• Member Since 1st Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen February 16th

SentientHydra


More Blog Posts7

  • 348 weeks
    Apologies

    Apologies are due for my own jumping the gun today. Meant to post a surprise chapter to revive Life through love. Instead I managed to jam a foot in my collective mouths.

    New chapter will be up late today or early tomorrow.

    4 comments · 315 views
  • 569 weeks
    I'm BACK! Rewrite?

    Okay guys and gals, my funk is gone and my fingers are a twitching! Let's Write!

    Read More

    13 comments · 814 views
  • 570 weeks
    I'm climbing back

    I'm slowly climbing up from my mountain of idiocy and depression.

    I'll get there eventually

    I've added a chapter onto Life From Love :)

    2 comments · 321 views
  • 575 weeks
    Life strikes 2: My Name is Failure

    Once again my bad luck has brought the wrath of heavens upon me. Or rather, it has brought the wrath of my family's buttocks. Somebody in my household has broken my laptop screen, meaning I have had to send it off for repair :(

    At the moment I am writing from a Library computer, and will not have access by my regular means for quite some time.

    Read More

    4 comments · 355 views
  • 588 weeks
    Life strikes, I'm sinking

    Alert for you guys, Life has just thrown me a curve-ball, I've been kicked out of college and currently searching for work, so you'll just have to bear with me while I try and pull myself out of this patch of bog-mud :(

    I'll try to post things of a literary sort, but for now consider me indisposed.

    Thanks muchly
    - SentientHydra

    :moustache:

    4 comments · 411 views
Apr
30th
2013

I'm BACK! Rewrite? · 8:57pm Apr 30th, 2013

Okay guys and gals, my funk is gone and my fingers are a twitching! Let's Write!

But heres the thing, I want to re-write Out of the old.. I think that i've kinda written myself into a corner here with the plotholes, so I'm thinking of just doing a do-over. Starting from chapter one, and going through chapter by chapter, ret-conning the stuff that doesn't make sense, and generally cleaning up the story.

Thoughts?

ANy suggestions about what to change would be welcome (The plot as a whole will stay the same, but quite a lot of details and structure will be altered.

Also thinking of trying another story, non HiE this time, about the diamond dogs.

Report SentientHydra · 814 views ·
Comments ( 13 )

I'm ok with a rewrite.

I don't know where you were going with it, but those genetic enhancements you introduced in the last few chapters were not only totally left field but more than a little creepy.
I think we can make some educated guesses as to what people will look like in the future and odds are the differences will be large but a little more subtle.
Enhanced immune systems, enhanced strength, enhanced regenerative abilities, adaptations to cope with 0G, metallic components to make bones more resilient, greater reflexes, machines wired directly into the brain (so you could access information directly instead of using a monitor), eyes capable of seeing more of the light spectre (infra red and ultra violet).

How about the ship having an AI with a quirk personality?

Is there anyway you can write the story without the dart guns? It's kinda of a cheap plot device. Despite what movies have shown us, there is no chemical weapon that can with a single dose administration, knock anyone down (independently of their weight) instantaneously and keep them like that for several hours without harming them. And here they are doing it casually to aliens they just met. Even with future technology that is kinda of a stretch. Not giving a non-letal solution to your characters would force them to be more resourceful (and of course make your job as the author harder) and level the playing field. However in case that doesn't work for you, how about making them electrical weapons instead of chemical? Small plastic tubes you shoot like a gun and deliver a stunning electric charge. I think that sounds both more realistic and more futuristic.

Power down the Alicorns. The notion of alicorns as semi-gods might have had some credibility on S1 but has been definitely debunked by now. Of course both Luna and Celestia are very powerful, but clearly not gods, and they really shouldn't be referred as such. I realize it's probably kinda of an important plot point, but with a few language changes and a few powers curbed you could keep the concept largely intact.

MORE OF THE MANE SIX. They don't show up a lot in the story and it's a shame. My favourite scene is by far the one with Pinkie and the sniper (even though based on one of my previous recommendations that scene would have to go).

1046953 That is a fantastic list of ideas:heart: I especially love the electro-shock non-lethal idea. :pinkiecrazy: Though I'm thinking, what if these 'taser-bullets' were designed for the enhanced stamina of the future-human physiology, making them a little dangerous to the smaller and less 'enhanced' ponies. Thus taking away the Human's trigger-happy attitude.

I'm not sure what quirk I can give the AI without making it too far from origin, though I'm thinking of introducing a 'babysitter' complex, meaning it regards all the crew as vulnerable compared to itself, leading it to develop a slightly over-protective and patronising attitude.

Hmm, I'll definitely have to tone down the gene-mods.

And the Mane six will get bigger parts, I promise.

1047298
Glad I could help :raritywink:

I especially love the electro-shock non-lethal idea.

Yeah, I first saw the concept on the original Splinter Cell - Sticky Shocker

What if these 'taser-bullets' were designed for the enhanced stamina of the future-human physiology, making them a little dangerous to the smaller and less 'enhanced' ponies. Thus taking away the Human's trigger-happy attitude.

So you would have a dangerous, but still technically non-letal option. That would work as a pretty good compromise

I'm thinking of introducing a 'babysitter' complex, meaning it regards all the crew as vulnerable compared to itself, leading it to develop a slightly over-protective and patronising attitude.

Something like that. I'm assuming your not going to the Hall 9000 scenario, but you can have perfectly competent and professional AI's, but still obviously don't much care for their crew mates and would rather be somewhere else (or the exact opposite, being too affectionate).

Not exactly an AI, but the same logic:
Oh crap indeed
I know you are not happy with this
Your assistance in this project has been noted
Stop talking please

I'd read a rewrite.

I for one liked the semi-god like power Luna and Celestia wielded in the story. I think it's an interesting challenge to throw the human characters against; overcoming or finding ways around the obvious disadvantage that it poses, via technology, ingenuity or subtle manipulation behind the scenes. It's a difficult balance to get right, but I think you were doing a decent job.

A 'Hermiod' style AI would be pretty hilarious.

I would say, unless the changes need to be huge, don't do a complete rewrite. It is just getting to the good part, and all a rewrite will do is brake that flow. All complete rewrites (there have been quite a few lately) have only made me lose interest and immersion in the story (like Through The Eyes Of Another Pony, right on a cliffhanger... then rewrite:twilightangry2:). Please! I really have enjoyed your story so far, don't start over:fluttercry:! Maybe you could just make all the changes then tell us about them in a blog post with author notes on the changed chapters, and those that want to can reread them.:pinkiehappy:

What's the status on this rewrite? From the little I saw it was a bit of a standstill (?).
nope, it's going well it seems :pinkiesmile:.
Keep up the good work!

1712710
I can't remember, that was some time ago :derpytongue2:.
From what I do remember, you had 2 chapters rewritten when I started reading, and then you had another, or something like that. Might just be my imagination though.
But, if your here, does that mean a continuation?
All the good sci-fi HiE's are either on a stand still, or updating reaally slowly and sporadically :applejackunsure:.
Anyways, I just noticed you had a changeling fic, which I will also check out when I have time =D.

1715409
wow, derp :derpytongue2:.
Don't know how I could miss that your name wasn't purple..
As for the updates, they'll hopefully come someday :pinkiehappy:.

this is kind of funny out of the old was the first story I ever added to my favorites I was just cleaning up the folder when I saw the story checked and found this blog post. as for a rewrite if you feel it's for the best go for it.

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