The One-Shot Story Least Likely To Succeed... · 3:21pm Aug 7th, 2014
...will probably be the one I work on over the weekend.
First, before anyone gets the whips out, here's a one-word preview of the next chapter for A Mark Of Appeal -- namely, that chapter's title: Safeword. And I'll warn everyone in advance: there will be in-story discussion of what might pretty much be a local ultimate in last resorts.
(Also, the next chapter for A Horse Called Sunbutt is Exploring Permutations. And there goes Horizon's theory -- I think.)
But I've had two story ideas ricocheting through my head for the last few days, and I'd like to get one of them out. So here's where I'll take a little poll advice from anyone who drops in on this entry. You tell me which idea is least likely to make the Feature box, and the concept with the majority of 'It'll never catch on...' -- that's the one I'll do my best to get finished by Sunday night. (Unless, by some very unlikely miracle, I can complete both.) Because I'm not getting paid for this and I'm still trying to work out how it's possible to have a tip jar for fanfic (and no, I'm not really thinking about going for that $0.04 yearly income boost), but gee, whatever passes for my public should get a vote in somewhere.
Yes, I'm Perry-dodging (tm). Your point?
The summaries:
Lazy River (Chapter title: Drifting)
Slice Of Life
Characters: Applejack, Pinkie Pie
This is a TC story concept, and it would be the single earliest tale on the timeline, set a few moons after AJ's parents died: Pinkie and Applejack are just barely starting into puberty. Basically, Pinkie is trying to get and keep AJ off the Acres for a day, because AJ has barely left the place since the funeral. AJ has tried to drop out of school. AJ doesn't see her friends any more unless they come to her. AJ has strangers on the Acres and wants them gone. And it's becoming almost impossible to get AJ to perceive anything in her life which isn't the farm.
What we have here is a Pinkie who's still trying to adjust to life away from the rock farm and an Applejack who's recently decided there's only one kind of living left for her and nothing else should be getting in the way. Pinkie thinks her friend is wrong. Applejack can't even see where a wrongness might exist.
I wanted to look back a little, get into the early days when it was just the two of them, explore a bit of that bond. It's also about dealing with the lingering aftermath of grief, and I was hoping it would say something about the insular habits AJ can so easily pull herself into as safety and shelter. There's also a bit of earth pony traditions in there -- along with a river. Which Pinkie is going to make Applejack go down, one way or another: an especially tricky proposition because this young Pinkie isn't very good at insisting just yet.
But there are more things to drown in than water, and Pinkie stands as the lifeguard on the Bearers' shores. And sometimes, what you need the most is to not think for a while...
AJ's the only pony in the Mane Cast without a focus story. Maybe it's time to change that. And for a large part of the tale, it's just AJ drifting down a river on a custom one-pony raft salvaged from Horaceland.
Also, she gets soaked. A lot.
Naked Lunch (Chapter title: The Jungle, with story title suggested by GroaningGreyAgony.)
Comedy
Characters: Crossing Guard, Luna, several minor OCs
It's not a CDA story. It's a TC one.
Really. There may be someone here who remembers my saying that in main AU continuity, Crossing probably wound up working in the immigration department. Also that I was thinking about doing a story about immigration. (It's a tiny chance for both, but it exists, right?) So here he is in the central timeline. And what is he doing there?
Well... I've previously noted that Canterlot hosts the various embassies for the other nations. So in that sense, it's a multi-species city, above and beyond what the three main pony races already create. I also figure that it's one of the very few settled zones -- Manehattan may be the other major one -- which would have a notable population of those species after you take the embassies out. It's a very small percentage of the resident total -- probably under two percent -- but it's one of the few places where you will see expatriate zebras, buffalo, kudus, donkeys, cattle, minotaurs, and so on down the line, living and working as either resident aliens, recent immigrants, or true citizens of Equestria who just happen to be something other than ponies.
Crossing works in Canterlot's immigration department (which is under the legal domain of the Night Court, and thus Luna). He's the final barrier to entry, reviewing all the forms and making the last decision on whether someone gets to try their luck in Equestria. And as such, he's also the liaison between the citizens-in-waiting and everypony else when something goes wrong, since he is the one who let those sapients in and therefore some ponies will see everything they might do as his fault.
