50 Question thinger.

Woo let's answer these.
WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE.
The Princesses:

1. How old are Celestia and Luna?
Like a Zillion years
Nah, more like 3-4 thousand. I like the headcanon they were born at high noon and midnight. Maybe a year apart.

2. How old is Cadance?
She's totes like 24.

3. Were Celestia and Luna always alicorns, or did they ascend?
Totally born alicrons.

4. Are Cadance and Twilight immortal?
Fuck no. Well, okay, kind of. Like Celestia and Luna are like functionally immortal and also can't die. Like they'll just regenerate, even from being disintegrated or something. Celestia probably does this phoenix regeneration thing to scare the shit outta people too. Twilight and Cadence will regenerate, up to a point. Like decapitation or anything else definitively lethal will kill them, but like a ton of lacerations would just regen. They'll die of old age if they aren't killed properly.

5. Have there been other alicorns in the past?
Why not. Probably-Well, no.

6. How much authority do Celestia and Luna have in Equestria?
If they exerted themselves? Fuckin, word is law, disobey and fucking dead are you. But they let congress and parliament and stuff take care of most of the country. They actually do very little, and act as the 'be-all end-all' of authority when ponies can't figure it out themselves.

7. Does Shining Armor rule The Crystal Empire along side of Cadance?
He is her captain of the guard, so he does military stuff while Cadence does everything else. She is trying to instate something like modern equestria so she's not so swamped all the time.

8. Other than Twilight, Luna, and Cadance, what relationships have been important to Celestia in her lifetime (students, close friends, lovers, family)?
Her students. Her parents(Both earth ponies yEAH FUCK YOU SUCK IT UNICORNS YOU FAT BASTARTDS), any children or lovers she may have had along the way.

Ponies and Equestrian Culture:

9. Are there still cultural differences between earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, or is the culture homogeneous by the time shown in canon? Are there cultural stereotypes (positive or negative)?
There are some like in the real life. Some places are like 'we don't like your kind here' while others don't bat an eyelash at a dragon popping by to say hello to a jeweler to get some lunch. Depends on where you are. Ponyville, for being so rural, is a bit of a mixed bag. Does it come from the forest? No? Well alright then. So you might see minotaur self-help advocate strolling around next to a unicorn and earth pony couple. Bigger places like Canterlot are a little more progressive, though the nobility probably will frown upon anything non-unicorn. San Prancisco is the bleeding edge of cultural melting pots. Cloudsdale is just a bit pegasus supremacist. You get the idea.

10. Are there foods or items native to Cloudsdale that are uncommon on the ground? Are there foods or items on the ground that are uncommon in Cloudsdale?
Yeah, anything with cloud as an ingredient would be strange to find on the surface. As for surfacer food above the clouds...Anything deep fried. The oi's too thick to catch on the Pegasus magic in the clouds, so it falls through. They have to get specially enchanted equipment to have deep fried stuff up there.

11. Can all unicorns learn all spells, given the time and effort spent practicing them, or is magical talent usually limited in some way?
Yes, all unicrons can learn all spells, but usually don't bother beyond what relates to their special talent, on account that it's 'too hard'. Bullshit. Anyone can be as powerful as Starswirl or Twilight Sparkle, They just gotta study it. Okay sure, it is substantially harder to preform magic outside your talent, but it can still be done. A Masseuse can still learn how to put up a shield. It'll just take longer than a muscle relaxant spell.

12. Earth pony magic: Does it exist? What is it?
Yes. It is the ancient magic of the world-builders. With their magic they can shape the very world to their will, make mountains into molehills and puddles into seas, create grand fortresses of stone in only a few moments, grow forests in an instant, and level a mountain will but a flick of their wrist. Sadly, very nearly all of this knowledge has been lost to time, snubbed out by the jealous unicorns, what remains are instinctual growing methods, and some taught growing techniques still are fragments of this. But with the know how, experience and training, a master of earth pony magic could wield such forces than unicorns could only dream of.

13. Some pony families we’ve seen seem to have naming conventions (the Apples, Twilight’s family) and others don’t appear to (Rarity’s family, Pinkie’s family), which is more common? Are there reasons for one or the other?
The ones with names that have conventions are generally older families, sometimes dating back to before the Great Unification. The ones who don't are from 'commoner' families. You know, the rest of them. The Apples are actually a noble house, but they were like 'Psh I don't need none o' this nobility bullshit' and went back to farming.

14. How much formal schooling is an average, middle class pony expected to complete?
School is free. So if they wanted, they could go to college for free. Most don't go past high school though.

