I Will Never Sleep Soundly Again · 12:35pm Mar 11th, 2014
Okay so I'm going to tell you guys something that happened recently to me and I want you to tell me how you would react in this particular situation. Because frankly I just don't even know. Mistakes were made.
Anyway me and my friend were hanging out at her aunt and uncle's house (which is a large open property, like 15 acres or some such) and we decided we wanted a giant omelet. Now why we just didn't crack like 5 or 10 eggs and mix them to make one omelet I don't know but for whatever reason we got it in our heads that we needed to go steel an egg from one of the geese up in this marsh area to make this omelet. I mean goose eggs are large and whatnot so you see how we got this idea.
Anyway we decide to roll up our pant legs, take off our shoes, then start trekking through this foot deep mud that led to where the goose nest was. We got there fine but as if the damned thing was pressure sensor-ed like some indiana jones trap the second we picked up the egg the goose was on us right away. So we are sprinting as fast as we can through the mud (well as fast as one can get that deep in mud) and my friend had grabbed the egg and the goose was all over her. we both got a few good bruises but eventually we made it back inside the house and luckily managed to close the door before the bird got in. We get inside and I noticed her head was bleeding. Not enough to warrant a hospital visit but still a good bit. Before we even put the egg down her uncle walks into the kitchen from the living room because he had heard us rush into the kitchen like and I quote "the devil was chasing us" (pretty spot on actually, that goose has always been mean). He walked around the corner and saw us covered in mud (hopefully that's all that glob was) and bruises and blood running down her face, us out of breath and me holding the egg (she had handed it off to me to set down while we go and get cleaned up but I didn't have time to set it down).
So her uncle is just staring at us, he had stopped talking mid-sentence and just eyed us. Eventually he asked what I had in my hands and I told him that we were really hungry and wanted a big ass omelet and so we took the goose's egg. He asked if either of us wanted to go to the hospital and my friend said she was fine and it was worse than it looked and we were about to go clean off and after that he just sorta shrugged and was like keep on keeping on.
Skip forward like forty minutes while we both freshen up and now we are standing in front of the stove with a large frying pan and a slice of butter melting in it. My friend grabs the egg, cracks it on the side of the counter and opens it above the pan and I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD a nearly formed baby goose comes out. It was probably only like a week from hatching, it's little leg was kicking and I started to cry a little then my friend called her uncle and he came in and was like "jesus fuck!" from initial shock but after not even a minute he said "well I guess you two aren't getting you're omelet but if you want a roasted bird I think we picked up one of them rotisserie chickens from shoprite (a local grocery store chain) in the fridge" like there wasn't a poor baby bird in the pan right fucking there.
Anyway we ended up burying it in the yard even though her uncle said to just throw it in the trash bin cause it'd be easier ... I just ... I mean it looked at me guys ... what do you do in that situation? I mean I'll still eat meat. It's not like this is some life altering thing that made me a vegan or something silly like that but I mean ... damn guys.
.....Cheesus Christ....
you know, I like that uncle. "Dead baby bird, yeah whatever, anyone wants some roasted bird?"
1917057
Yeah, looking at it from afar it is kinda funny but at the time I wasn't exactly in any mood to giggle
1917061
I can understand that. Had something similar once....getting a freaking baby bird out of an egg you wanted to eat....
1917069
I think the thing that bothers me most (at least now that the moment has passed and I can reflect on it) is that we went through all that trouble for nothing ...
1917073
This may sound pretty lame but you did made some experiences didn't you?
1. Gooses are the devil
2. Don't steal random eggs if you aren't sure about them
3. Post stories like this on fimfiction to get even more love
1917080
1917080
... and I suppose you aren't wrong about the other stuff either
1917088
Ignore the other stuff! Focus on the love!
1917090
YaY LOVE
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And that is why that is why you don't mess with geese. One way or another, they will have their venegeance. It might not be immediately, might not be in a few hours, but it shall be had.
1917090
Hello there Tara. Funny meeting you here.
1917628
Oh! Hello there Swift!