Here we have Gerald Gristle, who comes in at the end of a very long day for Crossing, and therefore doesn't get scrutinized quite as much as he arguably should have been. Our applicant left the Griffon Republic because he has a dream of opening his own business. He has a place he can stay, money to spend, contacts in the area, and he plans to have his own place open within two weeks. A weary Crossing tries to fill him in on some of the things a griffon living in Canterlot should know about, like where to eat -- but a happy Gerald informs Crossing that he's in food supply, and what kind of businessgriffon would he be if he couldn't pull a little aside for himself? Crossing, who just wants to get home and soak his hooves, wearily passes the new applicant through.
Two weeks later, the new business opens.
It's a butcher shop.
Right out in the open, as opposed to the back alleys which the very few meat supply businesses in Canterlot (serving those who aren't herbivores and refuse to consume pet food) operate out of so as not to offend the majority. With big glass windows and the freshest of product hung just behind them, mostly still dripping. A horribly inappropriate mascot image presides over the whole thing. The place is perfectly situated within the city's air currents so as to allow the smell to reach a good part of it. Gerald saw a business opportunity and went for it. And he is getting business. Also protestors, picket lines, ponies trying not to throw up as they pass (with some not quite making it), the establishments around him are suffering, and guess what? It's all Crossing's fault... which ultimately leads back to Luna.
Griffons and the other carnivores/omnivores have every right to eat. But some ponies are offended by that. Loudly so. And when the screaming escalates enough...
This is starting to turn into a bit player reunion. I'm bringing back Sizzler (who sees this as the greatest place to shop ever -- and sadly, is seen in return), Wordia Spinner, and CUNET. Anise likely shows up towards the end. It's also going to be our first direct look at the nauseating presence of the pro-Princess newspapers and the horrible distortions thrown out from that direction. (Still trying to get a name for that reporter.) There's a touch of multiculturalism in there, I've got to throw in at least one closed-border line, a couple of small mentions concerning griffon society and their own pony population... but on the whole, it's meant as a comedy. Here is Canterlot's first big, bright, and fully public butcher shop. What are we going to do about it?
It ends with a dinner. Bring your own steak knife.
So -- of those two concepts -- which one is not going to be climbing the rungs any time ever?
Your Vote Counts.
(One Ballot Each. No Duplicate Accounts. You Do Not Have To Be Registered With A Given Pony Party. First Person To Scream About Voting Line-Crossers Or Bring Up Mississippi Gets Kicked.)
No, I don't have cover art for either one. Don't let that influence your vote.
That's a tough call, since I could see them both having a fair chance at the FB: a serious character study vs. wacky hijinks with Sizzler. Hmmm....
I'll literally read anything you release. Even if the topic of some stories might not suit my taste, your writing style makes me enjoy reading the story anyway.
On a side not, I see you mentioned an update for A Mark of Appeal. I didn't follow you back when you started Triptych, but is there a chance that story will be updating anytime soon?
Hmmm... I am just going to vote for the one I would like to read.
Naked Lunch
I (most) want to read the first one. I think the second has a worse chance at the feature box. But to be honest, both are pretty much guaranteed to get in. This is raw pony Oscar bait
Both sound intriguing!
I think Lazy River wouldn't catch people's attention quite as much, so I must suggest you go with that.
I vote for Lazy River
Naked Lunch has a lower chance of getting featured, I think, as it is mostly about OC's, which tends to not be as popular as stories about the Mane 6. It is also the story that I want to read the most, though, so I might be biased.
I would happily provide cover art if you need it. Free of charge. I am working on my art skills and taking any excuse to draw, and you are one of my favorite authors.
Naked Lunch, mostly because it's one of those sorts of stories that can show characters at their best and worst and most interesting.
Followed by more Triptych and Mark of Appeal, please.
I think Naked Lunch, which is more explicitly political and therefore potentially controversial, has a higher chance of getting featured. Lazy River, while interesting, doesn't have a hook (shipping, totally original concept, trolly gimmick, etc) that most feature box items do.
So, the first one is a story about Buck Finn?
I prefer the high steaks of the second story.
Honestly would be interested in either.
