Read It Later 6: The Most Dangerous Game · 3:16am Jul 24th, 2014
Work’s a pain, you know. I wanted to get these done earlier but, whatever.
I’ve got no real news this time around, but that’s beside the point. This blog is a little bit different and instead is all about The Most Dangerous Game contest. The finalists have been chosen and now’s the audience’s turn to decide which story ends up beating all the rest. Check out the group, go read the finalists, and then send your votes in before submissions close in a few days.
Down below after the obligatory silly image, you can find my reviews and rankings for the finalists.
Fun fact: 100% of the adorable cartoon ponies you see online are non-huggable.
How this ended up on my RIL list: You mean, aside from being one of the contest finalists? Word of mouth would be the answer then. I’ve seen lots of positive talk about this particular one in Skype, and while its myriad of story tags would have normally put me off, there’s something I find intriguing about its description. It’s foreboding, leading to a dark or depressive atmosphere. The second-person perspective is obvious enough, though I don’t see that as a deal breaker. If anything, it just made me even more curious.
What I walked away with: I feel sickened, but in a gratifying sort of way. Not like there’s an optimistic spin to things, because if anything, this story downright depressing. This wasn’t fun to read and in fact, it kept hitting me over the head to make sure I was feeling miserable. But I can respect if for that, for being a story that understands its bleakness is its strength and capitalizes on that key aspect, from the very beginning to the very end.
The story is conveyed by an unseen, unnamed narrator who endlessly belittles the protagonist for being an incomparable idiot, blinded and maddened by his love for Celestia. In that regard, the second-person perspective isn’t used for natural storytelling per se, as what one might expect with a 1st or 3rd-person story. Instead, this reads like the narrator is its own entity talking directly to the reader. This is surely the easiest way for any second-person story to take advantage of its unique perspective, and it’s admirably pulled off here.
The accusatory tone of the narrator does a wonderful job of not only recounting the story (and in turn, belittling the protagonist), but it does a commendable job of setting the general mood of the story. Like I said before, this wasn’t fun to read, and it was about halfway through where I decided I felt like utter crap. Maybe this is the masochism talking, but it was deeply satisfying to be so immersed like that. Again, this comes with the great use of the story’s perspective, and a narrator who just won’t let up.
What’s more, this story does a fairly decent job of juggling all five of the contest prompts. They’re all touched upon, although some in particular are underwhelming and are hardly noted. The story also relies some odd characterizations of the princesses that require some acceptance, but it works wonders with them.
This has to be one of the more depressing stories I’ve seen this community produce recently, and I loved it. Anyone who wants to know what a good second-person story looks like should take a look here, as well as anyone who’s fan of tragedies.
Afterthoughts: The contest was set up to make good stories of generally perceived bad tropes, such as Human In Equestria and the 7th Element of Harmony. With that in mind, I feel like this story captures the most spirit of the contest, at least as far as the final five are concerned. The others also stay true to the spirit, yes, but they all strike me as being able to have genuinely existed without the contest as a motivator. This one, however, I can’t fathom having been written at all—competently or not—if it weren’t for this contest.
How this ended up on my RIL list: If it weren’t for being in the final five, I wouldn’t have touched this one. Partly because of my wariness towards the Romance tag, but largely because of my irrational hatred of Apple Bloom. I’ve seen some of this author’s work before, and I’ve got faith in his abilities as an author, but I just don’t like Apple Bloom. There has to be some sort of motivator to get me to read a story that seems to be centered around her, and there simply isn’t one here, not to mention I’ve heard very little about it from others. But I digress.
What I walked away with: I feel a little conflicted. The story here is definitely about Apple Bloom, but it’s more so about Applejack and while I like what the story does, I’m not too keen on how it handles itself.
The story takes place a bit into the future, where Apple Bloom is now a teenager. Applejack has finished her work for the day an hour early and heads home, only to accidentally stumble upon Apple Bloom making out with some unknown colt. What transpires is internal conflict on Applejack’s part as she comes to terms with her little sister not being so little anymore, but also a sit-down with the colt to just talk, and in turn develop Applejack. Apple Bloom pretty much exists as the topic then, and I find it admirable that the conversation that develops doesn’t involve Applejack cleaning a shotgun.
