Eric, what have you done · 9:21am May 12th, 2013
Below lies the best mother's day present ever
top this, bitches
Originally posted on the blahg below by EricKilla
Oh god. So Axel Nyan vs Lord Sunder.
On a hot summer's day, in the middle of a town in the wild West, two men stood across from each other. They had just come from a bar, where they had been fighting over a bars-maid, who had enticed them with her lacy outfit.
On one end of the street stood Axel, the Mexican desperado. He towered over his opponent, topping out at an imposing five feet eleven inches. He wiped his brow, which glistened with sweat in the hot summer's sun, running down his face and getting caught in the big, bushy mustache that lay above his mouth. He wore a duster over a rough work shirt, secured with a bolero tie, as well as a pair of worn jeans and scuffed leather boots. Around his neck rested a golden chain, ending in an ornate golden rosary, and on his head lay a straw sombrero. Upon his waist laid a belt, fastened with a silver buckle, and from this belt hung a holster, some small packs, and a dented, half-filled canteen. In his holster lay Axel's famed Maria, his six-shot revolver. The handle of the gun was inlaid with an intricate depiction of the Virgin Mary, and the word "Maria" was etched into the sides of the barrel.
Across from him stands a shorter, stockier man, at a mere five feet six inches, who was known in the area as "The Sunder", a well-known British soldier. He wore a red coat, trimmed in black felt, with two crossing white leather straps spanning across his torso. He wore a pair of white trousers, with black leather boots, nearly worn through from many days of marching. Pouches of ammunition, powder charges, and lead balls, rations, and a canteen hung from his belt, as well as a gilded sabre. He wore a three-peaked hat on his head, black as the night. He held a loaded musket in his hands, with a steel bayonette.
"Ye smarmy cad, that girl is mine I say! I am The Sunder, I do hope you've heard of me. T'was I, after all, who killed the great pirate Spectre, with his black beard and crystal eye. You think you are a match for me? Pah! You are nothing!" Sunder shouted, stomping his foot in the dust, as a tumbleweed rolled by in the background.
In reply, as a mariachi band started playing in the background, Axel shouted "Pinche maricon! You think you are better than me? I've worked all day a la hacienda, and I've done more work than you've ever even thought of doin'! I've been gored a bull's horn tres veces! Que puedes decir sobre heco!? Get out of here, pinche wera pera, antes que te doy unos putasos como no sabes!"
Sunder cringed at his reply, knowing he had been bested, for he had never been injured, let alone by one of the famed longhorns. Rather than shout a response, he raised his rifle to the ready, and took aim. As he did so, Axel quickly drew the Maria and aimed it at the white soldier. A loud bang filled the air, and the rifle jumped back in Sunder's hand. Axel jumped at the sound, and this saved him, as the bullet whizzed by his face, barely missing him, but it also threw off Axel's aim, and so when Axel shot back, he also missed. Seizing the opportunity, Sunder rushed Axel with his bayonet, running Axel through on the blade. Unfortunately for him, Axel was no stranger to being run through on sharp objects, and was able to maintain enough coherence to shoot Sunder in the chest, and then grabbed the rifle from Sunder, ripping it out of his belly and tossing it aside. Sunder, reeling in pain, was in no position to stop him, but after a few moments Sunder was able to collect himself and drew his sword. He rushed Axel once more, and was shot twice more before he reached Axel, stabbing him through the heart, killing him. As Axel slumped, though, his finger pushed against the trigger, shooting Sunder in the head, blasting his brain matter across the street. The two fell to the ground in a deadly embrace, looking almost like lovers in death.
In the bar from which the two came, a bars-maid sat with a scowl on her face. "Pfft, stupid men. Don't they know there's enough of the famed Dancer to go around? But noooo they just had to kill each other over me. Idiots. Fine. There's a handsome storyteller sitting in the booth over there. I mean just look at that ruff, and he has a lute, a lute. Yes, he'll do just fine..."
run away with me Eric
... Yeah, fuck you too, Dancer. In fact, fuck you Eric, fuck you Dancer, fuck you Sunder, just, fuck all of you and everything around you.
(Secretly, I love you all for this. The amounts of awesome is just amazing.)
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1072181 kiss kiss lovey~
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it's 6am and what is this
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Wait, what? Oh. Right. Sleep. That thing. Iunno.
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>CONTEXT
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In this context, there's no disrespect
So when I bust my rhyme, you break ya necks
We got five minutes for us to disconnect
From all intellect and let the rhythm effect
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>Context
That's saying that if you take it without context, OHGODWAT
1072337 Yeah, no shit, man. I know what it means. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna troll and do something different if I can.
Besides, I've gotta say it's knife meeting you here. Wanna fork sometime? Or, y'know, we could just spoon.
Need a massage? Utensils all over your lower back.
This is fucking hilarious.
Dancah
You
You are amazing
Eric
You are also amazing
Eric, Dancah
I love you gaiz
This made my day 100 times over
Dat image/gif convo
YUSS