• Member Since 3rd May, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 5th, 2018

SirTruffles


More Blog Posts66

  • 343 weeks
    Writing Advice or Reading Advice?

    Poked my head in at The Writer's Group for the first time in awhile. Answered some questions. Enjoyed some of the complementary snacks from the coffee table (SweetAiBelle: the hay-oreos were getting a little stale).

    Read More

    7 comments · 392 views
  • 357 weeks
    A Self Promotion Strategy You Might Not Have Tried

    Clickbait and page break abuse.

    Read More

    5 comments · 436 views
  • 386 weeks
    Concerning US Election Shenanigans

    It has come to my attention that a lot of people in the US are understandably freaking out about the presidential election. In fact, psychologists in the New York area are going so far as to declare Trump-Induced Anxiety is a Medical Thing. While the problems that plague America cannot be

    Read More

    7 comments · 487 views
  • 461 weeks
    Dialog-free Scenes

    Today's blog topic is courtesy of Manes. Thank you kindly for the idea :pinkiehappy:

    Read More

    2 comments · 713 views
  • 465 weeks
    Lecture: Ideas

    "Is this a good idea" threads are one of the most common topics on writing forums to the point that most have to ban these types of threads to avoid getting spammed to death. However, when these types of questions are allowed, most people worth their salt will give a stock "I dunno, it depends on your execution"-like answer. It can be a very frustrating situation for a new writer looking for

    Read More

    5 comments · 448 views
Apr
30th
2014

Why Dialog Doesn't Matter · 1:50pm Apr 30th, 2014

Part of my Writing from an Actor's Perspective series. First part here.

As writers, dialog is our bread and butter. There's just something about that give and take that adds life to the rest of the narrative. It's where we show people our characters and how they interact.

However, as an actor, you're legally obligated to speak exactly the words you're given in order. You memorize them in the first week of rehearsal (or preferably before you even get to the theater), and then you pretty much ignore the dialog altogether. It's automatic. So what does the actor do for the rest of rehearsal month? The meat of their job: subtext.

Subtext is the unspoken meaning behind the words. Take an ordinary phrase such as "Give me the phone." All alone, it's just an average everyday command. But imagine it spoken with a roll of the eyes and a sigh as somepony lazily holds out a hoof. Now it could be "Great, this guy again." Or perhaps it's spoken sharply with the speaker's nose in the air as they snatch the phone: "I don't have time for your dallying, underling."

Note how with a little change in delivery, I managed to change the subject of the line without changing the script. In the first example, the speaker is making a statement about who is on the other end of the line. In the second, the speaker is emphasizing their displeasure with the subordinate with the phone. Entire scenes can be rewritten this way without changing a single letter of the script. In fact, delivery changes a script so much that I found myself treating dialog not as a reflection on the characters, but as space allotted to say what I actually wanted to say. Character is in the spaces between the lines, not in what is said.

So, what does this mean for an author? We know we can't have 'talking head syndrome' where large sections of the story are composed of pure dialog with no actions, or worse the author forgetting to give us setting details. However, I challenge you to let go of worrying about what your characters will say and instead focus on how they say it. Taking this philosophy to the extreme, you could be able to replace every line of dialog in a scene with an equal length of "blahblahblah," and still be able to get a sense of what is going on as far as the characters are concerned.

A fun activity to experiment with is the author's version of an open scene. In this exercise, you are given a set of fairly generic lines. You decide what the setting is, who the characters are, and are in full control of their actions/delivery. You must use all the lines as is, the reader knows only what is in this particular scene, and the characters' actions/your description are the only tools you have to convey your story -- no exposition dumps, backstory or any narrative comments on the characters' actions. You have only what is available to an observer's senses in the current moment. Apart from that, you have full control of what your characters look like, what setting they are in, their circumstances, and what props are lying around for them to interact with.

