Till' I collapse

Okay, I know eventually that title is going to bite me in the butt, but this blog is getting out there and I am doing this before I turn back. I've been in depression as of late. No not clinical, and yes, I'm sure it wasn't the most severe case in the world, but that doesn't change what happened. Every thing I did was mediocre at best in my eyes. My projects, my tests, my music, my own writing! I would constantly bash myself thinking of why I was such a failure. And as it's still raining outside, I thought to myself what if I would never be good at what I set out to be? This mainly falls under the music category of my life, as since I've joined the fandom and have tried to work out how to be a musician, it's always depressed me at my lack of ability in the one field I liked. I've learned to discern multiple instruments and sounds, and when they play, their effects, etc., but I have no composing sense whatsoever, let alone real understanding of music making. So since I've published One Final Sorry and saw the positive reviews, I've been in this state where all I'm constantly doing is thinking of putting up the DJ goggles and turning away from DJ-BlankFlank once and for all. Well buck that, I ain't out yet! From the fiery pits of hell themselves I'm pulling myself out and building the walls up around and fuck this world (not apologizing) if it thinks I'm going down before every last synapse in my brain has blown. In fact, I'm going to make a song? Will it be great? NO. Will it be my first song and proof that I can at least do whatever I want, and that there's room for improvement? YES. So here I am, laying out my emotions, and to hell with anyone who honestly believes my fight is over before that last wall falls.