Story rewrite poll: What should I do? · 3:33am Aug 18th, 2014
Hello, loyal test subjects readers and followers. I write this post because I have something very important that I need to ask of you.
So, as you may or may not know, I have been faced with a difficult dilemma regarding A Trusted Friend in Science and Ponies, the story I have poured my life into. In short, the story is seriously flawed, and I want to go back and fix it. You may have read the criticisms, and you may or mat not agree with them, but at the heart of it, I am disappointed that this story is not proving to be the brilliant sequel that is should be, but rather a convoluted plot where characters make the dumbest of mistakes. As I mentioned in the last post, I have a proofreader now, but major changes are required: in essence a rewrite. Some changes that I plan to make are pretty obvious: make a stronger connection to the original (which I have just careuly reread) by showing how the ponies' lives have been changed by GLaDOS's psychological torture, don't lazily rush through a several month time skip, don't have GLaDOS blunder her plans so carelessly, and don't make Celestia so spineless. The list goes on.
However, there is one controversial aspect of me story that I am torn on, and that is where I need your help: The Half-Life elements, specifically the Combine. As evidenced by the story's cover art, I had planed their inclusion from the beginning. My reason for including them was that it was a quick and convenient way to for GLaDOS to have all the technology she needs to build her Enrichment Center. However, there is a major consequence of this decision: while it is true that Half-Life and Portal exist within the same universe, it really isn't fair to those who haven't played Half-Life to make this into a Half-Life crossover halfway through the second installment in a series, especially considering that the original story had nothing to do with Half-Life aside from a brief reference to Black Mesa. On the other hand, some of you really seem to be enjoying the Combine and the Half-Life elements (come on, GLaDOS + Beakless/ Lamarr is the most adorable thing ever.)
The first rule of writing is to understand your audience. So that is why I am asking you, the reader, what I should do. I'll make this announcement in a chapter post as well since they attract more attention. No matter what, this story is in desperate need of some major revisions, but I don't know what I should do regarding the Combine, since that is bound to upset a very vocal part of my audience.
I am devising an alternate plotline that does not involve the Combine, or anything from Half-Life whatsoever. In short, GLaDOS will have the Diamond Dogs dig a massive cavern, and she will essentially rebuild Aperture Science from scratch over a much longer time span. She will also receive help from the changelings as well, who will replace the function of the Combine in regards to taking over Equestria. Even if I keep the Combine in the story, admit it, GLaDOS teaming up with Chrysalis would be pretty cool.
So, linked below is a poll that I would like for you to answer. Please put some thought and consideration into it and answer it honestly. This is going to help me decide how I should go about this. Please remember, I would rather spend another year and have a masterpiece than rush through with a mediocre fanfiction. So, please voice your opinion and vote in the poll.
This is a hard call either way...
Honestly, what I want, but know won't happen, is the appearence of...The Freeman...
Honestly I'm a big Half-Life fan... but I don't want it in this crossover. In my opinion it takes away from the story to add more big characters (even if it's just the faceless Combine... Ok, Advisors are the face but you get the point)
The story at the moment is quite interesting, however, what you've proposed sounds even more so, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly, what I'm hoping for, if you do edit, or continue, to see or have a reappearance of G-Pony or an equivalent of him.
I want you to write something that's fun for you, but as a reader I never did get round to playing Half-Life, so my vote went to pure Portal with the added fun of bringing in further pony elements.
I've played the Half-Life games and, please no pony find this blasphemous, I just found them kinda 'meh'. So I was kind of feeling disinterested when the Combine showed up honestly. Not in the story itself, just not in the changes the aliens would bring to Equestria.
Personally I'd rather have this be all Portal but I know how hard it is to redo work and lose progress. So while I voted for pure Portal I won't be upset if this story is just adjusted and kept as is or continues on it's current course.
Ultimately, as I learned at BronyCon, a writer should write for themselves and tell the story they want to see. If others enjoy it that's great, but right from the start it is your story so you must decide how it works. Write with others in mind, but most of all write to please yourself. And remember, no story is ever 100% finished. We just have to be satisfied with what we can create. Being as perfectionist and constantly tweaking it to get it 'just right' will result in a story that no pony can get invested in.
Just chose what feels 'right' and do the best you can.
A problem with this story is that it takes Portal, with Chell, and kinda just shoves her into a corner without that much hope, with Half Life taking front and center. As much as I enjoy sniping about wanting the appearance of another mute lunatic, there isn't too much that I see Chell doing right now. Her friends are mostly captured, and the Combine, who at any moment can decide to go lethal and they wouldn't be able to do anything about it, are stalling there. From what I recall of the last few chapters, it's mostly GLaDOS doing experiments and the ponies calling her a monster, with 'Tia still trying to find the good in her like one of those deluded romances. Nothing short of a change of heart by Caroline or a deus ex machina is going to end with the heroes winning.
If it doesn't spoil too much, and if you're still okay with writing it, then finish the story. Have it a complete lesson to learn on what and what not to do.
Just as context, I read and loved the first story back when the six-star tag on Equestria Daily was the way to get the good ponyfics. I've been following your work on the sequel, but I haven't been reading it as it's written. I prefer to blitz the whole thing once it's all completed. So, from my perspective, if you feel you can improve the story, go for it. I don't much care if that means I won't be reading it for another year or whatever, just make sure it's something you're proud of.
As for the Half-Life inclusion vs. pure Portal, well, I haven't read it yet, and had no idea there was anything Combine in it, but I've played the Half-Life games and enjoyed them so that entire concept is fine by me. Of course, seeing Chrysalis and GLaDOS team up sounds pretty cool as well, so although I'd prefer not to see all that work go to waste, I'll be happy enough with whichever storyline you choose
I want to say yes to a point. I think everything that deal with invasion should be scraped and rewritten for I think its getting a bit over the top and pushing the story where it maybe difficult to finish with a good ending.
Not sure what to replace it with, but I fear your story is going a bit too far and uncontrolled.
I was surprised at the extended Half-Life stuff... but I also kind of like it. It's sort of like the combined Portal/Half-Life "3" game we all want so much. But the real question remains: Are they necessary to hit the important parts of your story? Or do they get in the way?