Main Reviews #1: Asylum (spoiler warning) · 5:29pm Apr 30th, 2014
Here it is, ladies and djentlemen: the first of my completed stories from my Read-Later list. I'm so glad that I managed to keep a promise to you guys, but most of all, I'm glad I could keep the promise to myself. Reading this story reminded me that it has been far too long since I settled down and read a great epic.
Asylum has certainly proved its worth.
Author: Daemon of Decay
Synopsis:
When Twilight Sparkle slipped beneath the covers last night, everything had been fine. She had friends whom she loved, a teacher she adored, and a bright future ahead of her. But when she woke up, her blankets and quilts had been replaced by hospital gowns and padded restraints.
Everything is wrong and nothing makes sense; even her friends have changed. The doctors keep telling her that she is sick, that none of it was real and that it was all in her head. Yet she remembers a life far beyond the hospital walls. She couldn't have made it all up on her own. They must be lying… right?
Current length: 176,127 words over 24 chapters, averaging 7,339 words per chapter
Status: Incomplete
Review: I'm going to say it now—and I'm ashamed to admit this—I have been meaning to read this story for over a year. Ever since I saw its initial posting on Equestria Daily, I've been attracted to the idea of a mentally-deranged Twilight in oppressive circumstances. The overwhelming praise that others continuously lauded on it only served to heighten my enthusiasm, yet... something always had me holding back from taking the plunge. Perhaps it was the sad tag? Or my own writing schedule? Maybe I simply forgot about it? In any case, that has now been remedied, so let's see what the fuss is all about...
We enter to find Twilight strapped and bound to a bed in a small cell with no windows. Well then. What a way to begin. We're shown just how much fear a trapped being can feel upon realising this situation. I've seen enough horror movies to recognise that sense of hopelessness and imprisonment.
So Twilight has a bunch of information shoved down her throat, all the while still trying to grasp the idea that her entire "reality" has been shattered and never existed anywhere but in her head. Wow. I mean, I've never been in a situation like that, but I can imagine the sensation. It's a horrifying concept, to imagine that your entire life is a lie. What the hell are you supposed to do in a situation like that? How can you possibly convince all of the doctors that you're not crazy at all, when they have known you your entire life in their "reality"?
Well, when you're as smart as Twilight Sparkle, you will find a way. Eventually. Hopefully.
Reading about Twilight adjusting to her "new life" was nothing short of painful. Every step of the way, I felt her anguish, her confusion, her complete disbelief at her new existence. From finding her first friend (Applejack [Doctor Applejack to you]) to realising everything is all different about her, Twilight manages to retain her calm... for the most part.
So begins her personal hunt for her other friends. Every one of her friends has been tainted in some way: Applejack is a graduate of the College of Manehattan with a diploma in psychology, far removed from her simple, apple-buckin' ways. Pinkie Pie is... well... not heaps different, though she is also a patient herself. Despite this, she is also a "patient assistant," which basically means that she has slightly more freedom around, as well as some limited higher responsibilities and privileges. Rarity is still a mare of refinement, though she no longer makes her own clothes and is less inspired overall. Her generosity still shines through, though, despite having some rather harrowing skeletons in her closet. She also happens to be an independent case worker for the Canterlot Government.
Rainbow Dash... is an aggressive bitch. I mean, seriously, what the hell? Well, I suppose we couldn't make Twi's job too easy now, could we?
Fluttershy, Fluttershy, Fluttershy. Now if any character has my deepest sympathies, it's her. We meet a truly broken mare in her; a mare so shattered that she flinches if anypony comes within five feet of her, and hyperventilates if they draw any closer. Oh, did I mention that RD is extremely protective of her? Yeah, there's that.
Twilight's quest to restore her "true self" will not be an easy one. She has disgruntled and pushy orderlies obsessed with rules and schedules, a snarky and stern nurse with a frightening habit of appearing just when she's being talked about, and a Doctor who seems hell-bent on keeping Twilight so doped up on drugs that he can perform all of his experiments on her without her resisting in the slightest.
"But Adren," I hear you ask, "why doesn't she just use magic to escape?" Well, the simple answer to that is because she has a magical void ring suppressor attached to her horn. Any amount of magic she charges up is instantly absorbed and swallowed up by the pacifier. Yeah. So Twilight has the ridiculously monumental task of trying to convince all of her "friends" that she is not, in fact, crazy but perfectly sane... in a world where they've already believed her to be insane for many years. Figure that one out, Smarty Pants (who, incidentally, does make a few appearances herself).
There's also the rather unnerving (and quite frankly terrifying at times) "Shadow Twilight" that comes to life in her dreams and whenever she looks in a mirror. Now I don't know about any of you lot, but when I see reflections in movies (or read about them in books) do something other than what their hosts do, it just creeps me the fuck out. Daemon uses this device to extraordinary effect, making it occur whenever it's least expected.
