Badfic Slaughterhouse: Round 2 · 11:24pm Jul 12th, 2014
Do you like reading?
Do you like reading good stories?
Do you like to know when what you're about to read might be a wretched abyss of horribleness?
Do you trust me to know the difference?
If so, read on.
The World's End, by The Accursed One
Celestia is angsty about being immortal. That's pretty much it.
This one is absolutely terrible. The plot is forced and contrived, Celestia's portrayal borders on character assassination, and the author apparently thinks people are more interested in seeing him speak than the story he's trying to tell. For example, there's a point in the middle of the story where, in big, bold capital letters, it basically says "Click here for the happy ending."
I hated this. Check it out only if you want an example of how NOT to write a story.
Deep In the Everfree, by InfantHorizon
No story link due to Mature rating. The CMC get lost in the Everfree and other ponies go looking for them. Most of them get eaten by a monster.
The pacing in this story is rushed, and it skips over a lot of relevant material. The telling is heavy enough to break an elephant's back. Fluttershy and Twilight are both massively out of character, and the CMC suffer from the same problem to a slightly lesser degree. It ends with an out-of-nowhere attempt at a twist that is completely meaningless and only exists as sequel bait.
I was supposed to read this one for TRG, but when I noticed that it was rated Mature—which means we can’t feature it—I auto-rejected it. Still, I had a look this morning, just out of curiosity, since it was so short. I regret that now. It's terrible. Not recommended for anyone except Rage Reviews contributors.
In this send-up of the infamous film, The Room, Shining Armor takes on the role originally portrayed by Tommy Wiseau.
Mechanically, there's nothing wrong here. As far as the story goes, though, it makes no sense at all. Everything is contrived, the characters are horrible, the dialogue is unnatural, and it seems to have an allergy to basic logic. But that's intentional. Seriously, that's what The Room is like.
If you've seen The Room, or even one of the many video reviews of it, and you thought it was hilarious, you'll appreciate this. Personally, I laughed myself senseless.
Inside the Shadows, by Fantastia Archsage
Years after Sombra’s defeat, a mare finds him in the wilderness and attempts to uncover the secrets of his past.
Mechanically speaking, this story has problems. There’s a lot of awkward phrasing, and missing punctuation obfuscates the intended meanings of some sentences. In some cases, the errors caused unintentional hilarity, and laughter isn’t what you want to induce in a story tagged Dark/Sad. It switches to and from flashbacks with no transitions, so it’s always jarring when it shifts. By the end, it becomes clear that the main story is actually just a framing device for the flashbacks, lacking in substance and resolution on its own, which makes it dead weight in the narrative.
There idea here might be sound, but it needs at least one more draft and a lot of editing work before I’d recommend it.
The Path I Tread, by Smaug the golden
In the future of a world where Tirek won, Discord wanders the ruins of Equestria, alone with his regrets.
While it’s generally quite readable, especially for a story written by a 13-year-old, there are a lot of comma errors that get in the way. The narrative is very heavy-handed with its “Discord is sad, and you should be, too” overtones, and the first chapter is unfocused. It also never clearly explains where the AU diverges from the canon universe. The second chapter is more focused, but it also makes the point of divergence even more unclear.
In spite of these things, if you’re a fan of sadfics and can get past the murky timeline, you might want to give it a chance. I’m more picky about sad stories than most people, after all.
Now, let’s have a look at some of the stuff in the feature box.
Sky Pilot, by Mr Maximus
A helicopter pilot comes home to find Rainbow Dash sleeping on his couch.
Mechanically speaking, it’s totally readable, and everything is related clearly. There are a few obvious errors, but nothing that detracts significantly. The worst is a lack of transitions on a flashback scene.
As this is a short story centered in a single location, it’s entirely character-driven and, unfortunately, that’s its biggest weakness. The main character is about as bland and generic as it’s possible to be. While Rainbow Dash isn’t 100% faithful to her canon personality, that’s not an issue in this case, so there’s nothing to complain about there. It moves at a nice pace, the interactions are entertaining, and the resolution is satisfying despite there being no reason for it to be in a second chapter.
If you like stories about humans interacting peacefully with ponies, and especially if you liked My Little Dashie, have a look at this one. If you thought MLD was a steaming heap of crap, you might still find some merit here since the writing and pacing are better, but if the core concept leaves you cold, just ignore it.
Winds of Change, by ClanCrusher
Chrysalis comes to Ponyville under a banner of peace and takes up residence with Twilight.
It’s hard to judge this story in its present state because the first chapter doesn’t give any indications about the ultimate direction it will take. It’s tagged comedy and romance, but there’s hardly a chuckle to be had in the first chapter, and there’s definitely nothing romantic showing right now. It’s almost all exposition. Maybe the story will improve, but the first impression is bland.
Mechanically, it’s a mixed bag. The author’s bio implies that he/she has written other things, but this is his/her freshman effort on this site, and it looks like a first effort from someone who cares about quality but still has a lot to learn about how to produce it. Comma errors are rampant, although few have a direct impact on readability. LUS is common, but not taken to its most annoying extremes.
This story may be worth watching, but it could also turn out to be a bland, boring mess. At this point, I can only recommend having a look if you want to see a cunning, in-control portrayal of Chrysalis. For now, there’s nothing else of merit. Hopefully, that will change with future chapters.
I Can Wait, by Eakin
Rainbow Dash waits for Applejack on a cloud above Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack doesn’t show up.
This is one of those rare sadfics that’s sad for all the right reasons. In other stories, the ending would be played as a twist, but in this case, you know what’s going on from early in the story. It’s all about a character and her extreme reaction to tragedy. It works, and by God, it works well. I’m a hard-hearted bastard, and it made me misty-eyed.
The mechanics, unfortunately, let it down a bit. Eakin has never been good with commas, and he self-edits far too much for his own good. Thankfully, the content is strong enough that hiccups in the presentation can be overlooked.
If you like sadfics and comma errors don’t drive you into a frothing rage, check this one out.
I'll be back next week with another round of these. Until then, stick to the shallow end of the cesspool, and have an awesome day.
You know, I don't think I've ever read a fic by Eakin that I don't like. This one slugged me in the side of the head while I was reading, dragged me into a very dark place and proceed to extract out bitter tears of anguish. Then I noticed the Sad tag. Very good.
And thanks for the heads-up on The Room (2003). Sometimes Hollywood movies made by Very Important People fail so badly when they try to express their creativity, and sometimes they fail in a good way. As long as they can laugh at the results like the rest of us, a bomb can become a beautiful thing. Rocky Horror anypony?
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One thing that makes The Room so hilarious is that Tommy Wiseau seems to honestly believe that his movie is high art, no matter how many people say otherwise. He honestly thinks we're all just "not getting it" or something crazy like that.
Commas are hard, okay?
...Yeah, I need a good editor. One of my biggest vices is being too impatient not to publish what I come up with immediately.
Sounds like grade 'A' story telling to me. For putting rocks to sleep.
Great list, I'll have to check out the rest of them.
I know this was ages ago, but just recently found it. I don't deny most of your points about The Path, but it was never AU. It's just set in some undefined point in Equestria's future after everything went wrong.