Let’s begin there, because that’s what the story actually centers around. Applejack, at first, doesn’t know whether or not she should be kicking and screaming at her revelation, so she settles to just sulk as her mind tries to wrap around the concept that her little sister’s all grown up now, and for that matter that she’s just now realizing it. For her part, Applejack is played extraordinarily well. While confused with herself, she’s still mature and while still being the big sister, I find it great she’s able to distance herself from that “big sister” role. Applejack’s character is nothing short of being so her and I absolutely loved it.
Now there’s the colt. I’m not quite sure what to think about him, but he’s just as uncomfortable as Applejack is, and for obviously different reasons. I don’t want to say he’s plain as there’s certainly depth to his character, but I just found it hard to connect with him. Given the circumstances, he’s a bit too cookiecutter, but I can’t say at all it’s detrimental to the story or that I even dislike him. As the surprisingly intelligent and utterly natural conversation unfolds between the two shows, the focus is more about Applejack and how she feels, and less to do with this colt. Applejack is at the heart of the story after all, so his actions only serve to give her something to react to.
In total, I loved this story for what it is, what wants to do, and for what it’s able to accomplish. There’s a sincerity to it that a lot of stories tend to lack, one that’s down to earth and shows off its characters. However, I do think the story tried a little too hard to show them off, and that’s my only real complaint with it.
In creating its atmosphere and emotions, the story seems to go out of its way to capture every single moment and every single thought. It sets the mood it needs, but it uses a massive overdose of detail to do so, a phenomenon I’ve taken to calling MOOD syndrome. Not that it doesn’t work, but it’s tedious. Whole paragraphs span between small bits of dialogue or movement analyzing practically all the actions of a scene and giving them to the characters to react to, and while it’s done in a way that only contributes to the story, a sizeable chunk of this baggage comes across as unnecessary. Really, I think this story could probably afford to shed a thousand words or two and it wouldn’t be any worse for wear.
I guess that’s a roundabout way of saying it’s unnecessarily long. Again, it doesn’t at all suffer from being so, but it’s still a bit annoying, even for an introspective piece such as this. Something else of note is how the story’s narrated: I saw many a time—especially in the earlier pages—where the narration used particular phrases (ie: landsake, white as Wrap-Up snow) that seemed out of place. It’s almost like Applejack’s the narrator, but she’s also the protagonist, and it’s strange to see these phrasings outside of dialogue as they ended up giving the narrative voice an accent, curiously enough.
On that note, huge kudos to the author for not forcing Applejack’s accent. Word choice and order plays the largest role in creating them, not turning I’s into Ah’s and phonetically spelling words. That’s just the icing on the cake to an outstanding story.
Afterthoughts: Even with the issues I had, I still wound up enjoying this through and through. Maybe because Apple Bloom had less of a role than I initially thought. Still, this is a superb story and I cannot recommend it enough to anyone who can’t get enough of Applejack. Her characterization here is one of the best I’ve seen and I loved it.
For Whom We Are Hungry
by Cold In Gardez
How this ended up on my RIL list: Of the finalists, this is the only I actively wanted to look at as soon as I saw it. One of the reasons behind that is the author, who has proven his talent as a writer many times before. But what this story really grabbed at me with was its taxing description, setting the stage for a protagonist who is barely clinging on to what can be called a life. I love that kind of stuff, and this description is one of the few I’ve seen (that isn’t “romance”) that presents its story as being written in the second-person and in a way that’s actually inviting. So I added it to my list, then the contest’s preliminary judging round ended, and here we are.
What I walked away with: I’m awed, really. Like all but one of the finalists, this story chose but a single prompt and of them all, it took the least restricting. And it takes full advantage of the second-person perspective, throwing in some unique world building which made for an immersive, phenomenal story.
