Letting Go · 8:51pm Mar 14th, 2014
I have been searching for some time how to approach this topic, as it is both a complex one and a topic that has been made up in my mind for more than a month now. I have spent hours typing up blogposts, only to delete them in an angry response. Finally, today, I have settled on a suitable way to put my message.
In Buddhism, one of the most sacred traditions is the creation and destruction of the sand mandala. Using colored sand, intricate designs representing the deities and beliefs are constructed in the form of a mandala, reaching heights of unspeakable beauty. Each one is a work of art worthy of any collection or museum. However, the last part of the ritual calls for each and every one of them to be destroyed. In a ceremony, each part of the mandala is destroyed, the sand collected into a jar, and then the sand is released into a river. In Buddhism, this symbolizes the impermanence of life and the world. It is their way of saying that life is fleeting, and we should enjoy things while they are here instead of trying to hold on to them.
Now, with that in mind, I would like to announce that every story I currently have marked as "Incomplete" is discontinued. Forever. No take-backs, no re-dos, and no resuming them because I feel bad like last time. In my mind, the stories are gone forever. To paraphrase Jake the Dog, they were my favorite things but now they're gone so they're not anymore.
Why? Well, that's simple. I didn't like writing them anymore. They didn't feel like "me" when I was writing them, but rather like something would write for money, which is a silly reason to write. Now, I have no idea what "me" feels like in writing. Maybe I never will. Writing is an evolving talent, that continuously grows throughout an author's life. I might find that the new book I'm working on is "me" (it is certainly more fun than any of the fanfics), or I may throw it away like I've already done to two other novels after writing a few chapters. The point is, I want to enjoy writing again. I want it to be fun and not something I dread losing an entire summer over.
Now, does this mean I'm quitting the fandom or never writing fanfiction again? Certainly not! It will probably be a good time before I do write it again, but I won't leave it. Far from it. I most likely will write my Fallout: Equestria side story (being that Fallout: Equestria, in a roundabout way, is the reason I'm still alive, it gives me great joy to write in its 'verse), and will probably write at least one other of my post-apocalyptic epics, if not both. The difference, this time, is that I won't publish until absolutely complete, much like the much more intelligent (and much better writer) solocitizen has done. So, I may update when I begin writing them, but I won't publish until probably September or October.
And, well, that's all for today. When I first made the decision to stop them all, I was very sad, but now I find that I am rather happy. I am doing something for me, which, if you were to know me, you would know that it is something rather rare. Overall, I am happy with my decision. I loved writing the stories while I wrote them, and now they're gone and reside in my mind a happy memory, and a happy memory because I knew when to start and when to stop. It reminds me of a little prayer that I would like to end this blogpost on:
GOD GRANT ME
THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT
THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,
COURAGE
TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN,
AND WISDOM ALWAYS
TO TELL THE
DIFFERENCE
Love, ToixStory 
P.S. This means that, specifically, The World At Large, Bullet With Alicorn Wings, and Boss of Me are discontinued.
So wait, what about bullet with alicorn wings?
Does that mean The World at Large as well?
1925710
Bullet With Alicorn Wings has been discontinued.
1925720
Yup, The World At Large is discontinued.
1925723
1925724
........
Now there is something that I just cant let go here. You are quitting one of the most original stories I have read that got me to follow you in the first place, and are instead to be doing a side story of one of the most over rated pieces of crap in the fandom? Like we really needed another of them.
I have no words. toodles. again.
1925751
I'm quitting to go do what I personally enjoy doing. If you don't like it, then that's how it goes. Also, a little tidbit, Fallout: Equestria is what got me to write in the first place, so it is the whole reason I posted any story of any quality.
1925751
Hey. Let'em do what they want.
As long as we get a good story, who cares?
Happy trails, boss. I'll be here. Waiting for your return.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Aye! Good for you, lad!
It's always sad when I'm told that one of the stories I like will never be finished, even if it's only one story for every hundred seen to completion. It just feels like a waste, like when a house is abandoned before the construction is even finished, or a series ends on a cliffhanger but gets cancelled before the next installment starts.
