• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 17th, 2013

A sleepy brony

I'm just regular brony from Michigan.

More Blog Posts7

  • 544 weeks
    What I got so far.

    The Magician and the Maze

    Read More

    2 comments · 280 views
  • 544 weeks
    Ima try this writing thing again

    I lost the spark of inspiration for my original idea but I got a new idea and I'm inspired.

    Read More

    2 comments · 171 views
  • 547 weeks
    How do you ponies do this?

    How do you guys write so much so fast!? Its taken me two hours to get 265 words into my story and am just about 100% sure that I'm butchering tenses too. I wish I had the kind of talent you good writers do. Oh well, have a clapping Vinyl for making it through my bitching.

    Read More

    2 comments · 217 views
  • 548 weeks
    Writing is hard!

    I can't seem to get motivated. It didn't help that I just found a good borderlands crossover and just finished writing an essay.


    1 comments · 219 views
  • 548 weeks

    I have decided to try and write a fic. My basic idea is that Derpy borrowed a book on the physics of muffins and Twilight has to try and find her and get her book back.

    1 comments · 176 views

What I got so far. · 3:51am Mar 10th, 2012

The Magician and the Maze

The Town Square in Trottingham was normal a very relaxed place, ponies came and went and there never was really any trouble navigating around. However, tonight was an entirely different story, ponies of all shapes and colors filled the plaza creating a massive pastel colored mass in which a pony could hardly move let alone walk freely. As Celestia’s sun slowly sunk beneath the horizon and Luna’s moon began its accent into the darkening night sky, the crowd built into a fever pitch. Suddenly small fireworks leapt into the crisp night air and a fog arose from the sides of a small stage in the center of the crowd.
“Citizens of Trottingham, prepare to witness the most awe-inspiring tale of magic ever performed by anypony!” announced an azure mare as she strode out of the smoke. “This is the story of a small town called Canterbury and how yours truly, The Great and Powerful Trixie used her incredible magic ability to save it!” With that she turned and retargeted to behind the curtains.
After the showmare had finished talking the crowd burst into an uproar of noise and speculation.
“Is that it!?” yelled one very agitated pony in the audience.
Another pony loudly exclaimed “That was awful!”
As suddenly as the noise had begun it ended as The Great and Powerful Trixie’s voice floated out into the cool night air and the show truly began. The curtains on stage began to ripple as though one was looking back through time itself. A picture of a slightly younger Trixie, without her hat and cape, made of pure magic slowly appeared as though the stage was naught but a screen for events of the past. The voice of the azure showmare was heard by the crowd and Trixie began her tale.

Any feedback on this would be awesome.

Report A sleepy brony · 280 views ·
Comments ( 2 )

Pretty good. I just scanned through it, so no real criticizms (nor am I really good at that kind of thing), but I'll let you know if there's anything I noticed wrong :P

I like it so far :twilightsmile:

A few wee notes (since you asked, not because I'm a jerk or anything :scootangel:):

- Shouldn't the seventh word into the first paragraph be "normally"?
- Third line in, "accent" should be spelt "ascent"
- Taking a new sentence or sticking a semi-colon here and there in the first few lines would allow it to flow a a bit better.
- Also, taking a new line after each paragraph is a lot easier on the reader's eyes, especially when viewing something on a computer screen

Apart from that, no worries - looking good :ajsmug:

What epic tale is Trixie going to regale us with, I wonder? :twilightsmile:

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