• Member Since 29th Apr, 2012
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D G D Davidson

D. G. D. is a science fiction writer and archaeologist. He blogs on occasion at www.deusexmagicalgirl.com.

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How You Too Can Have Some 'Twilight Time' · 1:39am Feb 26th, 2014

This episode has given us a lot of things we could talk about. We could talk about Twilight Sparkle being a famous celebrity, but only when it's important to the plot. We could talk about Pipsqueak making his triumphal return, but suffering from amnesia that causes him to forget he already knows Twilight and hangs out with princesses. We could talk about Diamond Tiara being a suckup.

But we will speak of none of these things. Instead, we will talk about what is undoubtedly the greatest moment in Friendship Is Magic, and possibly the entire My Little Pony franchise: I mean the moment in which Twilight Sparkle wipes the remains of a burger from her face—with another burger.

Stay classy, Twilight.

"Making out with Flash Sentry always makes me hungry!"

It's easy to understand how Twilight could have gotten so excited that she ordered one of everything on the Hayburger menu and stuck three penniless schoolchildren with the bill. No doubt she fondly remembers the burgers she ate back at Canterlot High—those mysterious burgers with the juicy, delectable vegetables in the middle, which tingled her palette like nothing she had ever tasted before. And let's not forget that, on her first date, her anthropoid boyfriend took her out for burgers.

. . . Er, wait, was that actually in the movie, or did I just fantasize that?

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I like to imagine that I'm Twilight Sparkle, and that Flash Sentry is taking me out for burgers.

Now that I think about it, this scene might actually explain why the pony version of Flash Sentry hasn't made any headway with Twilight. She simply can't find room in her heart for him, because there's only room in her heart for one love, one passion, one desire.

I mean the burger.

I ship it.

Um . . . anyway, this scene demonstrates something I have long suspected: being an alicorn burns a lot of calories. I believe this is the third time we have observed a royal princess forgetting the royal manners as she feeds the royal face. No doubt everyone remembers the scandal that rocked Equestria's government to its very foundations when the Foal Free Press revealed the incident subsequently labeled "Cakegate":

"Making out with whichever royal guard has caught my eye this week always makes me hungry!"

And then there's the Summer Wrap-Up, when Princess Luna visited Ponyville, on which occasion she stuffed her face with cherry pie, bested all the ponies in the games they play, and stole a kiss from Big Macintosh—so it seems she was letting all the royal passions run wild on that particular occasion.

"The making of out with the citizen called Macintosh always causeth me to hunger!"

This might explain a few things about Princess Cadance, too. We now know why, when Cadance became an alicorn, Princess Celestia adopted her as a "niece": it's because, had Cadance stayed with the kindly but impoverished earth ponies who reared her, she would have eaten them out of house and home. We also know why, even though she lived in the palace and enjoyed the patronage of Celestia, she needed to take up babysitting: it's because her generous allowance couldn't cover the daily fast food binges.

This also explains why, when Cadance sang "This Day Aria" about her ideal wedding day, she fixated on the cake.

"I love Shining Armor . . . and cake . . . and pretty dresses . . . and cake . . . and solemn vows . . . and cake . . ."

Yes, ponies expect a lot from their princesses, but deep down inside, all a pretty alicorn princess really wants to do is chow down. So it's a good thing for Twilight that her comments from her "Hot Minute" are confirmed as canon: Spike can make some nachos that are hoof-lickin' good.

Don't worry, Spike. Twilight will eat all of them.

So there you have it, Brony. Now, if your fond daydreams ever come true and you find yourself face-to-face with the pony princess of your dreams, who tells you that she finds your pale, flabby, unexercised, basement-dwelling body inexplicably attractive, you know exactly what you have to do.

You have to take her out for burgers.

"Did somepony say burgers?!?"

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Comments ( 14 )

Hmmm... I suddenly feel the need to go to Five Guys.

Instead, we will talk about what is undoubtedly the greatest moment in Friendship Is Magic, and possibly the entire My Little Pony franchise: I mean the moment in which Twilight Sparkle wipes the remains of a burger from her face—with another burger.

That really was a glorious moment.


In my headcanon for this image, Cadance is staring through hundreds of feet of rock, cave, and castle directly at the cake.

TwiBurger, CeleCake, LunaPie, and CadaCake for best ships.

1874127 Crud, and here I missed my opportunity tonight to get a burger at Five Guys. I suppose I could just go anyway, but since I'm not an alicorn I don't think my diet can really afford first dinner and second dinner.

Author Interviewer

Yeah, I totally agree with this.


I forgot to mention the nachos! I will fix this immediately.

I followed you for the intriguing threads in Christian Bronies way back when. I stayed around because of all these amazing blogs.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

The quickest way to love is through a mare's stomach.

Bearing this in mind, Discord's propensity for food transmutation makes sense (inasmuch as anything about him ever does.) Alicorns and draconequui have a symbiotic relationship: the latter create food, the former eat it. The introduction of mortal races led Celestia and Luna to disrupt this cycle, choosing their subjects over their appetites. But in time, they were forced to liberate their living larder. There's just no comparison.

Also, given Twiburger, Cakelestia, Moon Pie, and Mi Amore Tortanza, I have to wonder: is Pinkie Pie a disguised alicorn? Could she be on her own path to ascension through gluttony? Or is her diet just a form of worship through emulation?

Lastly, I will note that as long as you use the fluffy top bun, the burger-napkin method is one of the most efficient ways to keep your face clean.

Cheese Sandwich: Party planner, musician, alicorn behavioralist.

Comment posted by Raistlin deleted Feb 26th, 2014

And Pinkie Pie eating an entire thing of cake like it's nobody's business, but that's more of a cartoonish humor kind of thing rather then being taken seriously.


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