We start of with the protagonist, a changeling, committing to a late-night stalk in Ponyville to steal some love. It’s obvious enough he’s starving, always on margins of simply surviving, and we’re constantly reminded of how endangered he is staying in Ponyville. But he simply has no other option, so he blends in the best he can. Then one day, after a sudden turn of events, he fears he’s been compromised. The concept of the story I don’t think is the most original, but there’s a lovely unique spin to it and the use of the second-person perspective completely sells it.
Changelings, as the story depicts, have a very keen sensual awareness. Whether it’s taste or scent or what have you, the protagonist is constantly aware of all the inputs he’s receiving in the world around him, and because the protagonist is the reader, I found myself immersed in such a way I don’t think any other story I’ve read has. I didn’t necessarily feel like I was the protagonist like the perspective would imply, but I was more inside this changeling’s head than I had expected, and it was damn comfy. It was so comfy in fact, I completely forgot this was written in the second-person until nearly the very end. I was ignorant to the various tense shifts because everything came across so naturally. I find it to be the mark of a great story to be able to lose a reader like this.
Moving on from that, there is another character who plays a significant role in this story, another OC. I won’t spoil anything, but I found him to be a bit too predictable. He’s fun, well written and enjoyable to read, but I had him figured out shortly after he was introduced. The entire story as a matter of fact was on the predictable side of things, largely because I’ve seen what the story decides to do with its characters before many times. Still, the author made it unique enough for this to not lessen the story’s value. The moments it needed to stand out were there and they were pulled off expertly, especially since the protagonist is there for everything. We see his thoughts and feelings, and the pacing is just where it needs to be in order to make this story not at all challenging to read. The prose might be a bit florid at times, but it doesn’t overflow given the character we have, nor does it seem unnatural thanks to the perspective.
I just can’t stop thinking about the second-person perspective here, can I? Though I love to see it done well, I admit I’m not the biggest fan of it because it so often isn’t, especially here in this community where it’s hardly ever taken advantage of. But this story here has got to be the best second-person fic I’ve seen this community produce. I can’t imagine this story would have the same atmosphere or handle of its protagonist if it were written from any other perspective. There’s lines here that just would not work otherwise. The third leaves the character’s mind out, and the first is grossly restricted to it. If I ever find someone out there saying the second-person isn’t a viable perspective, I will kindly point them to this story to not only prove them wrong, but to show them a simply awesome story.
Afterthoughts: Anyone looking for a great example of a story using the second-person perspective will want to start here, and anyone who’s a fan of changelings will probably find themselves deeply enjoying this too. And as an aside, has anyone ever heard of the Wizard Activity? It’s a fun little thing to go through if you’ve ever got the time.
The Young Filly and the Sea
by Georg
How this ended up on my RIL list: This is another story I would’ve avoided if it wasn’t a contest finalist. In part (again) because of my wariness towards the Romance tag. I haven’t really heard anything about this prior to reading either, despite the many mediums I’ve heard about the others through. But I will give it that that description is really enticing. It’s simple and straightforward without giving much of anything away. Given the contest, I could probably expect some awkward but sweet childhood crush sort of thing between a filly Twilight and this OC colt named Rex.
What I walked away with: I ended up smiling because this whole thing was pretty cute, but overall I found the story to be rather appealing. Not to say it’s bad, but it just wasn’t for me, especially with where the story decided to take itself.
The story begins with a young Twilight Sparkle at beach, mad because Cadance won’t let her touch the books she brought to occupy herself with. So she meanders a bit and is stumbled upon by a colt named Rex. Together, they search the beach for shells, build a sandcastle, eat some ice cream, and do lots of cute little kid things together. I really enjoyed seeing them interact, especially after it becomes apparent Rex is more like Twilight than first thought.
However, Twilight is more than out of character to me. I can give some leeway since she’s a filly here, but she still comes off as being an unjustifiable brat at times. Most notably before Rex first shows up, where her frustration towards Cadance and to a further extent Shining Armor is heavily exaggerated. The opening segments in particular that toss around the word “buck” like confetti I found annoying, and since they come from Twilight’s direction, they help solidify Twilight’s OOC-ness. She mellows out during her adventures with Rex, but it’s obvious enough what her character is and I think that’s what ultimately prevented me from getting involved in the story.
