Breeding Chapter 1 Preview · 9:51pm Apr 16th, 2012
Mondays will be preview days.
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Low Graze skipped happily across Ponyville giving out fliers and collecting the company mail from the post office. He hopped passed the locale cafe. While moving along he saw a trio of girls to the right of him that were staring at him.
"Hi Ladies! "
"Hello Graze! Running errands today?" one of the mares replied.
"Yup but I'm done now, so I'm heading home!" Graze called back. "And remember!" Graze pulled out some fliers from his saddlebag. "Come to AJ"S House of Escorts were the feel good feeling gets good!" He threw the fliers in the general direction of the girls.
"See ya!" Another girl called out as the distance between them increased.
As Graze trotted his way out of Ponyville and into the small woods leading to the brothel, he noticed that pegasi were gathering around him in the tree branches. This made Graze begin to feel nervous. Female pegasi have always made Low Graze uncomfortable not because they were more...aggressive in bed, but for their more predator actions to get.
"Hey there cutie," cooed a bat pegasus named Sleepyhead who was lazily lying on a tree branch.. Sleepyhead was a bat pegasus in charge of nighttime weather patrol. She kept the skies manageable at night and hunted for males preferably Low Graze in the day. Her eyes lazily looking at him as he walked along. "Where ya going honey?" One of her forelegs was swinging slowly off the branch distracting and slowing down Graze.
"Home Sleepy," Graze peered over to see more pegasi laying around on other branches. He had forgotten that Sleepy was the head of a small mare gang. Eyes of lust all staring at him. Graze gulped trying to swallow his growing fear. "I have to go now ya know?" He started to slowly turn away and head down his path. "Applejack would be mad if I was lounging about on the job"
"Oh that reminds me," Sleepy called out.
"Y-yes?"
"Can you hand me a flier?" She smiled when Graze halted dead in his tracks. "I would like to know if you have any specials this time around."
"Oh no need I can tell you them from here!"
"But I like having a physical flier just in case I...forget. Also aren't you suppose to give out a flier to anypony who requests it?" Sleepy questioned raising an eyebrow to along with her smirk.
"O-okay," Graze pulled out a flier from his saddlebag and began to steadily walk towards the tree Sleepyhead was occupying. He held up the flier in between his teeth for her to grab."Hmm ma mo."
She politely took it with her hanging fore hoof. She started to scan the paper as Graze watched her. She peered from the paper to look at him.
"Oh you can go now" was Sleepyhead said to him motioning him off with a hoof gesture. Low Graze sighed and started to head down the road again.
"But boss!" the outburst had come from Sleepy's second in command Cloudy Skies a regular pegasus in variety of grays. "I thought..."
"Now Cloudy," Sleepy began as she stared at Graze walking home. "We should let my man have some peace and quiet every once in awhile." She saw as Low Graze's ear perked up from hearing this. His walk became more of the happy skipping that he did once before. Cloudy gave Sleepyhead an unimpressed look.
"You are waiting til he gets out of reach."
"Then you guys chase him down comically?" Sleepy turned her head to face her friend with a sly grin. "Why yes I am." She turned her head to see Low Graze start to get out of view. "Okay you can fetch for me now ladies, but before you go one request."
All the mares stop to look at their leader.
"Start off by flying by coming from the top of the trees and form up like a flock of birds." She yawned and put her head down to rest. "Scares the living shit out of him." she chuckled.
"Alright ladies you heard her," Cloudy Skies barked as she tore off into the sky followed by the rest of her comrades.
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73047 so what do you think and does this format seem better for reading?
73096 Yeah it's good
What I was referring to is the " Go get him" thing, Run for the Fucking bunker!"
73138 Finally any critique and final thoughts. Sorry I personally love feedback makes things better ya know?
73339 Yeah it's good, I personally don't see why it has so many dislikes, I like it. I noticed in the earlier comments about your spelling but it has improved
, It has good writing and descriptions, don't pay attention to the likes and dislikes. Keep writing good sir,
you have a devoted follower. (BTW The mares chasing the stallions? I would go IRA on their asses in a heartbeat, bring out the nail-bombs!)