Spoiler Alert: Transformers Age of Extinction, Part 2 · 4:15pm Jun 30th, 2014
: The Autobot attack on Tucci's factory is stopped by an attack from Lockdown. The other Autobots seem to vanish from the script as Lockdown beats Optimus and hauls him in a net towards his ship. Wahlberg's daughter is also trapped in the net, even though she could easily have gotten out through the human sized holes in said net. On the ship, Lockdown explains that he was hired by the Transformers' creators, who want to reprogram them.
: Lockdown is stopped from takin' off, howe'er, when the Autobots infiltrate 'is ship and fire 'is anchors at a nearby buildin', no doubt killin' dozens of innocent people. They escape from the ship in two teams. One team leaves with an unconvincin' city backdrop and blatant product placements behind them. The other leaves by somehow detachin' part 'a the ship without Lockdown's advanced ship tellin' him before he manages to temporar'ly escape inta hyperspace.
: We then cut to Tucci's factory in China, where he realizes that Galvatron is secretly Megatron in disguise. Gee, what a shocker.
: We'll also leave it ta you ta unravel the significance of a great evil bein' discovered in an outsourced factory. This is Michael Bay, remember?
: Galvatron then controls Tucci's army of robots and attacks Beijing, and Optimus uses the Dinobots, which he found on Lockdown's ship, to drive Galvatron off. I know I should be upset that the Dinobots were so underused in this movie, but I was so glad to see something entertaining in this film that I was ok with it. Then there's a lot of explosions and fighting and stuff, until Galvatron's army is defeated, Kelsey Grammar is anticlimactically but satisfyingly killed, and Optimus literally stabs Lockdown in the back before saying "Honor to the End."
: Galvatron manages to escape in all the confusion, since both the Autobots and the audience had forgotten he was still there. I gotta say, usually, Megatron's refusal to stay dead is part of what makes him so intimidating. Here, it just seems like he's too stupid to realize he's been upstaged. Optimus then flies into space, vowing to defeat his creators for causing so much destruction. Apparently, Bay thinks that yet another sequel is in order.
: So, the final verdict? It's way too long, it has far too many plot threads, most of the characters range from boring to annoying, the action is too busy for it to even be enjoyable, and it overall has little to no artistic value whatsoever. However, we could actually enjoy bits and pieces of it, which is more than I can say of the last film. So….progress?
: Hey, at least they transformed a doll of me into a gun. That was pretty cool, right?
: Well, yeah.
Sorry, by the way, that this took two posts to finish. Turns out that emoticons stop working in really long blog posts.
THIS IS GLORIOUS
MOAR
2245793 Thanks!
It's definitely more difficult than my previous format, but it's also a little more unique. It's weird writing these things with only a three man audience, but sometimes you just gotta do something for its own sake, you know?
2245827 Yeah.
I WOULD write my reviews like this, but I'm so damned visual, it'd be a mess of YouTube clips, gifs and picspams.
2245859 Yeah, that balancing act between words and images is a hard one; I'm just barely walking the line. I think that's a large part of the appeal of review videos; the balancing seems to be easier in those.
2245932 Yeah, because everything is already audio/visual, so intercutting just becomes a choice of choosing the right clip.
My major disappoitment? GRIMLOCK DIDN'T SAY "ME GRIMLOCK KING!"
That would have boosted my enjoyment of the film a LOT more. Sorry Grimlock = Favorite Transformer
2250255 To be frank, I would've liked any idea that would've led to more Dinobot screen time. Even Cinema Snob's idea to have the film end with them attacking Beijing.
2253701 Seriously the promise of Grimlock and the Dinobots kicking Decepticon ass drew me back in to see it. I didn't think the FIRST Transformers was that bad..... It was Revenge of The Fallen that killed it for me and I didn't even bother with Dark of The Moon.
The fact Grimlock was in it, looked badass, had the fire breath, they got me in and I was just...... OH SO DISAPPOINTED!!!!!! Also Optimus riding on Grimlock like a horse.......................... I thought that was just a deleted scene that they used for the trailers
2253716 Yeah, that's my impression of the films, too.
Considering how heavily the Dinobots were advertised, you'd think they'd have more of a role, right? But that's Bayformers for you; the only characters they give a #%$@ about are Sam, Optimus, and Bumblebee. And they got rid of Sam. And Optimus is a cheating mass-murderer. And Bumblebee cares more about his rep than the mission.