If guessing at least likely to hit the box I would have to say Lazy River.
Applejack just seems to draw the least attention, even less than some backgrounders.
Naked Lunch is the one I hope you write, although the former sounds less likely to reach the featured box
Ugh. Tough choice. Both seem like they'd do great. Still, going by the riotous reaction to my latest story, I'm going to lean towards the less funny option for the Perry-dodge™. Lazy River it is.
I'd still love to see both eventually.
I am very happy to hear A Mark of Appeal will be updating. Your chapter title has me intrigued.
As for these two stories, well, I would be more likely to read the second one, but it also sounds like it is mostly OCs, so while it sounds like a more interesting concept, I think the first might be more likely to reach the feature box. But I'm sure whatever you write it will be well written.
Naked Lunch. Definetly Naked Lunch. I want to see where this will be going.
On a side note, it took me unreasonably long time to realise this, but your stories remind me of one particular author in style, tone, and general outlook. The one and only Sir Terry Pratchett. And in my opinion, I thinkyour stories can be compared as being for the most part as good as Pratchett's classics. Although I don't think he ever heartlesly murdered a piano in his stories...
(One of the things keeping you from his level? That one particular Fluttershy story that involved a Sherman tank. But at least you've already apologized for that...)
Naked Lunch, definitely.
MIS ARIEL EP … hm. Your next-next chapter needs to be something like Idaho Contrasts.
Based on personal experience: If you want a rock-solid, iron-clad guarantee of dodging the featurebox, write poetry.
I honestly have no idea which one is more likely to get featured - I suspect it'd come down to what the summaries on the published versions say, or something else relatively minor. However, I personally would prefer to read Naked Lunch, so I vote for it. (Though I'm still eager to read whichever you choose to write.)
Hmmmmm... honestly, both of them sound like decent feature box material. Which would be less likely to get into the feature box though...? I guess I'd say Naked Lunch because it's very OC centric? I don't know if that matters as much as I think it does, though.
Lazy River is the story I'd like to see more, but I think that Naked Lunch will be less likely to hit the box, since it's an OC-centered comedy. Lazy River is more likely to be added to groups because it has main characters in it, so it'll get more exposure.
I'd like to read Naked Lunch, but I think Lazy River will be harder to get featured.
I'll be honest--I want to read Naked Lunch more, but I think Lazy River is less likely to be featured.
I really want to read "Lazy River."
But I have to say that "Naked Lunch" is least likely to be featured.
I'd have to say I think "Naked Lunch" is less likely to be featured and the one I'd rather see.
Lazy River sounds like the sort of thing some pretentious twat is going to herald as the second coming of Christ; it’ll either go completely unappreciated or be featured so fast it’ll make your head spin. You did say it was going to be part of the TC, right? Character studies are far less popular when someone is unfamiliar with the continuum they’re in, as readers tend to avoid things they think they’ll need to read X other fics just to get an idea about what’s going on.
Naked Lunch sounds like the safer bet, even as part of the TC, which is a damn shame since I really, really want to read it.
Both sound great, and I would expect both to be featured, honestly it seems pretty random to me, but I vote for Naked Lunch.
I think Lazy River would get featured more easily.
That is because it's largely inoffensive (and the feature box thrives on inoffensive-and yes, that disgusting foalcon clopfic you're thinking about IS inoffensive, in a very unintuitive kind of way), because it features two main characters, and because it has themes which are more easily digested.
Naked Lunch, on the other hand, would revolve around a cast mostly of OCs, in a continuity which one has to be more passionate about, and so on.
That said, I would slightly prefer Naked Lunch to be written (actually I'd prefer both of them to be written, but you get what I mean) so I'm not entirely biased.
Anyway, that is my analysis of the situation.
So what we've learned here is that absolutely no one has any consensus opinion on what it takes to make or avoid the Feature box.
Knighty would be proud.
Tallying votes (and replying)...
LZ: ********
NK: ***************
Unless someone wants to call 'Florida!' (but dear sweet pony gawds, not Mississippi), looks like we've got a winner.
2351088
In time.
2351101
Tell me which one is Forrest Gump and I'll drop it on the Delete Account button immediately.
