Manifesto of the Ponyville Mutual Grooming Society · 4:09am Jan 29th, 2014
File photo.
Pony, contemplate for a moment the above image. Does it shock you? Do you think, perhaps, that it must be a joke, possibly a joke in bad taste? Does it put you in mind of primitive and unhygienic indulgences in which no right-thinking pony of the modern day would dare participate?
Yet once upon a time, such a sight was common in Ponyland; indeed, we pulled this image directly from a well-respected history of the Paleopony Period.
Courtesy of P. Sparkle.
Pony, take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Think about your muzzle. Have you ever wondered why you have such thick, broad, shovel-shaped incisors? You certainly don't need them to eat the cupcakes and pastries that make up the better part of your diet. What are they really for?
Taken by a stalker.
Pony, how do you relate to your friends? No doubt you've enjoyed slumber parties together, during which you've curled each others' manes or given each other facials. Have you ever considered the reason for these unnatural and unhealthy "beauty" products? Have you left such parties unsatisfied, wondering why you and your companions haven't really bonded?
Not even sure where we got this one.
Pony, how many bits do you spend each month on spa treatments? When you visit the spa with a friend, does it disturb you to know that the two of you are being groomed impersonally by ponies that, quite possibly, neither of you even know? Do you leave the spa unhappy, wondering why your friendship seems no closer than it was before?
Pony, if you understand where we're coming from, then your local chapter of the MGS is here to present to you a better way, an older way, a way to build and strengthen your friendships naturally without dropping hundreds of bits or exposing yourself to unwholesome chemicals. That way is called . . . Mutual Grooming™.
Mutual Grooming™ (dramatization).
Nature has designed your upper incisors as tools to scratch the itches, groom the coats, and rub the muscles of your friends. Mutual Grooming™ is relaxing and strengthens friendships by producing feelings of fondness and well-being. Mutual Grooming™ allows you to grow closer to your friends without the imposition of over-priced products or spa visits. When you engage in Mutual Grooming™, nothing stands between you and your pals.
But best of all, Mutual Grooming™ is 100% natural. Mutual Grooming™ Societies like ours have been very successful at promoting this practice in health-conscious rural communes, and now we're opening chapters in urban centers, too.
Typical Mutual Groomers™.
I can already hear you objecting, pony. "But if Mutual Grooming™ is so beneficial," you ask, "why is it that everypony knows it's unhealthy?"
The answer to that is simple: about fifty years ago, Equestria saw a rise in the hygiene product industry shortly after the discovery of the beneficial effects of fluoride. No doubt you yourself already own a toothbrush, a float, and possibly other products related to your oral health. With the increased concern for healthy teeth, many ponies got the idea that Mutual Grooming™ leads to excessive wear and tear on the incisors, and this view was encouraged by dentists.
The enemy.
However, extensive research conducted by MGS chapters indicates that this is merely a myth; Mutual Grooming™ produces no noticeable increased wear on the teeth. Of course, it does mean inadvertently eating a lot of hair and dirt, but hey, whatevs. And far from being an extinct practice, Mutual Grooming™ is still common among many equine races including Mustangs and Arabians.
So let us ask you again:
File photo, still.
What do you see, pony? Two primitives indulging in something outdated and unwholesome, which we've replaced with "suitable" or even "superior" "beauty" and "hygiene" "products"? Or just two friends growing closer and cleaning up?
The choice is yours. Enroll in your local Mutual Grooming™ Society today!
LÆL
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*Grins* Deej, You're always awesome.
What, in public? You're crazy, man.
Pretty sure this would get you arrested.
Eh, I tend to just rub myself against industrial machinery.
I don't know. It seems so.... primal. XD
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wait. Is that an actual clip?
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Return of Harmony part 2.
Inexplicable images provided by Fourth Wall Photography, a subsidiary of Pie Family Petriculture.
"Let us be your Pie on the wall!"
Also, wow that dramatization is unflattering. Was the PMGS playing up the whole "natural" angle, or was this just a case of amateur video at its worst?
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I saw that in the filename. I was just wondering whether it was doctored. So, it isn't?
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Not as far as I know. I didn't make the clip myself, so I can't vouch for its accuracy, but I do remember exactly that happening when Twilight went to Sweet Apple Acres to turn AJ from the dark side.
"Mutual grooming? It doesn't sound very... clean."