Some sample generic lines to get you started:

A: Hi
B: Hello
A: How’s everything?
B: Fine, I guess
A: Do you know what time it is?
B: No, not exactly.
A: Well?
B: Well, what?
A: What did you do last night?
B: Nothing.
A: Nothing?
B: I said nothing
A: Sorry I asked
B: That’s alright

And here's a little something I cooked up in an hour or so:

A dusty red earth pony by the name of Compass Rose crept through the marble crypt, a lantern in her chattering teeth. Her heavy saddlebags clinked as she walked. Suddenly, the heavy silence was broken by marble grinding to her left. She lept a good three feet, the lantern clattering to the floor. The light revealed one of the coffins was broken open, and the rotting corpse of a tiger had arisen from its tomb. It studied Rose's quivering figure for a moment. Then what remained of its lips pulled back in a smug grin.

"Hi." It stepped over the lip of the coffin towards her, licking its lips.

Rose stumbled backwards, unable to look away. With a squeak, she collided with the back of an alcove.

"H-hello."

The tiger padded its way to the alcove and took its time settling to its haunches. Its bony tail flicked about. "How's everything." It flashed its teeth.

Rose quivered on her belly, ears back. "F-fine, I guess?"

The hiss of air rattling over bone echoed throughout the crypt. The tiger studied her with its one filmy yellow eye before finally lowering its head. Rose buried her head in her hooves, but it stopped at her eye level.

"Do you know what time it is?" it asked.

Rose peeked out from between her hooves. The tiger continued looming over her. Her ears shuffled, then perked. She slid a hoof into her saddlebags and came up with a golden pocket watch carved with runes, which she passed to the tiger.

"No." She glanced away. "Not exactly."

As the tiger flicked the watch open with a claw, Rose crept to the side. Her saddlebags clinked. She found the tiger in front of her again.

"Well?" Now its brow was furrowed.

"Well what?" Rose asked, her smile cracking.

The tiger loomed. Her shoulders slumped. She held out her saddlebags, which the tiger accepted curtly. She slunk towards the lantern again, but the tiger casually pinned her with a claw. It shuffled through the bags, removing a pearl necklace, assorted silver bands, and an ebony comb before shaking the rest of the contents onto the floor. Its attention fell on a sprig of parsley and chalk.

The full attention of its now glowing red eyes fell on Rose.

"What did you do last night?" full and fiery echoed throughout the crypt.

"Nothing!" Rose shreaked, flattening herself against the wall.

The tiger fixed her in its glare. "Nothing?"

Rose melted to her haunches, breaths fast and shallow. "I said nothing!" she pleaded. Tears dripped down her cheeks.

At last, the tiger looked away. It swept a paw over the jewelry, which turned to dust and flowed away into the tomb. Then it nosed Rose's trembling form. "Sorry I asked," it said gently.

The shaking stopped, but it was another moment before she finally glanced up at the tiger. Her ears laid back. "That's alright."

The tiger laid her repacked saddlebags on her back with her lantern tied securely to the side. Rose rose to her hooves, and the tiger showed her out of the crypt.

As you can see, there's a lot you can do with just description and action. However, as Twilight The Pony noted in the comments, going into so much detail does take quite a bit of space, so it does tend to slow down the pacing. If you're writing something short and snappy, such as an action scene, then you may wish to rely more on dialog or omit details for brevity. For an actor, the above exercise is a crucial part of what they do. However, for a writer, it is more of an exaggeration of the concept for challenge and practice. If a scene isn't coming together in your writing, though, you may try playing this game to give you a better picture of what is going on and then cropping back unneeded details until it is paced the way you want.

On Friday: The Anatomy of an Action.

Questions? Comments? Want to share your open scene? Throw it all in the comments!

Report SirTruffles · 493 views ·
Comments ( 15 )

Wow. This is actually quite amazing and makes a tonne of sense.
Thanks for sharing! :twilightsmile:

Hmm, this makes great sense indeed. I should look over my stories with this information. Thanks! :pinkiesmile:

We know we can't have 'talking head syndrome' where large sections of the story are composed of pure dialog with no actions, or worse the author forgetting to give us setting details.

I actually have an opposite problem. I include details with the dialogue for just about everything. It pains me to do talking head syndrome, though I do allow it when two characters are bickering back and forth really fast for comedic effect.

2063686
Then you may enjoy the next blog in which I examine how to analyze characters' actions. Fun fact: not everything a character does is an 'action.' Some acts are activities, which are a horse of a completely different color.