15. What’s the average lifespan for a pony? At what age is a pony expected to be independent of their parents?
Anywhere between 250- 400. Look at granny smith, she was there for ponyville's founding and that's like three hundred some years ago. They start to look 'old' around 240ish, maybe closer to 310 if they have a longevity gene.

16. Are there roughly an equal number of male and female ponies?
Based on the show, no. Based on the show, yes. Because apparently very few males are not working constantly. See Stallions on Strike for what I mean.

17. How informed are most ponies about things that happen in other parts of Equestria? What about other parts of the world?
Big news gets spread through a nationwide paper called 'The Celestial Tribune' And local news generally stays local. Pop culture stuff has it's way of getting around.

The Main Characters:

18. How old are the Mane Six? Spike? The CMC?
Twi's like 20. Fluttershy is 22 and Pinkie is 21. Applejack is like 23. RD is prolly like 19. Rarity is *LEGASP* 26. Spike is like 14. Crusaters ae like fourth graders it looks like. How old were you in fourth grade? Yeah about that age.

19. Did Fluttershy remain on the ground after getting her cutie mark? Were she and Rainbow Dash friends all along, or did they drift apart for a while?
She stayed for a bit, only going back when dash came looking for her. They were friends since like kindergarten. They totally had a fling in high school when they were testing their sexualities. Stayed great friends even when Fluttershy moved to the surface and ponyville in the middle of high school to better care for her animals. RD followed her when she got her diploma in weather management. No, she's not a dropout. She's incredibly smart and resourceful, she just has very few things she's book smart about.

20. Rarity and Applejack both seem to have grown up in Ponyville. What were their interactions like before the show?
Probably very minimal. Rarity's frou frouness would deter applejack, and AJ's down and dirty ness would deter Rarity.
21. What do Twilight and Spike consider their relationship to be?
Siblings, inseparably so. Maybe like secret mother and child feelings too. More recently they've been having 'that person you can be stupid with' feelings for each other. You know the one. That one person who just gets you and is like bester than your best friend but is not your girl/boy/other/friend.

22. When did Pinkie move in with the Cakes? Is she a worker who rents a room, an apprentice, or is there some other relationship?
She moved in at like 16 having completed high school early and she rents a room while being an employee and apprentice. Also she totally has hot kinky sex with them every night. pays personally out of pocket for whatever party she's having them host.

23. Who among the Mane Six had the best parents growing up? The worst parents?
Best parents, probably Rainbow. I can see her dad being super enthusiastic and energetic about anything she'd show him or do. He'd also help her kick someone's ass if she asked and had a legit reason. When she was having her fling with Fluttershy, He'd tell her little things that dash liked so she'd know little things about Dash and she'd appreciate Fluttershy all the more. He'd give Dash little pointers whenever he saw she was having trouble with her girlfriend. He's one of The Dads you know? Those dad's that aren't just 'Dad of the year' or 'World's best dad', he's dad of the known universe. Oh and her mom is really cool too. Biologist. Meterologist. Weather engineer. She's super chill about pretty much everything concerning her daughter.

Worst Parents?
Probably Rarity. She'd have all these dreams and aspirations, but then her parents would be like 'oh yeah, let's go down to mineighsoda and see the biggest yarn ball in the world'. They're totally Caneighdian too.

24. Why didn’t the CMC hang out more/know each other before Call of the Cutie?
Scootaloo is a crippled orphan who only recently reached the age she could leave the orphanage if whenever she wanted. Sweetie was living with her parents, only recently moved to ponyville. Applebloom was busy doin chores.

25. Is Scootaloo an orphan? Will she ever be able to fly?
As above, she is a crippled orphan who will never fly. I'm so cruel. It's delicious. Or maybe she's just 'left-handed' so to speak and traditional flight techniques don't work for her.

Pfff, nah, Crippled Orphan it is.

26. Will Apple Bloom’s cutie mark involve an apple in some way, even if it’s unrelated to farming or baking?
Probably will have an apple in the background, people seem fond of that.

27. How is Sweetie Belle’s relationship with their parents different than Rarity’s was?
Sweetie is younger and probably far more doted upon. Rarity was always 'Oh but fashion this and cravats that' while with sweetie, they could jingle some keys at her and she'd be enraptured. Much easier to deal with.

Side and Background Characters:

28. Is Mr. Cake the father of the Cake twins or not?
YOU ARE NOT THE BABY DADDY.
She totally cheated.
Or they had this hot threesome with a friend but they forgot condoms.

