Present Perfect vs. Love.Sick · 5:50pm May 30th, 2013
So usually what I do when I have time to read something is go into my to-read list, set whatever word maximum I think I can read in the next X minutes, and scroll ahead to the earliest posted story that comes up. In this case, however, I noticed Love.Sick at the top of a page while searching back, and, well... It’s just high time I read this.
Also, I was just going to write a regular review, but then I hit enter and realized this was going to merit a vs. post.
First, some history. Love.Sick was submitted to EQD during my first tenure as a pre-reader. I didn’t read it; I forget who did. What happened was that pre-reader wrote up essentially a play-by-play commentary of the fic, then went to the rest of us and said YOU GUYS YOU HAVE TO READ THIS SERIOUSLY. And so I looked over the commentary. What I saw sickened me to the core. It was Cupcakes all over again, but worse. Since then, I’ve been told, time and time again, that I just have got to read this story. So here I am, manning up and reading it. That’s just what I’m coming into this with, so you know.
One Love.Sick reading later...
So. I just read that. And I'll say, the commentary that I read painted this story far worse than it actually is. Therein lies the beauty of it: a lot of horrible stuff happens in this story, but absolutely none of it happens in the story. With one exception, where we see the results of a pony's actions, all the bad stuff happens offscreen and the results and implications are left to the mind of the reader. That is how you write horror, and this is a tremendously effective horror story.
It's also a story about Twilight Sparkle telling her friends about her relationship with Princess Celestia, despite being warned about a magical plot device (that is actually referred to in the story as such) that could make things go wrong, and things going wrong, in horrible, horrible ways. Applejack's chapter is pretty bland, but it sets us up for what's to come; it also has a really effective ending. Rainbow Dash's part is the centerpiece of "oh my god, did he actually fucking write this?" in this story. It is, simultaneously, the least and most horrible of the chapters. Rarity's falls down at the end, I thought, but the opening is definitely the strongest part of the story, as building tension and terror go. Fluttershy's chapter, if you have seen some shit like I have, is downright hilarious. Pinkie's is a mix of mind-bogglingly dumb and totally confusing.
Really, that's where this story falls down. Absolutely none of it makes any kind of sense. What each pony does is in no way reflective of her personality; there's no tragic character inversion, say. Had there been, this would be the pinnacle of pony horror fiction. As it is, well, it merits a "still way better than Cupcakes" at the very least. It also still needs a major proofreading.
Where does this leave us? Love.Sick is a thoroughly effective horror piece that does not capitalize on the characters it uses to be a thoroughly effective pony horror piece. It also features the worst ship ever. Is it worth reading? Maybe if you're really into horror. Definitely if you went into Cupcakes looking for a decent horror story and were thoroughly disappointed. It's certainly no less out of character. I can see why I've been so exhorted to read this, but at the end of the day, I feel it's maybe a tad overhyped.
3/5
Liked it more than I thought I would.
To be fair, PP, I have probably used things that were way better than Cupcakes to line litterboxes.
Love.Sick was fantastic in some ways.
Like "Celestia's lovers are all cursed" and then the effects the curse has, it's tragicomedy and if you think about it this could almost be a much darker version of "magical mystery cure" except for Twi's fate.
The author KitsuneRisu (aka "not that Kits, the other kits") loves being experimental. I think you two might get along.
I actually recced his gdocs only fic Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord.
His other 2 main fics These City Walls and Romancing the Clouds are highly acclaimed (more of a cult following) and his "horror porn" series is hilariously squick except for Punishment by the book which I respect for it's ending which is as subversive as it is OOC and flips the bird to just the right demographic IMO.
Also wtf. I thought your vs posts were always play by play soc posts?
1114306
I do not understand your words, but fear not, friend, for I believe I understand your meaning.
No, the FoE posts were a one-time dealio. vs. posts are long-form reviews that I'm trying to save for well-known fics, or maybe anything that needs more than just a paragraph of appraisal. In this case, Love.Sick isn't necessarily well-known, but it's highly talked-about in my circles, so I know a few people will get a kick out of this. And, well, I couldn't just stick to one paragraph. :B
Also I guess I'll have to check out his other fics now. <.<
1114340
SoC = stream of consciousness.
j/k
But I gotcha.
Lowered: Expectations.
1) It was me who did the original play-by-play in the email chain.
2) "Absolutely none of it makes any kind of sense. What each pony does is in no way reflective of her personality; there's no tragic character inversion, say."
My bias tells me to attribute this to the plot device love curse, making them act insane. My rationality tells me that he still could have done that, but change things up so that their actions were a tragic character inversion.
