I think I'm done...... · 10:15pm Nov 21st, 2013
I feel emotionally disconnected to everyone. From my family, from my friends. I just don't feel motivated to feel or do anything. Not only in writing but in just living life in general. Is this normal?
I don't want to really do anything anymore. I just want to sit in the darkness and pray that something interesting in my life worth noticing will happen. But I feel like I should be happy though! I mean I like ponies! I have a girlfriend! I have friends and Brony friends! I talk to them everyday like normal people do! Why the fuck do I feel sad?! I don't even have a disease or medical condition thats ruining my life, but I feel like there's a cancer just sucking my blood!
I don't think I have any self esteem for myself. I'm being serious as well! Ive thought about suicide for the past month now and I keep questions my worth to society as a whole! I haven't done it yet because Im scared of what would happen without my friends and what they would do without me!
Ever since I got into highschool, shit has hit the fucking fan over and over again! I have 4 F's!
Algebra: 67
Biology: 69
History: 68
And Theater: 69....WTF?! IT FUCKING THEATER WE DONT DO SHIT ANYWAY!
And my parents want to divorce its like there is nothing good in my life anymore! Then I got told to fuck off for trying to help a friend out of a burning building! Hes in the FUCKING HOSPITAL NOW!
I'VE CUT MY ARM SO MUCH IT LOOKS LIKE I STUCK IT DOWN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL! MY LIFE SEEMS TO BE A NEVER ENDING STREAM OF PAIN AND IM NOT SURE IF ITS ME OR THE WORLD?! WOULD ME BEING DEAD FIX ANYTHING?! I WOULDNT KNOW!
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY GOD HATES ME?!
God doesn't hate you and killing yourself isn't going to solve anything. Maybe you might be suffering from depression an need to see a professional to help you out.
Hope this helps:
1527410in some way it barely did. I like month python so I get the good product placement
1527416 *shrugs* I tried. I don't want someone I know kill themselves because I lose a friend and a possible meatshield for Fred's weirdness
1527435......that made me feel strangely better.
1527454 I try
Where I go to school, a 69-67 is a D, not an F, so I think that's rigged.
But that's not the point. This "cancer sucking your blood away" is called life, it does it to EVERYONE, even the most happy of people like me, because right now, I feel my positivity was sucked away as I read your blog post.
I HATE seeing blog posts like this from people I know.
Inspiration is not my thing. If I were on the phone with a person about to commit suicide, I would cave in from pressure. I just can't coax someone out of things, but I know how you feel, I'll say. A lot of people do.
Do I have 4 F's? No, I don't, I have no F's. Do I have a girlfriend? No, and maybe that's why I'm happier in life. Have I ever been shit on from trying to save a friend from a fire? No, because I've never been hit with that situation, and I hope I never am. But I still know how you feel.
And I don't know HOW I got out of the stage you seem to be in right now. Did I contemplate suicide, though? Yup. Did I hate life? Yup. One day though I just woke up, had a great day, and just kept having great day after great day.
Some-days are worse than others, but I haven't felt the way you are feeling CONSISTENTLY for a LONG TIME.
So here's my advice: You wait the FUCK out of life. If a day sucks, you wait until tomorrow and see if it gets better. Don't tell yourself "everything's going to get better", and don't let anyone else tell you that, either. If it doesn't soon, you'll be even more disappointed.
When DOES it get better, then? For me, it just happens. For you, I cannot answer, and I WILL NOT give you a estimate, for I will probably be wrong. You just wait until it gets better. Keep posting these blogs if you have to. EVERY DAY if it helps. It's your own personal journal. If talking about your problems makes you feel rejuvenated, we are always here to listen. Nobody is going to judge you if you seek help, and if they do, it's because their lives suck just as much as yours.
You have a girlfriend? Have you told her this stuff yet? If not, you should. She can help you more than we can, because she knows you better. If she can't help, she's not a good girlfriend. You tell her ANYTHING on your mind.
If you still feel like shit tomorrow, you be right back on here to let us know, and tell us WHY. If things get better, be on here to let us know THAT, as well. Any little update we'd like to know.
I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, there's not much I can offer you but the suggestion to focus on the positive things in your life, the friends or loved ones who care about you. People go through highs and lows for their own reasons, but killing yourself won't solve anything and will only cause the people you care about pain. It might be worth looking into some specialists sites or groups who would be more helpful in discussing such problems and beyond that, I've found practical activities, that are challenging but easily accomplished can be helpful when dealing with this sort of thing. I once spent a great deal of time suffering from depression as well and so do many others so remember you aren't alone and please don't do anything rash.