29. Are Big Mac and Cheerilee an item, romantically?
They tried something on their own terms and not potion's work shortly after that whole episode, but it didn't work out very well with Mac on the farm and Cheerilee in the school house. In the end, they tried it based on misguided efforts and it kinda didn't work, but they understand why. They're still good friends with benefits.

30. How did Prince Blueblood get his title?
Family line. They claim they're related to Celestia based on some scandal a millennium and a half ago, but it's total bull, and one of Celestia's pranks she did to get a pauper friend of hers into some comfortable living. She never regrets it, but she regrets Blueblood's being a complete waste of good everything. He is however related to Princess Platinum's personal maid.

31. Is Silver Spoon equally as bad as Diamond Tiara?
Nah. Spoon became friends with Diamond because nobody else would, but secretly I think SS wants to be friends with the crusaders and such but she can't because of her association to Diamond Tiara.
(P.S.: Diamond Tiara is the cuntiest of cunts.)

32. Is Zecora’s magic common among zebras?
You are not a zebra if you cannot brew potions at the very least with the recipe and instructions sitting right next to you.
But her other feats of magic are more common among Shamans of the tribes. I like to think Zecora a drifter of her kind though. She came to the everfree to learn it's secrets and for the rare ingredients that are abundant there. The forest has taught her a few things only she knows.

33. Why does Daring Do publish her stories as fiction?
Well considering her adventures apparently take place really far north I guess it would make sense to publish it as fiction rather than news. Fiction lasts longer than fact, and by disguising her fact as fiction, she's created the longest lasting factual resource around. But only like three people know it's fact. I guess she wanted a legacy to last. Well, she's got it.

34. Do you have a strong headcanon for any non-speaking or one line background ponies that you want to share?
Derpy is totally Soarin's sister and she totally makes the best pies.
Also her bubble cutie mark represents being able to bake things just right. Think about it, there's usually bubbles in the crust. She just knows how to make em taste good.
She's also still a mailmare because she figured ponyville had it's baked confection needs covered with the Cakes. She does occasionally go and get a part-time job with them or Applejack if she's having money troubles tho.
I feel like she'd have a little bit of a relationship with Golden Harvest, or Carrot Top or whatever her name is. Maybe some guy seduced Derpy when she was younger and when he heard she was pregnant he skipped town.
He mistakenly came back and got Berry punch knocked up too. So that's how Dinky and Ruby/Berry Pinch were conceived.
I like to think Pokey Pierce is that stallion, but I've been influenced by Dash Academy and a particular Berry Punch tumblr.
Also Berry punch is totes Cheerilee's sister, and Colgate is totes Berry's girlfriend.
There are like a million more if you want them.
Other Species:

35. Does Equestria differentiate between speaking and non-speaking species, in terms of respect, rights and legal responsibilities? Is there some other line or scale used? (For example, how are cows classified? Diamond Dogs? A chimera?)
If it can talk and has a certain level of intelligence it could be considered sapient and thusly have full rights as a sapient being.

36. Do other speaking species form their own nations, or are all nations largely integrated, with some having larger populations of a species than others?
There are many nations and many continents. Bridges are often woven between them to promote peace...or launch war.
37. Are minotaurs related to cows at all?
Distantly. Some ancestor or another did something with something and got another thing.

38. Do all zebras rhyme?
I like to think that's just Zecora's way. Perhaps wisemares adopt a pattern of speech to show of skill in keeping a specific pattern in mind when speaking as well as understanding her surroundings, her situation, and what she was talking about. While seeming to do it without effort.

39. Do zebra cutie marks work the same way as pony cutie marks?
A ritual is made. They are made whole with the universe. Their bones will dry and their flanks soften. Therin the universe molded a skill into them and gave them a mark to show them what to see. Sometime later, they would cross a scene alluded to in their mark and come to understand it. What you are doing here it would say. is what you will be unparallelled in doing. They then would go and pursue their destiny, and when they grew skilled in it, practiced other things they were interested in and secondarily good at. Average Zebra have larger knowledge radiuses compared to the average pony.

40. Do any species have types of magic, other than ponies and zebras?
Hyppogryphs. Half pony.
Changelings duh, but it's like super different and very little crosses with unicron magikus.
Dragons. The letter flame is a set destination teleport system. Oh and the greed growth.
Minotaurs have like wizards and shit. But you have to have some capacity for it. Your body had to be right, too much of one thing it won't work, too much of another and it's shorted out.
Gryphons have something similar but more like naruto chakra and only lightning attack cause cloud manipulation magics they share similarly but not with pegasuses.
Crystal earth ponies can create crystals instantly to make crystal stuff. This is a type of earth pony magic.
Other I can't think of.

