So apparently, I have to explain · 5:25am Dec 25th, 2013
For those of you who've been following me for a while, bear with me on this one. For those new authors who're butthurt after a visit from the magical Iggs-fairy (spoiler, all she/he brings is pain and horse turds), recent events have brought to light two very crucial things that I feel I need to explain and re-evaluate. And they are as followed;
A. I, personally feel that I'm being downright brutal to new authors with no real explanation.
B. I feel as if my mission statement has been skewed on some level.
Alright, so lemme back up a bit to give you a bit of context for these sudden, and somewhat strange confessions. A couple days back, I was hopping along, merrily burning houses and making children cry (so to speak) when I reviewed this guy's story. Of course, considering he's a new author, his story was something in between a bleached turd and Cazu Marzu. To make a long story short, it was bad. Not as bad as some of the stories I've reviewed so far (and recently) but bad. After a couple minutes he responded with (and I might be paraphrasing here a bit)
Is your job to make new authors cry? Because you're doing good.
Of course, that comment irked me somewhat, considering that most people take my comments in stride and either laugh it off, or take a closer look and discover what I'm truly doing and fix the errors of their ways. So, feeling sorry for the poor sucker, I shot him this;
Actually, that is my job. I didn't properly introduce myself; I'm the site boogie-man Mr. Ignorable. My job, and the job of my colleagues is to separate potential writers, those who are able to take positive and negative criticism alike in stride so that they may better themselves and "badfic" writers. Those who's main purpose is to write crappy crossovers/ship-fics (character A is in love with character B) stories in hopes of one day achieving site-fame.
My job is to weed these people out via reactions to very, very negative feedback. The people who are genuine writers ask me "well, how do I improve this story?" The people who are not reply "well don't hate!"
An unwritten rule for new authors on this site is Trial-By-Fire. In which either myself, or my colleagues descend on a terribly written fics and tear it to shreds via finding its weaknesses and berating.
My entire purpose is to absolutely destroy your self-esteem and faith in your writing so that I can install a sense of paranoia about you and your stories. I want to make you take a look at your story and think "how can I make this better" or "where in my story does the plot not make any sense." I want you to thoroughly research what you're writing about so that you KNOW your shit. I want you to look at other fics of the same kind and learn from their mistakes and triumphs. I want to make you a better writer.
So yes, my job IS to make you less confident in hopes that it makes you a more cautious writer.
If you simply went "TL:DR LOL", then let me give you the long and short of it; Yup. Let me tell you right now, There are people who are worse than I am. These people will gang-bang your will to live until you rage-quit writing forever. And if you have potential yet are still unskilled, that's a genuine loss on the community's part.
Alright, lemme level with you for a minute. The reason I go balls deep on a new author (context included), is because at some basic level; I'm treating you like a goddam human being. Someone with a cognitive ability to man/vagina the fuck up and fix his/her shit by his/her self.
Each and every single story is a painting only the author can paint. That's why I won't outline what's wrong with your plot, only where it doesn't make sense.
Grammar is a work in progress, even for me. I won't lie, I'm still learning and still getting better too. I won't fault you for grammatical errors, because as the good lord sayeth "judge not lest ye be judged".
I will NEVER meticulously comb your story unless I'm your editor or proof/pre-reader, because that is your job. Not mine.
I will most DEFINITELY give you shit about your characterization because at a base level, that's what all new authors lack; a functioning understanding of another being. Most fimfiction writers are young people, usually not out of high school. Therefore, they understand not the workings of a more mature brain, or the subtle nuances of adult conversations. They won't understand well meaning, and not so well meaning digs or actual desperation. See, even if we're talking about magical ponies, the main reason so many people like them is not because they're relatable to other sentient, technicolor quadrupeds but because they're relatable to us non-technicolored bipeds. They were voiced by humans, acted out by humans, drawn by humans, and loved by humans. You can shout "BUT THEY'RE PONIES!" At the top of your lungs from sunrise to sunset and it won't change a goddam thing. The canon ponies all have human traits. Disbelief, sarcasm, snark, remorse, desperation, and sadness (all to a certain degree. Remember, this is still about a children's cartoon). So you better make your characters as human (to a certain degree) as possible.
And last but not least, I will always be negative, because I'm preparing you for a brutal world. Trust me, I don't want to be brutal, but take fimfiction as an example for life; It's sink or swim. If you can't perform, then you fall through the cracks or get chewed on by the hounds. If you can't take negative criticism in stride, or negative commentary for that matter, then you have no right call yourself a new author. You obviously don't see yourself as one, so you're not subjected to the same rules as new authors are. That means that actual fanfiction critiquers, like these people will give you no quarter. And if you throw a hissy fit and delete their reviews, then god help your poor soul, because a shitstorm of nigh-unimaginable proportions will be heading your way. Just ask FelixDawn.
So to make a long story short, yes. My job is to make sure you're motherfucking prepared for Fimfiction. Because while ponies are fluffy and cute and cuddly. We here at Fimfiction are not. And as time tested and true as the saying is, it's especially pertinent in this case; It will always get worse.
Too late. My grandma destroyed any confidence I had years ago, although I've recently been trying to fix that
1645178 A fellow insomniac I see.
Merry Christmas to my favorite brutal fucknugget~
no but I get what you're saying. Coddling does not help anyone improve (except maybe the coddler's codlding skills? Now 'coddle' has ceased to look like a word, I hope you're happy)
Wonder if that person whoes story you reviewed is actually reading this.
1646588 Uh, no.
Coddling is a word.
cod·dle
ˈkädl/
verb
gerund or present participle: coddling
1.
treat in an indulgent or overprotective way.
"I was coddled and cosseted"
synonyms: pamper, cosset, mollycoddle
So, you know.
1646637 google.com man
takes two seconds and makes it so you don't look like quite as much of an ass as you did
1646664 google's good in a pinch, really
1645191 LÆL
img.gamefaqs.net/screens/9/8/c/gfs_51745_1_2.jpg
I clicked on the person's link that you gave. They currently have 0 stories. I think your review made them delete their story. Ha.
Mr Ignorable
#9 · 14h, 16m ago · · 12 ·
Obs, eat a dick.
And this is helping new authors deal with criticism how, exactly?
2140746 It will teach them that Obs is a terrible moderater (much like Knighty, if he ever moderated) and that it is good to call out Obs on his false status as moderater.
2140780 You mean "moderator."
2142193 Nah.
2142217 So, are you actually one of the people who run/work with Fimfiction? Cool.