Site Post » Reviews! Round 43 · 8:43pm May 10th, 2014
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
“You don’t get it, do you?” came a voice, crackling into the padded room through some unseen speakers. A single lightbulb dangled from the ceiling, swaying back and forth in an absent breeze, but failed to illuminate every crevice. Hidden away in the far corner of the room sat a man, curled up into a ball. His steely eyes stared distantly into the mirror at the opposite wall.
“I understand everything perfectly,” alexmagnet deadpanned. “We should have seen this coming. The Hiatus is already upon us and now our Saturdays have become voids, robbing our weeks of all their worth. Time has all but forsaken us and all we can do now is wallow in self-pity and die.”
The speakers buzzed and the voice sighed. “Dammit, alex,” it said. “You’re no stranger to long periods of time where nothing gets done. These hiatuses have happened before and you’ve survived each and every one of them. If there’s anything history has taught us, it’s how to persevere in the face of these daunting times. We have experience. We can overcome.”
“Lies!” alex hissed, sending spittle everywhere. He tumbled over into the light, but still held onto his shins like they were his only ground with reality. “There is nothing left for us! There is no reason left for us to love, to hope, to ship!”
There was a loud drone as what sounded like a microphone was being tipped over. Several voices poured out through the speakers, all in various states of concern, irritation, and even elation. alex said nothing, turning his gaze to the floor.
Eventually, the microphone was picked up again. A voice spoke, the same from before, and it said, “alex, do you know where you are?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
“Your mom’s wrong.”
“alex...” The voice sighed again. “Pick up your keyboard.”
There was a pause. “No.”
“The reason you find no hope is because you’ve been denying it yourself,” said the voice. “Look around you, alex.”
He did and all he saw was this dark, smelly room.
The voice continued. “All around you, there is potential. You don’t need the show to provide your creativity for you when you’ve got an untapped imagination at your disposal. We all have one, and that’s what keeps us going. The stories the shows provides are nice, yes, but they’re nothing quite like the one’s we can tell ourselves. So pick up your keyboard, alex, and show the world just what you can do.”
On the floor a few feet away sat a small plastic rectangle. alex trepidatiously reached out to it, feeling an odd sense of warmth press into his fingertips.
“I...” he whimpered. “I-I can make my story?”
“It can be about anything. Even Trixie.”
“Trixie...” alex said, his voice small. His hand reached out further until he now had a solid hold on the keyboard. “Can I write a story about Trixie trying to overthrow Celestia?”
“Anything you want,” said the voice. “But first, we need your assistance with something else.”
alex pulled the keyboard tight against his chest. “I’ll do anything for her!”
“It’s your turn to write some reviews for Seattle’s Angels, alex.”
“Sonofa—!”
ROUND 43
STORY 1
Melt, by Horizon
Long ago, at the top of the world, Love ruled a magnificent frozen empire. Then the sun rose, and darkness fell.
How then could I begin
To save Her, who I savored, when I had seen too much?
I’ll be quite honest right up front. I am not a fan of poetry, and I openly admit it’s due to my inability to “get” it. I’d like to think I’m not stupid, but something about poetry has always been beyond my grasp. I struggled to understand its complexities and intricacies while in high school and haven’t looked back since I graduated. However, other people seem to really enjoy it, and it’s not very often that I find myself in the position to be reading horse poetry… and yet here we are.
’Nuff said.
By the very virtue that we’re here talking about this story, that should be clue enough that this is not your normal pony poetry. Horizon, taking almost wholesale the structure of T. S. Eliot’s The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, has done something really incredible here. He’s managed to not only write some beautiful poetry about Sombra, Celestia, and the dichotomy of ice and fire, but tell a coherent story of longing and loss that’s really something special in a site filled with Your Human and You: Nobody Gives a Fuck and Luna Does the Moonwalk. Look at that, I almost managed to sound intelligent there for a second.
Anyway, at the risk of sounding like an elitist, even if you don’t like poetry, it’s always worth reading (only, or especially, if it’s good), if only so you can say that you have and not look like a total luddite at your next cocktail party. When your friends, miniature glasses of champagne in one hand and a smirk on their lips ask, “So, what did you think of Horizon’s Melt?” you’ll at least have read the story and can answer, “Why, I found it rather fascinating, as it were. I felt like I really connected with Sombra as he lamented the loss of his kingdom to Celestia’s rule, benevolent as it might be.”
