Chapter 2- Edits Complete? Excerpt included! · 2:16pm Jun 4th, 2012
So the biggest chapter is pretty much done, editing wise. That means Chapters 1, 2 and 8 are done.
I've still got to go through and check the new additions for spelling/grammar errors but I *think* I'm a lot happier with the additional content.
Some parts were being heavily "told" and not "shown" so I've done my best to go through and make the whole thing much more immersive. I've also added in/changed existing dialogue/scenes as I went along, these were flashes of inspiration and I think they really built on the emotional stuff between Rarity and Applejack.
One thing I am particularly pleased with is the change to the end of Chapter 2, where AJ is preparing herself for the Prince's banquet. I've included the excerpt below, but I'd really love any kind folks to re-read Chapter 1 and 2 and give me their honest thoughts.
Anyway, may take a break from editing and write some new stuff, get something new up for people to read but we'll see.
Anyway, here's the excerpt from Chapter 2 I mentioned above; Enjoy!
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Moving over to the simple bed she began opening her saddlebag, the bright red apple clasp flicking open with ease. Inside she had carefully packed a set of clothes, wrapped in a piece of protective fabric. Delicately she pulled the set out with her teeth and unwrapped the protective fabric. Inside she carefully folded out a beautiful green and red dress with pastel yellow trim, several pieces of apple-themed jewellery and some decorative fake-flowers. Shoving her muzzle into the saddlebag again she retrieved a set of four, cute strapped shoes that matched the dresses colours and placed them next to the clothes.
Applejack blushed slightly to herself at the sight of the ensemble. She had spent most of the morning before they left Ponyville trying on the bridesmaid dress with various pieces of her gala outfit to see which ones had matched. She'd even thought to borrow the shoes from Carrot Top before picking up Spike at Twilight's library.
She felt her stomach clench at the thought of wearing the outfit in front of her friends. She dreaded Rainbow Dash laughing at her, or Rarity looking horrified at the combination she had chosen herself. Ah'm no fancy fashion designer but Aunt and Uncle Orange didn't just teach me how to talk funny, she told herself with a stern nod.
Applejack ran a hoof along the beautiful cut of the bridesmaid dress she had worn to Cadence's wedding.
It's not like Ah choose to be messy or not fix my mane four times a day. That's just part an' parcel of working the farm.
She brought her hoof back from the soft fabric and took off her signature brown Stetson hat, placing it on the pillow of the bed. Gathering her mane in her hooves she took off the hair tie with her teeth and let her golden hair spil out loose..
Ah don't mind getting all fancy if it's for the right pony, or uhh the right occasion. No sense doing it any other time.
A knock at the door echoed through the simple room, Applejack called out and told them to come in. A pair of Unicorn attendants brought in a big basin of hot water, levitating it carefully with their magic. A pegasi mare dressed in a cute, black and white uniform with lace around the edge brought in a number of towels and a small mirror. None of the ponies spoke, but curtly bowed their heads and left as quickly as they had come.
Applejack looked into the mirror at her blushing freckled features and rough coat. Her mane was scruffy from travel and wearing her hat, her eyes looked tired and plain.
It's not like Ah'm doing this for Prince Snobnose out there, shooting them dirty looks at me. This is Rarity's big trip and... well, Ah just want to make a good impression for her sake. Don't want to embarass her after all.
Applejack fetched another well wrapped parcel from her bags. Opening it up, she held a simple thick-handled brush she had taken from her drawer back at Sweet Apple Acres. The brush had red faded paint and a set of initial's carved into the back, 'P.L'. It had been her mother's, Pink Lady, she remembered her mother running it through her own hair as a filly, singing songs as she brushed the long blonde mane and telling her how she was the prettiest girl in Ponyville. Applejack felt her throat tighten at the thought of her mother, fighting back a few tears she smiled instead. Taking the heirloom in her teeth and bringing it down through her honey-coloured hair.
Besides, Rarity made this dress for me. Bet she'll be mighty proud Ah chose to wear it in such a fancy castle. Ain't nothing wrong with making your friends smile is there?
No there ain't sugarcube, her mother's voice sang out in her head and a single tear dripped down her cheek.
I'm definitely going to have to re-read it sometime. Publishing something new while you work on edits sounds like a good idea. Then I could wait for all the edits to be complete and get the ultimate reading experience.
It will also help spread your work to more readers, which it highly deserves (for both you and the readers).
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Awww thanks man! Yeah, I keep thinking I should just start working on a side project as an on-going thing. I think that shall be the plan for tomorrow, get the first chapter of a new fic up and running!
Hahah, I will do a post when Jewel BluRay/HD/Reloaded is done.
Thanks for the support bro!