41. Is the lack of buffalo presence in Equestria cultural, or simply because most pony towns aren’t built to accommodate a full grown buffalo?
I think the Buffalo stick to the deserts, so ergo the town's won't be accommodating, so they discouraged to go if it's gonna be unaccommodating.

Headcanon and You:

42. Do you consider official sources other than the show (comics, card game text, movies, novels, etc.) to be canon?
The show. Das it. Other stuff is basically 'expanded universe', stuff that's kinda canon, but wasn't on the show.

43. Do you have one headcanon that you always use, or do you switch depending on projects?
LyraBon and OctaScratch.

44. Can you easily accept the headcanons of different writers? Do you prefer when stories match your headcanon?
I like when mine and theirs mix together to form an even better one.

45. Is there a part of your headcanon that you wish was more popular among writers?
Maybe Big Mac is bi

46. Is there a popular piece of headcanon that other writers use that you dislike?
I can't think of any

47. Have you ever written a story or blogpost just to explain some part of your headcanon (other than this one)?
Yes

48. Does your headcanon influence things like your favorite pony, ship, or episode?
Yes, for one, I hate Pokey Peirce for getting Derpy and Berry pregnant and then running away

49. Would it bother you if the show proved part of your headcanon wrong? Any specific piece that would really bother you to lose?
That Derpy is Dinky's mom. That Berry Punch and Cheerilee are sisters. That Ruby Pinch is Dinky's best friend, That Golden Harvest is Derpy's Grumpy lover who only feels good around her. That they make the best carrot cake together. That Soarin' will come over and offer tickets to a wonderbolts show to the kids to go see him preform, give them vip passes to come talk to him after the show. That they ate some smuggled in pie back there. That they took selfies and had a great time. That he offered them a ride on his back across the skies to sail through the clouds. That Celestia cried herself to sleep every single night in the thousand years it took for luna to come back. That Luna struggles daily to adjust. That the nobility would be completely corrupt were it not for the efforts of Fancy Pants. That RD has anxiety issues she muscles through every day. That AJ is more tired then she lets on. That Big mac is a math genius better then even Twilight is. That Bat ponies are another pony subspecies. That Starswirl the bearded was an earth pony and wore a hat with so many bells to hide his nature from jealous unicorns who would have executed him for possessing what magic he did. That the unification took decades for anyone to genuinely want to live in peace and cooperation. That pinkie pie is an engineering genius, that Luna has bat wings, and she just hides them under an illusion most of the time, as anyone outside her sister or her guards would not understand or accept, that Luna is the mathematician, the artist, and the warrior princess good with combat spells and the spells that come naturally to her station, that she's the only one who can wield lunar magic to such precision, and a scientist, General of her guard, has a captain who does most of the things, but is also very involved herself in guarding equestria of evils. That she has a spec ops division preforming all sorts of questionable things to keep the country safe, that she is at the leading edge of innovation, that she took her compound interest from those thousand years and threw it at any and all technological ideas she liked(Hint, all of them), that she funded schools of art and science, that she took in any and all bat ponies she found living in the streets because every last one of them is a descendant of her children, the first bat ponies. That her guard waited for her return in the shadows, keeping to being myths so they were not hunted down for what they were and their loyalty to the lunar princess.That every last one of them she interacts with personally, that she is friends with every last one of them, and that her guard is more a large family than employees. That every last one of them is proud to be protecting their Mother. That she sleeps with them during the day. That she loves every last one with every fiber of her being. That she sings to the foals, that she weaves grand yarns to them before bed. That she teaches all of the children personally. That her guards have one communal room for sleeping, draperies and rugs in warm reds and oranges, like gypsy tents, midnight blue ceiling dotted with diamonds for stars, and a grand slab of moonstone, brought down from the moon as their night light, softly glowing as it is. That she attends every single one of their birthdays. That she cries the most at all of their funerals. That she cheers the loudest when they win the inter-guard sports events. That no matter what time of day or night it is, she will listen to any problems they may have and offer solutions, or even helping them see the solution they may not have seen at first glance. That she trains right alongside her guardsmen. That she is their leader, not their employer.

You know. The little things.

