This post... this guy actually gets it. · 11:57pm Jan 12th, 2014
I've had a lot of folks make comments about stuff in my stories, but for the first time, I had what could be called a real review of my most recent story. It wasn't just that he gave my story a glowing review, but he also touched on a lot of stuff that I really felt was important in the story, stuff a lot of folks either missed, or griped about, not realizing how important these parts were. But this guy, he gets it. Here's the post:
Bucking Nonsense, You ought to, and probably outright do know, that these stories are fantastic and something to be proud of. I only recently got an account on the site myself, but I've been reading for a long while, I've seen stories I cringe at, I've seen stories where I disagreed with some of the premises and conclusions of the authors but still enjoyed, I've seen stories that made me think hard, for language and word choice or for emotion and moral conundrum. Stories that would fit in the actual series easily, and stories that were simply to large and ambitious for their own good.
These stories you've written don't fit in those categories.
When I started, I was only looking for a quick, easy read and a light laugh. And for the first two chapters, you provided it admirably. I'm not sure exactly how you did it, but every word you used contributed to the experience, if not the story. Normally I'd count the parenthetical inserts and author quips a poor mark. But it kept the spirit of what I had perceived of as advertised, and brought me grins instead of groans. In the second chapter though, the author insert quips were markedly more reserved and, in my recollection (I read the entirety of both stories in one sitting) directly relevant, the over the top action was an unexpected, but welcome change, I think it struck me the same as Scott Pilgrim impacted other people, I have yet to see it myself, but from the outside, it looks a lot like this, willingly endured ham and cheese to simply have some fun for a short time.
The third chapter was a startling revelation, there were no parenthetical statements or author quips at all! And it was easily written in a technical, and taste-wise, style rivaling some of my favorite stories! I couldn't simply pass this off, and so I read your side story. The fact that Sombra captured all the children of the rulers was something that in and of itself was believable they'd be impossibly valuable bargaining chips after all. I was skeptical when you wrote that Cricket was suddenly held in such high regard all around the world for his treatment of the children. It felt like you had made an impeccable character, a Marty Stu able to suddenly trade quips with the most powerful mare in the world. It also felt strange when you had Cadence and Shining forgive him at what felt like nearly the drop of a hat, and that at the tail-end of an insight into the past where he was in the company of a most agreeable bunch of changelings. So agreeable in fact, that I distinctly had faces and personalities pegged by the time the chapter was out. And again as the chapters went on, he genuinely became a likable, rounded character with a believable past.
The first encounter with his subordinates did feel different from the character being interviewed, much more liberal with his words, but allowing his men freedom as well, he was a reasonable authority figure. After that story, you shine a light into his childhood, the concept of being in a room under someone who doesn't know their stuff is relatable. And while others may point out that the initiative he showed was highly unusual, I'd point out that while it's unusual, it's not impossible.
In the next encounter, we got to see him meet those who he'd later command, and this encounter bridges the gap between the capable squad leader with a horrid mortality rate among his men being sent into the worst situations, to the commander with the quick wit and close knit squad the likes of which I can only think to compare to the three musketeers and the A-Team. The fact that Shining is impressed with the reservation that the strategy wouldn't work in Equestrian can be taken as a failed attempt to reign in a developing author's pet, I nearly took it as such, except for the fact that it was an independent city-state hardened only by recent combat, used to the smash of a hammer, but not the swish of a cloak and dagger.
Then you dropped the real bombshell, you reminded the audience that in order for him to be viewed favorably, as a changeling, by all the kingdoms he touched, he had to have been revealed as such to the children. Moreover, you brought in a joke I had completely forgotten about by that point, you had him punch out Sombra while giving a "the reason you suck" speech, and you still kept a light semi-humerus atmosphere through it with the imagery of Sombra talking even while being half submerged in the earth and invoking BY aversion the trope of squishy wizards. All in all, the best "brick joke" I've ever seen, serious and fun at the same time. I was also receptive of the 'Beauty and the Beast" scenario you introduced, and the parallels and differences in the scenario. All in all, the side story followed the same progression, strange writing style which is a high execution of a collection of low styles in the limited eye of a reader, progressing to a magnificent piece of work, able to refer to itself in a completely serious, unironic way.
I will also say that as an eight year martial arts student, with a friend actively serving in the Marines, a friend who's been to Air force basic training, a friend currently in the United States Marine Corps School of Infantry, and having had the unique opportunity to meet someone who was medically discharged from army boot camp just before graduation for a heatstroke, who then needed to readjust to civilian life, with no memories from before boot camp beyond who his immediate family was (because of the heatstroke if you're wondering), I can say that the scene with RD was not only allowable as a funny way of breaking the ice, it was outright believable. And it also reinforced the fact that Cricket has some things he needs to keep in check. Yes, he's a smart military thinker, that's not going to help much in ponyville, and his drill sergeant tendencies will hurt his friendships if he's not careful, again because he's now, basically, a civilian with no innate authority over the others.
In short, I'm sincerely looking forward to seeing what you do next. I hope to see the soldiers of Queen's Arrow again soon, and maybe a resolution to what actually happened to Vespidae.
I'm afraid I'm no fan artist, but give it a little time and someone will swing by eventually. Just keep doing what you do. You've certainly not been lacking in vivid and inspired descriptions for art to be based off of.
damn dude that's a hell of a review
How long you gonna go without an avatar?
That is a great review.
1712431
.
Long enough that it will surprise folks when I get one
See, this is what I call a review. Specific points, solid arguments and by the gods DETAILS. Why have I never seen something like this before?!
1712638 Watchout folks we got a rebel
Nahhh better than the people that FUCKING STILL have santa hats
That... pretty much sums it up. Cant really find anything I disagree with in that review.
Somebody give this guy a medal, reviews like this are in short supply these days.
I give this guy big props for that kind of review
He gets a mustache