3) "I feel it's maybe a tad overhyped."
Yeah, probably by me.
Yeah, your assessment is pretty much correct. This is a bizarre story that kind of reminds me of Tales from the Crypt. Pretty decent at horror, but it doesn't fit the characters entirely right.
Also, due to this one disgusting fic that I've read, I now consider Twilight Sparkle/Shining Armor the worst ship ever. I have mental scars and everything.
1114349
Ohhhhh. Herp. :B
1114350
1) I wasn't sure if it was you, or whether you'd want me to say so. I GUESS I KNOW NOW
2) What I'm saying is he should have done that. It would have been way amazing then.
3) Yes, you baddie. >:B
1114427
I don't consider incest to be shipping. Hoho, let me put my elite glasses on. :V
1114878
Hi! So. Someone told me about this. Heh. Hehehhehe. Heh.
Thanks for the review. Loved hearing your thoughts, loved hearing that it did what it had to do. I'm not saying what it OUGHT to be, because everyone has their interpretation, which is something I also prefer. But yeah! Thanks for the blog and wut you thunked! It's always the high point of my day.
I absolutely agree it requires an editor run. I wrote this incredibly early on in my foray into fiction, and most of my early stuff is self-edited. I don't think this one really had a proper editing job on it ever. But I've chosen to preserve it as it is, even though reading it now, there's a lot of things I would change.
There's a reason why I didn't decide to change things, and that's because I prefer moving forward. Which leads me to this next thing. Something you said was something a lot of other people said, and I decided to act on it - the idea about their base characterizations playing a bigger part in the story.
This exists.
I can't tell you if it's -better- than Love . Sick or not. It's a spiritual successor, where I tried new things, put in a more elaborate plot, and payed more attention to the idea of 'roles' in both a predator and prey setting, while not pretending the story is anything more than it has to be. It's... different.
So, again, thank you so much for reading Love . Sick and allowing me to enjoy in your commentary!
he also submitted it w/o the dark/grimdark tag. It was M who read it first and was just fucking sickened.
Hey, in Cupcake's questionably shaky defence, Pinkie is pretty in character for the whole thing. Which is why it's so 'effective'.
Your mileage may vary.
1115096
No problem. :) I always wonder whether I should link these blogs to the authors I review, but despite the fact that I would want any reviewer to do the same for me, I never do. :B So I'm glad you're here.
I've got SWI (and all your other fics) on my to-read list now. So I'll be going through them in time. :) I'm intrigued by your "Little Town" project too. I'm all for good dark fics, if only because so many are against them on principle. So you might see those in this space someday. :B I'll try and leave comments, at least!
1115286
I oughta reread Cupcakes someday. :B Just for shiggles.
1115331
Why shouldn't they know? I love them. My EGO loves them. Probably not necessarily good, but still. Also, I believe every critic has something to say, be it good, or bad, as long as they make their points and don't just go around saying "This sux uwotm8" and leave it at that.
Oh and, the little town project has unfortunately met with a vulgar failure. I wasn't able to keep control, so mainly a lot of us just moved on to our own things. The stories are still being podded around but on independent release basis, and the small group I have on Skype has turned into a rather fun writer's hangout where ideas can be tossed and just reviewed and criticized in general.
As stated in... everywhere, I don't particularly recommend reading the one that's already done. It's not good, and not worth the read.
That was probably an oversight on my part. I don't even remember, to be honest. It was a year and a half ago? More? Either way, if I did make an accident, and I have made many, I humbly apologize. To whomever was offended, to whomever was disturbed by it, I do honestly and truly apologize. I have and had no malicious intent.
Of course, I don't expect to change any minds about this, but at least I would like the chance to say sorry for the upset that I might have caused.
1115286
Bullshit. Buuuuuullshiiiiiit. Pinkie Pie's biggest priority is making other ponies happy, and there are few ways to destroy a pony's happiness more thoroughly than by murdering them as slowly and painfully as possible.
1115331
I'd love for you to review my fics when I finally upload them, if it weren't for the fact that they'll probably all be too long for you to give a shit.
1115947
So you didn't read it then? ^^
She's sharing her secret hobby with one of her best friends, and completing a task that she believes is super duper important to society. Plus she gets to show Rainbow Dash her cute dress!
She's more sad that it'll end eventually, than she is of any eventual murder.
And then there's the taxidermy... It's still essentially a RainbowPie fic too...
1115947
Ahh, yes. I only read longfics one at a time (two at a time if one has an audio version). :B It will take me forever to get through my backlog of those.
