Tardy! Have a sketch. · 1:34am May 26th, 2012
So apparently surprise visits from in-laws are bad for schedules. Who knew, right?
Yes, Twilight, I'm tardy. Now, hopefully I'll still be able to release a chapter this Sunday, then catch up on all the folks I'm supposed to be editing for. If I don't end up laying on a park bench somewhere petting my tail and muttering to myself. (With these people around, there's a fair chance it could go either way.) By way of apology (read: bribe), here's one of my favorite WIPs that's been sitting around for quite a while. Some day, it might be the introduction of a sequel to A Perfectly Ordinary Day in Ponyville. But until that time, it stands pretty well on its own as a funny one-off scene.
The scorching sun of high noon beat down on the quaint little town of Ponyville. Waves of heat radiated from the dusty cobblestones of Mane Street, filling the air with a shimmering haze, and even the hardiest of the town’s many personal gardens were beginning to look a bit wilted. All normal activity had ceased at this point, as ponies abandoned their tasks to find cover in any place it was available.
It should probably be noted, however, that the last was less about escaping the heat, and more about dodging the magical fallout.
Far above the baking cobblestones, withering plant life, and cowering ponies, a voice rang out clearly through the silence. It was a calm and confident voice, but with an edge of weariness; the voice of a young mare for whom the strange and remarkable had long since passed into the realm of the routine. It was the voice of the town librarian.
“Dear Princess Celestia...”
Thwack. The air shuddered with a sound like a three-ton apple hitting a brick wall at a hundred miles an hour.
“Today, I would like to share with you a very important lesson.”
Whoosh. Multicolored fire rained down on the village below, twisting and transforming anything it touched into forms both improbable and indescribable.¹
“You do not...”
Crack.
“Mess...”
Crunch.
“With Twilight...”
Wham!
“Sparkle!”
Thud. The battered and limp body of a white-coated alicorn hit Mane Street, kicking a cloud of dust into the air. Another alicorn, lavender-coated and surrounded by an intense purple aura, landed neatly a few feet away from her.
“Your faithful student,” the lavender alicorn finished, ruffling her wings to dissuade any dust brave enough to try to settle on her, “Twilight Sparkle.”
A pained groan was the only response from the fallen goddess. Twilight shook her head with a sigh.
“You know it hurts me more than it hurts you. Besides, I still owed you from the Ultimate Nightfall incident. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get plasma burns out of this coat?” The purple librarian turned to head back to her friends at Sugarcube Corner, but was stopped by the sound of the thousandfold mockery of her teacher’s gentle speech that was the voice of Inferno Blaze.
“My dear, foolish Twilight Sparkle...” Twilight turned around to see her opponent struggling to her hooves. A wind whipped up around them, making both of their manes billow, and a blinding aura of solar fire surrounded the other alicorn. “Did you truly think that I was finished?”
“I would have been disappointed if you were,” the purple alicorn responded, a smirk growing across her muzzle. She spread her hooves and lowered her horn, and a glowing circle of runes flashed into existence around her. Her bloodied opponent did the same, her teeth bared and her fiery mane whipping upward in a wind that seemed to come from the ground itself. Twilight began to chant, her voice low at first, but rising with intensity as she continued.
“Liminal shadows of day and night,
Trapped betwixt the dark and light,
Heed your daughter’s deadly plight,
Grant your power by this rite.”
Inferno Blaze soon joined with a chant of her own, first growling the words through gritted teeth, but becoming stronger and more self-assured as she draw power from the casting.
“Blazing orb at daytime’s peak,
Casting light o’er brave and meek,
I am your Goddess, hear me speak,
Grant me your strength to sear the weak.”
Jagged bolts of arcane lightning flashed orange and purple around the two alicorns as they called upon ancient powers from before the beginning of time. The paint of the buildings nearest them cracked and peeled in an intense heat, then the flakes turned to ash and were swept away by the scourging wind which buffeted the area. The alicorns’ eyes met briefly, both set with unshakable determination, then the two opponents completed their incantations in unison.
“Ancient rites of days long past,”
“Be my might at this, the last,”
“By this spell, thy power cast,”
“Goddess-”
“Princess-”
“Alicorn-”
“BLAST!”
The world trembled as the full potential of two of its greatest magic users was unleashed, and...
Silence. Then the lone, cheerful call of a bluebird who had entirely failed to get the memo about the ongoing apocalyptic battle. Then the distinctive Trottingham accent of a brown earth pony who briefly poked his head out of an out-of-place police call box.
“I don’t know about you two, but I’d advise getting out of here. Things are about to get a bit... eh...” The pony waved a hoof, as if searching for the right word. “...wibbly-wobbly?”
Both alicorns eyed the earth pony, clearly expecting further explanation, and he simply responded by pointing behind them with a hoof, then ducking back into the call box, which promptly faded from view. The pair turned, and froze. Inferno Blaze was the first to speak.
“If you need me, I’ll be on the moon.”
With that, the Nightmare fled its host, and the restored Princess Celestia staggered and fell to the ground. Twilight edged closer to her mentor, and they both gazed with growing dread at what their unleashed power had wrought.
A great crack stretched from horizon to horizon, bisecting Ponyville neatly down the center of Mane Street. It was not exactly black; rather, it was more like someone had taken black and turned it inside out. All of its not-colors sparkled and shone in the midday sun, sucking the light from the air around them. From inside the rift could be heard thousands, or perhaps millions, of different sounds and voices, but loudest of all was the gentle tapping of fingers on a keyboard.
“It finally happened,” murmured an awed Celestia to her student. “We broke the Fourth Wall.”
¹ If one were to attempt to describe them, it would probably involve such words as “otherworldly”, “horrifying”, and “Didn’t I see you at my last family reunion?”
That was brilliant. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
“If you need me, I’ll be on the moon.”
“Didn’t I see you at my last family reunion?”
Haha, good one.
You should do it.
You really should.
And now I need to go and read A Perfectly Ordinary Day in Ponyville.
And possibly put you on my Watching list.
That was fantastic!
and do it! dooooo eat!~
Dear God, they finally did it, they finally did it, they blew it up, blew it all to Hell.
Obviously, in the end, a great swarm of fourth-wallanites invaded the realm bringing peace and prosperity to those unfortunate enough to have lived through the end of the story.
CARRY ON
THE FOURTH WALL
>wibbly-wobbly
The blog post! I cannot thumbs-up it!
Have scootangel instead.
I would read this story so hard.
Hahaha, delightful.
"We broke through the fourth wall!"
At this, Pinkie Pie snapped into frame, fixing you with a look of feignt surprise. "Hey, that description reminded me of something!" And then she sprouted wings, turned white, and flew out of Rainbow Hyphen's tablet to delete his commenNO PINKIE PIE, I MUST DO THIS, THEY MUST KNOODNFKSNK SNV V ,+$+#;+;$=;vvgavavaaaaa...