2351143
I'm always happy to look at anything inspired by or made for my work -- but I have to warn you: based on previous experience, you are about to vanish from the Internet, life, the universe, and no one will ever hear from you again.
Admittedly, it's very limited previous experience, but still.
2351201
And congratulations on that long ladder stay.
Thus did the Mane Cast learn that mashed potatoes could be their friends.
2351223
I'll just repeat what I said the last time that comparison came up: it's not company I belong among by several million copies and about forty levels of quality. However, I will admit that on some level, when going for The World's Least Effective Conspiracy, the Brinner Brigade drew at least a little subconscious inspiration from Guards, Guards.
And I may have never written a more Prachettian passage than 'There were three to five of them. They refused to count themselves. It was more secure that way.'
2351293
Unless it's poetry about rocks?
You're tempting me to make Chapter Six into Interesting Complications...
2352611
It has been one of the problems with the Continuum: insisting that nearly all the stories will work as stand-alones and while you might get more out of them if you read the set, it's not necessary. Well -- the insistence isn't the problem. It's getting people to believe it.
2353709
I don't have the Mature setting enabled. I can't even see whatever it is you thought I was thinking of, which I wasn't thinking of no matter what you thought, because I just don't think that way.
I'd throw in a last 'I think' at the end there, but I think I lost myself.
ETA: Because today is TMNTMB premiere day, I took a moment and looked through the Metacritic consensus.
Uh-oh.
2353828
That 'you' was actually intended in the plural, for anybody who read that comment :-P
2353828 Well, I know I'm far, far too late to vote... but as a long-time reader and very occasional commenter, I gots to say that I'm super excited about Naked Lunch. I do have comments and criticism on the pitch, though!
I am curious as to how you're squaring the circle of most of what we would regard as sources of delicious meat here in the real world being provably sentient in Equestria. Despite the fact that Equestria would recognize that obligate carnivores such as Griffons have a right to survive, I don't think they would countenance the local slaughter or importation of meats that came from thinking beings.
That means no beef and no mutton. Nothing that comes off of pigs, cows, bison, or sheep. Goats are a possibility, I suppose, as are deer, but those are ungulates and most hoofed mammals in Equestria seem to be thinking beings. Your options for red meat are going to be deeply limited; ducks and geese provide it, but I'm having trouble thinking of other sources. Chicken and rabbit would be allowable, I think; despite the presence of Angel I'm hesitant to label rabbits as sentient. Turkey, that can be a thing.
I'm real interested to see how that works out. I've seen lots of people attempt to depict Griffon eating habits, and the fanon ranges from "strictly fish" all the way to "they will totally eat ponies if they have the slightest excuse."
I'm unsure about the whole "Crossing lets Gerald through by mistake" aspect. If I'm reading the pitch right, Gerald isn't doing anything actually illegal (with the possible exception of the odor; that could be a public nuisance thing.) I think it's more interesting if Crossing was actually doing his job exactly right and ends up being pilloried for it; Gerald is trying to immigrate, is very open about the fact that he's a butcher, Crossing finds this distasteful but it isn't his job to judge, everything is stamped and approved, etc. Only it turns out Gerald was uninterested in following the unwritten laws of Canterlot.
May I express the hope, by the way, that Flitter totally makes a trip to Canterlot just to shop at this deeply transgressive new butcher shop and congratulate the owner? And request, nay, demand a stack of advertising fliers to distribute back in Ponyville, and maybe he sells convenient doll-sized versions of his comically inappropriate mascot?
Super, super excited about seeing the pro-Princess press. Murdocks has been verging on cartoonish supervillainy ever since he was introduced, and frankly it was starting to become unbelievable in a lot of ways. (I really hope you start walking back the whole "pays people in false coin" thing, because that's sort of silly.) But man, I am psyched to see some fawning sycophants.
I'm curious, are Hippogriffs (griffon-ponies) or Qilins (dragon-ponies) a thing in the Triptychverse?
As near as I can tell, the only ironclad way to make it into the Feature box is to write a story featuring a futanized Scootaloo in some hardcore non-consensual foalcon with a Pokemon, while Navy Seals stand guard. Also Master Chief shows up.
That'd make it in for sure.
