instead of just sending a notification by adding it to a public bookshelf.