There, that should be enough to keep the vultures off for awhile. Now you can go back to reading yet another Human x Celestia clopfic, or an uninspired “Oh no! I was dressed as Queztalcoatl at a party and now I’m suddenly in Equestria!” fic.
The point I’m trying to make is that you guys should read more poetry, and Melt is as good a place as any to start… just sayin’.
There’s something in this fandom I see a disappointing lack of, and that’s poetry. And I don’t mean things like simple haikus or ponified song lyrics or Trixie smothering Twilight with a pillow. Good poetry is often hard to come by because of how utterly difficult it is to pull off. In addition to all the devices one can find in prose, poetry often brings specific attention to things like rhyme and meter, and the longer the poem, the harder things become, especially when there’s a captivating story to tell. Melt is perhaps, by what I’ve seen, the best this fandom has to offer when it comes to poetry.
This poem is a ponification of T.S. Eliot’s The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, a poem one’s probably heard before even if they hadn’t actually read it. But while the structure of the poem is borrowed, the story here is all original. The story itself follows the protagonist as he tries to save his kingdom of ice from melting under the rising sun, and shows just how desperate one might become and how much they’re willing to risk for what they love the most. The cover image itself is so relevant it’s as heartwarming as it is foreboding.
There’s so much going on in Melt that I’m finding it difficult to say things about it, partly because of the sense of discovery that comes with reading this. By that, I mean I can practically guarantee this poem won’t be fully understood after the first read through, and may require several readings to get a grasp on what seem to be the simplest things. But it’s the sign of any great writing to bring a reader back for seconds, and I find nothing more deserving than poetry.
Really, if when you read this and you think, “I don’t get it,” then read it again. And again. I’m beginning to sound like my old English teacher (never a good sign), but analyze the individual lines and interpret the actual story being told; walking away from poetry with one’s own understanding is its own reward, after all. I can think of plenty of worse things to spend one’s time on.
Really, I can’t remember a time I’ve left a story feeling so deeply satisfied. If poetry’s your thing, than this is a must read. If not, well, it certainly doesn’t hurt to start here, because the story itself is wonderful in its own right. Just don’t be afraid to pay attention.
Octavia has lived among and performed for the highest class of ponies for years, and never once questioned her way of living or life choices. But when a fateful afternoon reignites an old memory, she finds herself realizing that she's been missing something: a friend. Now lost and desperate, she can only hope the pony she removed from her life will be willing to hear from her again.
The words written would be the same every critic in every Canterlot paper used to describe her concerts.
“Perfect.”
Whether they’re vampires, secret agents, or mortgage bankers (I assume this has been done before since everything else has), Octavia and Vinyl Scratch seem to be inextricable from each other. They’re always being paired together often in spite of who they are portrayed. Octavia is of high society, and Vinyl Scratch is apparently Skrillex or something, yet they are “perfect” for each other. I almost want to say it’s like they’re… Oh, what’s the word? Soul-something. Soul-buddies, soul-friends, soul-chums… Soul-pals! Yes, that’s it! These two soul-sisters have become ingrained in the brony consciousness, and as such, you’d be hard pressed to find a story about them that hasn’t been done. I won’t say that Octavia’s Reprise hasn’t been done, but I will say it hasn’t been done this well.
Unsurprisingly, Brad Pitt’s fatter brother, Bizzarro Jason Bateman, and Howie Mandel were so moved by the Scratchtavia pairing, that they wrote the hit single “Hey, Soul Sister”.
As tempting as it may be to write the rest of this review using only Train lyrics, I’ve decided that, while funny to me, it would likely just be annoying to everyone else. So, anyway, let’s give this review direction, about Vinyl and Octavia’s love connection.
Like I said, albeit jokingly, in the beginning of this review, Octavia is often represented as being part of the Canterlot high society, the political elite, the bourgeoisie, if you will, and that’s no different here. What is different, and what makes this fic special is the fact that Octavia seems quite at home in this society, despite her contemptuous attitude towards it. Nearly every other fic I’ve seen that features Octavia sees her as hating the world she was brought up in, wishing to join the “undesirables” in the lower decks of the Titanic like Lily, or whatever her name was. And, much like Titanic, we see Octavia reminiscing about her past, wishing for the old days.
It’s because of things like this, and Vinyl’s characterization that manages to stick to what little we know of her canonically and yet makes her not incredibly boring or “2kool4skool”, that I ended up enjoying this little ride so much. It’s the fact that this is a story not afraid to use the “Sad” tag and mean it.