Rex, for his part, is played well enough. He’s a bit cliché in his characterization, coming off as the predictable nice guy who guides the female lead from behind, grabbing the golf club with her to help guide her swings. But still, the story does enough with him to make him a likeable character, and of course he’s adorable too. Or at least, when he’s on the beach.
The first chapter is the strongest of the story, and for what the story wants to do with its third and final chapter, the second needed to act as a transition between the two. I guess it does, but it’s uncomfortably cliché and gushy. As a result, the last chapter is underwhelming and doesn’t properly capture the atmosphere it desired. Maybe if the story stuck only to a single chapter and focused on the childhood interactions between Rex and Twilight, it’d be stronger than it currently is. If not, then some refinement would definitely be needed in the last two chapters because they took away from me what engagement I had.
Afterthoughts: Again, this story is adorable, but the last two chapters pale in comparison to the first and I don’t think they accomplish what the author was shooting for. And I’m sure this is a great story for someone (it is a finalist after all), but I just didn’t like it that much. It wasn’t for me.
In the Place the Wild Horses Sleep
by Lucky Dreams
How this ended up on my RIL list: Oh boy, this thing. This author had a story over two years ago that for better and for worse ended up being cancelled. I absolutely loved it, but since then I haven’t really paid much attention to the author—I honestly thought he dropped off the radar. To see another story by him and in this contest no less immediately piqued my interest, and I was made even more curious by its mixed reception. I’ve heard it get praise of the highest order while others found it generally unappealing, along with the occasional snide remark. All I know is that this is supposed to capture the essence of a children’s book, so that’s what I’m going in expecting.
What I walked away with: Childlike wonder. I think it’s safe to say this does in fact capture the vibe it set out to, and it’s undoubtedly one of if not the finest children’s story this community has written.
The story follows a young girl named Mia, who loves horses (specifically wild ones), wants to run with them, and playfully pretends to be one. Then her bedtime comes around and she protests against her mother, but when her mom leaves she’s visited it by Princess Luna to take her to where all the horses live. To her disappointment, she discovers these ponies are more human than she’d like. The author is masterfully able to project the mind of a young child onto the world, in turn painting things how Mia sees them while still staying true to the general themes of Equestria that we’ve come to expect.
Perhaps more so, since these themes are rewritten to their most basic levels (Twilight, for instance, is just called Magic) and for a children’s story, this is a smart choice. But the story doesn’t just act like a normal story, because it isn’t one, and so it adds its own whimsical and fantastical elements into the mix. Honestly, I somehow felt like I was dancing when read this. The general emotion and atmosphere the story is able to pull together with little to no effort comes off naturally. There’s a merriment to it that’s just so easy to lose oneself in.
Like a number of good children’s stories, this one also has a very simple moral that, as an adult, is nothing more than common sense. This is a story about growing up and learning to cherish what we already have. However, being an adult, I can’t help but look at this as child’s play, or like a nostalgia trip of some kind. For an analogy, this story is like a game for a Nintendo to a website where everyone’s publishing things for Playstations and Xboxes. It’s still amazing and I can praise it for what it does, it’s fun and loveable and a joy to read, but it has its own niche. Whether or not you are a part of that niche is your own decision.
One minor thing I’m compelled to nitpick, however, is purely technical: the author chooses to use single-quotes over the traditional double. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s still something that can distract from a story that so heavily relies on its immersion.
Afterthoughts: This is a beautiful story, plain and simple. I’d think it’s a class by itself, but only from its uniqueness and for what it is. I think this story might’ve been overhyped a bit, and although it’s definitely something worth reading by anyone and everyone, I don’t think it’s the pinnacle some have made it out to be.
Now then, because this is a contest, I had to rate these. As with all sorts of write-offs, I find difficulty in doing so because writing is subjective, especially with what one takes away from these things. Filing stories from most to least favorite is easier, since I only have to order them from how favorable my experience was with them. With that in mind, here’s my rankings.
