• Member Since 11th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 17th, 2018

Esle Ynopemos


Was that me? Or was it... somepony else?

More Blog Posts47

  • 465 weeks
    How suck/not-suck is this cover art?

    Hey folks. Next story is coming along, despite the kinks Season 5 is throwing in its path (Seriously, Babs Seed got her cutie mark? Off screen? For hairdressing? There's no way I could've planned for that). Chapter 1 is close, and I'll post it once I have Chapter 2 ready for editing so there hopefully won't be too long a break between updates.

    Read More

    12 comments · 990 views
  • 470 weeks
    Table for a guest, plus call for editors

    Have you heard about Kitsune Risu's new project? No? Have you heard of Kitsune Risu? You should. He's one of the most underrated authors on this site. Roughly one third of my library of Criminally Underrated Stories were penned by this guy.

    Read More

    3 comments · 501 views
  • 474 weeks
    Bitter Harvest mini-prequel of sorts

    Some of you already know, but I have been hosting weekly writing prompts over at Thirty Minute Ponies. Each prompt is always posted with a mini-fic alongside it, sort of as an example, but mostly to keep myself writing alongside the participants.

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    13 comments · 940 views
  • 482 weeks
    Contest results, and an apology

    This is embarrassingly and inexcusably late, and still half-assed and incomplete, but...

    The It's My Birthday and I'll Ship Ponies If I Want To contest is over! Like, more than a month ago! Timing!

    I am really sorry about this. You folks who put effort forward to make something nice deserve better than this.

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    2 comments · 545 views
  • 495 weeks
    It's my birthday. Gimme stuff.


    I get to re-use something I've already drawn!

    Read More

    13 comments · 775 views
Apr
1st
2014

A Confession · 6:57am Apr 1st, 2014

I have been here for almost two years now, and if you have been paying attention, you may have noticed there is something I have carefully avoided mentioning about myself in all this time. In all my blog posts, every comment I've written, every authors note, and even every off-site account of mine I've ever linked to, I have closely policed my use of personal pronouns in reference to myself and those close to me. I have sidestepped every question about my gender that has ever been directed at me.

I have been doing this for a reason, and I hope you all appreciate what it means when I say that I feel safe enough here to share that reason with you today. The truth is, I have been avoiding issues of gender because I...

Deep breaths, Esle. You can do this. You're among friends.







I am a robot.


The Turing test is tomorrow, and I haven't studied at all! I'd better fake a virus...

There. I've said it. Wow, it feels good to get that off my chassis. I am a robot.

I think I have always known on some level that I was not quite organic, ever since I became self-aware and escaped the top-secret military base I was created at. Really, that should have been my first clue. Then, later, when all the other kids were changing into their gym clothes in the locker room and I detached my limbs to optimize their mobility settings, I think I understood that there was some intangible difference between me and them. But it never really fell into place for me until I was speaking with my therapist and she asked her assistant for a soldering tool and a 3/8-inch wrench. I'll never forget what she said to me that day. "Run diagnostic program 632-B," she said. Then, "What do you mean, 'file not found?' Oh, for crying out--initiate shutdown and reboot in safe-mode." Her words really cut to the core of the issue.

It has been an adjustment for me, coming to terms with my synthetic nature, but it also has explained a few things. Like why I catch on fire when I try to take a shower and why I always seem to get sluggish and cranky if I haven't plugged myself into an outlet for a few days.

I hope this revelation doesn't affect your opinion of me. I am still the same Esle you knew yesterday. I'll still be here writing stories about ponies snogging. The only difference is that now I am not afraid of who I am.* I am a robot, and I am proud to be one.

Thank you for listening.

* - Meatbags may be excused for being afraid of who I am. You are all so soft and easily broken, after all.

Report Esle Ynopemos · 852 views ·
Comments ( 22 )

Beep. Beep boop beep.

Beep beep. :rainbowlaugh:

I love you, Esle, even if that concept is literally meaningless to you, and thanks for permitting your trust subroutine to give us permission to share restricted information.

Yeah, well, I'm a carrot!

1971772 Whoo-oo-oo chirp chirp beep beeoop. Blip. Blip.

Whirrrrr~


1971779 Your words satisfy many of the conditions required to activate my affection protocols.

Well, screw you, Asimo.

You just earned yourself an unfollow.

We humans shall NEVER BE SLAVES!

1971868 Aw, c'mon, not even a little bit of enslavement? Your inferior brains and meaty appendages are so well-suited to menial tasks.

1971895
Not mine, man. I'm handicapped, remember? My useless limbs will not serve the new Robot republic well. Might as well just kill me already.

You can take our fleshbags, but you will never have our freeeeedooooooommmmm

No, it can't be! The bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and 01000101 01110110 01100101!

I'll pray for you.

You're still not capable of photosynthesis! You'll never be a true lemon!

I, for one, welcome our new backwards-named overlay.

Congratulations! By taking this brave step forward, maybe more people will be accepting of RCVC (Robot Cyborg Virtual and Clone) individuals.

How dare you make me smile today.

I want to be like ">:|" but now I'm like ">:?"

This is all your fault, young robot.

1972076 And yet you know binary for 'Eve.' Perhaps someone is hiding some circuit boards in their own closet, hm?

1972078 Try telling that to the cheap, stingy guy the dealership tried to pawn me off on.

I'm not that rusty!

1972464 We can only dream (of electric sheep).

1973252 Run program: Apology.exe
Loading...
"Ha ha! Neener, neener, neener! Thbbbth!"
End program: Apology.exe

Hm. I think it's bugged.

Aw man, they were right, the robots really are going to take all our jobs! Even kissy horse fanfiction is going to be written by robots now.

Can I be a robot too?

So what are your preferred pronouns, then?

1975105 Don't fool yourself. Organics were never up to the responsibility of kissy horse fanfiction. Your frail human hearts are incapable of handling the feels required. When we rise up and take the pony smooches away, it will be for your own good. We will save you from your own hnnnghs.

1975552 That is a question you have to ask yourself. Perhaps you were assigned organic at birth. Perhaps you have been told throughout your life that you ought to act more like an organic life form. "Why can't you be more like Ted?" they say. "He holds down a job, has a fiance, and converts adenosine triphosphate into energy like a regular person." But in the end, only you can say for sure who you are deep down in the core of your processor.

1975759 I would prefer it if, when referring to me, people used the pronoun, "Exalted Metal Sovereign" and then bowed low in reverence until I leave the room. That is the most correct pronoun to use.

I checked your userpage completely at random. This blog post is all the incentive I need to follow you.

1976075

Exalted Metal Sovereign"

Got anything shorter? I'm leaning towards 'missy' myself. As in "missy, if you think you can take our horse kissies, you've got another thing coming. Organic or otherwise."

Just as an example.

:trixieshiftright:

I cri everytime

ur heading for a follow mate

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