If for no other reason, you really should read this fic to see how well Scratchtavia can be written without falling into the traps of “fanon” and accepted characterization. Also, they’re not vampires, so that’s extra points right there. At least for this round, Octavia’s Reprise stands alone as the only multi-chapter fic, and it is absolutely well worth your time.
I’ll be the first to say that the whole Octavia / Vinyl Scratch pairing is a tired one. The whole “opposites attract” idea (because classic music is so different from wubwubwub!) has seen their relationship to be more of a romantic one. Sometimes, there’s stories that see these two as being nothing more than good friends, and I applaud them for not following the romantic lemming train, but at the same time, the characters can often be easily replaced with any other pony. But Octavia’s Reprise does something extraordinary, something natural that dare I say breathes new life into this worn pairing.
Octavia starts off as one of those high-class snobs and has many awards under her name. But immediately following the failed changeling siege of Canterlot, everything changes: her personality, motivations, and basically her entire mentality. She decides to try and reconnect with an old friend of hers, and that’s when the story starts to swat my emotions with a bag of onions.
Octavia’s Reprise is really something else. It turns these two characters on their heads while more or less sticking to their fandom-established personalities. It’s bittersweet to see these two interact, both in the present and in the flashbacks that Octavia begins to show a wanting to relive. Her entire lifestyle is changing and she’s wondering if she can handle it all without being overwhelmed.
Now, the prose is a bit on the purple side and there are a few minor grammatical errors, but they don’t detract from the story. There’s also a bit of an overuse of ellipses, but again, these complaints are minor.
Those who are a fan of seeing Octavia and Vinyl Scratch doing stuff together will very much like this. But be warned, this story is tagged as being Sad for a reason.
Pinkie Pie is on top of the world right now. Why wouldn't she be? She just found out that she's a part of the most awesome family in Equestria (well, almost definitely). However, when a chance encounter in the market leads to the discovery of another distant Apple cousin in Ponyville, she realises that everypony should have a chance to know if they're related to the best family ever!
The only problem is, 'family' has very different meanings for different ponies...
If looks could kill, Applejack’s would likely have breached several international treaties on weapons of mass destruction.
There are three things about this story that made me incredibly wary of it right from the start. It stars Pinkie Pie, is about the Apple family, and has Lyra as the secondary character. These are things that have traditionally led to incredibly boring or annoying stories, at least in my experience. But I have to hand it to Melon Hunter. Special Relativity is at once heartwarming and humorous, and never becomes a nuisance as so many stories featuring these characters often do.
So, Pinkie Pie and Lyra walk into a bar…
I won’t bother with detailing the story’s plot to you, as Raz already does an admirable job of it, and instead I’ll focus on what makes me like this little foray into what family means. As I’ve said before, and will say again in the next review, I’m a big fan of comedy fics. I relish them, especially the really good ones, of which there are so very few. Pinkie Pie, in particular, is quite hard to write a comedy fic about. This may be surprising to you since she’s generally the comic relief of the show, but the fact of the matter is that Pinkie Pie is largely reliant on visual gags to be the way she is, and this simply doesn’t work in the written word. Often you’ll see people try to basically write her like you’re writing a transcript of her actions in a particular episode, and that just doesn’t work.
Instead, the route you should take, and it’s the one that Melon Hunter does take, is that you should realize that Pinkie Pie, despite her outward appearance of “randomness”, is a very calculated character. She doesn’t take any actions or say anything without having thought out where it’s going to go. She doesn’t just think one or two steps ahead, but a whole game ahead, which sometimes makes it seem as though she’s just talking gibberish. What Special Relativity does so well is that it takes Pinkie Pie and shows her for the kind-hearted and caring friend that she is, not the off-the-wall goofball people think she is.
At the heart of this story is a really nice message about acceptance and friendship that really is the heart of nearly every episode of the show. It’s incredibly heartwarming to see Applejack’s emotions near the end of the story, and Lyra’s near the beginning. Well, it’s both heartwarming and heartbreaking, though ultimately it’ll leave you with a warm fuzzy feeling that, if it persists for more than four hours, you should consult a physician about.
The one question you need to ask yourself if you’re trying to decide whether you should read this story is this: Do you like stories that include well written and entertaining characters that stay true to themselves yet never feel like a rehash of old ideas? If you answered no, then what the hell are you doing here? If you answered yes, then the link to this story is just couple clicks of the mouse wheel away.
