[Discussion]: Writing Flaws

Now after my first failure to get into the Royal Guard, I got quite a bit of feedback. Most of it was bad, and I feel bad because of it, mostly for the fact that I wasted a prereader's time with a story that obviously wasn't good enough.

But that brings me to the subject of this blog. What are some of my major flaws when it comes to writing? (Stick to Father Mare please. I know what's wrong with the other story, and I have yet to fix it.)

Some of the points I got from the review:
-- Poor Hook
-- Lack of Conflict
-- Poor Characterization
-- Beige Prose
-- Dialogue Heavy
-- Unoriginal Concept

I understand two of them, as there's only so much conflict you can make of this kind of story, and I do tend to use dialogue a lot. I can also see the beige prose point, as I'm not the most descriptive of writers, but I've been working on that.

However, since there's this much wrong with it, I want your guys' input: what can I do to improve the story in your eyes?

~SoI