MLP episode review: A Dog and Pony Show · 3:11pm Jun 11th, 2014
Okay, I am feeling better. But soon YOU WILL NOT BE! For we are about ready, we are about set, to hit it. But we're not ready. Our bodies cannot handle the sheer awesome of this, the episode...
A Dog and Pony Show
It's on. :D Also, don't expect many David bowie references. I like the guy, but I'm not extremely knowledgeable about his work. We open at Carousel Boutique, Rarity floating gems onto an outfit. The bell rings and she goes into a cute little spiel. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique and magnifique." And then she gasps as she sees Sapphire Shores, the pony of pop! Hmm, reference to Michale Jackson's 'king of pop' title? Rarity is shocked she knows her name, and it turns out Sapphire knoes the name of all up-and-coming designers. Alright, Rarity! Clothes Horse Magazine-*snort* raved about her. :D She's touring with her latest concert, Zigfilly Follies! By the by, I love Sapphire's design, voice, mannerisms... everything about her. :D Rarity's got what she needs, and it's a jumpsuit encrusted with diamonds. It looks like something Elvis would wear after going into a jewelry store. Sapphire will take it!
And five more, each in a different color. Costume changes. Rarity glances to her empty jewel chest and faints. "Yes, I do have that effect on ponies." Sapphire, never change. We come back to Rarity and Spike walking through some field, Spike towing a small Red Rider-esque wagon. Spike raves about Sapphire, but one look from Rarity and he quiets up about her and sucks up to her. Rarity says a lady is never jealous. Like you to Trixie. :p Rarity's horn is glowing at intervals. Ah, it's a gem-locating spell! She points it to the ground and we get a translucent image of a pile of them in the ground. Spike digs through the ground like Dig-Dug and finds a treasure trove! I... don't mind they look like the finished product. Easier for kids to ID. Spike almost eats them, but a stern word from Rarity and promise of some snacks later on stops him. Good, we've established he can control himself. This will hurt later on in season three. Spike is gallant and digs with claws, uses his tail as a shovel which looks really weird, and somehow gets a hardhat and uses his tail as a jackhammer.
At the end of the dig, Rarity praises him and gives him a fine gem. We get Spike-O vision concerning Rarity, all radiant, and he decides not to eat it. Aww. Rarity's horn lights up again and off they go! We cut to some hairy arm pulling aside an ominous bush. Gollum spots gems. BECAUSE WE WANTS THE PRECIOUS, FOR WE LOVES AND HATES THE PRECIOUS! They first decide to get Spike to get gems, oh noes! Then they hear Rarity's voice and realize she's the one finding the gems! As Rarity calls it a day, her horn lights up again and she goes to a tree, finding a large dog! She tries charm, and we learn they're 'Diamond Dogs'. There's debate over this being their species name or the name of their group. He says specifically, "A Diamond Dog," so for me, species name. Rarity tries some more charm and backing away, but it's not working. Right behind him two more Dogs dig through the earth like Molemen and make a grab for Rarity! *Gasp*
But Sir Spike is on the case! He... actually successfully drives them off. Legit props, Spike! He tells Rarity to run. One of them digs the ground out from under him, but he grabs his leg, trips him and traps the second. Spike, you the drake now, dog! Rarity calls for him, because in this episode Spike is not a butt monkey. But a Dog emerges from the ground, grabs her and they run for a hole! Spike gets tossed at the tree and his head fins get stuck in the tree. It's sad and funny at the same time. :D :( Rarity calls for him, complains about the dirt on her hooves and then is dragged down. Okay, that's legit worrying. Spike does a Luke/ESB skyward scream, and off to commercials.
And we're back from commercials. The other five are running into the field, Spike on top of Twilight and breathing into a paper bag. Twilight asks what he knows and Dash butts in. We get a flashback of Spike running into Ponyville and spurting out words worse than a bad phone connection. Back at the field, Spike exposits a bit about the previous scene. Applejack thinks it's gonna be easy. Oh, Applejack. I thought you were the sensible one. They come to the battle and there's a lot of holes. Twilight looks into a hole. We see cobwebs, debris and even a bone! There's a growling, yellow eyes and Twilight gets a faceful of dirt as the hole's filled in. Dash, near a hole, also gets an impromptu mud mask. All the holes are filling in! Fluttershy is... completely useless. Pinkie Pie tries her bounce, but the hole fills up under her. Applejack... pushes at a dirt stream with her face. I think that'd cause some pretty bad damage. She says they can't muscle through, and Dash says they'll see about that! She dives for a hole, but it fills up. She... stops. Aren't you gonna try to 'see about that', Dashie? :p
Applejack says although she doesn't mind dirt, she says Rarity only touches imported mud. There is a rather funny imagine spot of Rarity going all Monk in the DD dungeons. She's also gained an extremely exaggerated southern accent. The dirt stings, burns! And she's a totally distressed damsel. Applejack decides to try digging through, and the others do too! But the Diamond Dogs pop up and outclass the ponies. We also have a rather amusing Whack-A-Mole sequence, complete with dings. Fluttershy says how scary they are popping up and Rarity must be terrified. We get another imagine spot , this one of the Diamond Dogs demanding trinkets, treasure and her fainting. Short, but sweet.