1116147
-Five minutes later, after I've taken a deep breath and meditated a little.-
Okay, clearly we aren't on the same page. I don't know what kind of drugs I need to take in order to get on your level.
But I kid. Honestly I've grown to loathe the kind of grimdark where characters get warped and twisted to mockeries of their proper selves. And no, justifications like that of why they're technically still "in character" in accordance to some kind of Joker logic does not help. I will rarely ever read stories like that anymore, because life's too short for that.
1116432
Which is why I was responding to the claims of bullshit.
Pinkie Pie in cupcakes, especially the badly written flash fiction which ends with Applebloom, is happy. She's super happy and 100% Pinkie. She can't possibly be as bad in canon, seeing her reactions in Party of One and A Friend in Deed, but that requires actually examining her character in depth, and most people can't put that much work into it.
Anyways, taking a surface viewing of Pinkie from the first 15 or so episodes of Season One, it's a pretty accurate Pinkie. (By the way, you've forced me to read it again just so I'm staying accurate)
If anyone is out of character, it's Rainbow Dash, but that's neither here or there. But no, Pinkie thinks she's acting in the name of the greater good, following some ruleset that makes sense to herself and her student. And while clearly insane, it's not outside the range of her character.
Which is why people freak out about it more than other 'horror' attempts that use character names but might as well be original fiction.
1116465
-Okay, so you're excusing the fact that people aren't examining her character in depth? I don't think I can do that.
-Right, I keep forgetting that this fic predates Party of One and other episodes that helped develop Pinkie's character.
-Wait, how the heck is Rainbow Dash out of character? Would the actual Rainbow Dash have done something awesome to escape captivity?
-It's the fact that she's working under this ruleset because of reasons that I don't buy. Why is Pinkie Pie like this when she hasn't acted malicious in the show at all?
1116501
Exactly. It's based on the idea of Pinkie as a fun loving, mildly detached pony. There was nothing to contradict that interpretation of her character up to that point, and contrary to most of the art, the main character is
not 
is part of a large number of people knowing of the story, but not looking at it in any detail.
The people attributing Cupcakes to
Look at her character. Outside of the set up (which is a RainbowPie fic opening) Rainbow Dash is really a place holder character. She does nothing overly Dash like, and the story would work more or less the same with Derpy or any other character.
not the subject. There's a few versions that make Dash the main character, but they're not quite as engaging.
This makes sense, seeing as the main character is
This requires a bit of analysis, and close reading of the text actually. So it's spoileriffic of course.
Pinkie is presented as holding an unseen ruleset in high esteem. It gives reasoning to her life and she feels it's a vital public service that she's doing. We don't see the full history for this ruleset, and that's okay. We only see one or two small transactions in this universe, and it's implications are very consistent. The important part is that Pinkie feels this is her responsibility, and that she is completing a task given to her by a higher power.
We can also tell she's not picking Rainbow Dash out of spite or vengeance, but because of an outside source, which is implied to be a random number generator. The entire transaction lacks malice, which is very true to Pinkie's character.
But again, as I said, your mileage may vary.
1116563
To step into this conversation (which has, admittedly, been interesting, as I have never seen anyone try to defend Cupcakes before), the question I would ask, Minty, is why does her ruleset involve her killing the pony whose number comes up? It could just as easily be in character for her to throw them a party (this could be annoying!) or, if you wanted her to be slightly off-kilter, do something crazy, like... eat their house. So why torture and killing?
1117314
That's more of a core question for the genre. Why would Celestia want to kill the elements of harmony, why would Luna continue to be Nightmare Moon and orchestrate the changeling invasion, and why would Big Mac be into Cheerilee? In this case, why does Pinkie think she needs organs and flesh to make cupcakes?
The first reason is always because the author wants to explore that concept. The difference between a good fanfic and a terrible one usually starts with how much work the author puts in fitting the base concept to the characters in question.
Compare say Cupcakes to Sweet Apple Massacre. SAM doesn't try to fit the situation to any of the characters, and is fairly forgettable because of it. It's a gore fest, but it doesn't have any long term attachment to the characters.
You've seen fics where an author takes what could have been an interesting idea, then forces random characters into the roles needed to push the plot they want right?
Pinkie could throw them a party. In this universe she makes them into protein bits for everyone else.
But to be fair, it's more in character than Twilight suddenly declaring her love for OC pony #79 upon seeing him enter town.
1117878
I will keep this in mind if/when I read Cupcakes again. Because right now, not gonna lie, this sounds like utter bupkiss. :B
Or butter upkiss :V
Figured this was relevant to the Cupcakes