2063638 2063662
You're very welcome! Thank you for reading :yay:

Well...
Even though this is quite logical and all, I disagree with drowning every single line of dialogue with unnecessary action. Not every line of dialogue should be followed by a paragraph indicating environmental changes. For instance, something like this:

“If you want me to stop...”

“N- no...”

can be far more effective than this:

“If you want me to stop...” Her ear flicked as it was touched by the mare's hoof.

The mare's hoof down her cheek, while she was doing jumping jacks on an airplane.

“N- no...” she stuttered.

(don't ask)

It's much better to setup the environment beforehoof, setting up some some crucial points and hint the reader about the environment.

Of course you can add actions to the dialog to add more umph to the dialogue, but in some cases, that can kill it.

Especially things like this:

"H-hello," she stuttered.

The dialog already tells you that actor #1's voice was stuttering. There is no need to reiterate it. It's almost as bad as

"Rarity!" she exclaimed.

Almost. Not quite there, though.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution to this. Sometimes the presented approach is better, sometimes is pure dry dialogue.

There's always balance thingy.
~Twi

2063843
I can see your point. It can get excessive, especially in action sequences. I just wanted to say: "Hey! Look! What is unspoken can make dialog completely superficial!" Like any tool, unspoken subtext should be used insofar as it corresponds to the author's goals and the circumstances of the scene in question. Maybe calling its use an author's 'ultimate goal' was going a little far:twilightblush:

The dialog already tells you that actor #1's voice was stuttering. There is no need to reiterate it. It's almost as bad as

That's more a problem with how I worded it than the overall concept: I was a bad writer and conveyed the delivery twice. Had I not dashed this off in half an hour, I probably would have nipped that in editing.

In fact, I'll go fix that now :rainbowwild:

There's another kind of subtext too that I think is almost as important, and it relies on dialogue and action to tell the point. Contextual subtext.

I'm trying to think of an example, but my mind is still locked in editor mode, not creator mode. Urgh.

No luck...

Want to share your open scene?

Oh, why not? Creator mode... Go!

Lesse... Wall of faces, help me out!

Okay, you two.
:trixieshiftleft:
:twilightoops:
Yes, you two.

I'mma put these words in your mouths. Don't get dirty. That's the only rule. Go!

Trixie: Honestly, Twilight, it doesn’t matter.
Twilight: It does too matter!
Trixie: Fine, but hurry up, I’m not gonna wait all day!
Twilight: But-
Trixie: Come on, just take it already!
Trixie: I’m sorry, alright. Just take it, please? Then we can go.
Twilight: This feels so wrong…
Trixie: That’s how I know it’s right.
Twilight: What?
Trixie: Seriously?

Sitting at a table in Sugar Cube Corner, Trixie watched her marefriend standing at the counter, looking over the tasty pastries on display. Well, perhaps marefriend was a bit presumptuous. But she hoped that Twilight would say yes.

Twilight stood at the open display case, hoof to her mouth as she looked over the mouthwatering treats. Trixie couldn’t wait to sit down with her to share their first treat together.

“Honestly, Twilight, it doesn’t matter.” Her own words shocked her. How could it not matter which treat she chose? Too small and there wouldn’t be enough to share, too little frosting and she might not have a chance to lick it off Twilight’s cheek.

“It does too matter!” Twilight pointed at the two bits on the counter. Her meaning was obvious. Most of the items in the case were marked 4 bits.

Sighing, Trixie floated over another pair of bits and set them down. “Fine, but hurry up, I’m not gonna wait all day.” Oh if she could just keep her fool mouth shut. Why did every last word out of her sound like an insult? Twilight had been there to save her from her own foolishness more than enough. Couldn’t she just, for once, sound grateful?

“But-“ Twilight cut herself off and shrugged, then picked up the biggest one she could find, then set it down again. She picked up another one with more frosting.

“Come on, just take it already!” She clapped a hoof over her mouth, then bit the hard edge and looked away. She was a fool. Getting her hopes up about dating Twilight. She couldn’t even talk to her without insulting her.