Spike spots one open hole, pulls out his gem and says he'll save her! They all go, "Huh?" What are you 'huh'ing about? He lowers the gem into the hole, and as we pan up we see a rib cage in the dirt. Yeouch! Twilight tries syaing something and gets a 'shh'. If you had any idea how many times I wish she got 'shhed' in the coming seasons... And now we get Spike's imagine spot and it's just... wow. He's turned himself into draconic Prince Charming, to save his Fair Lady Rarity. The juxtaposition of the dragon saving the princess from the dungeon is just so... this has to be seen to be believed. The hounds are unleashed, but unlike Mighty Casey, Spike does not strike out! It's funny as all hell, awesome and actually kinda romantic/heartwarming. He demands to know where Lady Rarity is, finds her-somehow wearing a princess dress with goofy hat-and soft lights backlighting her. She goes to kiss him, he goes to kiss her, but the spot ends before they kiss. Aww. We cut back to reality as Spike is about to lay one on Applejack. "Ho-ho there, lover boy." Hmm, I guess Spike was loving every minute of that. :p
He suddenly gets a bite, and it's a whopper! Applejack does har favorite maneuver, grabbing someone by the tail. The rest follow suit, and are pulled in. Pinkie's "Wait for me!" is awesome, as is Fluttershy's "Oh, my goodness!" We see them being dragged down the tunnel, Pinkie at the end and flapping in the breeze. :D And now she's riding Fluttershy like a roller-coaster car. And that sounds a lot dirtier than it should, but I don't care. They're dragged down into a cave, Pinkie swan-diving, and they land in a heap. Spike's ecstatic they can save Rarity, but Twilight asks which way they should go. We pan out and see a lot of holes leading in a lot of different directions. Cue skyward scream by Spike! Back from commercial, they're confused as to how to find her. Spike gets the idea to go down the tunnel with the moist gems. Twilight points out Rarity's the only one who can do the gem-locating spell. Spike points out Twilight can copy the spell.
Okay, minor tangent, I never did cotton to Twilight being able to copy spells. Way too OP for me, especially since she can apparently do it better than the pony with that talent.
Anyway, she tries it and we get multiple gem locations. Meh, not really liking that. But it's minor and more what comes later than in this episode. Twilight kicks the air and they're off to the races! And... we finally cut to the actual Rarity, backed against a wall. She asks to be let go, but she's their precious little pony! The Gollum references write themselves, folks. They want her to find all the gems, to catch them all! And Rarity actually perks up at that. Her horn lights up and she finds a cache. She marks it with an X and asks to be let go. And one of the mooks shoves a spear in her face. Hey, careful with that! You could've mussed her mane! They tell her to dig them up, but she pulls some rules-lawyering. They said to find, not dig. Heh, clever. They command she digs, and she scrapes at the dirt. They're not exactly... thrilled with her progress. Well, what'd you expect with hooves? It turns out she had a pony pedi, and she's not going to chip a hoof because they don't like how she digs.
They get fed up and command the mooks to dig, which they do. Okay, she won't dig. She PULLS! They pull out this rusty-looking harness that looks like it'll snap from looking at it! "Precious pony pedi will be preserved!" Hah! We see a pretty aquicky shot of their claws pushing into her torso. Ugh. She complains about them never getting manicures, and one of them tells her to be quiet in a rather screechy manner. She complains about his breath and we see this ghastly green gas coming from his gullet. He even turns to check and is disgusted. They command her to search, and she does, complaining all the while. She even takes out two mooks with a well-placed gem-marker. One finally snaps and tells her to be quiet, pony!
Rarity says to stop calling her 'pon'y. She is a lady, after all. Whoa-whoa-whoa she's a lady! They say her whining hurts. oh, no you didn't! Oh, yes you did! She is not 'wihning'. She is complaining. "Do you want to hear whining? THIS IS WHINING!" And this is one of the best damned scenes in the show. Look it up. I'll be too busy laughing. At the end they say they'll do anything, pony. Rarity gives them a death glare, and he calls her 'Miss Rarity'.
Rarity... flawless victory!
