Smooze Ooze! · 2:27am Nov 13th, 2013
Smooze Ooze is widely known across Equestira as a dangerous, controlled substance. The tyrants claim that this effect is an "addictive hallucinogenic drug," but such words are misleading. When pegasi takes their first flight and experiences the freedom of the air, they grow an addiction to the freedom they find in every stroke of the wing that propels them through the air. When unicorns cast their first spell, they realize the empowerment of their magical abilities and never give up their magic. When earth ponies feel the ground resonate within them with its beautiful, true harmony, is this hallucination? Freedom, empowerment, and true harmony are addictive, but I have yet to meet a pony who would willingly give them up.
Smooze Ooze is very much the same. Smooze Ooze, like many forms of higher magic, melds with the mind to express the user’s inner power. The more powerful the user’s mind, the more powerful the effect. Unlike the Tyrants’ Elements of Harmony, which works by binding the mind to use only specific channels (more on this will be disclosed later), Smooze Ooze frees the mind from its constraints, allowing all suppressed emotion and feeling to flood through the user’s being. This feeling allows the user to experience his or her full self for a short while*. This experience allows for an incredible increase in cognitive capacity and artistic talent, making it the perfect stimulant to maintain one’s mental strength and sense of purpose.
Everypony possesses a complex conglomeration of individual thoughts and ideas that bubble and froth within us, fighting to spread from our hearts to the very corners of Equestria. Lord Smooze literally embodies our urge to express our inner selves. We can realize the very essence of what makes us unique by simply touching the wondrous goop known as Smooze Ooze. Buy some today from your local Smooze Ooze dealer, and save your soul!
... but what does the asterisk denote?
3203128
Dear Bad Horse,
Oh, come now. You can trust me. I'm from the government, and I'm here to help. Any and all warnings regarding are on display[1], so there is no substantial reason to worry about the harmful effects of Smooze Ooze, as there are none[2]. But if it really means that much to you, the asterisk merely denotes that the phrase, "a short while", depends on the amount of Smooze Ooze taken[2]. Small amounts of Smooze Ooze have been shown to last for a few minutes, whereas larger amounts of Smooze Ooze have been shown to produce a longer lasting effect[3]. It's to be expected, really.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. I'm always willing to help a follower, especially one as open-minded as you. I hope you will try some of our wonderful Smooze Ooze. And if not, well, that's fine too, but the Smoozenami will devour everyone you have ever loved and everything you have ever worked for. It's just policy.
Have a great day!
Lord Smooze
[1]Any official displays can be found in the Smoozian display department, in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard. Warning: The lights are out, and so are the stairs.
[2]See page 219, section 28, subsection B of article 12 of the Smoozian Articles for further details. The Smoozian Articles can be found in Smooze Prime Dimension 2, Smooze Planet #4, under the buried remains of the former Cthonian civilization and miles and miles of Smooze Ooze. Warning: The Smoozian Articles are guarded by hordes of undead dragons and eldritch abominations that will attack unauthorized intruders. See page 12, section 2, subsection D of article 7 of the Smoozian Articles for further details on how to become authorized for access.
[3]This assumes a liberal definition of the word, "alive", and an even more liberal definition of "self" when it comes to separating "self" from the ooze. Results may vary depending on the emotions of the user, the entropic content of the environment, and the flutter of a butterfly's wings halfway across the world.
3205222 I'll pass on the ooze for now, but I could use a clever lawyer in a matter where the law is insufficiently vague. Do you do contract work?
3205304
While I am not a lawyer by trade, one could certainly say I do contract work.
*Drinks some Smooze Ooze*
I am now in tune with all of the necromantic energy around me! I have finally under-
The Smooze Ooze is of no harm. This person is more in tune with existence as a whole since he drank the Smooze Ooze. In no way is he trapped inside clawing at a prison made of Smooze. He is fully happy. Smooze is the best lord for everything. Praise Lord Smooze!