The look Twilight shot back at her confirmed her fears. She was ruining her chances with the mare she wanted to love.

“I’m sorry, alright. Just take it, please? Then we can go.” She dropped her head into her hooves and sighed. Dreams fell about her in flaming bits. She wanted to just go back to her wagon and chase away the dreams with a stiff drink.

A thump on the table brought her out of her misery for a moment. She looked up and saw Twilight settle into the seat across from her. Have I not ruined my chance? Twilight sitting down with her, without an argument seemed to suggest that she hadn’t.

Twilight took the first bite, frosting smearing all across her muzzle. Pinkie hadn’t lied. She ate like a pig. But what a cute pig she made.

“This feels so wrong,” Twilight said, then giggled. She lifted a hoof to wipe off her mouth.

Trixie caught the hoof before it could touch the icing with a gentle spell. Maintaining the spell and keeping eye contact, she slipped from her stool and stepped deliberately closer until she was muzzle to muzzle with a dream.

She saw it there in her eyes, not quite an invitation, but a curiosity and a willingness.

“That’s how I know it’s right,” she whispered. The frosting on Twilight’s lips tasted all the sweeter for having been there, and the lingering kiss that followed made her own ache ever so pleasantly.

She broke away first, gazing up into the very visage of loveliness, marred only by a streak of frosting on her nose. She couldn’t help but laugh, her heart bursting with joy.

“What?”

Trixie only stepped closer and kissed her nose, taking care of the frosting. Twilight’s eyes crossed, and she giggled, pausing to return the kiss. Out of nowhere, the purple pony’s other hoof came up, tipped with frosting, and trailed a smear across her cheek.

“Seriously?” It wasn’t a complaint.

I suppose frosting isn't technically dirt. Still... shame on you two.

What is it with me and shipping lately? It seems to be the default mode my brain is in. I blame spring. Now if only Spring would actually arrive! Curse you, cold weather!

Edit: Tinkered.

2065832

There's another kind of subtext too that I think is almost as important, and it relies on dialogue and action to tell the point. Contextual subtext.

Probably. Might be blogworthy in another context, but here I wanted to focus on the potential of unspoken subtext to carry an entire plot. It's not often that you want to go to that extreme, but it's amazing how much you can do if you do.

Also: first open scene taker! Have a cookie! :pinkiehappy:

Granted, for the purposes of the open scene game, you can push it a little harder. See what happens when you cut out narrator explanations such as:

Wonder spread through her mind as she considered the possibility that maybe she hadn’t ruined her chances. She would have to choose her words carefully.

You may find that it could be replaced with a shorter description of what the character's body language looks like, or that it was an extraneous detail that could be pared down altogether. The challenge is to build a scene of action and sensory detail that stands on its own with as little narrator-supplied context as possible.

2066497

Good point. I'll clean it up later, probably. Currently on my phone with a bluetooth keyboard, though, so not much capability to edit (and the original is on my home computer. )

I'm getting better at weeding out the unecessary telling as much as possible (leaving in the parts that are better told,) but it usually takes me a few drafts to get it whittled down. That's part of why it's taking so long to edit Mare in the Moon chapter 2 - it's about a fourth draft as it currently is on the site, and at about draft 6 on my tablet.

Speaking of... Time to get some editting done before work.

Not that I want to criticize sir/madam, however how do you view 'Kevin Smith' movies such as 'Clerks?'

2326126
Unfortunately, I've never seen nor heard of them, so I have no opinion.

2327770 Underground cult classic that's about 104 minutes long. A guy gets called into work on his day-off and it's about the (mis)adventures of him and his 'companion' of that day. Very dialogue driven (has to be given it doesn't change scenery that often.) If you have that long to spend, I highly recommend watching it. (I do warn you, it contains toilet humor. Having that said, it's very witty toilet humor. If nothing else, just watch 25 minutes of it. Why 25 minutes you ask? That gets you a good feel of the movies direction and by then it introduces the co-conspirator of the 'Mini-Mart.')

:ajbemused:
Not the best dialogue I've ever read.

2547269
Oh well... according to the title, it didn't matter anyway...

2548607 ...Walked right into that one, haven't I?

Login or register to comment