We cut to some of the mooks tying up big, yellow banners over the place while the main Diamond Dogs struggle to pull carts. Rarity is next to a golden chalice, hopefully not a fake Grail, with a banner behind her while mooks fan her. I have no words. One of the DD asks why they're doing it, and it's to stop the awful noises. Makes sense to me! The other one objects. "What are we, mice or dogs?" I love that the other two start out with mice. He says to let her make the awful noises. Rarity opens her eyes and finds herself chained to a cart again! She tries whining, but he says to go ahead and make them, as long as she pulls. He slaps her butt and calls her a mule and... oh, no.
She turns to him and turns on the waterworks. Oh, you poor, poor Diamond Dog. She bawls for her Oscar, breaks the fourth wall and turns into a marshmallow for a moment. It's just... again, no words. Back with the 'rescuers', they're tracking Rarity down. They hear Rarity crying in the distance! Also, the gem spell is way overpowered when Twilight uses it. All of a sudden mooks jump onto their backs and slap rope-muzzles onto them! Applejack is nonplussed, and I agree with her. The mooks get bucked off, and that's why they call it rodeo! They hear crashing from behind a door. Spike reaches up, grabs a stalactite from the ceiling and goes Lone Ranger. "Hi-ho, Twilight! Away!" twilight is a bit "What in the hell?", but Spike asks just this once, and because this episode is awesome, she relents, including neighing, kicking the air and galloping off! They destroy the door and Spike declares he's here to save Rarity! Unfortunately it's cut short as the Diamond Dogs run off, asking to be saved from her.
Rarity greets them and says they're just in time to help her with carts overflowing with jewels! We cut to them towing them away, a hell of a lot easier than the Diamond Dogs, which makes sense. ;) Dash is surprised she tricked the dogs, and Rarity says just because she's a lady doesn't mean she can't handle herself. Twilight says she can't wait to write to Celestia what Rarity taught her. Which is just because you're ladylike, doesn't make you weak. Good lesson, there! And using your wits is good, too. And she's got enough gems for Sapphire Shores' costumes!
Thoughts
Okay, minor tangent for those of you reading this on my fimfic blog. I am also posting this at the Other Media forum of RPG.net. Yeah, I know. I guy who's never played an RPG in his life posting to an RPG site. :p But there a poster named Dawgstar did a review of this episode, and in response to that review I called it a 'perfect storm'. What do I mean by that?
From start to finish I LOVE this episode. Funny, scary, tense, awesome... Spike shines and gets his due. Rarity outdoes Ransom of Red Chief. The scenes, the antics just... everything. There's not much more I can say, really.
Headcanon
Not a whole heck here. I think 'Diamond Dogs' is the name of their species, and in the Habsroverse they are a nation to the south of Equestria.
So, after I have a very light lunch and maybe play with some of my toys, I am going to delve into... ZE MAGICKS! As I review Green isn't your Color.
Also, these are the Dreadnoks. Closest Diamond Dog analog I've got. Ah, Hasbro... why do you not release three-packs of these guys? I guess you don't want my money. Oh, well.
You know one thing I loved about this ep?
We see that, even without whining, she had those dogs ready to be beaten. Look at what she does to some of the mooks, she has some of them dig at a point where a slagatite falls on their heads koing them.
An important lesson, not just for kids, but adult writers as well. The irony of this statement? My mom was roleplaying wiht this woman who had a girl get kidnapped every five minutes. Do you know what she told my mom the reasoning for her being weak is?
THEN! This episode premired, and I have been laughing ever since.
Of course it is. She's OP Sparkle. Girl can add more power to a single spell than Tim Taylor. But compare her struggling telekinetic choreography in "Magic Duel" to Rarity's Bubsy Berkeley-grade stuff in "Suited for Success." Twilight may have raw strength, but Rarity has finesse.
Hah! Yeah, that's not flying with this show. These ladies are hardcore. And Rarity's the perfect exemplar of that; stylish and refined yet willing to throw down in a heartbeat when needed. Guess that's why she's my third favorite. (After Purplesmart and G&PT.)
Boy, those Diamond Dogs love their gems in every way. Even trying to eat them, apparently.
Given how much she loves magic, it would stand to reason that she'd ask Rarity to demonstrate her personal spells at some point. It's like that surprisingly successful D&D group I was in where we kept track of everyone's abilities for tactical advantages, and the three wizards always copied each others' spells to maximize their own spell books. (As compared to the group that crashed and burned because almost everyone was a complete primadonna acting like they were the only one who could do anything.)
Ultra Fast Pony already did enough David Bowie references.
I always though that Spike's whole imagine scene where he imagines himself saving Rarity was kind of weird.
But overall, this was a really good episode. One of the good ones.
Except Rarity's talent isn't gems, it's making ponies look beautiful.