Oh Pinkie Pie, you’re such a silly pony. Whether you love her or hate her, there’s no denying she fits the “well-intentioned, friendly goofball” niche pretty darn well. Pinkie Pie and comedy go together like bacon and more bacon, and Special Relativity is well aware of this little fact, and plays her wonderfully.
This story takes place shortly after the events of Pinkie Apple Pie, where Pinkie Pie more or less openly expresses her kind-of relationship to the Apple family. She inadvertently shames another pony into revealing she doesn’t really have a family, so Pinkie Pie does the logical thing and goes and steals Twilight’s scrolls again to find who this unfortunate unicorn is related to and, it turns out she’s also a cousin of the Apple family! And so are a bunch of other curious ponies. And things quickly spiral out of control.
But of course, the comedy doesn’t lie solely in the silly premise, but rather the well timed jokes and outright ridiculousness of the situation. Special Relativity accomplishes a bit of a feat, actually. It’s somehow able to use absurd humor without actually being absurd itself. When I say “absurd” I mean stories that rely on shock and disbelief to be funny. This story is able to use those elements organically and mix them well with much more subtle things, like jokes and puns. It’s something I find commendable as far as comedy fics go.
While the story is certainly enjoyable, I did find a couple grammatical mistakes that left me slightly confused, and the pacing isn’t the most even either. As a minor nitpick, I’m not fond of any story forcing accents, regardless of the extent, but fortunately it isn’t done too terribly here.
People who like Pinkie Pie and silly stories will find the perfect combination here. The comedy is sound and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
For four years, a pair of alien observers have been living in Ponyville under assumed identities, performing cultural studies and avoiding unwelcome attention. But when a piece of advanced technology is stolen from them, the observers must do everything in their power to get it back—preferably before their superiors decide to blow up the planet.
"Ooh, are you looking for skellenic hadropods too, Lyra? I always like to have some on hand for my Vargeban Day parties!"
Ladies and gentlemen, you may know me as a man who enjoys his comedy. Sophisticated, genteel, and erudite wit are my weapons—boners my refuge. Now, knowing this about me, you may be surprised to know that I don’t often read comedy fics. In fact, I rarely read fics in any capacity. I spend far more time writing than I do reading, and as a result I often overlook the boner jokes of others. This is not one of those times.
If I were a lesser man, I’d make a joke about wingboners here.
The thing that makes comedy difficult, though it might not be immediately apparent, is that you have to balance the absurd with mundane. No matter how ridiculous a story may get, with dogs committing ritual suicide and airships falling in love, you have to keep the story grounded in something that easily understandable. It’s not enough to have Pinkie Pie appear randomly in the middle of a scene and shoot confetti everywhere like a papery orgasm. It has to be for some reason, for some purpose.
What Bradel does so admirably well here is create a rather unique take on the whole Derpy Hooves, Lyra, [insert background pony here] thing that the fandom appears to be utterly obsessed with. Now, personally I’m not exactly a huge fan of any of these characters. I realize that they’re a “blank slate” and so you can kind of write them however you want, but that is precisely the reason I don’t like them. However, Bradel has done something I thought entirely impossible. He’s made me, not only give a shit about these characters, he’s given them a treatment I thought entirely out of reach. If you had told me a year ago I’d read a fic about Derpy being a robot and I’d like it, I would’ve told you, “Yeah, sounds about right.” And goddammit, Bradel did just that.
I do have to disagree with my comrade Razgriz where he says he’d like to see more of this story (as you’ll see in his review). I think this story works so well precisely because of how short it is. It doesn’t overstay its welcome, and it gets all its comedy out of the way without ever being boring. On top of that, if that wasn’t enough of a recommendation, the story is sublimely subtle. It’s very cleverly written, never really revealing itself, but instead leaving its care to the intelligence and attentiveness to the reader, which is something I think is woefully absent in most ponyfiction.
As Razgriz will say, you’re really doing yourself a disservice by not reading this story. It’s short, pleasant, and quite funny to boot.
Think about something in the world of pony so widely accepted, so concrete, so untouchable that it would seem crazy to consider otherwise. Got it? Well, if you can think of something, anything, you’re doing it wrong. Nothing is safe from the imagination, and there’s no better example I can think of than The Curious Incident of the (Robot) Dog in the Night-time.