50. Is there something that wasn't asked about here, but you feel like you need to explain to everyone?
Look, Celestia is very very old, She had pain inside her from the eons of lost friends and loved ones. She is very sad underneath everything else. It's like this black realm filled with purple in the shape of people. Or is it blue, a cobalt and dew or maybe it's new. She is cold and distant, ice and frost, cold inside and every living minute she's freezing inside and she is so, so sad.
Luna is not some teenager, she is the warrior princess of equestria, the first to fight, the last to fall, she is the one who reigns lightning from the sky with nay but her will alone, she is fire and spice and heat inside, burning in her belly while she listens to the parasites, lusting for their flesh and their marrow, to destroy them, rend them asunder, carnal in her being.
Octascratch is the one true pairing.
Vinyl is also optionally secretly a cyborg/android/vampire/noblepony/gentlemare/giutar player/whatever
EDIT: SOME MORE:
Pinkie pie is very, very fragile. Has social anxiety to the eleventh level. She feels like if she can't be friends with someone then she's failed some core part of her being. If she's somewhere nobody knows her and she's just another face in the crowd, it's not too bad, because noone knows her and she can just slip through anonymously. She might try chatting up someone, even make some friends, but she generally keeps to herself in new places. If she's with her friends she can act herself, because her support group is there.
She wears a mask, thinner than paper and fragile as ice just as thin. But with her friends around, she has a support group. She can shore up that mask. In ponyville? She is totally at ease and extremely comfortable. With her sisters, Maud specifically I suppose, she feels normal when compared to someone without anxiety. Maud is her immovable object against the unrelenting force of her anxiety and depression. With her sister around, she doesn't worry about anything. With her sister around, she knows, for a fact, she is going to be okay.
Celestia's not a morning person. She half asleepedly raises the sun and then goes and crawls in bed for another hour. Then Luna barges in all "GOOD MORROW SISTER, HOW ART THOU THIS FINE MORNING" Cause she's the night princess this is nearing her bedtime.

EDIT: EVEN MOAR:Small note, little bit rambly in places:
Parents, their magic is passed down, say unicorn and Pegasus, the Pegasus magic would still be in a unicorn child, but it would be dormant, child would be able to, even if as far from expertise as possible, be able to cast 'cloud walking' spell with such ease it would be as breathing
Same with earth or Pegasus magic. If something were to interact with the dormant inactive magic, it would be brought to the front. Maybe not unicorn magic, although maybe with pinkie pie, but both her parents were earth ponies. Maybe her mother was raped or something or had a fling with a unicorn, and the rainboom activated her magic and that is why she can do the things she does, she's actively mixing her earth pony and unicorn magic to make chaos magic, maybe the rainboom gave her a touch of Pegasus magic even(Maybe, it's an idea) and that is why she bounces everywhere, some small part of her relishes in the feeling of being airborne.

It feels so empty, looking at just these six horses, I wanna see the world, I wanna see a group of griffin bandits stealing and banditying to feed their ailing families, I wanna see a thief who only steals what he needs to get by, I wanna see things from the other side of the rose tinted glasses. I wanna see derpy struggle to feed her daughter while hiding it from her, telling her she's living the good life when in reality her job only pays enough to scrape by, I wanna see Carrot top leave a bundle of carrots on her porch, ring the bell and disappear, I wanna see derpy elated that someone would help her out, but confused as to who it was, I wanna see soarin's struggles in being overworked to the point of needing stimulants when out and about, not in their shows, but just to get through life because he is so unbelievably tired, I wanna see Celestia take a day to just pff, 'fuck this shit', I wanna see Luna's adapting to modern equestria, I wanna see
I guess I wanna see the darker side, the nitty-gritty, slimy underbelly of it. I wanna see a homeless pony light up when some stranger hands him a job and I wanna see him excel at it, become the very best. I wanna see a poor orphaned kid become the greatest flier ever, even if her wings are shot because of a genetic disease.
I wanna see a brother-sister duo on opposite sides of the law, one a thief and the other a guard who let each other do whatever. The thief sibling's actions are turned a blind eye to by the guard sibling while the thief sibling rats out some of the nastier elements of the criminal underground they love each other so much they do, even willing to break laws and rules for each other
Twilight's cutie mark was never seen appearing.
She never actually got one, her mark is a seal placed there by Celestia. She saw Twilight's awesome power and feared it. So she sealed most of it away and took her under her wing, seeking to control it. Or at least the white stars are, the pink/purple, star would still be there if the seal was removed. Underneath that, if the seal were removed she would have such power, even if every single magic user in the world were to join together, they would not even be a splinter in comparison to her power.

Wow this is long. Sorry for the cursing earlier. I also wrote this while moderately stoned, so if it gets weird, that's probably why.