Each of Twilight's "friends" have something terrible about their pasts. The key to befriending them seems to be unraveling their pasts and delving into their minds and psyches to find the catalyst that sets off their bad memories. Applejack's parents died of cancer while she was studying in Manehattan; Pinkie almost killed her family in a house fire; Rarity has to look after a... let's say "physically altered" Sweetie Belle; Fluttershy tried to commit suicide from bullying; Rainbow still has not been analysed enough, due to her psychopathic tendencies. Add to this the hospital staff being as great a hindrance as possible (and a shadow in her mind tormenting her constantly) and our favourite purple pony definitely has her work cut out for her.
The greatest things I can draw a parallel to with this fic are the many similarities between it and American McGee's Alice and the Silent Hill game series. We have the constant plot of a girl in an insane asylum trying to piece her memories together and rescue her "fantasy world" or her "Wonderland", all the while still being oppressed in the "real world" by the sanatorium staff. This horrifying and often feel-inducing situation is further compounded by the mysterious "Shadow Twilight", who relentlessly urges her to surrender to the treatments and accept her new world as the true one.
The biggest thing about this story is that when you get even a quarter of the way into it, you can't help but wonder which world really is the real one. Daemon keeps the reader guessing from this point onward. For every triumph Twilight seems to make, yet another obstacle gets thrown in to trip her up and question everything she knows about her friends and herself.
Every couple of chapters, you will not be able to help feeling some kind of *pang* to your heart for the poor ponies that Twilight is fighting so hard to win over. What hurts the most is just how unfair it all seems to her. There is a particularly gut-wrenching scene involving Rarity and Sweetie Belle that... Well, for me it was my biggest hand-to-mouth-heart-stopping-with-disbelief scene in the entire story. These occur quite frequently, to be honest.
What keeps a reader reading such a sad, twisted, hopeless-seeming story? The ever-present idea that there may just be a faint glimmer of hope on the horizon.
All in all, I'm going to conclude here with saying that this is definitely a 9/10 story. It could have potential to be a 9.5, although it does suffer from quite frequent slips in basic grammar. Disregarding this, Daemon's immersing, descriptive language, thoroughly researched subject matter and knowledge of mental illnesses and excellent use of image-generating metaphor will hook you and refuse to release you. I now join the thousands awaiting an update. I want Twilight to succeed—I really do—yet I derive a strange kind of pleasure in watching her struggle and overcome her trials. I heartily recommend this gripping tale to absolutely everyone.
It Takes a Village
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door
Duel Nature
Que Sera, Sera
If Only In My Dreams
The Reign of Princess Dinky the Cute
Cry For Eternity
Secrets Shine Brighter
Transcendence
Mort Takes a Holiday
Pandelirium
I highly recommend Cry For Eternity. It is one of my favorites.
2064188
Welp, click the thumb, dude
2064196 I did not know that was how you was doin the voting... (just woke up...)
I'm actually interested in most all the fics on this list
No pros and cons at the end like a traditional review? Well, well, it was still a very oh-so very good review with a cohesive explanation to most points.
What did bother me was your thoughts on the final mark. You gave it a 9/10, but said it would be 9.5/10 if it didn't suffer from slips of basic grammar. What if that didn't happen and you gave a 9.5/10? Then what would be stopping you from giving a 10?
2064574
There's actually very very little I can criticise about it, besides the hiccups in grammar. I mean, it's a bit telly at times, as well as expository, I suppose. Thing is, though, I was so enthralled by it the entire time because of the gorgeous descriptive language and overall absorbing atmosphere that I wasn't actually bothered by any of those factors like I would be normally. It's that good.
As for the scoring? I cannot give any story a perfect 10, even my all time favourite (The Age of Wings and Steel) because I believe it is impossible to write a perfect story. We might tell the author 10/10 in comments jokingly (or not) sometimes but really, it's impossible. Asylum is definitely up there in my top 10 now but it's not perfect and I couldn't give it a 10/10 even if the grammar was solid.
2065022
10/10 is a flawless masterpiece for me. But it wouldn't be perfect. For something to be perfect would be to have everyone like it, but everything has haters.
The only time I ever reviewed something and gave it a 10 was when I reviewed The Hobbit, though that was quite some time ago.
2064111
>inb4 I make a million false accounts to make my fave story get reviewed
2065022
Well, if you happen to ever catch those errors, I'm always up for correcting them. I have no qualms in going back a year to fix grammar mistakes on long posted chapters.
Sure, that means I'm enlisting others to help fix my incompetence, but I feel no guilt in doing so.
Also, I quite enjoyed the review. It made my day.
-Derek (aka DoD)
2068987
it's quite the tale you have there.
I'm glad you enjoyed it
I may be compelled to go back and give it a reread sometime to catch them for you... When I'm finished with Trixie vs Equestria. I'll let you know if I'm ever up for it.