The story is told from the perspective of a favorite pony of mine, only she isn’t exactly a pony, and neither is her associate. Heck, we don’t really even know exactly what they are or what their mission here in Ponyville is, but it’s obvious enough that being caught would be a disaster. So when some advanced hardware inexplicably goes missing, these two go into a panic trying to get it back. Including but not limited to: making a date with Pinkie Pie, incinerating several apple trees, and lying in the face of royalty. The recipe for shenanigans is clear from the very beginning, and man, do shenanigans rightfully ensue.
One thing I’m particularly fond of is how this story doesn’t tell us anything about these two, but instead it shows us. New elements get introduced without prior explanation, but the way the characters interact and communicate does all the explanation we need. Everything is so fluid and natural, it’s kind of amazing. The Curious Incident of the (Robot) Dog in the Night-time is a superb story with an excellent narrative. The humor is situational and well played. I know the story was inspired by some other, but that’s beside the point. The world it constructs is something to admire, if not for the world itself, than for the world being able to exist and make sense in canon, if only just.
Really, the only thing I don’t like about this story is that it’s so short; personally, I’d love to see more of this world developed, and there’s plenty of opportunity for it to do so. Another complaint is that it’s tagged as a Sci-Fi, but in the description. Come on, admins! Why don’t we have an actual Sci-Fi tag by now?
Just read this. I can think of plenty of worse ways to spend 4400 words, and that’s quite easy when this is the cream of the crop. It’s a prime example of how far reaching fanfiction can get, and that we shouldn’t be limited by our imaginations with the stories we wish to tell.
The door to the room opened up and Razgriz walked into its tiny light. alexmagnet sat hunched over in the center, a small stack of paper resting beside him.
Razgriz pat him on the back. “It’s good to have you back, alex. I thought we lost you back there.”
“Yeah,” alex whispered. “Yeah...”
Razgriz smiled gently and picked up the papers. “Good stuff, alex. Just what we need. Now, you’re more than welcome to write about Trix—”
Whatever he was going to say next was cut off as alex stood and twisted, and with one fluid motion, smacked him upside the head with the keyboard. Razgriz spun, his vision going cross and then black altogether, before he crumpled to the floor. alex swiftly snatched the keyboard under his arm and bolted out the open door.
A few seconds later, a siren cried throughout the complex.
“Dammit!” yelled a new voice over the intercom. “We have a twenty-three nineteen! Pav! Go get Sock and some asparagus!”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
Alright, who are you and what has Pav done with the real alex?
Are my stories too bad, or do they have too many views to be featured here?
2097316
You have to have one of your fics recommended to them by someone else to even get the chance to be reviewed, let alone featured in a site post.
I haven't ever made it in either.
2097343
I haven't eith—
Wait, what?
Ohmigosh omigosh omigosh!
2097353
Grats dude!
I really enjoyed The Curious Incident of the (Robot) Dog in the Night-time(incase I didn't say that in the comments on the fic when I read it).
2097365
Thanks! I have to admit, I've been a little surprised by how much people seem to like it, but I think that fact has really been useful as someone trying to learn to write better. I wrote the story as a pacing exercise, focusing on just making it move well. GhostOfHeraclitus and Horizon had a lot to do with giving it the extra polish to make it a good story, too.
Speaking of Horizon, he's on this week's list too! Which is pretty awesome. I've had "Melt" in my read-it-later cart for a while, I think. I should really go give it a read.
But I thought 23-19's were human contamination. That makes no sense, as not a single HIE fic was reviewed this time.
2097285
What haven't I done with the real alex?
derpicdn.net/img/2014/2/26/561984/full.gif
2099631
i660.photobucket.com/albums/uu329/ThresholdsDream/Perfume/eaumy_zps0cf8f608.jpg
So THIS is where that random surge in views came from! I am seriously so humbled, that I really, truly don't know what to say. Thank you so much for your kind words!
I've been a little slow on the upswing this weekend, what with my unexpectedly snowy hiking trip and all, but wow! Made my weekend to see Melt given some attention. It's among my personal favorites of the ponewords I've written, and it's gotten a fraction of the views of virtually everything else I've done. So thank you!
I can second your rec for 2097425's "Robot Dog," which like any good hipster I read back before everyone realized how cool it was. The other two sound intriguing as well!
Wait wait wait!
*looks at Bradel's Curious Incident again*
Holy crap! You guys actually featured a Crossover for once! This calls for a celebration!
... Uh, did anyone actually plan a celebration for this?
What a pretentious Moderator. Your sarcastic humor isn't funny.
2117415
lol wut