That being said, I'm sure you understand the situation better than I, and I won't begrudge you your decision. As much fun as Boss of Me was, I've known enough disappointment to learn not to get attached to such things.
But I'll still keep following you, just in case you change your mind.
Do what ya gotta do, Toix.
1925754 Well I will give FoE that for it spawned an incredible author. Though sadly there really isn't anything here to keep me any longer. Good luck on any future endeavors.
If you're going to do that, and mean it when you say you won't write in them anymore, you should post a general outline of what you were GOING to do with the stories and how they were supposed to end. Give people some closure, and make it harder to go back on this, because the ending is spoiled.
That's been a rule of mine with Rites. If, for some reason, I can never continue it EVER, I'd unlock the wiki and spoil everything so people know what happens.
1925838
Well, I'm not leaving writing forever, just these stories and the way I wrote them. And, to be honest, I have no idea how they were supposed to end. Most of them were just made up as I went along, and future predictions modified as they went. That, and, well, the stories are already gone to me. To go back to them would be ruining the whole point of this thing, even to write an outline.
1925854 Then honestly I'd at least give the best guess as to what you had going, even if it's just a couple sentences. Or in the case of World at Large, just to say "victory and a happy ending."
1925859
I don't want to sound rude, but I don't want to do that. Doing things for other people is what held me back and forced me to keep writing when it was emotionally harmful to me. The whole point of this endeavor is to do something for myself for once. That's the whole idea.
Even though people may be bummed, I think I can speak for everyone who's reading this when I say that we're glad that you're still writing in general.
Ah well, thank you for an update, and shame that bullet is going, but without the joy of it, i hope it doesn't burn out on you.
1925871 Not just for others, but for yourself too, as I said. It makes it very hard to go back once the ending is spoiled. Burns that bridge thoroughly. But, if there is no ending planned yet, then I understand. That would take more effort than what you're willing to put forth in this scenario, as it would require thinking about how it would end and "going back" to the story. (Although I admit I do want to know if you at least thought World at Large would have an at least relatively happy ending or if it'd go completely grim dark. No details are even necessary beyond "yes, I wanted a happy conclusion".)
ALTERNATIVELY!
Post a notice saying you're willing to give the story a good home. In other words, let another author take it over. (If I wasn't so damn busy with Rites I'd take over World at Large for you in a heartbeat... and probably convert it and Freeze Frame to be RoA-compliant.)
Getting off-topic:
It sounds like you don't plan out stories extensively, which is fine, don't get me wrong. Some authors plan everything, some plan nothing and let a story grow organically, and some (if not most) are in the middle (like me). Personally, I can't do what you do. I need some kind of structure, even if it's just in the rules of the setting. Not everything is set in stone, though. It's the key plot points and their relative reveal positions that are most important. The path to get there, be it paved and fast or grass-covered, mountainous, and slow isn't determined until I write. (But the ending is most definitely in mind.)
1925941
I mean, that's the thing about the endings, though, is that what I wanted to do and what people wanted from the stories were very different. I personally wanted The World At Large to go more grimdark because I have fun writing grimdark (if you couldn't tell that my next stories are all post-apocalypse...though ironically not as grimdark as you would think), but I'm pretty sure you and everyone else wanted a happy ending. So, well, you can take it from me that The World At Large has a happy ending and everything turns out a-okay. But I hope you see why it would be hard to even give an outlined ending.
On the off-topic bit, I understand that. I personally like to not be as structured because it gives me more lee-way, but it also shows that it's really best for me to do the bit where I write the stories to completion, edit them, and then post them rather than just posting it as I go.
A bit disappointing but understandable. I mean, you gotta do what you gotta do.
1925962
I do. I just hope you don't delete them. If I ever actually manage to finish Rites and it's still mothballed I might go back and analyze it to finish it myself, depending on the shape of the universe (in other words, what's going on in my life right then).
Do what feels right to you. Nobody should hold a grudge over your decision. This isn't obligatory. Actually, the idea to not release them until they're finished is an amazing idea. Best of luck to you!
well it was fun wall it lasted bye Bloody Public Relations Queen, with that I leave you with this, and may we meet again
Don't be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.
~Richard Bach
This is why I don't read incomplete stories if I can help it. :B
You go, girl!