2358128
This will come up in-story: there's a multi-nation treaty in place which basically draws the line at 'nothing which talks or thinks'. (A sarcastic Luna will at one point note that those states are often mutually exclusive.) A number of the monster species are edible, as are magical offshoots of the standards: Flebian Rams would be considered all right for dining, if you can live through snagging one. Most of what's used for meat is more aggressive than the Terran standard. A general rule is that if it's openly hunting you and can't discuss the reasons, the favor can be returned.
And yes, the Diamond Dogs never signed off on the paperwork as a group: each warren is pretty much a separate country, and they don't exactly work together.
Griffon diet will also come up in-story: they're technically omnivores, but just barely, and -- well, more to arrive there.
More that Crossing fails to ask about the nature of the food being supplied. It's not illegal to sell meat -- there are just general guidelines about how you go about doing so. And Gerald is.... a special case when it comes to unwritten laws. More to come there -- but yes, it's mostly the cultural issues which he's violating.
To see someone being pilloried for doing their job, check any Commentary section on virtually any article, anywhere, on any day.
She can't be everywhere. (Can she?)
Well, if your plan is to hold on to as much of your own wealth as possible while watering down the money supply with the possible long-term intent of reporting on an economic panic which you started...
No. There are griffon-pony marriages -- which are so rare as to turn the usual brass ring into iridium -- but the species are much too far apart for natural reproduction, and magic to bridge the gap hasn't been created. (Even if it's possible, the scarcity of those relationships means there's been very little demand.) Those couples will adopt -- and there's going to be a bit in the story about that.
ETA: Such connections are somewhat more common in the Republic: it's Equestria which barely sees them.
Pony-dragon relationships are completely unknown in the modern age: in-continuity, Spike is the first dragon to have been raised among ponies from the hatching of his egg and while a very few dragons have lived among the namby-pambies, that's just it: a very few over Equestria's entire history. Again, the species aren't cross-fertile.
You do realize that there will be at least one person on this site who will treat that as a dare?
2358210
Makes sense. Equestrian fauna in general seems pretty damn aggressive and intelligent even where it isn't openly sentient. I imagine this goes double in the Triptychverse, which features a much more rough-and-tumble vision of the world (with its dangerous wild zones all over the place) than many other interpretations.
Griffons are a blend of two species that are obligate carnivores; it is surprising that they're even barely omnivorous. Although Gilda did seem to enjoy that apple. Probably the sugar.
Flitter lives in all of our hearts, Estee. All of our hearts.
The thing is, tho, that Murdocks whole "pay in counterfeit bits" thing is, if I recall correctly, a known fact. I recall that there have been a number of trials about it (trials plural) and Celestia and other ponies have treated it, if not precisely common knowledge, as part of the public record.
The sort of scumbags Murdocks would attract may not be the brightest stars in the sky, but they're probably not dumb when it comes to their exact brand of scumbaggery and especially not when it comes to getting paid. At a certain point, they would start demanding to be paid in sight drafts that draw on known, reliable banking institutions or have their payment go through an escrow service before they hand over any information to Murdocks or his agents.
Fair enough. I asked out of curiosity; some people lean one way, some the other. Qilins, probably because of Spike, actually seem to be a more popular addition to fanons than Hippogriffs are. I thought about it because of Skywriter's Beloved has them and does a whole big thing about their cuisine, which your pitch reminded me of.
(As I'm sure you are aware, Skywriter uses food politics in his own stories to great effect. God knows what sort of reaction his flavor of Cadance, a Princess who eats meat, would provoke in the Triptychverse.)
I'll be honest. Except for the part about Master Chief, I am 90% sure this story has not only been written, but has in fact made the feature box.
Seriously. I'm looking at the thing right now. Of the ten stories in there, we've got, lets see... one incest, one revenge rape, one ultra-violent Human in Equestria, and oh, hey, some foalcon.
Recently a story about Sunset Shimmer cornering Twilight in a locker room and raping her with a strap-on hung out there for three days.
Your stories deserve a hell of a higher profile than they've been receiving, Estee. (Remember when that other Triptych came out? That was just embarrassing to all involved.) A hell of a higher profile. But don't sweat not ending up in the feature box. It's a cesspool. So is popular stories.