Writing advice: Show Don't Tell (plus bonus said-isms and adverbs!) · 5:21am Jun 27th, 2013
Always good to show people what your face looks like.
Trust me, I'm sick of hearing it too.
"This is telly. Show-don't-tell."
Getting that kind of advice is annoying, because half the time it's hard to tell what it even means. A teacher of mine had a saying that she tried to use as a way to illustrate show-don't-tell: "Don't say the lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream."
...What the fuck does that mean? Am I supposed to have a lady scream in my face in order to inspire me to write better? That saying didn't make sense to me back then and I swear to Faust it still doesn't make sense to me now.
Even worse is people who illustrate "show don't tell" by giving a three word description for the example of "tell," then a paragraph of bullshit purple prose for the "show." This is a little bit more informative, but it is also incredibly misleading. A lot of newbies, myself included, will read that advice and figure that "show don't tell" means to elaborate further. You need to write more, get specific, maybe dress it up with pretty words so that it makes an impression.
That's an okay lesson, but it also has nearly nothing to do with show-don't-tell.
First, a translation of what it means when you're told to show-don't-tell, in a single sentence:
"You described this in a way that isn't actually descriptive. Give me some actual details."
That was fucking easy. And now, some examples.
[Tell] Twilight was crushed by the news.
[Show] Twilight gasped. Tears came to her eyes.
I actually described Twilight being crushed, using sensory detail, instead of just using one word that doesn't really have a sensory meaning. Giving the reader a sensory idea of what's going on is pretty much always a good idea; in the example here, the reader is probably supposed to care about how Twilight feels. Merely saying that she's sad is totally inadequate if you want to do this moment justice.
Oh crap. I just came dangerously close to giving you a concrete rule to follow, didn't I? Well, screw that. "Describe this properly" doesn't always mean to use body language and other sensory details.
[Show] "Oh," said Twilight. "I see." She turned to leave without another word.
[Tell] The look on Twilight's face told everypony else that she was crushed by the news.
[????] Twilight's heart plunged into her gut.
[????] Twilight looked like someone had just told her about the death of all of her friends at the same time, plus a few of their pets.
All of these descriptions have their place, including the very first one, the flat and boring "crushed by the news." Sometimes you want to say something in a minimalistic way. Sometimes you want to intentionally leave out the sensory description. Sometimes you just want to say something fancy because why the hell not.
The advice "you should show things, not tell them" is just as wrong as every other piece of advice. Except for my advice, naturally.
Put good description on moments that deserve good description. Make your writing interesting. Not just the events--make your prose itself interesting.
Good luck.
... Oh yeah. Said-isms. A lot of people tell you not to use verbs like "exclaimed" or "growled" or "ejaculated" instead of a plain old "said." Fuck those people. Calling out your said-isms is identical to calling out your "tell," so there's no reason said-isms need their own category.
Said-isms are bad when they "tell" something that should be described instead. If a character "explained" something, I don't know what that looks like, and more likely than not you're trying to use a cute word instead of actually describing the little moment that's happening.
Take those last two lines and replace "said-isms" with "adverbs," and you have advice about adverbs.
So yeah. If someone points out your said-isms and adverbs, just grit your teeth and judge for yourself whether they've called out some "tell" that shouldn't be there. "Hissed" isn't telly. "shakily" isn't telly. Though to be fair you might say "her hooves shook as she did it" instead of "she did it shakily."
I have to agree with pretty much all of this. While I myself do tell people to 'show, don't tell', I do try to give them an idea of what I mean. It's something that you have to get a 'feel' for, in a sense. Best advice I can give is to read a few stories by authors that already have that concept down, and see how they work things. I've come across a few people (particularly the 'proof readers') who go "Oh, well you can say all this with a lot fewer words". That really pisses me off. If I wanted to use fewer words, I would have. But I wanted to, you know, evoke some sort of reaction from the reader, not just give them a summary.
And I use whatever version of 'said' I feel is appropriate. Honestly, I probably use 'said' too much, but it's something I'm working on. I don't care if people call it 'purple prose' or not, it just sounds better to me.
To me, Show-don't-tell has always been about emotions.
While #1 might simply be 'not descriptive, #2 is telling something that can easily be shown by describing body language, as in #3. #4 breaks the rule and is still probably the best writing. Don't inform the reader of emotions. Either show how the emotion manifests itself, (acting!) or give a poetic description that lets the reader imagine the emotion on their own.
There is no show-don't-tell rule when describing the scenery.
That is the worst piece of writing advice I have ever heard. Maybe she thought you were writing a screenplay?
"– and then right when everything seemed like it couldn't get any worse, Rainbow just up and screamed like a little girl!"
Far from being impressed with Twilight's tale, Rarity shook her head and pressed a hoof to her forehead. "Twilight, my dear, have you ever heard the advice 'show don't tell'? I really do think it applies here."
"I don't... what?"
"Don't tell me she screamed, darling. Bring her on and let her scream!"
Twilight's eyebrows rolled across her face until they formed a perfectly straight line. "Fine." She disappeared in a bright flash, appearing again a moment later with Rainbow Dash at her side. The pegasus had her wings raised and a slight flush on her cheeks.
"Uh..." was all she could say as she shook a few straws of hay loose from her mane. Twilight very deliberately turned her face toward Rarity, raised her eyebrows and carefully kicked Rainbow Dash in the ovaries.
"Much better," Rarity replied as the scream died away. She sipped her tea, closing her eyes as the glorious scent of jasmine wound its way through her nasal cavities and somehow performed magic upon them. "Now, you were saying?"
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I...
All I can think of to say is thank you.
I've gotten a lot of advice along these lines, especially regarding adverbs. As such, thank you for the much needed counterpoint.
Oh hi Tacticalrainboom.
I'm new to the group, on my way to properly present myself on the proper thread.
I'm trying to ignore the show-don't-tell thingie since my current story has a really slow begginning and describing what happens on a slow day is, well, fucking tedious.
And I just noticed that my non-pony stories like to start slow as fuck, too. Maybe it's a pet-peeve, idunno.
What I'll try to do is to "subvert", I don't know if that's the right word, the show-don't-tell "rule" and show anything that needs to be fleshed out for purposes of both plot and characterization, and tell anything that is not really that important but needs to be told just so the ilation of the story is not affected.
Is that alright or I'm heading for laying a lot of bullshit on "paper".