Well there goes one of the few things that made me happy in life.
1926439
And yet, funny enough, you read the only incomplete story I finished.
1926723
I'm very sorry if you feel that way. However, these stories were causing me personal unhappiness and, in a few cases, depression in my own life, so I let them go.
While I must say I'll miss these stories, I can say with one hundred percent certainty, having heard the idea for the next one already(Shh she hasn't started writing don't rush her), it's gonna be pretty excellent.
There may or may not be robots, ponies, fallout, zombies, enormous phallic symbols, and dinosaurs.
... I will neither confirm nor deny the idea that half of those are real, and half of them were made up to contrast the real.
1926902
For that reason alone, it is worth dropping them like a hot potato regardless of what anyone else thinks.
If that's what you feel you need to do, then that's what you need to do. If you don't have the drive and passion to write them, then it's probably time to hang up the hat where those stories are concerned.
1925727
Sorry you got into the story, I guess.
Well, Toix, I think you did the right thing here. I have been trying to get you to this point for a while so you can continue doing what you want to do. Unfortunately, even I, one of the most selfless and kind people, have to worry about myself sometimes. In this world, caring for others is a blessing, but you have to remember when to do things for others and when for yourself.
Anyway, I hope to get a chance to read your story or even edit it. I will be taking the entirety of Spring Break to do what I want, ani think it is time we reconnected, hmm?
You have made a good decision here. Love ya!
If you ain't planning on continuing, ever, Bullet with Alicorn Wings, could you please maybe post like a chapter saying how the "Ice" thing was going to get resolved, and what was up with Twilight's doppelganger anyways? I've seen someone do that before with a cancelled story, answering all unanswered questions; it provides a nice sense of closure.
I will mourn the loss of The World At Large, but it sounds like this was the right call. I hope I'll get to read that FOE story someday.
"Alas, poor Boss of Me. I knew them, fellow ToixStory fans: a fanfic of infinite possibilities, of most excelent fancy. It hath inspired me to write a thousand times; and now, how abhorred my imagination it is! My gorge rims at it, whatever the hell that means. Here hung those instruments that have yet to see its full potential after the chapter where Sweetie Belle exposes her true power. Where is your inspiration now? Your OCs? Your songs? Your slow revelation of a cool villain that may set your fellow audiences at roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? Quite fic-fallen? Now get you to the cancelled section of Fimfiction's chamber, and tell them, let them know what an unfulfilled potential really means, to this favour it must come; make them mourn at that."
I'm really sad that Boss of Me is cancelled forever, but I'm glad you finally see what fan fiction really is. So...you still have a copy of it, right? Can you send one to me?
1929478
Well that was certainly...interesting. But yeah, I know what fan fiction really is now and am treating it how it should be treated. And what do you mean about the copy thing? I haven't deleted it.
1929708 I can't see Boss of Me anymore, for some reason....
1930268
Go to my user page, it's on there, plus it's on EQD.
This seems appropriate to the titles name.
1933757
Was waiting for someone to post that.
Alas. Every now and then, I grab completed stories that sound interesting and toss them on my Kindle, and then I come back to authors that I enjoyed. When this blog post went up, I was most of the way through Freeze Frame.
At least there's a good number of sequel chapters to read. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do going forward.
Cancellations make me sad, but as long as you're having fun Toix.
1975167
Thank you so much.
Take it easy, Toixstory. Much as I would like to see your stories continue, your providing them in the first place is a gift to us all. I can accept them being cancelled. Thank you for the wonderful stories you wrote.
Well, good luck with that.
Cancelled? Cancelled.
I am? I am going to be sure to remember you. And do not read your stories when you change your mind again. Once is chance, twice is a pattern.
1980221
Well thanks. But yeah, sure, a pattern...
Sad to hear BWAW isn't going to get finished, but as you say, there's no point continuing if you're not enjoying it.
Still, hope to read more works by you in the future!
Sad to hear that.
But you're right. You're an talented writer, and it would be idiotic to waste that talent on writing stories you don't have fun writing.
It's great to hear that you're doing what you want to do. In the end, this will heavily reflect on your work, I'm sure.
Hope to read more from you in the future!