My fifth place pick shouldn’t be too difficult: The Young Filly and the Sea. It’s still a good story, but it just wasn’t for me. Fourth place was a bit more tricky to narrow down, but I ended up giving it to Far From The Tree. Even though I loved it, of the remaining four I found this one to have the most flaws. It was also the least engaging of those four. Third place was even harder to pick, but I gave it to In the Place the Wild Horses Sleep. A stupendous story, but it fell short because of how fleeting its atmosphere was for me after I read it. That left two stories for first, For Whom We Are Hungry and To Love the Sun. The end factor for me ended up being which one I would recommend to someone first, and that choice is For Whom We Are Hungry.
Keep in mind these are just my own votes. The contest has yet to end, and whoever will end up winning is anyone’s guess. Congratulations to all the finalists for being, well, finalists, and a huge bat on the back to everyone who participated. And of course, a big thank you to Obselescence for orchestrating this whole event. Without you, there’s no doubt many of these stories wouldn’t have seen the light of day.
And now a silly image to end this blog that took too long to create.
This image has no explanation, and that’s the only explanation it needs.
It's a shame you can't up vote blog posts.
I'm actually intensely surprised that people liked my story over some of these. The world is truly a place of wonders.
And of course, something something something, babbling, winner eats chicken. Whoopy!
Isn't this, like, the hallmark of mature writing though? Isn't this what you're supposed to do to have your writing be taken seriously? What the fuck am I doing trying to master this if all it does is needlessly slow down the narrative? >:|
Literally the story of my life.
With regard to this, though, this was absolutely intentional and is actually something I tell other writers to do when pressed for writing advice. I'm of the mind that the style of third-person narration should match that of the character it's narrating for, just in a more structured way than first-person. It sets up the expectation that the narration is not just filler but is actively contributing to the story and to the character portrayed in it, which I can then use to work in some extra bits of personality and selective/unreliable narration even from an extended view. Essentially, it's just third-person limited perspective taken to a logical extreme.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. Wild Horses actually has me tremendously worried, as it's an absolutely phenomenal story. I wouldn't mind at all if I lose to it.
Still worried, though.
2311848
I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. In any case, perhaps I should've been more specific. It's not necessarily that the story takes too much time and that that's bad, rather it takes its time getting in every bit of detail it can (I want to say it's overstating, but I don't think that's the right word). Doing this doesn't detract, but a lot of it comes off as needlessly slowing down the pace of the story. Given the atmosphere the story shoots for, I can understand it needing to do that though. It's all about balance, I suppose, and this was leaning a bit too far on the edge of the scale for me.
2311957
Never really thought about working the narrative like that, and I can certainly see the logic behind it. Though I'd argue that style of narrative is not befitting every story. It creates an atmosphere that I'd think would be out of place in, say, a comedy, but I guess it'd largely depend on what the story is hoping to achieve with itself. I liked to see it in yours, but I haven't really seen this before, or at least to such an obvious degree. Like I said, I absolutely loved how you wrote Applejack, so I suppose it worked.
2312276
Not sarcasm. :B But okay, that clarification helps. Over-detailing is definitely something to avoid.
2312276
Fair enough. Just thought I'd explain my rationale behind that style.
While we're on that track, I'll also admit to being overly generous with stage directions. I always end up writing as if I'm a director meticulously guiding actors through an intensely detailed script, and given the nerd-crush I have on Alfonso Cuarón, I like to avoid mid-scene cuts if at all possible. Both in critique of myself and in my defense, I didn't have an editor look over FFTT before I sent it in and washed my hands of it. Unfortunate but predictable side effect of not finishing until the day before the contest ended and being utterly sick of it by the time I finished my own edits.
2311961
Lucky Dreams' story is a serious contender, no doubt. But I wish you the best of luck nonetheless. Your take on changelings was one of the best I've seen.
2311961 Wild Horses scares me too. We can all be scared together.
2313999
I've already conceded first and second to CiG and Lucky Dreams in my head. You're the one I'm worried about for the bronze.
i.imgur.com/r6BVZRF.gif
2311957
I just want to echo what Aqua said here about this being an excellent technique. When I'm writing limited third (which is almost always), I try to bring the perspective in as absolutely close as possible, to the point that the character's thoughts are actually in the narrative (not just in italics, but in regular narration).